Sorry, I'm on a roll tonight and feel like I really need to talk to people who get this because other people don't. They mean well, but they don't understand addiction
Anyway. Tell me I did the right thing. Or that I did the wrong thing. Recap of this week, I got a call from his boss Tuesday saying he'd disappeared around 8:30 that morning and never showed back up (with their landscaping equipment.) They were actually filing a missing persons report as they knew he had a bee allergy and were afraid he'd gotten stung. He came home and I confronted him about leaving work. My husband took him and paid to get the company's equipment back (I disagreed with that). Of course, the job is gone now.
He got into an accident earlier this summer, and so was supposed to go to court over it yesterday. Because he left with the truck without permission (he brought it back after a few hours) and because we discovered he'd taken some of my husband's tools yesterday and pawned them, I refused to take him to court yesterday afternoon. Now there's a capias out for his arrest. And I'm beating myself up over it because I could have taken him. It would have been one less thing for him to have to deal with. And how crazy is it that *I'M* the one feeling guilty?? I was just so mad at him that I told him it wasn't my problem and now I feel like I left him hanging and feel terrible. Is this disease crazy making for everyone or what?
JustIcedTea,
You did the right thing. The normal reaction is to "help" the addict. This results in enabling irresponsible behavoir, and therefore the he is not experiencing the consequences of his actions. In this scenario, he won't experience enough pain to change.
My friend is a professional interventionist for a large treatment center. He says that enabling has killed as many people as the drugs. I was surprised when I first heard this, but came to realize it is true.
You don't need to be saddled with worry, guilt, or anxiety over another person's actions, or over things you have no control over. Please take care of yourself. Know your boundaries. Know where you need courage to control the things you can, and understand where you have no control. Learn that you are powerless over someone else's addiction. This is part of the Al Anon and NAR Anon programs.
Thanks for sharing - and I hope this helps.
You did the right thing. The normal reaction is to "help" the addict. This results in enabling irresponsible behavoir, and therefore the he is not experiencing the consequences of his actions. In this scenario, he won't experience enough pain to change.
My friend is a professional interventionist for a large treatment center. He says that enabling has killed as many people as the drugs. I was surprised when I first heard this, but came to realize it is true.
You don't need to be saddled with worry, guilt, or anxiety over another person's actions, or over things you have no control over. Please take care of yourself. Know your boundaries. Know where you need courage to control the things you can, and understand where you have no control. Learn that you are powerless over someone else's addiction. This is part of the Al Anon and NAR Anon programs.
Thanks for sharing - and I hope this helps.
Thank you for your kindness. The hardest part for me as a mom, seeing your kid in pain and wanting to fix it all, make it all better.
I'm doing better tonight. I was able to talk to him today and he told me not to blame myself for him not going to court, he has only himself to blame. He has a place to stay for a week or so, a friend, I didn't ask where or who, but I have an idea. He borrowed a phone to call me tonight and he says he hates the person he's become, he wants to just turn himself in on the capias and see if he can be sentenced to a rehab program. It really sucks because his - and every other addict around here - have such limited options for treatment. There is no place they can go and say "I have an addiction and I'm ready to quit, I need help." Only if they're sentenced and there are too few beds and far too many addicts waiting to fill those beds. I'm just listening to him right now, not jumping and offering to make calls or see what I can find out or anything. Just listening.
I'm doing better tonight. I was able to talk to him today and he told me not to blame myself for him not going to court, he has only himself to blame. He has a place to stay for a week or so, a friend, I didn't ask where or who, but I have an idea. He borrowed a phone to call me tonight and he says he hates the person he's become, he wants to just turn himself in on the capias and see if he can be sentenced to a rehab program. It really sucks because his - and every other addict around here - have such limited options for treatment. There is no place they can go and say "I have an addiction and I'm ready to quit, I need help." Only if they're sentenced and there are too few beds and far too many addicts waiting to fill those beds. I'm just listening to him right now, not jumping and offering to make calls or see what I can find out or anything. Just listening.
