After leaving the rehab center in Florida my wife left for upstate New York and lived with her cousin. There was absolutely zero follow-up treatment. My wife felt she did not need any follow-up therapy/ treatment as she was never addicted and the treatment center did not insist on it.
(you can read my other posts about before this time period for more detailed information)
After a month, I traveled to New Jersey and stayed with my sister while talking with my wife. After several visits with my wife, she decided to travel back to Colorado with me.
In the fall of 2017, after a recommendation by a friend, I started looking into surgeons in eastern Colorado. Since this is a big skiing area and the athletes for the winter Olympics train in Colorado, we have world-class orthopedic surgeons. I had to send all the paperwork, scans, charts, x-rays of my wife's angle to the Olympic Center for orthopedic excellence in Colorado Springs. They consented to see my wife in October 2017.
Amazingly enough, he was able to remove the scar tissue from her foot and reduce her pain from a 7/9 to a 1/3. It was truly Life-changing and I thought that the worst was over.
So here it is, the beginning of 2018, my wife's foot has been repaired and she is no longer in severe pain. Best of all, she is no longer using opiates.
I thought all would be great and that we would begin repairing our marriage and our relationship. Unfortunately, that was not to be!
(Side note-since coming back from her cousins, where she spent a month after rehab 15 months ago, he has refused to communicate with her in any way. She has sent him emails, text messages, letters through the mail, and called repeatedly and he has never responded! She finally contacted via text, one of his college-age daughters, and he finally responded. He said do not contact my family again, if you wish you can send progress reports every six months. Needless to say my wife was devastated and has no idea what she has done to cause this.)
Her addictive behavior patterns continued. She always have the TV on, whether it was the actual TV or her iPad. Whether she was going to the bathroom, putting on makeup, getting dressed, cleaning the house, basically anything other than eating or sleeping, she was watching TV.
She also had gained 50 or so pounds while she was at rehab and her cousins for a month. Despite numerous promises to get back into shape and exercise, go to yoga, walk with the dog, which she said she couldn't wait to do, she did none of these things.
She also showed zero interest in me and our relationship/marriage. I spoke with her many times, probably being pushy I know, about how we could begin to put our relationship/marriage back together and all I got was silence as a response.
She was also getting stoned every night, we do live in Colorado where pot is legal. She also came across my OxyContin, I get 20 pills every three months for when my back is killing me. The pills disappeared and when I confronted her she admitted taking them because she was in pain.
She wanted to move back east, we live in Colorado, and she suggested the Carolinas or Florida. My suggestion was that we purchase a condo either in the Carolinas or Florida and spend the winter there.
I recall the end quite clearly, we were sitting once again discussing our relationship/marriage and the future. I told her that my dreams for the future included us traveling and going on vacations again. I said I'd like to keep the house in Colorado and purchasing condo in either the Carolinas with Florida and spend winters there.
I asked her what her dreams for the future was and she said she wanted to move back to New Jersey. No mention of me/us that was her only desire.
So I said, if you really don't want to be here with me, then you should move back to New Jersey. She responded with very little emotion okay that's what I'm going to do. No protest of love, showing no desire to stay together/with me, the reaction was more like I asked her what she wanted to have for dinner.
Within a week, she had an apartment rented that she would be sharing with her 26-year-old daughter. Her 26-year-old daughter by the way, is dating a part-time drug dealer, should be perfect!
So on September 15 she packed up a rental car and headed east. Actually, she headed west with a mutual friend ( Who is a woman) because this mutual friend had flown out to help her drive back and the two of them decided to turn it into a vacation.
In getting into the car to leave, she was crying/sobbing, told me she would love me forever, kissed me and drove away.
Initially, she was texting me three or four times every day and we spoke after she had been gone three days. She said that within a few miles of leaving our home, she had to pull over as she broke down. She told me the only way she was handling leaving was by telling herself she was going on vacation.
Now she is in New Jersey and the texts has stopped. We spoke on Thursday, and haven't spoken since.
Meanwhile, we have no financial settlement and although we filed on July 26, the divorce is nowhere being completed.
Everyone tells me I am better off, I will find a rational, healthy, woman to share my life with. I know they are right, so why is this so damn hard!
The professionals tell me that she has many issues she needs to deal with. She has never admitted being addicted, and has never done any follow up treatment.
I feel that the folks on here are the only ones who understand what I'm going to and I don't know what else to say...
I say u did the right thing too. I'm a addict. And it's true we got a lot of crap on our tables. And she would be only running you in a brick wall. Seriously, drain your bank accounts, steal ur cars and leave you stranded on the side of the road somewhere. You got lucky id say, that she excluded herself out of your life so soon. I'm sorry if that was rude of me.!
Babylove, no need to apologize, that certainly was not rude it was actually helpful. You are right in saying that she has a lot of crap on her table. She has never dealt with her addiction recovery, she left rehab and said that she was fine. She is back in New Jersey trying to repair her relationship with her children, and she is throwing away her marriage in the attempt.
The sad thing is that she seems to no longer be taking drugs unless you consider smoking pot. Not only me but everyone else can see the train wreck that is coming in her life. I pray every day that does not happen and that she truly is successful and happy in the future.
Thank you again for your response
The sad thing is that she seems to no longer be taking drugs unless you consider smoking pot. Not only me but everyone else can see the train wreck that is coming in her life. I pray every day that does not happen and that she truly is successful and happy in the future.
Thank you again for your response
I think you have done the best thing for yourself under the circumstances! You can not make the situation be something it isn't! You can only change yourself and the direction you want your life to go. You can't fix her "issues".
You certainly have given it every chance to turn around and now it's time to protect yourself and move on. Hard to do, as all of us know, but very necessary if you want to have any normalcy in your life and future!
Keep strong! You are on the right path, even as difficult as it is. Time will help!
Lori
You certainly have given it every chance to turn around and now it's time to protect yourself and move on. Hard to do, as all of us know, but very necessary if you want to have any normalcy in your life and future!
Keep strong! You are on the right path, even as difficult as it is. Time will help!
Lori
Lori,
Thanks for your advice, it is most welcome! She's been gone 3 weeks and seems happy as a clam setting of her new apartment, purchasing furniture, looking for a used car, etc.
friends tell me she is not in her right mind, call her a lost little bird, and everyone agrees that sooner or later she will fall on her face.
But finally, yesterday, I realized that, as you put it, it's time to protect myself and move on! I spent the last two years trying to make this work and you certainly can't fix a relationship if only one person is interested. So yes, I am moving on, looking for normalcy in my life and in the future. It is time to focus on me and start doing what makes me happy.
Thank you again, I feel that only the folks on this website know what I have been through.
Michael
Thanks for your advice, it is most welcome! She's been gone 3 weeks and seems happy as a clam setting of her new apartment, purchasing furniture, looking for a used car, etc.
friends tell me she is not in her right mind, call her a lost little bird, and everyone agrees that sooner or later she will fall on her face.
But finally, yesterday, I realized that, as you put it, it's time to protect myself and move on! I spent the last two years trying to make this work and you certainly can't fix a relationship if only one person is interested. So yes, I am moving on, looking for normalcy in my life and in the future. It is time to focus on me and start doing what makes me happy.
Thank you again, I feel that only the folks on this website know what I have been through.
Michael
Yes, as hard as it is, you are on the right path. Keep the faith and try to keep looking to the present/future.
