You all sound as if you have so much compassion for each other here. I'd love to be in on all that but don't feel worthy - the support you give each other is great. Maybe one day I'll be there maybe not.. not sure what the future holds... things are bleak, bleak, bleak at the moment... kind of feels like there's only one way out... good luck to you all... keep the monkey off your backs and keep going coz you're all doing well..
wish I could fit in with it all....
Hi Arenal,
I don't usually post over on this board but I saw the title of your post and felt I knew exactly what it means.....I've spent a lifetime hiding who I am from myself because I learnt so very long ago that I wasn't acceptable. I abandoned myself and have felt frightened, ashamed and guilty ever since, although I repressed so much of those feelings that I lost contact with all the others, including any joy I might once have felt in life.
I suspect a lot of us turned to drink and/or drugs for the same reason. I suspect you'll find you fit right in.....you'll be accepted for who you are and once you start to accept YOURSELF just as you are you'll begin to find the means to make the changes YOU want in the way and at the time YOU want to.
Welcome,
Martin
I don't usually post over on this board but I saw the title of your post and felt I knew exactly what it means.....I've spent a lifetime hiding who I am from myself because I learnt so very long ago that I wasn't acceptable. I abandoned myself and have felt frightened, ashamed and guilty ever since, although I repressed so much of those feelings that I lost contact with all the others, including any joy I might once have felt in life.
I suspect a lot of us turned to drink and/or drugs for the same reason. I suspect you'll find you fit right in.....you'll be accepted for who you are and once you start to accept YOURSELF just as you are you'll begin to find the means to make the changes YOU want in the way and at the time YOU want to.
Welcome,
Martin
arrie i replied 2u the other night askin if u were a brit and a friend from the board came on and told me u were a mick fae dublin,super.u can come on every night and moan the face off me coz believe me girl,no matter what has gone b4,we r all worthy,im a nuisance by the way ,but im here for u if u can suffer the gers winning the league,,eckie...
Arrie just a quick one as im getting ready for work.....if you post of coarse youll be accepted and loved off or on the gear.Were all here for each other so keep in contact even if its mundane stuff you know we will be interested.....and dont mind the Eck hes just a big teddy bear lol underneath it all and a great lad.All the best to you............Davey
Hi Arrie, last I checked, this forum was for heroin addicts (and their entourage!!) so just join in - we ain't cliquey. Just say whatever is in your mind. No-one here is judgemental or nasty. It's the journey that's important, not the destination, so don't fret what stage you're at. I've been posting here for years, all the way from daily using to totally clean. We've all been where you are now. So welcome again.
love
Diff x
love
Diff x
Hi Arenal....I know its scary at first...I was using heavily when I got here but these people never judged...Im not a wit like Bryn or Eck or Davey so I was feeling shy too...I mean...Im just a boring git...so.please dont feel like you dont belong....youd be surprised at what you have to offer...using or not...were all heroin addicts here ...its something we understand....stay with us
Thanks Con .....but ive been called a twit more than a wit.....just ask the Eck......hows yer battle going?hope the cravings have waned some&the sleeper the quack gave ya ....how are yer nights with them better i hope.Take care Ms..........Davey
Hey Davey...went in this morning and he put me on another benzo...durazanil..this one actually felt a little better...im supppose to go back in tommorow and were going to go over the options on getting into a methadone program...cant live like im inches from screaming every day...got to get some help...im working on it ;) Thanks for asking .....hey...we just hijacked yet ANOTHER thread !!! Sorry Arenal !!! We seem to be good at this :)
Yepper Con hijack away im sure Arrie dont mind......i posted on another hijacked thread ....the Con are u there one by the venerable Eck......chat soon dearest.........Davey
You guys are amazing.. just when I feel things can't get any worse I read your posts and they bring a smile to my face.. I'm gonna keep on trying - god loves a trier isn't that what they say..
Eckie - sorry for not responding to your question - I open up this board so many times and go to write something, read it back and delete thinking who in their right mind would want to know that crap...
Davey - thanks - you've always responded to my posts... I managed to get some methadone, not very much but I'm gonna give it a go.. hopefully once the first four or five days are over it'll get easier with over the counter stuff....
I had a right go at my addiction counsellor today about the lofexideine course let down - don't think I'll be hearing from her again.... they've refused for the past six or seven years to give me methadone although haven't suggested giving me much else...
strongly thinking of taking a flight somewhere I don't know a soul and just having to go through it... not sure what way that would work out, but I'd have to come through it... there's so much going through my mind at the minute I just can't keep up with my thoughts....
my GP was useless also - looked at me like I was a pariah and told me there was nothing he could do for me..
I'd love to do the Detox5 thing in the UK but that costs 6500 euros - where in the name of all that's holy are you meant to get that sort of money? I don't know, I just don't know if there will ever be an end to all this..... well of course there will be one end, the final one....
Thanks all for your words of support...
Arrie....
Eckie - sorry for not responding to your question - I open up this board so many times and go to write something, read it back and delete thinking who in their right mind would want to know that crap...
Davey - thanks - you've always responded to my posts... I managed to get some methadone, not very much but I'm gonna give it a go.. hopefully once the first four or five days are over it'll get easier with over the counter stuff....
I had a right go at my addiction counsellor today about the lofexideine course let down - don't think I'll be hearing from her again.... they've refused for the past six or seven years to give me methadone although haven't suggested giving me much else...
strongly thinking of taking a flight somewhere I don't know a soul and just having to go through it... not sure what way that would work out, but I'd have to come through it... there's so much going through my mind at the minute I just can't keep up with my thoughts....
my GP was useless also - looked at me like I was a pariah and told me there was nothing he could do for me..
I'd love to do the Detox5 thing in the UK but that costs 6500 euros - where in the name of all that's holy are you meant to get that sort of money? I don't know, I just don't know if there will ever be an end to all this..... well of course there will be one end, the final one....
Thanks all for your words of support...
Arrie....
Alrite Arrie.....hopefully the methedone and the vallies ya got will bring ya thru.....im really hoping they will.Hows the b/fs attitude hopefully more proactive than you mentioned before.You can do this and keep posting as i said before were a bit of a mad bunch but we welcome any news on yer progress using or not.Take care girl and keep us posted.........Davey
Hey there... tomorrow is D-Day for us both... other half means well but it's like we're polar opposites sometimes... I sometimes think if I upped and left I stand a better chance on my own.. but we're tied together in so many ways, you know the stuff, mortgages and all the usual domestic bliss... I worry bout him too, I sometimes think that if I did up and leave that he'd just throw the towel in, god knows he's hinted at it enough times... we've got clean together a few times in the past 8 - 9 years so we should be able to do it again...
Every time I think of that god damn clinic I see red, they were throwing meth at him, as much as he wanted, no take aways mind you coz they knew he'd share with me, but there was just no way in the world they would give me any... and I'm going back 5 years here... we were promised that lofexideine detox yesterday last week and they just call on the day it's meant to start to say sorry 'no nurse' to administer the meds... what sort of a set up are they running... you know yourself what the set up is here for addicts - they should all be held responsible for what they're doing to people...
Enough of my rant.. I'll keep posting... not that much of my posts will probably make much sense from tomorrow on, they'll all just be rants....
Thanks for listening/reading Davey - you're a good one....
Arrie...
Every time I think of that god damn clinic I see red, they were throwing meth at him, as much as he wanted, no take aways mind you coz they knew he'd share with me, but there was just no way in the world they would give me any... and I'm going back 5 years here... we were promised that lofexideine detox yesterday last week and they just call on the day it's meant to start to say sorry 'no nurse' to administer the meds... what sort of a set up are they running... you know yourself what the set up is here for addicts - they should all be held responsible for what they're doing to people...
Enough of my rant.. I'll keep posting... not that much of my posts will probably make much sense from tomorrow on, they'll all just be rants....
Thanks for listening/reading Davey - you're a good one....
Arrie...
Just heading out the door Arrie......so really all the best in the next few days.......you can do it girl....no doubt.Will be thinking of you both .....Take care .....Davey
Hi arrie, it's frustrating when you can't get help from the people paid to help you, but I wouldn't bother with detox 5. They just chuck you out when you're still feeling terrible, and there's no ongoing support. It only works if you have massive after care at home. It's also doubley tough for you being in a relationship with another addict. Been there before - you just drag each other down. For me, I had to end the relationship with him before I could quit. But that's your call. There aren't any quick fixes.
Hang in there...
love
diff x
Hang in there...
love
diff x
