this book is by melody beattie, author of a great book, co dependant no more, i couldnt believe the book she wrote was about me!
these are daily meditations. thought i would share todays reading:
Wed. june 13:
HANGING ON TO OLD RELATIONSHIPS
we wnat to travel baggage-free on this journey. It makes the trip easier
some of the baggage we can let go of is lingering feelings and unfinished business with past relationships: anger; resentments; feelings of victimization, hurt or longing.
if we have not put closure on a relationship, if we cannot walk away in peace, we have not yet learned our lesson. that may mean we will have to have another go-around with that lesson before we are ready to move on.
we may want to do a fourth step (a written inventory of our relationships) and a fifth step (an admission of our wrongs). What feelings did we leave in a particular relationship? are we still carrying those feelings around? do we want the heaviness and impact of that baggage on our behavior today?
are we still feeling victimized, rejected, or bitter about something that happened, two, five,ten,or even twenty years ago?
it may be time to let it go. It may be time to open ourselves to the true lesson from that experience. It may be time to put past relationships to rest, so we are free to go on to new,more rewarding experiences.
we can choose to live in the past or open ourselves to the beauty of today.
let go of your baggage from past relationships.
today, i will open myself to the cleansing and healing process that will put closure on yesterday and open me to the best today, and tomorrow,has to offer in my relationships.
how does she know me?lol! that is exactly a problem i need to work on, my anger and resentments toward the abuse i suffered in my childhood. i am really going to enjoy this book, i recommend it to all of you.
one more, we need our spiritual reading for today.
wed. june 13:
THE HEART OF CHRIST
blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. matthew 5:8
have a heart! others say when asking us to give to a good cause.
whether we comply depends on our resources,the distance we must travel, the discomfort involved, and our perception of the recipient's worthiness. only if our schedule,checkbbok,and jaundiced eye align do we agree to have a heart.
God promises to bless all who are pure in heart.
since sin pollutes our hearts, we are too impure to earn or deserve God's gifts and blessings.
but God's perfect Son bestows His purity on us. Jesus is the pure and holy Son of God, who has a pure heart for us.
Jesus loves us so much that He became man, left his home for ours, gave Himself up to temporal authorities in Jerusalem, and suffered the agony of a criminal's death.He loves us so much that He gave His life,His all, though we to whom His gift has been given are unworthy of His grace. He loves us so much that He says to each of us."have a heart" and freely offers us His pure heart in exchange for our sin-darkened ones.
thus, by His own grace and favor for us sinners, the pure heart of Jesus beats within all who believe in His name, by His grace and favor, we shall see God.
Jesus, so fill our hearts with Your pure love that it spills over in love towards others. in your name we ask it. amen
WEDNESDAY:
Good morning Lord! its wednesday! shall i say "already" or shall i say"finally"?
i do not know what today may bring. but david says: "In your book were written for me, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet were none of them" (psalm 139:16) no matter how things are going for me this week, help me beleive that You are faithful and trustworthy at all times and in all things.by Your strength and guidance, help me accomplish all i need to do.keep me faithful in my calling as Your child in all i think, say and do. send me forth knowing that you remain by my side, in Jesus' name. amen.
just wanted to share with you guys how i start my day everyday, hope maybe i enlightened someone today who needed to hear this message. now whats left to do is feed, bunny, kitty and dogs, give one dog her pill, take all my medicines, shower dress and i am out the door.
remember to be grateful, Dear Lord i am so grateful today that i have awakened to see another day, i am grateful that i saw my children and my beloved animals, there is food and all the resources available today to meet our needs, thank you for a free country and for all who protect our country, be with the service men and women who are putting their lives in danger and on hold for us, thank you Lord for your beautiful creations, my beautiful flower garden which i am in awe of the beauty you have created, thank you for my friends who walk this road of addiction with me, where would i be without You or them? Lord heal my husband of his alcohol and addiction to porn, he is living in darkness Lord, cast upon him your light of grace and peace, help my mom and dad and siblings to understand and support my recovery, for they are angry at me for the boundaries i have set.
help me to let go of baggage that i dont need to hang on to anymore and help me to have a heart.i love you heavenly Father, amen
Excellent post Julie! Thanks for sharing!
Today I had a marriage counseling session, and one of the things we talked about was past resentments, and being able to let them go. I swear I have a file in my brain with every wrong ever committed against me neatly filed away. I need to ditch the file, and move on. I can't change people, and they hold no power over me.
Michelle
Today I had a marriage counseling session, and one of the things we talked about was past resentments, and being able to let them go. I swear I have a file in my brain with every wrong ever committed against me neatly filed away. I need to ditch the file, and move on. I can't change people, and they hold no power over me.
Michelle
Good post Julie.
Michelle, Past resentments and being able to let them go. That statement made me think. I to have those files you were talking about. I can forgive people but have a hard time forgetting. What's your take on that if you don't mind me asking. Shantel
Michelle, Past resentments and being able to let them go. That statement made me think. I to have those files you were talking about. I can forgive people but have a hard time forgetting. What's your take on that if you don't mind me asking. Shantel
Hey Shantel!
Well, I'm good at forgiving too, but the problem for me is forgetting. Its like I try to keep it active so that if something similar in nature happens, I wont be as disappointed. Does that make sense? One of things that a previous therapist taught me was to set boundries with people in my life, but it never occurred to me that I needed to set boundries for myself. I never loved myself, of felt that I was ever "good" enough, so the holding on to resentments was my way of saying "Ha, I show you"! LOL In the big scheme things, it just doesnt matter. I'm learning. LOL
Michelle
Well, I'm good at forgiving too, but the problem for me is forgetting. Its like I try to keep it active so that if something similar in nature happens, I wont be as disappointed. Does that make sense? One of things that a previous therapist taught me was to set boundries with people in my life, but it never occurred to me that I needed to set boundries for myself. I never loved myself, of felt that I was ever "good" enough, so the holding on to resentments was my way of saying "Ha, I show you"! LOL In the big scheme things, it just doesnt matter. I'm learning. LOL
Michelle
Michelle, It makes complete sense. Your not the only one still learning I am right behind you just takes me a little longer to figure it out. Thanks, Shantel
lol! i love the way you described the mental filing system, you see i do that too and in addition to it, i have a file with all the wrongs wrote out! so i can say if needed, oh, no! thats not the way it was, i have dated documented proof of what you did, guess what? my therapist wants me to throw it all away and she is right because having it is still holding on to it, i have not been able to get rid of it yet because i worked so hard at it and for some stupid reason i dont want to forget what you did to me, i dont think i ever will be able to forget, have i forgiven? doent one have to ask for forgiveness to be forgiven? that has never happened and never will i believe.
boundaries have been set in place which kill me that i had to do it, but boundaries set for me is soemthing i would like to learn more about, how does one do that? jewels
boundaries have been set in place which kill me that i had to do it, but boundaries set for me is soemthing i would like to learn more about, how does one do that? jewels
QUOTE |
doent one have to ask for forgiveness to be forgiven? |
I asked that question too when I first joined this board. And I think the answer is, "no." You can forgive someone in your heart and let go of the resentment without them asking to be forgiven..
However, that doesn't mean the relationship continues as if the wrong had never happened. Just because you forgive someone doesn't mean you have to trust them again, or have anything to do with them again, if there's every chance they'll repeat their actions.
You let go of the rancour, and sometimes you let go of the relationship, too. Julie, it sounds like you're more married to what this man's done to you in the past than you are to the man. I wonder what your life would be like if you could let all that go.
Love,
Gina
gina
when i was posting this morning on forgiveness, my father was in my thoughts, there are alot of people who i am allowing to have free rent in my head.
i hurt that i will never experience the intimacy with a man that my father robbed from me.
he took away my innocence,
i hurt that i will never have the white picket fence, i believe it could of happened as i surely was willing.
i hurt that i cant accept my body for the way it was ridiculed for being over weight.
i hurt when i see a father love his daughter in a healthy way.
i hurt when i look out my window and my neighbors are grilling out and roasting marshmellows in the fire as a family.
i sit alone on my picnic table when i see these things.
i hurt that my parents, and brothers and now my sister do not support my recovery and will not speak to me because of much needed boundaries i set.
i sit alone.
i dont think i ever want or will be able to have a relationship with a man.
so i sit alone.
i am frozen in fear from panic attacks, cant travel or go on vacation
so i sit alone.
i numbed my feelings when my father aborted my child, i am now starting to address those feelings that i hid for years.
so these are the resentments i need to work on, i keep thinking if i got an apology i would be able to close those chapters in my life.
it is not just my husband that eats at me, thank you for the great advice.
i havent had time to get that consultation that i need to get nor have i had a chance to look for a anxiety doctor either, i procrastinate so bad, one charactor defect i need to work on too.
on a better note, i am chairing my tues night NA meetings. they need someone to go to prisons too, i think that would be kind of neat. maybe just maybe i will do that one day, i feel i am still too new at this to do that.
at first i was afraid i was petrified, kept thinking i could never live without you by my side, but i spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong, i will survive, i will SURVIVE! yeah hey!
that is a song i hope to be able to sing one day! jewels
when i was posting this morning on forgiveness, my father was in my thoughts, there are alot of people who i am allowing to have free rent in my head.
i hurt that i will never experience the intimacy with a man that my father robbed from me.
he took away my innocence,
i hurt that i will never have the white picket fence, i believe it could of happened as i surely was willing.
i hurt that i cant accept my body for the way it was ridiculed for being over weight.
i hurt when i see a father love his daughter in a healthy way.
i hurt when i look out my window and my neighbors are grilling out and roasting marshmellows in the fire as a family.
i sit alone on my picnic table when i see these things.
i hurt that my parents, and brothers and now my sister do not support my recovery and will not speak to me because of much needed boundaries i set.
i sit alone.
i dont think i ever want or will be able to have a relationship with a man.
so i sit alone.
i am frozen in fear from panic attacks, cant travel or go on vacation
so i sit alone.
i numbed my feelings when my father aborted my child, i am now starting to address those feelings that i hid for years.
so these are the resentments i need to work on, i keep thinking if i got an apology i would be able to close those chapters in my life.
it is not just my husband that eats at me, thank you for the great advice.
i havent had time to get that consultation that i need to get nor have i had a chance to look for a anxiety doctor either, i procrastinate so bad, one charactor defect i need to work on too.
on a better note, i am chairing my tues night NA meetings. they need someone to go to prisons too, i think that would be kind of neat. maybe just maybe i will do that one day, i feel i am still too new at this to do that.
at first i was afraid i was petrified, kept thinking i could never live without you by my side, but i spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong, i will survive, i will SURVIVE! yeah hey!
that is a song i hope to be able to sing one day! jewels
Jewels,
Thank you for a great topic. I also have a lot of unresolved issues/resentments that I need to address. I have realized that by not letting go I am still trying to be in control and not letting God take care of me.
-Gentlepeace
Thank you for a great topic. I also have a lot of unresolved issues/resentments that I need to address. I have realized that by not letting go I am still trying to be in control and not letting God take care of me.
-Gentlepeace
Beautiful post as usual jewls, thankyou! xoxo
gentlepeace: so true with me too, i am so angry and hurt, if anyone has any suggestions on to let things go that have been eating at you, please let us know, although i did have someone tell me that child molestation is something that is not so easily forgotten. these wounds are deep for me, i am allowing him free rent in my head. jewels
Jewels, you have a Big Book, right? Pull that baby out and read "Freedom From Bondage" in the back of the book. It tells us how to get over resentments. It's on page 544 in the fourth edition.
smooches
smooches
This is one that helped me.
Forgiveness
"The most loving form of detachment I have found has been forgiveness. Instead of thinking of it as an eraser to wipe another's slate clean or a gavel that I pound to pronounce someone "not guilty," I think of forgiveness as a scissors. I use it to cut the strings of resentment that bind me to a problem or a past hurt. By releasing resentment, I set myself free.
When I am consumed with negativity over another person's behaviour, I have lost my focus. I needn't tolerate what I consider unacceptable, but wallowing in negativity will not alter the situation. If there is action to take, I am free to take it. Where I am powerless to change the situation, I will turn it over to my Higher Power. By truly letting go, I detach and forgive.
When my thoughts are full of bitterness, fear, self-pity, and dreams of revenge, there is little room for love or for the quiet voice of guidance within me. I am willing to love myself enough to admit that resentments hold me back, and then I can let them go.
Today's Reminder
Every time I try to tighten the noose of resentment around someone's neck, I am really only choking myself. Today I will practice forgiveness instead.
"A part of me wants to cling to old resentments, but I know that the more I forgive, the better my life works."
...In All Our Affairs
From Courage to Change
Forgiveness
"The most loving form of detachment I have found has been forgiveness. Instead of thinking of it as an eraser to wipe another's slate clean or a gavel that I pound to pronounce someone "not guilty," I think of forgiveness as a scissors. I use it to cut the strings of resentment that bind me to a problem or a past hurt. By releasing resentment, I set myself free.
When I am consumed with negativity over another person's behaviour, I have lost my focus. I needn't tolerate what I consider unacceptable, but wallowing in negativity will not alter the situation. If there is action to take, I am free to take it. Where I am powerless to change the situation, I will turn it over to my Higher Power. By truly letting go, I detach and forgive.
When my thoughts are full of bitterness, fear, self-pity, and dreams of revenge, there is little room for love or for the quiet voice of guidance within me. I am willing to love myself enough to admit that resentments hold me back, and then I can let them go.
Today's Reminder
Every time I try to tighten the noose of resentment around someone's neck, I am really only choking myself. Today I will practice forgiveness instead.
"A part of me wants to cling to old resentments, but I know that the more I forgive, the better my life works."
...In All Our Affairs
From Courage to Change
Hi Julie & Gentlepeace...
That's the blessing I have found by working the steps...when I got to step 4, I started to work on all my resentments and find release from the bondage they had over me...but before I got there, my sponsor had me write an honest letter to the person I was holding a resentment against (don't mail it, I put mine in a sealed envelope), I put all my feelings on paper and got it out of my head, then I was told to pray for that person every night for two weeks...To me, being released from resentments is such a miracle in my life today...
If you've got a Big Book, read pg. 552 (fourth edition) and do as it suggests and after a couple weeks, see if your feelings have changed...
Take care, ladies...
xoxo
Stacey
That's the blessing I have found by working the steps...when I got to step 4, I started to work on all my resentments and find release from the bondage they had over me...but before I got there, my sponsor had me write an honest letter to the person I was holding a resentment against (don't mail it, I put mine in a sealed envelope), I put all my feelings on paper and got it out of my head, then I was told to pray for that person every night for two weeks...To me, being released from resentments is such a miracle in my life today...
If you've got a Big Book, read pg. 552 (fourth edition) and do as it suggests and after a couple weeks, see if your feelings have changed...
Take care, ladies...
xoxo
Stacey
thank you ladies for that, i will try to go find my big book and look that up.
i had handwritten a 96 page letter to my dad, pouring out all my feelings to him how he so badly hurt and abused me. i mailed it too! my mom told me he refuses to read that garbage!
it was therapeutic to write that so it wasnt all wasted time, now my therapist wants me to destroy everything i have written down that pertains to every thing i resent. she said keeping it is like holding on to it still. i have yet to find the courage to do that. jewels
i had handwritten a 96 page letter to my dad, pouring out all my feelings to him how he so badly hurt and abused me. i mailed it too! my mom told me he refuses to read that garbage!
it was therapeutic to write that so it wasnt all wasted time, now my therapist wants me to destroy everything i have written down that pertains to every thing i resent. she said keeping it is like holding on to it still. i have yet to find the courage to do that. jewels
QUOTE |
I wonder what your life would be like if you could let all that go. |
i am truly at a stand still in my recovery for my inability to let it go, i want to hang on to it and rehash it over and over, why? jewels
Ladies,
Will look in the big book. Thanks for the feedback.
-Gentlepece
Will look in the big book. Thanks for the feedback.
-Gentlepece
LOL...I didn't see the other posts when I posted...CO's always got a good read on forgiveness and you can see why Miss Katbird is one of my sponsors...
Jewels...
Because we're addicts, sweetie and that's what we do, old habits are hard to give up...we hold on to crap that keeps us sick...for me, it's the fear of the unknown, the fear of being hurt, the fear of happiness...all of mine is basically fear based...
Julie...
Pray for willingness and an open mind, read the passage in the big book, do as it suggests and let the miracles start to happen for you...and have patience as we don't magically just get cured...this is a journey and sometimes a slow process but as long as we keep truding forward and stay on the right path, life will only get better...
xoxo
Stacey
ps...give yourself a gift today and get the matches and burn that crap...then treat yourself to something nice...you do deserve this!!
Jewels...
QUOTE |
i am truly at a stand still in my recovery for my inability to let it go, i want to hang on to it and rehash it over and over, why? |
Because we're addicts, sweetie and that's what we do, old habits are hard to give up...we hold on to crap that keeps us sick...for me, it's the fear of the unknown, the fear of being hurt, the fear of happiness...all of mine is basically fear based...
Julie...
Pray for willingness and an open mind, read the passage in the big book, do as it suggests and let the miracles start to happen for you...and have patience as we don't magically just get cured...this is a journey and sometimes a slow process but as long as we keep truding forward and stay on the right path, life will only get better...
xoxo
Stacey
ps...give yourself a gift today and get the matches and burn that crap...then treat yourself to something nice...you do deserve this!!
Julie,
How does one let go? Hell if I know. The first step in letting go of my parents was setting boundaries. It sounds so simple but at the time, it seemed an insurmountable obstacle. It started with saying things to them like, "I won't let you speak to me that way and if you continue doing so, I'm going to hang up the phone." LOL, I don't think my mother had ever been hung up on by one of her children before. And that became the metaphor for my larger dealings with them. They aren't allowed to treat me that way and if they do, all interactions will be discontinued.
You need to decide how you're willing to be treated. You deserve to be treated with love and respect, we all do. But you're the only one who can enforce those boundaries for yourself.
As for my husband... Well, the last two days we've had a long series of discussions about finances and I don't trust his assessment since just a week ago I caught him hiding a humongous chunk of our assets. So I was stewing about that this morning when it dawned on me during yoga. "Gina, you know he's not trustworthy, SO WHY ARE YOU EVEN TALKING TO HIM? That's what the lawyers are for." Duh. Some part of me thinks I can change him, magically. It's not going to happen. Yeah, I'm an addict. LOL
Love,
Gina
How does one let go? Hell if I know. The first step in letting go of my parents was setting boundaries. It sounds so simple but at the time, it seemed an insurmountable obstacle. It started with saying things to them like, "I won't let you speak to me that way and if you continue doing so, I'm going to hang up the phone." LOL, I don't think my mother had ever been hung up on by one of her children before. And that became the metaphor for my larger dealings with them. They aren't allowed to treat me that way and if they do, all interactions will be discontinued.
You need to decide how you're willing to be treated. You deserve to be treated with love and respect, we all do. But you're the only one who can enforce those boundaries for yourself.
As for my husband... Well, the last two days we've had a long series of discussions about finances and I don't trust his assessment since just a week ago I caught him hiding a humongous chunk of our assets. So I was stewing about that this morning when it dawned on me during yoga. "Gina, you know he's not trustworthy, SO WHY ARE YOU EVEN TALKING TO HIM? That's what the lawyers are for." Duh. Some part of me thinks I can change him, magically. It's not going to happen. Yeah, I'm an addict. LOL
Love,
Gina
You need to decide how you're willing to be treated.
That's the key, Gina. It took me a long time in sobriety to get back self esteem and self respect but once I did I set boundaries. When I was using I had no self esteem at all. I took way too much abuse, physical and emotional. I don't let myself get in those situations any more. I am better than that. And so are you, Jewels. You are a beautiful child of God and deserve to be treated as such.
That's the key, Gina. It took me a long time in sobriety to get back self esteem and self respect but once I did I set boundaries. When I was using I had no self esteem at all. I took way too much abuse, physical and emotional. I don't let myself get in those situations any more. I am better than that. And so are you, Jewels. You are a beautiful child of God and deserve to be treated as such.