hey all.. I've decided that no matter what this board is for me.. tried to work up the courage to go to an NA meeting tonight but just couldn't do it.. too many bad experiences holding me back.. so it's gonna have to be virtual group sessions for me.. had a really crap day at work today.. why is that people feel the need to b**** and be jealous of other peoples successes.. there are a couple of girls in work who are just downright nasty people and I find it really gets to me.. I'm the type of person who sees work as a means to an end, ie. my pay packet at the end of the month.. I'm not in there to make friends and if I do come across some nice people it's a bonus.. I share an office with three other girls and my god but I'm finding it hard.. two of them in particular are so damn nasty about the other girl.. I wouldn't mind but this other girl is really nice and decent.. I'm fed up of their whispering in my ear and trying to get me to join in with their vicious ways I really am.. if you ask me they're just jealous of this other girl because she's smart, good at her job and popular with other people.. they really annoyed me today.. the two of them went off on a 'free' lunch to one of the hotels that we would use when overseas clients come on business and didn't invite her.. not only did they not invite her but they didn't even have the decency to tell her where they were going.. things like that just annoy me so much.. it's work, get over yourselves.. I honestly believe it's immaturity on their part..
well that's my rant for the day.. my plans are in action - AGAIN say you all - yes again.. all I can do is try again and again and again.. I'm not going to surrender to this s***ty drug coz if I do I may as well just throw in the towel altogether..
plan is to start my methadone in the morning.. not feeling too great or clever at the minute but I want to make the most of the methadone that I have.. oh yeah, I have a job interview on Monday for a place that I really want to work in.. it's back in the public health sector which is where I have worked for most of my life so please peeps keep your fingers crossed for me that I get the interview.. I've been studying really hard for it and reading up on all the old interview jargon so hopefully.. I'll be bitterly disappointed if I don't get the job.. not only is it back in the sector that I want but the job itself is only about 15 minutes from my house.. wouldn't that be so cool.. no more early mornings on the dart all stuffed in like sardines.. oh the joys..
hope you're all in good form.. great to hear from you all.. Eck how did the gers go.. did you get a win
Arrie XX
nah arrie same old story.just wrote a big reply to your thread and got cut off im f***in raging,i,ll do some of it again.n/a!everyone feels the very same,dont want to walk in there,u will be surprised arrie,its not just people from the dark streets that r there its proffesionals and peeps from all walks of life.1st one i went to i was wasted even spoke,got home a bit embarrased wi myself and said to myself im going back there clean.a few weeks later in walks the bold eck clean and proud of myself.i was still shaky and nervous but i started going regular for a bit,some peeps i could relate to,others i couldnt.i didnt go to my local meeting as im,my family r quite well known and didnt want to open up to people i probably knew.i got the n/a book wi addresses on it and underlined a few that i would visit and did just that,i prefered little meetings with @ 10people there.i enjoyed them mostly,i will never be a 12stepper but i like the meetings and if they keep u clean what the f***.i found people who knew me totally respected me for going and trying to stay on the right track arrie,i would reccomend it,though its not for everyone.im the last person anyone would expect to c there but i respected others for doing it whether for drink or drugs so why not me.off to paris on saturday then home for a day and away to spain.that should give me time away to work on myself and i,ll probably go back to some of the meetings on my return,all they ask for is for people with the desire to be clean or sober or both,give it a try,u dont like it then f*** it,it might surprise u if u find a meeting full of decent people who can be inspirational like bryn etc.thats why i keep comin to the board bcoz some people do inspire me.i want a better life for myself im 43 so its now or never,by the way i only look about 26,lol,and act probably less.but its up to us arrie,i admit im scared of the future but i want a half decnt one bcoz the years r flying in so lets make a pact clean or clean.we can do it,lets believe it.eck
HI Arrie / Eck....going to highjack and add my own grief here today as well...a friend, a soulmate of mine died last nite ...i am feeling pretty shattered...he would have laughed of course....and said something witty to make me smile...he'd have given me a hug and picked up his guitar and have told me to do the same...i;m going to miss him so much...he was so sick at the end...he was a hard core alcoholic and drug addict...but he played like a God...could rip you in half with his solos...ive known him half my life it seems...and God Im going to miss him...this is a hard year ...so many endings...
