Just this past few days I've been really depressed, confused and just basically not knowing what the hell I am going to do now that I am sober...
My problems began when I was just a kid, escalted into alcoholism as a teenager, a Borderline Personality Disorder, I've never had a job, I feel like a kid. I've never lived on my own before, I'm terrified of living like a normal person because I have no idea what that entails. Since I stopped drinking I've begun to notice the world around me, the flowers, the blue sky the trees with their blossom on, before I would look at all that through a fog of hangover and a hate for everything. Now it looks kinda pretty, quite amazing really...
Being sober is like something I've never experienced for years, I don't even think I was mentally sober (if that makes any sense) when I was going to school everyday. It's not like I had a life before all this happened to me, that I can go back to...
Just looking for a bit of advice really,
Thanks
Find a sponsor, Izzy. Someone who's been down the road of this disease and can guide you through the physical, emotional and spiritual changes.
What you're experiencing is usually called the, "Pink Cloud," and its where your physical body is beginning to heal. Synapses are starting to fire correctly, the grip on your phsyche is weakening, and you're able to be genuinely grateful for the small things--the beauty that life really has to offer. It's HP's way of encouraging you to press on and remember this time. The glimpses of how life truly can be if you'll work it.
Read the posts of 24G, or MomNMore, or VW--some of the long-timers. Read their early days (you can sort the posts by thread starter down below) and you'll find the beginnings of their gratitude start of very similar to yours: the Pink Cloud of reflection and admiration of things around you.
It works if YOU work it.
What you're experiencing is usually called the, "Pink Cloud," and its where your physical body is beginning to heal. Synapses are starting to fire correctly, the grip on your phsyche is weakening, and you're able to be genuinely grateful for the small things--the beauty that life really has to offer. It's HP's way of encouraging you to press on and remember this time. The glimpses of how life truly can be if you'll work it.
Read the posts of 24G, or MomNMore, or VW--some of the long-timers. Read their early days (you can sort the posts by thread starter down below) and you'll find the beginnings of their gratitude start of very similar to yours: the Pink Cloud of reflection and admiration of things around you.
It works if YOU work it.
Izzy, I was so clueless when I got sober. I was in my late 40s, hadn't worked in 17 years, had never lived on my own, was in a new state pretty much alone and trying to make it on about $550 a month. I was scared to death. I had always had a man around to support me. I started going to AA with absolutely no self esteem or self confidence. I was depressed, suffering from severe insomnia, and just miserable. As time went by, and I began working with my sponsor, things started looking up.My sleep was returning very slowly, I went to place that helps people go back to school, and in time found a job. It was so helpful to me to have other alcoholics to talk to. They understood the depression and anxiety and insomnia and gave me hope that it would eventually pass. I doubt sincerely if I would have stayed sober without AA. I was just too miserable and feeling sorry for myself to do it alone. I missed my booze and pills more than I could say but I hated what they had done to me so I stuck it out one day at a time and life got better but if it hadn't been for other alkies in the beginning I probably would have gotten drunk again. It helped me so much to know I wasn't alone. If you don't want to give AA a shot, why don't you just get the book "Alcoholics Anonymous" and read it. It will help you learn that what you're feeling is perfectly normal in early sobriety.
smooches to you.
smooches to you.
Hi Izzy I know the world seems like a different place to you now because it do to me too. I spend a lot of time on my BB and book of reflections and everything positive I can get my hands on to read. When we stop drinking our lives become abruptly changed. We have to learn to live without it. Sometimes it is beautiful and sometimes it can be very scarey. We can't expect for things to change overnight. It is a process that will take time,patience and a lot of work. A lot of problems our drinking caused is still with us and have to be sorted out. Also a lot of reasons why we started drinking in the first place has to be dealt with. I guess there is no easy way but it is a lot easier than trying to live in a fog and numbing ourselves to our feelings and dying a slow but certain death. Because alcohol kills the spirit first and then the body.YOU have a beautiful spirit so fight for it, whatever it takes ,do what you have to do. You will have great days in the process of staying sober. Hang on to those days and remember them when the going gets tough and you need strength to carry you through. There is so much to learn and so much to live for. We all don't get second chances at life, so accept your sobriety as a gift. One that can be unwrapped day after day as you are entering your new life. There are those here who like skg said that have a long time sober and can offer much. There are people on here like me who are still on the SAME road that you are on. You are not alone Izzy.Enjoy the nature,embrace your feelings and your surroundings because this is the first of many wonderful things to come your way.((((( )))))) Enjoy your FREEDOM.
Gidday Izzy
I think the confusion and depressive feelings are due to the fact that you are starting to see the world sober and happy and a part of you is pissed that this didnt happen years ago...I know the feeling and in early recovery i got angry with life because i finally found it and it was then that i realised and grew by storing my gratitude and allowing anger in me and cofusion out via meetings and positive conversing with like minded people
I am 44 years old this year and when i run down the beach i am 8, when i play rugby i am 21, when i take my shirt off i am 25, when i look out i am feeling 21 and when i pass a mirror i am surprised when i see my father.....when i wake up i am nearly 44
Store all the good you are feeling and remember the feeling and imagine how a butterfliy feels when it first of all emerges from the cocoon and flies....that is recovery for me
light and love zac
I think the confusion and depressive feelings are due to the fact that you are starting to see the world sober and happy and a part of you is pissed that this didnt happen years ago...I know the feeling and in early recovery i got angry with life because i finally found it and it was then that i realised and grew by storing my gratitude and allowing anger in me and cofusion out via meetings and positive conversing with like minded people
I am 44 years old this year and when i run down the beach i am 8, when i play rugby i am 21, when i take my shirt off i am 25, when i look out i am feeling 21 and when i pass a mirror i am surprised when i see my father.....when i wake up i am nearly 44
Store all the good you are feeling and remember the feeling and imagine how a butterfliy feels when it first of all emerges from the cocoon and flies....that is recovery for me
light and love zac
Hang in there Izzy! I got sober when I was 44 years old and felt like a stroke victim...I had to re-learn everything...doing laundry, washing dishes, being a mother, doing my job that I had had for 20 years too! I remember I was asked to put up a storyboard and I had done it a zillion times before and I was blank I had no idea how to do that when I returned from my leave of absence from work...thank God one of my women friends at work, who was a Manager, taught me how to do it again...now life comes pretty easily and naturally for me...it's progress not perfection, just remember that kiddo, and easy does it!
Thanks for all the advice, I've been really craving alcohol, or at least that's what I think it is. A kind of stressed out feeling, I can't attribute it to anything else. Depression setting in now... still sober though, don't want to drink in the least bit.
Got this homework to do for my Psychology and I really don't want to do it, I don't want to go and dig up stuff I just want over with, feeling depressed about that too.
Just feeling really low right now... thanks for letting me share.
Got this homework to do for my Psychology and I really don't want to do it, I don't want to go and dig up stuff I just want over with, feeling depressed about that too.
Just feeling really low right now... thanks for letting me share.
Izzy you will get through this. You have come a long way and you are a lot stronger than you think you are. We keep going even when we think we can't. This too shall pass. Just ride it out and try not to dwell on the negative feelings you are having. Do something to try and get your mind of your depression. Read something positive or something that you like that will cheer you up. Take your dog,give him a big hug and then take him outside and look around you. I mean REALLY look at the world around you instead of the world in your head.Tell yourself of all the positive things that you have in your life.Do something active instead of "thinking" As for the things you have to dredge up it might be painful but that is where the healing begins. you have to be true to yourself.Try you best Izzy. You can do it I know you can. ((((( ))))) Take care Izzy and stay strong.
Hi Izzy, pirate's right, if your spirits are down do something to lift them....believe me, I know it can be difficult, but the moment I remember to look aorund me and be grateful....the moment I open the door to THAT emotion, I'm flooded with peace and happiness and a sense of love that some would say is God, others the pure joy of living....either way, once I open that door there's no room at all for depression or fear....I'm just so glad to be alive.....flowers, cats, my kids, my friends, music, the blue sky, the gray clouds, the sunshine, the cool rain and the breeze on my face....it's all a miracle and I'm PART of it! I got a ticket! FOR FREE!!!!!! How amazing is that? lol
Izzy you are climbing a mountain and the air gets sweeter, clearer and fresher.....sometimes we slip and sometimes we're grinding our noses into the rockface trying to stay safe....but boy, when you remember to take a look at that view!
What an adventure!
Much love
Martin
Izzy you are climbing a mountain and the air gets sweeter, clearer and fresher.....sometimes we slip and sometimes we're grinding our noses into the rockface trying to stay safe....but boy, when you remember to take a look at that view!
What an adventure!
Much love
Martin
Hiya Izzy,
Hang in there girlfriend. What you are going through is completely normal. Just know that your disease is fighting hard to get you back. It's pulling out all the stops. Just the cravings aren't enough to bring you back so it is throwing in the depression to try and get you back. You are stronger than it is I believe so hang in there okay. Have you seen your psych. lately?? How is your Piggy doing?
Take care Izzy!
xx Valarie
P.S. I tried to read that book (Deborah) again and I had to put it down. Just too depressing. Maybe another time I will be in a place that I can read it.
Hang in there girlfriend. What you are going through is completely normal. Just know that your disease is fighting hard to get you back. It's pulling out all the stops. Just the cravings aren't enough to bring you back so it is throwing in the depression to try and get you back. You are stronger than it is I believe so hang in there okay. Have you seen your psych. lately?? How is your Piggy doing?
Take care Izzy!
xx Valarie
P.S. I tried to read that book (Deborah) again and I had to put it down. Just too depressing. Maybe another time I will be in a place that I can read it.
Hi Iz,
You feeling any better today?
You feeling any better today?
Hi Izzy doing the same as Val here. Just checking in on you. Let us know how you are doing. Have a great day and take care.
Hi all, had my day out today. I treated my mum to chocolates and a special body lotion that she had the perfume of so now she has both and will smell like a flower! I thought I'd say thank you for all the hard work and patience she has put in with me through my illness, and now that I'm on the mend I'm feeling pretty good!
Anyways, it's late here now so will write properly soon.
Hope everyone else is doing well?
Izzy
Anyways, it's late here now so will write properly soon.
Hope everyone else is doing well?
Izzy
Hey Izzy, great to hear you're doing so well and how nice for your mum!
I hope you treated yourself to something special because you deserve it!
Love,
Martin
I hope you treated yourself to something special because you deserve it!
Love,
Martin
Hey Izzy GOOD FOR YOU! I am so happy you did something positive and you seemed so much better in your post. Take it easy girlfriend. Hugs coming to you from oceans away . :)
