What was your one defining moment to make you decide to get clean?
You mean like a Satori? I guess I had one after smoking some weed while chilling out one time--My brain screaming"YOU ARE A HEROIN ADDICT!!!" & like almost going into a major freak-out;I was paralysed w/ fear. So no more weed for alaska...Also the general weariness, the constant anxiety, living life on a Rat-Wheel of Despair,looking @ the straights on the street & thinking, "you are so lucky not to be me". Wishing I was a rock or a tree, anything but me...only being able to fall asleep by meticulously planning my own death (a rope, a tree, an isolated spot...)But here I am, still dirty up to my eyebrows.
This is sad, but I ran out of money, and couldn't bring myself to steal or prostitution. When I started having thses scheming thoughts I realized that my life was COMPLETELY out of controll again.
when i parked my car by the park...took like 75 sleeping pills, wrote my kids notes and all apologizing........and prayed for it to all be freaking over, couldnt do it anymore, the lying , the stealing, the hustling, was sick and tired of being sick and tired..........but instead proceeded to vomit endlessly for 6 hrs straight......while pissing myself in the car and all...........groggy but alive.........then thought..damn can't live like this, can't even kill myself..........I'm going to give it one last shot at getting clean and staying clean..........and will celebrate 2 yrs clean on june 8th...:-)..here when in rehab found out that the guy i copped from whom i really liked wasm urdered that night i tried to kill myself......they say one life taken , one life saved........i thank God every day that he saved me........life is good now, not always easy for sure.but good.....
When I was about 3 weeks into treatment, sitting on my bed and crying my eyes out, feeling sorry for myself b/c I wanted so bad to use, and couldn't imagine a life without drugs. Then the sun poked through the clouds and shone directly on my face, and along with it came my first realization of a power greater than myself, and with it, an owerwhelming sense of peace. It wasn't any conscious thought, but simply a feeling, and it was at that point that I started to really want recovery.
Totally cheesy, I know, but that was the turning point for me.
Robert
Totally cheesy, I know, but that was the turning point for me.
Robert
oh, robert, that is beautiful..
i know that feeling =))))))
i know that feeling =))))))
when i overdosed and died for the second time,this time on my sons 14th birthday.i realized my life was so unmanageable and i was so powerless over my addiction that i couldnt even stay clean for one day out of the year.i realized that i must be alive for a reason,and it was time to change.
Finally realizing that I was dead........I just had not laid down(the walking dead is what they call it)!
Darin
Darin
Staf infection almost costing me my right arm. Then childrens services getting involved "due to infection" failed a mandated drug test and lost my children. That was rock bottom but, I still used for nearly a month after that. Got my self into the methadone clinic to get stright, spent 8 months doing that. It took losing EVERYTHING to stop.
What I am hearing is this: There is nothing anyone can do to help you stop. You have to want to stop. Am I right? My spouse is in jail now, and I am fighting the urge to send mail - posts from this sight - to help out. (I know - codependent!!) I just want to make sure I do all I can before I turn my back for good!
Jack, I'd pretty much say you are on the right track. You can be a support system but ultimately not our mom's, kids, siblings or spouses can MAKE us stop. We have to do it.....we have to WANT it.
Co-dependant????? See that post up above where the woman took all those sleeping pills.......that is my dearest, and nearest childhood friend.....we used together, and one morning she drove me to a detox, and in I went, and off she went.......we parted there.
I can't say I had a very defining moment....mine was more like a series.....once you push your mother, and rip money out of her hands......not recalling that she slept on a cold tile floor in front of the front door during one of your hundreds of kicks or that she held your hand while you writhed in a hot tub puking....then you wind up in a joint where they throw you a pair of paper PJ's......somehow ya think how did i get here......then maybe one more, and one more, more, and one more......that was it for me.......no more. NONE, NEVER......I'm bigger than that, and somewhere someone or something above me is waaaayyyy bigger than that, and that was it....so as you see it is different for everyone.
All good things for you, and your spouse will be in my paryers.......maybe this is the defining moment for them or maybe the stop in a series of dispair.
Co-dependant????? See that post up above where the woman took all those sleeping pills.......that is my dearest, and nearest childhood friend.....we used together, and one morning she drove me to a detox, and in I went, and off she went.......we parted there.
I can't say I had a very defining moment....mine was more like a series.....once you push your mother, and rip money out of her hands......not recalling that she slept on a cold tile floor in front of the front door during one of your hundreds of kicks or that she held your hand while you writhed in a hot tub puking....then you wind up in a joint where they throw you a pair of paper PJ's......somehow ya think how did i get here......then maybe one more, and one more, more, and one more......that was it for me.......no more. NONE, NEVER......I'm bigger than that, and somewhere someone or something above me is waaaayyyy bigger than that, and that was it....so as you see it is different for everyone.
All good things for you, and your spouse will be in my paryers.......maybe this is the defining moment for them or maybe the stop in a series of dispair.
"What I am hearing is this: There is nothing anyone can do to help you stop. You have to want to stop. Am I right?"
You do have to want to stop, that's true, but there's nothing wrong with giving someone a little nudge in the right direction. Who knows? Maybe he'll read something from this site that he'll identify with so much that he'll realize it's time to stop.
I've been saying it over and over, so what's one more time? I firmly believe that you CAN force someone to get sober (be it threats, ultimatums, whatever). You just can't force them to stay sober.
You do have to want to stop, that's true, but there's nothing wrong with giving someone a little nudge in the right direction. Who knows? Maybe he'll read something from this site that he'll identify with so much that he'll realize it's time to stop.
I've been saying it over and over, so what's one more time? I firmly believe that you CAN force someone to get sober (be it threats, ultimatums, whatever). You just can't force them to stay sober.
I really don't think you can force anyone into sobriety, if they want to use, they are going to no matter what. An addicts addiction becomes more important than anything in thier lives.Even if you have them arrested, commited, admitted to rehab, when they got out if they don't want to be sober they arent going to. Everyday I see these young girls working the streets for thier drugs, and everytime I see them I thank god that I got help before it got that far. Sometimes I want to pull over and shake some sense into them, but there is nothing anyone can do. It's so sad. Addiction makes you feel so hopeless, the more you lose the more you want to use, it's such a vicious cycle.
"Even if you have them arrested, commited, admitted to rehab, when they got out if they don't want to be sober they arent going to."
That's what I mean when I say you can't make someone STAY sober. However, you can force them to get sober. Jail, an ultimatum to leave them or cut them off if they refuse to enter treatment, etc. These all are ways to force someone into gettting sober. You just can't make them stay there.
But once they get they sober, there is a chance, however small, that they'll want to stay that way. I certainly did not want to get sober when I was forced into treatment at 26, but I had no other viable options (jail was not a viable option). And after about 3 weeks, I actually started to want it!
Make sense?
That's what I mean when I say you can't make someone STAY sober. However, you can force them to get sober. Jail, an ultimatum to leave them or cut them off if they refuse to enter treatment, etc. These all are ways to force someone into gettting sober. You just can't make them stay there.
But once they get they sober, there is a chance, however small, that they'll want to stay that way. I certainly did not want to get sober when I was forced into treatment at 26, but I had no other viable options (jail was not a viable option). And after about 3 weeks, I actually started to want it!
Make sense?
Newbie; Totally know what you mean. Everytime I was at the end of my rope, a big part of me didn't want to be sober, but OD's and situations pretty much forced me to, If it weren't my decision, my family Would have definatley forced me into getting sober, well they actually forced me into Staying sober for a while, this time too, but you're right on the mark! Now I am greatfull for my sobriety, actually right after the tortures of the physical withdrawls wore off I was so greatfull to be Free! It was at my 1 year mark that I got scared and messed up, started using again. I think that is a problem for alot of us, we forget what an actual hell it is to be addicted, we know that heroin or any DOC will numb our pain/boredom, so we get up and go out again.
For me the one defining moment was when a very close friend and roommate of
five years died of a heroin overdose. The irony of it all lies with the fact that his
drug of choice was not even heroin, it was alcohol. It took increasingly lesser amounts of alcohol to intoxicate him, and once that was done, he could talk a person into anything, even a hot shot. I remember someone calling and telling me
that David had died, and I think it was in that moment that I FELT my own mortality
overwhelm me, as well as the severity and immediacy of dealing with my addiction.
Azreal
five years died of a heroin overdose. The irony of it all lies with the fact that his
drug of choice was not even heroin, it was alcohol. It took increasingly lesser amounts of alcohol to intoxicate him, and once that was done, he could talk a person into anything, even a hot shot. I remember someone calling and telling me
that David had died, and I think it was in that moment that I FELT my own mortality
overwhelm me, as well as the severity and immediacy of dealing with my addiction.
Azreal
Trooper: you're totally right. We tend to forget how bad it was. That's why it's important for me to remember my last use and never forget it!
There's a NA saying that: "when you are in a meeting, your addict is doing push-ups in the parking lot."
Our addict wants us to forget how bad it was, and tell us that it will be different this time. We know better!
There's a NA saying that: "when you are in a meeting, your addict is doing push-ups in the parking lot."
Our addict wants us to forget how bad it was, and tell us that it will be different this time. We know better!
Angel Scars; I am so sorry about your friend David. It's so f***ing hard losing someone we love, especially when it's something that we ourselves are addicted to. When my friend Max died my addiction spiraled out of control; He was gone and I didn't know how to go on living, turning to what I knew for comfort, I almost died myself. If it weren't for my grandmother forcing me to go to the hospital when I could no longer breathe, I would have joined him. Welcome, to the board, I'm glad you are here and sober.
Jack,
The key ingredients in obtaining recovery (IMO) are:
A yearning
A commitment
A will to live
A humble approach and attitude
....And a giving ones self a chance!
Without these and addict wont get clean by his/herself or with the help/support of family and or loved ones. It has nothing to do with you and all to do with the choices the addict makes.
Darin
The key ingredients in obtaining recovery (IMO) are:
A yearning
A commitment
A will to live
A humble approach and attitude
....And a giving ones self a chance!
Without these and addict wont get clean by his/herself or with the help/support of family and or loved ones. It has nothing to do with you and all to do with the choices the addict makes.
Darin
crap FATMS! I don't have any of these things except maybe a humble attitude toward others! Doesn't that just stink.
