I have been a drug and alcohol counselor for 12 years with over 14 years clean and sober but when it comes to my 25 year old son; I want to save him from what I had to experience. I am dying inside! My parents raised my sons and I want to tell myself that I am going broke to help pay his bills trying to make up for not being there when he was young (that's what he used to tell me). Being on both sides of this crazy life style I have to say, that even though I cried, when I read "Let Me Fall All By Myself" on the left column, I knew exactly what I need to start doing. I know this this but it is sooooo hard. I would give my life for my son to not have to experience the loneliness,despair, hopelessness, and helplessness that comes with addiction. He has to get on with his experience and once he has 30-90 days clean and sober maybe I can be there again.
I smiled when I read your post, not because it's funny.. it's just the total opposite of what I was going to post. I was just about to post how I think I enabled my 28yr. old son by doing everything for him when he was younger and giving him everything we never had as kids. When he was labeled dyslexic, I practically did his homework for him. As he got older we let him use our brand new car even though he had a couple of accidents.. never his fault though and we believed him. Money missing.. well, maybe we spent it and forgot.. or we miscounted.. We were always there for him, but yet he still has excuses as to why he does drugs and they're always linked to what bad parents we were. It's just noise and just don't let it get to you. My son's latest excuse is that 'he was abused'. My first response was 'omg, who abused you? and he said his dad, my husband did. I asked how and when he told me I cracked up laughing. My husband has never laid a hand on any of the kids, his, mine or ours. He doesn't even raise his voice. My son brought up a time where he said dad had put a chair on top of him... yeah, that sounds terrible, but the reality was he was playing with all the kids and putting a kitchen chair with the legs around their bodies because they were pretending they were in jail and wanted to be trapped even though they could easily gotten out. The kids including my son were enjoying themselves. The bottom line is we ignored all the other excuses my son came up with so now he's really reaching and trying to find new ones that will get to us.
Your son is doing the same only he knows that he can work on your guilt. You did the best you could have done under the circumstances and I commend you for doing the right thing. Don't let him play on your guilt. My dad was brought up by an abusive alcoholic father... because of that, or in spite of that my dad never drank and was the most gentle man you'd ever want to meet. Your son, like mine made a choice to do drugs. They both had different upbringings, but the end result was the same. They both chose drugs. I don't think there was anything either of us could have done differently to change the outcome.
Your son is doing the same only he knows that he can work on your guilt. You did the best you could have done under the circumstances and I commend you for doing the right thing. Don't let him play on your guilt. My dad was brought up by an abusive alcoholic father... because of that, or in spite of that my dad never drank and was the most gentle man you'd ever want to meet. Your son, like mine made a choice to do drugs. They both had different upbringings, but the end result was the same. They both chose drugs. I don't think there was anything either of us could have done differently to change the outcome.
