I learned something very interesting in my SA class. Most of you probably already have heard this, but I thought I would share it for anybody who hasn't, who may be struggling, or whatever. lol.
The road to relapse starts long before one actually gets high! How powerful is that? It makes so much sense because for all the times I relapsed, I planned it. Premeditated Relapse right? I thought, "Okay, I haven't seen such and such doctor for a couple of months so I shouldn't have a problem getting a script from him and I've already gone through withdrawals so, if I use only this script I should be alright. And if I hide it well, my family will not know that I've used again." Then, I would go through with it. And boy was I wrong. Every single time!!!
I heard one say in group that if we could intersept that cycle, relapse could be prevented before we go through with getting high. I totally was inthrawled by what was being said because it just made way to much sense and although I'm not the best with words, I sure hope I made sense for everyone who needs this advice now.....
Anyway, I hope everyone well and great success in their recovery...
Jessie
your message came across loud and clear, jessie - at least to me it did.
you said:
"I heard one say in group that if we could intersept that cycle, relapse could be prevented before we go through with getting high."
intercepting that thought cycle is crucial and the number one reason why i finally learned that in order to stay in recovery, i had to utitlize rigorous honesty (with self and those who had my best interest at heart) that i surrounded myself with.
getting clean was always the easy part for me when it came to addiction. staying clean was a totally different animal. i'm excited for you in that you are learning quite a bit; you are becoming aware of just how cunning, baffling, and powerful the disease of addiction is. thanks for sharing this. a question to you or anyone else who may be intersted - how do you intercept or break that thought pattern of relapse?
hugs and tons of encouragement to you -
sammy
you said:
"I heard one say in group that if we could intersept that cycle, relapse could be prevented before we go through with getting high."
intercepting that thought cycle is crucial and the number one reason why i finally learned that in order to stay in recovery, i had to utitlize rigorous honesty (with self and those who had my best interest at heart) that i surrounded myself with.
getting clean was always the easy part for me when it came to addiction. staying clean was a totally different animal. i'm excited for you in that you are learning quite a bit; you are becoming aware of just how cunning, baffling, and powerful the disease of addiction is. thanks for sharing this. a question to you or anyone else who may be intersted - how do you intercept or break that thought pattern of relapse?
hugs and tons of encouragement to you -
sammy
For me to intercept, I had to name my disease of addiction. Whenever I begin to think about all my options of getting pills or getting high I tell it, by name, to go away. It helps me to associate this with a name because it is so very real. Real things have names and although it would be easy enough to call it what it is, addiction, a disease, etc...having my own individual name for it makes it more personal to me. Gee, I hope that made sense. lol
Next, I enforce what I've said. "Go away _______!!!!! Your not going to destroy my family, life, etc...." I have also kept a diary since long before I became addicted and throughout my addiction and recovery and I will force myself to open that diary and re-read what I went through. Everything!!! The destruction, the way my kids were left to basically fend for themselves, what I did to my parents. But most importantly, how I felt. The misery, the loss and worthlessness I felt. The very strong desire to get clean. The promises I made to myself, my family and my HP about how I would stay clean if they helped me. I read about the withdrawals, about how I went so long without sleep while going through them that I thought I saw mice coming out of my garbage can.
I've also kept the letters I got while in rehab and in jail from friends and family. How much they love me is more powerful than the disease itself and as long as I remind myself of this all the time, I realize that I want their love and approval a whole lot more than I want the drug or it's effects.
These are some of the things I do and thank God but I do not have cravings nearly as often as I use to so things are easier. Also, everyone should try to keep in mind that it does get easier. It very much feels like it will not, but it does and each day will be that much easier.
So, while fighting cancer seems easier most days, we are winning the battle against this so that would make us smarter than the scientists making new drugs everyday to fight cancers. That's my opinion anyway. lol
Take care and I hope everyone great success in their recovery.
Jessie
Next, I enforce what I've said. "Go away _______!!!!! Your not going to destroy my family, life, etc...." I have also kept a diary since long before I became addicted and throughout my addiction and recovery and I will force myself to open that diary and re-read what I went through. Everything!!! The destruction, the way my kids were left to basically fend for themselves, what I did to my parents. But most importantly, how I felt. The misery, the loss and worthlessness I felt. The very strong desire to get clean. The promises I made to myself, my family and my HP about how I would stay clean if they helped me. I read about the withdrawals, about how I went so long without sleep while going through them that I thought I saw mice coming out of my garbage can.
I've also kept the letters I got while in rehab and in jail from friends and family. How much they love me is more powerful than the disease itself and as long as I remind myself of this all the time, I realize that I want their love and approval a whole lot more than I want the drug or it's effects.
These are some of the things I do and thank God but I do not have cravings nearly as often as I use to so things are easier. Also, everyone should try to keep in mind that it does get easier. It very much feels like it will not, but it does and each day will be that much easier.
So, while fighting cancer seems easier most days, we are winning the battle against this so that would make us smarter than the scientists making new drugs everyday to fight cancers. That's my opinion anyway. lol
Take care and I hope everyone great success in their recovery.
Jessie
Thanks Jessie.. thank you for keeping it real for me.
You can do it..the most important thing to do is grab someone even when you don't feel like it, and talk about the cravings....it seems to help....
Good luck.
Kerry
You can do it..the most important thing to do is grab someone even when you don't feel like it, and talk about the cravings....it seems to help....
Good luck.
Kerry
