The Victim Trap

Pain Pills
1
The Victim Trap
The belief that life has to be hard and difficult in the belief that makes a martyr.
We can change our negative beliefs about life, and whether we have the power to stop our pain and take care of ourselves.
We aren't helpless. We can solve our problems. We do have power - not to change or control others, but to solve the problems that are ours to solve.
Using each problem that comes our way to "prove" that life is hard and we are helpless - this is codependency. It's the victim trap.
Life does not have to be difficult. In fact, it can be smooth. Life is good. We don't have to "awfulize" it, or ourselves. We don't have to live on the underside.
We do have power, more power than we know, even in the difficult times. And the difficult times don't prove life is bad; they are part of the ups and downs of life; often, they work out for the best.
We can change our attitude; we can change ourselves; sometimes, we can change our circumstances.
Life is challenging. Sometimes, there's more pain than we asked for; sometimes, there's more joy than we imagined.
It's all part of the package, and the package is good.
We are not victims of life. We can learn to remove ourselves as victims of life. By letting go of our belief that life has to be hard and difficult, we make our life much easier.
Today, God, help me let go of my belief that life is so hard, so awful, or so difficult. Help me replace that belief with a healthier, more realistic view.
2
What a positive post and so very true. We need more of those.

Sharon
3
thanks sharon.
4
What an awesome post !!!!!
Thank you very much or sharing !!!!

I am printing several copies....hope you don't mind....pasting them all over the place so I can read it often
I hope everyone here reads it every day - it's pretty powerful

5
Thanx Bestill.....
Just what I neede to read.
Hugs,
P2
6
Bestill,i loved that,thank you!~KIM
7
Kim, I understand where you are coming from. I am starting to see some changes at my house too. The "take a chill pill" comment was a low blow. The low blows are what i can relate to most. When my husband has a mood swing I get the the same thing. He usually tries to belittle me about money. Things like "you don't earn your keep around here." Or implies that I'm lazy even though I work all the time. He buys me expensive things, then resents that I have them, and tries to make me feel bad about myself for not earning enough money. I earn an average income on my own for working full time, plus I do all the accounts payable and marketing for his practice for a salary. He's a doctor, and quite sucessful. His income is astronomical. He earns 24 times more money than I do, literally, I figured it out. We both grew up poor and now we have all we could ever want or need. it is ludicrious to even discuss this, but when he's pissed at me or anything else, this is what he does. It is emotional abuse. When I was using and this would happen I'd just laugh and chew up another oxy. it's happened once since I've been clean and i went crazy on him. I honestly thought we were going to get divorced. it gets old. We talked it out. I told himif he ever mentions it again it's counseling (which we could probably use anyway) or hit the road. I'm rambling, but my point is Yes I understand what you're going thru, and yes, getting off pills allows you to feel emotions again. If he would have told you to take a chill pill when you were using you probably would have and forgotten about it. Take care, Atlas
8
but, alas!

life is difficult -- life is hard.

however, having once accepted those facts, i am no longer clinging to the unrealistic expectation that it should be easy and therefore i am in a better position to cope with life's difficulties when they do arise.

"serenity is not freedom from the storm but peace amid the storm."
9
Atlas,i can relate,in many aspects.I have tried to explain all this to my husband(my feelings,my desires,my hopes for our future and my hopes for MY future)he gets very frustrated,he feels im blaming him,and maybe a part of me does.But i also KNOW that only I can change my life for the better,change ME for the better.He's threatened by that,big time!He realizes im changing which in turn makes changes for him,which he does not like.I just continue to inform him this is for the GOOD,not just for me,but for both of us.Like you,when we are so used to acting a certain way(both spouces) and then one spouce decides they no longer want to act that way,it puts the whole relationship into a tail spin,at least it sure is at my house.But i can only control myself and im hoping in the end,he will come along with me.Time will tell.Thank you so much for being willing to share your experience with me,i feel theres less of a burden on my shoulders right now.Take care!KIM

ps~i totally agree the comment about the chill pill was uncalled for,and i totally recognize where its coming from,i only pray he does too eventually.
10
Dear Bestill,

Loved your post, and yes I believe we can change. I do not like labels as they keep us stuck, incapable of change or growth.
Its like having a toothache..when you have it all you can think about is that damn toothache and how much it hurts. when your tooth is fixed and it is better..guess what? you forget all about it...

Life could always be worse..we need to remind ourselves ( with things like your post) that life is good, that we are alive, that there are people who genuinely care about us, that life is precious..and be happy that out tooth doesnt hurt.

Big bear Hug,

Ali

P.S. Hi SDR and Stacey!!!!!