Hi, everyone
For those of you who don't know me I am the mother of a heroin addict. My son had a drinking problem for several years. I found out recently that he experimented with some drugs while away at college, and then he became a heroin addict in 2003. He got into a lot of legal and financial problems, and finally got sick of living that way and went to rehab. He has had probably 4 or 5 relapses since but he tries.
My reason for writing this is to tell you never to give up hope. Through all of my son's problems, I have never stopped loving him and never stopped praying for him (and you all) to find the strength to battle his (your) addiction and to be safe until he is (you are) in recovery. I'm not giving up on him or you....and I never will. I have told my son often that we all have a free will and God won't take that away, but all he has to do is open the door and say 3 very small words..."God, help me!" and He will. I think because my son has done some bad things because of his addiction he doesn't feel he is worthy of asking for help, but if I (as an imperfect human being) have been able to continue loving my son through this, God in his perfection still loves him and will welcome him back. Just...never give up hope!
Love and prayers,
Susan
Yup, where there is breath, there is hope. Never take away someone's hope...it may be all he has left. You have a kind and loving heart, Susan.
Thanks, MNM. I care so deeply for all these poor people struggling with addiction. So deeply.
susan
you have really taken the time to understand this disease - with a loved one in the throws of addiction, that is a hard thing >>>
to have compassion understanding & patience is a wonderful gift
you have really taken the time to understand this disease - with a loved one in the throws of addiction, that is a hard thing >>>
to have compassion understanding & patience is a wonderful gift
Sometimes Susan, it isn't that we don't feel worthy of a clean and sober life, it's that the disease has us by the short hairs. It's why we struggle. It is about finding a Higher Power and willingness and hope but it's also about time. Harry is one lucky kid. He has a family that is willing to move heaven and earth to help him..he'll get there. One day, he'll get tired of beating his head against the wall and look for another way. You'll always be there for him when he's ready.
Thank you, Jack and Lisa. You brought tears to my eyes.
Harry is trying to detox at home. He's pretty sick and tried to run off twice but he wife was able to talk him back in the house. When I looked into his eyes today, it was the first he looked good in a while. Nice to see...although seeing him suffering was not nice to see. He also was fighting back tears when he was talking to us. Please keep him in your prayers. You're in mine as well!
Love,
Susan
Harry is trying to detox at home. He's pretty sick and tried to run off twice but he wife was able to talk him back in the house. When I looked into his eyes today, it was the first he looked good in a while. Nice to see...although seeing him suffering was not nice to see. He also was fighting back tears when he was talking to us. Please keep him in your prayers. You're in mine as well!
Love,
Susan
susan
It's heartbreaking to watch a loved one destroy their body and mind through abuse, and we often feel as though there is nothing we can do to make things better, and not through lack of trying either.
Addictions show incredible resilience, and addicts continue their abuse even in the face of some terrible consequences. Families yell, plead and bribe, to no good effect and if losing a job, a family and even good health can't change behaviors, what hope can family hold?
Thankfully, although things can sometimes seem bleak, families do have some powerful tools to effect change, and when they provide tough, educated and loving support, they can make a difference.
People recover from addictions everyday; having a loving and supportive family can make the difference.
you certainly have a loving and supportive family that can make the difference. Hang in there- -dont get too up or too down- -
lovejack
It's heartbreaking to watch a loved one destroy their body and mind through abuse, and we often feel as though there is nothing we can do to make things better, and not through lack of trying either.
Addictions show incredible resilience, and addicts continue their abuse even in the face of some terrible consequences. Families yell, plead and bribe, to no good effect and if losing a job, a family and even good health can't change behaviors, what hope can family hold?
Thankfully, although things can sometimes seem bleak, families do have some powerful tools to effect change, and when they provide tough, educated and loving support, they can make a difference.
People recover from addictions everyday; having a loving and supportive family can make the difference.
you certainly have a loving and supportive family that can make the difference. Hang in there- -dont get too up or too down- -
lovejack
Thanks so much for your words, Jack.
You're right...it is heartbreaking to watch and be pretty much powerless but I know in my heart that he doesn't mean to cause this pain. He told me yesterday that feeling crappy...both physically and mentally...leads him back into it. He does have some injuries that are painful to him (I don't know how bad because it's not my body). He tore cartilage in his knee at 13 and they never did surgery on it because there was a good blood supply and the doctor said he hated to remove cartilage from a 13 year old. They said down the line he may have to. He also blew out his ACL and had surgery on the other knee and he's limped some since then. He hurt his back in a car accident and has irritated that with a few more mishaps since. Whether they are excuses...I don't know. I know he doesn't take his anti-depressant regularly which puts him on a roller coaster ride. He knows better but doesn't seem to care. We've asked him to consider going to a psychologist, but he won't. Don't know what else we can do...it has to be him.
I'm trying to do my best at keeping my spirits up. It helps that we're trying to keep my 8 year old granddaughter from knowing what's going on....so I have to pretend I'm good and keep doing stuff with her.
Love,
Susan
You're right...it is heartbreaking to watch and be pretty much powerless but I know in my heart that he doesn't mean to cause this pain. He told me yesterday that feeling crappy...both physically and mentally...leads him back into it. He does have some injuries that are painful to him (I don't know how bad because it's not my body). He tore cartilage in his knee at 13 and they never did surgery on it because there was a good blood supply and the doctor said he hated to remove cartilage from a 13 year old. They said down the line he may have to. He also blew out his ACL and had surgery on the other knee and he's limped some since then. He hurt his back in a car accident and has irritated that with a few more mishaps since. Whether they are excuses...I don't know. I know he doesn't take his anti-depressant regularly which puts him on a roller coaster ride. He knows better but doesn't seem to care. We've asked him to consider going to a psychologist, but he won't. Don't know what else we can do...it has to be him.
I'm trying to do my best at keeping my spirits up. It helps that we're trying to keep my 8 year old granddaughter from knowing what's going on....so I have to pretend I'm good and keep doing stuff with her.
Love,
Susan
Jack's right Susan, families do have some powerful tools. I had to think of Jake as if he were a 2 year old child. That's about where his mentality and maturation was. Remember what it was like to talk to a 2 year old? lol It's not funny, but yea, it kinda is. I was educated about this disease, I had done and said everything he had said and done so trying to BS me, wasn't going to work. But I was also his mom and had that codependant crap going on that allowed him to keep going around me at times. But I never gave up, just like you don't and he finally did come to believe. It just takes what it takes but some don't have the luxury of time. Some are going to die if they don't get help now. I realize that a drug is a drug is a drug, but heroin isn't a pain pill, snorting oxycontin isn't like taking codiene. These are powerful, dangerous drugs. He has to know that he can't continue this life style without a consquence or two. And he does know. He's just powerless over his disease right now.
If the wife is scared to do the intervention, do it without her?
Edited to say..we were posting at the same time.
All of the pain? I just know for me, any excuse I could come up with..you know? If he's in pain, you go to a dr. You don't do heroin.
If the wife is scared to do the intervention, do it without her?
Edited to say..we were posting at the same time.
All of the pain? I just know for me, any excuse I could come up with..you know? If he's in pain, you go to a dr. You don't do heroin.
Hi, everyone
Harry is clean and looking very good....and working hard to catch some things up. He's still not going to meetings which I think would help...but I can't do it for him. I keep encouraging and praying. It's SO GOOD to have my son back!
Love,
Susan
Harry is clean and looking very good....and working hard to catch some things up. He's still not going to meetings which I think would help...but I can't do it for him. I keep encouraging and praying. It's SO GOOD to have my son back!
Love,
Susan
Hi Susan
Always nice to hear good new at 5 am- - you cant make him go to any meetings and I dont think he has the insurance for a psychiatrist- but Harry has been around, and with you and family supporting him at least he has a good base.
Gotta get another hour of rest-
lovejack
Always nice to hear good new at 5 am- - you cant make him go to any meetings and I dont think he has the insurance for a psychiatrist- but Harry has been around, and with you and family supporting him at least he has a good base.
Gotta get another hour of rest-
lovejack
And that's just it..Harry's been around the block a few times, he knows what he's doing. If he wants to go to a meeting, he'll go.
When do you start taking care of you? Do you wait until he's clean, sober and happy?
When do you start taking care of you? Do you wait until he's clean, sober and happy?
Thanks, Jack and Lisa
In answer to your question, Lisa....unfortunately yes. I haven't felt this good in a LONG time.
Love,
Susan
In answer to your question, Lisa....unfortunately yes. I haven't felt this good in a LONG time.
Love,
Susan
Ah. I understand. It was that way with Jake too. If he wasn't happy, I wasn't happy. I guaged my feelings, by his.
He's been clean now for so long that I had forgotten that part. I'm sorry. I don't think we truly ever let go, do we? There's a lot of talk about it, but, mom's just don't and can't. We take better care of ourselves but there's the part of us that can't ever just let them go.
I'm really glad that you're feeling good right now.
He's been clean now for so long that I had forgotten that part. I'm sorry. I don't think we truly ever let go, do we? There's a lot of talk about it, but, mom's just don't and can't. We take better care of ourselves but there's the part of us that can't ever just let them go.
I'm really glad that you're feeling good right now.
| QUOTE |
| ...there's the part of us that can't ever just let them go. |
Why not? Are you still equating letting go and healthy detachment with love? I love my daughter, but letting her go was the greatest gift I could give her...she is her own person now, not someone I was busy being unhappy about.
Dear Lisa,
That's exactly where I am. I have tried....REALLY TRIED....but I just cannot be happy when one of my children (whether grown or not) is in danger.
Dear MomNMore,
I admire those who can "let go". I can "let go" of my control...because I have never had that although years ago I thought I did. I just can't "let go" of my fear/worry for my son when he is using. I have "let go" of concerns about his legal issues. They are his consequences...they "will be what they will be" as long ago Bob taught me. The important thing is that my son is alive. I've made progress....just don't think I will ever be able to be where you are....and that's okay. I'm doing MY best.
Love you both!
Susan
That's exactly where I am. I have tried....REALLY TRIED....but I just cannot be happy when one of my children (whether grown or not) is in danger.
Dear MomNMore,
I admire those who can "let go". I can "let go" of my control...because I have never had that although years ago I thought I did. I just can't "let go" of my fear/worry for my son when he is using. I have "let go" of concerns about his legal issues. They are his consequences...they "will be what they will be" as long ago Bob taught me. The important thing is that my son is alive. I've made progress....just don't think I will ever be able to be where you are....and that's okay. I'm doing MY best.
Love you both!
Susan
What Susan said..I can let go of my control, but I can't let go all the way. I dont' think it's wrong for anyone to do it differently, I'm just saying how it is for me. It would be healthier for me, I know that, but I haven't figured out how to do it. Maybe if this went on for a longer period of time and there had been more damage like some of the other stories here? I really think I got lucky and dodged a huge bullet. But let me be clear, my way isn't necessarly the right way, it's just what's worked for me.
hi susan my name is tony and im struggling to stop using myself after 18 years of using heroin im in recovery but finding it hard but its so nice to hear your support for your son my mum has been the only one there for me too. so thank you for your post. tony.
Dear Tony,
So nice to hear from you! I'm so happy for you that you're in recovery. I promise you that I will keep you in my prayers that God gives you the strength you need. I'm thinking you might be around my son's age. He was born in 75....he turned 36 in December. I will ask my son to keep you in his thoughts and prayers as well. Please pray for Harry. He's been doing very good so far with his recovery. I wish he would go to meetings for support but the choice is his. Please keep in touch. :)
God bless!
Susan
So nice to hear from you! I'm so happy for you that you're in recovery. I promise you that I will keep you in my prayers that God gives you the strength you need. I'm thinking you might be around my son's age. He was born in 75....he turned 36 in December. I will ask my son to keep you in his thoughts and prayers as well. Please pray for Harry. He's been doing very good so far with his recovery. I wish he would go to meetings for support but the choice is his. Please keep in touch. :)
God bless!
Susan
