Hi all, haven't been around the past couple days because of family problems.
I'll start with Sunday. I went down the church with my mum as they were having a BBQ with the evening service, anyway the AA meeting was going on in the other room and I went in and one of the guys made me a cup of tea, I didn't tell him I was an alcoholic or anything. I thought it was very kind of him...
Monday we got a phonecall saying my great aunt had been rushed into hospital as she was really bad with her Parkinsons and had a raging urine infection which was making her all confused. Her husband was getting irate with her because of it and well the whole thing was taken out of his hands. I was glad... Tuesday I got another phonecall saying that she had a broken hip and get this... it had been broken before and fractured in the same place again. He never got her checked out each time she fell so she'd been sitting there with a broken leg all this time and nobody knew... I was furious.
Her husband is one of the most ignorant idiotic people ever to walk the face of the earth, thinks he knows it all but knows jack s*** really... he's worth at least half a million () in cash but he wont get his wife any help because he doesn't want to have to pay for it, she isn't going to be allowed home I don't think, if she is I'll be very surprised. I can't convey or express in writing how this man makes me feel, how he treats those around him, how much of a total git he is. He's selfish and nasty, looks after number one and screw everyone else type of person.... including his wife who's done everything for him, he's worked the poor woman into the ground while he sits on his fat arse and makes demands! He kept doing it til she could no longer move around! I feel very sad for my aunt, everytime I saw her she always said to me what am I going to do when you go home? All sad like... I couldn't do anything...
I'm still sober 6 weeks now... I keep thinking about it at night when I'm on my own, but haven't given in... I think it's just the stress of all this going on. I feel like everyone is getting sick or dying one after the other right now... I just need a bit of stability to get through all this you know?
Izzy THANK YOU! I am glad to know that in spite of all the negative things that happen in your life you have found the strength to NOT drink. That makes me so proud of you! Sometimes I feel we get tested for a reason and many times I have been but always managed to pull through with the help of my HP,sponsor and this board. I tell myself if we are never tested how will we know our strength and each time we are tested and we don't drink it makes us stronger. We are learning to live life on lifes terms and that is an awesome thing to accomplish. Never under estimate your ability to do good and be strong when the going gets tough. You are showing such strength and faith in yourself. I can see such a huge improvement in your attitude. You are well on your way my friend to a sober life,I just know that you are. You make me proud everytime I read your posts and see your strength growing each time. Take care Izzy and always remember to smile It takes less energy than it do to frown and one thing about a smile is that someone is sure to return it to you. Have a great sober weekend girlfriend. (((((( )))))))
I'm sorry things feel so difficult for you at the moment Izzy. It will pass. Someone said something to me just now about how liberating - and relaxing - it is to recognise that we're not at the centre of the universe and that we can't run everything for everyone else!
Look after you.....be kind to you.....be gentle with you....listen to the best, most loving, deepest and wisest part of you....
If everyone in the rest of the world does the same we'll all be all right, and if they don't there's not a thing you can do about it.....
Have a great day.
Love,
Maritn
Look after you.....be kind to you.....be gentle with you....listen to the best, most loving, deepest and wisest part of you....
If everyone in the rest of the world does the same we'll all be all right, and if they don't there's not a thing you can do about it.....
Have a great day.
Love,
Maritn
Too bad your Uncle can't go through the 12 steps. Sometimes I think if every human would go through these steps the world would be a better place.
My Uncle ended up living with my Nana the last few years of her life. I would call her in the evenings and she'd cry to me about how he treated her. I ended up confronting him on the phone and f2f as well. He went off on me. I didn't care. Even the neighbor's told me they could hear him yelling at her. He mellowed out. He was a sick person, mentally and physically. It still didn't give him a right to treat her like that. She did everything for him too! I always questioned the continuing bruises on her arms.
We aren't suppose to judge. But, I know I have and still do at times. I'm an advocate for people who are being mistreated. Especially the elderly who in many case have know one to help them. Is there any one in your family who can speak to him about the abuse he inflicts on his own wife? Has your Aunt spoke to him about this. Presented properly there is a chance he will look honestly at himself.
I'm glad to hear you are still sober and learning to live life on life's terms. It's not always easy. If life were easy it wouldn't be hard. You hang in there one day at a time. Enjoy the good times and keep them close to your heart. You are doing really well. I'm so happy for you Izzy.
My Uncle ended up living with my Nana the last few years of her life. I would call her in the evenings and she'd cry to me about how he treated her. I ended up confronting him on the phone and f2f as well. He went off on me. I didn't care. Even the neighbor's told me they could hear him yelling at her. He mellowed out. He was a sick person, mentally and physically. It still didn't give him a right to treat her like that. She did everything for him too! I always questioned the continuing bruises on her arms.
We aren't suppose to judge. But, I know I have and still do at times. I'm an advocate for people who are being mistreated. Especially the elderly who in many case have know one to help them. Is there any one in your family who can speak to him about the abuse he inflicts on his own wife? Has your Aunt spoke to him about this. Presented properly there is a chance he will look honestly at himself.
I'm glad to hear you are still sober and learning to live life on life's terms. It's not always easy. If life were easy it wouldn't be hard. You hang in there one day at a time. Enjoy the good times and keep them close to your heart. You are doing really well. I'm so happy for you Izzy.
Izzy,
In life, stuff happens that I don't necessarily agree with. People put themselves in situations or allow themselves to be used, or are codeps, or simply don't WANT my help. I can't force love onto them if they won't accept it, so I have to detach. I've TRIED carrying the world on my shoulders--that's what got me here in the first place.
I had to be shown how to develop a set of skills and spiritual tools that would help me manage situations--stuff like honesty, or hope, or faith that things would work out the way they would work out. Courage to face crap that I didn't want to--lots of those fears and anxieties that made be get wrecked in my previous life. I had to learn to talk to people--the integrity to ask someone who might have a bit more experience than me in situations. I had to be willing and have the humility to understand that I was NOT the SAVIOUR OF THE FAMILY and that passing judgement on them was hurting ME far more than them. Love matters, and forgiveness matters, but you can't force it into places it's not welcomed.
Pain is inevitable in life. Suffering is optional. When I learned that there were actual steps I could take to lessen the impact of others on my sobriety, and when I learned that I am NOT in control of people or things, I began a process of self discovery and growth that nobody ever--E V E R told me about. Seriously.
You're young. I've seen your posts for nearly three years and, while you are making very small baby steps at growing up spiritually, you clutch onto the chaos and wrecking balls everytime they swing through your life. You can wallow in it, or take the opportunity to turn your life in any direction you wish. It's my hope that you choose the latter.
Take the steps to recover yourself. I mean this in the most caring manner, so please don't be offended. Drop The Rock.
In life, stuff happens that I don't necessarily agree with. People put themselves in situations or allow themselves to be used, or are codeps, or simply don't WANT my help. I can't force love onto them if they won't accept it, so I have to detach. I've TRIED carrying the world on my shoulders--that's what got me here in the first place.
I had to be shown how to develop a set of skills and spiritual tools that would help me manage situations--stuff like honesty, or hope, or faith that things would work out the way they would work out. Courage to face crap that I didn't want to--lots of those fears and anxieties that made be get wrecked in my previous life. I had to learn to talk to people--the integrity to ask someone who might have a bit more experience than me in situations. I had to be willing and have the humility to understand that I was NOT the SAVIOUR OF THE FAMILY and that passing judgement on them was hurting ME far more than them. Love matters, and forgiveness matters, but you can't force it into places it's not welcomed.
Pain is inevitable in life. Suffering is optional. When I learned that there were actual steps I could take to lessen the impact of others on my sobriety, and when I learned that I am NOT in control of people or things, I began a process of self discovery and growth that nobody ever--E V E R told me about. Seriously.
You're young. I've seen your posts for nearly three years and, while you are making very small baby steps at growing up spiritually, you clutch onto the chaos and wrecking balls everytime they swing through your life. You can wallow in it, or take the opportunity to turn your life in any direction you wish. It's my hope that you choose the latter.
Take the steps to recover yourself. I mean this in the most caring manner, so please don't be offended. Drop The Rock.
Thanks guys, and SKG no, I'm not offended, I knew that already, I just needed someone else to say it to me. Still though, I can't switch off my emotions regarding certain things.
I had to go to the local supermarket to get a few things earlier this evening, and at the door I got accosted by this bunch of 14 year olds asking me to go in for alcohol for them. I said no way and got a whole bunch of abuse from them. I'm telling you, kids actually scare me, they're so vicious for no reason. I was pretty shook up by it, should I have phoned the Police? What would you guys have done?
I had to go to the local supermarket to get a few things earlier this evening, and at the door I got accosted by this bunch of 14 year olds asking me to go in for alcohol for them. I said no way and got a whole bunch of abuse from them. I'm telling you, kids actually scare me, they're so vicious for no reason. I was pretty shook up by it, should I have phoned the Police? What would you guys have done?
To answer your question Izzy, some days I would have phoned the police, some days I would have made my way home angry, some days I would have walked away sadly and felt blue all day, some days I would have sighed and noticed a child's face covered in ice cream, smiled and forgotten them within thirty seconds.....
There are no "shoulds"......I lived my life by a rule book the little boy in me invented to try to keep safe....I screwed myself up trying to live to the rules a five-year-old wrote....I love him for doing it and keeping me safe and giving me rules that were pretty sound....but I'm a grown-up now....no-one can tell me "should"....not even me.....I listen to myself and do what the deepest, wisest part of me feels is the right thing for me to do - for me - at that particular moment. THAT part of me will always choose the thing that is going to make me feel good about me....which builds my self-esteem and my ability to love and care for myself....and that is making me so much more able to love and care for others without becoming a martyr or a control freak....and loving and caring for others from a good place makes me feel better about myself and round and round and up and up I (hope) I continue to go.....
And when I fail....it's ok....I know my HP won't let me fall....
I'm a river of emotions....if I feel sad or upset or anxious I acknowledge what I feel and then gently, when the time is right, decide to do something that will make me feel a little better...wash up, hoover, put music on the stereo.....I no longer run from or fear these feelings or label them "bad", and I'm learning when is the right time to move on from them instead of wallowing in them....baby steps.
I recommend an ipod or mp3 player if you can get one.....a few seconds of my favourite music and I'm thanking God I'm alive and my little heart is dancing....
Keep well and happy....
Martin
There are no "shoulds"......I lived my life by a rule book the little boy in me invented to try to keep safe....I screwed myself up trying to live to the rules a five-year-old wrote....I love him for doing it and keeping me safe and giving me rules that were pretty sound....but I'm a grown-up now....no-one can tell me "should"....not even me.....I listen to myself and do what the deepest, wisest part of me feels is the right thing for me to do - for me - at that particular moment. THAT part of me will always choose the thing that is going to make me feel good about me....which builds my self-esteem and my ability to love and care for myself....and that is making me so much more able to love and care for others without becoming a martyr or a control freak....and loving and caring for others from a good place makes me feel better about myself and round and round and up and up I (hope) I continue to go.....
And when I fail....it's ok....I know my HP won't let me fall....
I'm a river of emotions....if I feel sad or upset or anxious I acknowledge what I feel and then gently, when the time is right, decide to do something that will make me feel a little better...wash up, hoover, put music on the stereo.....I no longer run from or fear these feelings or label them "bad", and I'm learning when is the right time to move on from them instead of wallowing in them....baby steps.
I recommend an ipod or mp3 player if you can get one.....a few seconds of my favourite music and I'm thanking God I'm alive and my little heart is dancing....
Keep well and happy....
Martin
