Last week when I blew it...it was very sad. I had started to place my abstinece of taking narcotics as a base for self esteem...I thought if I have sobriety, at least the other things are not as worrisome..but when I blew it, everything felt horrible. Everything..Now that I have some days back ( I HATE COUNTING DAYS..) and didn't take any ultramm today, I just feel like that long long scary road is out there...I feel like I am starting all over again, and all that fear is back..
Okay, I can't sleep, and just mumbling aloud..
Like dog said, at least we are looking at our problems...
And I wouldn't hurt a fly..so I wonder where my self-esteem went?
kerry
Kerry, from where I'm sitting, you're looking and sounding like a million bucks..... Really. Actions speak louder than words, and you have consistently shown the courage to take right action, admit error even when it seems embarassing, and move on. That's all we can ask of ourselves. We've all been there. Many of us, unfortunately, will be there again, so your experience and honesty helps everyone. No one has the right to judge you but yourself, but you need -- and DESERVE -- to lighten up on yourself! M.
Last week when I blew it...it was very sad. I had started to place my abstinece of taking narcotics as a base for self esteem...I thought if I have sobriety, at least the other things are not as worrisome..but when I blew it, everything felt horrible. Everything..Now that I have some days back ( I HATE COUNTING DAYS..) and didn't take any ultramm today, I just feel like that long long scary road is out there...I feel like I am starting all over again, and all that fear is back..
Okay, I can't sleep, and just mumbling aloud..
Like dog said, at least we are looking at our problems...
And I wouldn't hurt a fly..so I wonder where my self-esteem went?
kerry
dear kerry -
my sponsor once told me, "sammy, you want to feel self esteem - do things that are esteemable!"
got me thinking, kerry about the "things/actions" i was taking in my life. the decision you made to not use anymore is a miracle. the courage it took for you to get rid of those pills (action) and not take them anymore (more action) is esteemable.
it appears that as long as we stay in the light of recovery (abstinence, working the steps, giving back to others, and trusting in a good, loving Power much greater than ourselves) our esteem will soar. the big book mentions this as being rocketed into that 4th dimension.
you are such a precious spirit, kerry and i just wanted to give you a great big hug this morning. you ARE doing/taking some extremely esteemable actions in your life. keep it up, my friend - you deserve to live a life that is happy, joyous, and free.
love -
sammy
Okay, I can't sleep, and just mumbling aloud..
Like dog said, at least we are looking at our problems...
And I wouldn't hurt a fly..so I wonder where my self-esteem went?
kerry
dear kerry -
my sponsor once told me, "sammy, you want to feel self esteem - do things that are esteemable!"
got me thinking, kerry about the "things/actions" i was taking in my life. the decision you made to not use anymore is a miracle. the courage it took for you to get rid of those pills (action) and not take them anymore (more action) is esteemable.
it appears that as long as we stay in the light of recovery (abstinence, working the steps, giving back to others, and trusting in a good, loving Power much greater than ourselves) our esteem will soar. the big book mentions this as being rocketed into that 4th dimension.
you are such a precious spirit, kerry and i just wanted to give you a great big hug this morning. you ARE doing/taking some extremely esteemable actions in your life. keep it up, my friend - you deserve to live a life that is happy, joyous, and free.
love -
sammy
Good Morning Kerry,
Well you got some great responses from M & Sammy..........You don't see your strength do you, how do you miss it.......You are a wonderful woman, strong, brave and beautiful inside and out..........Know and believe, in yourself.....your furture free of pills. Know that you inspire me, and yes you do!
Love Yah,
Tina
Well you got some great responses from M & Sammy..........You don't see your strength do you, how do you miss it.......You are a wonderful woman, strong, brave and beautiful inside and out..........Know and believe, in yourself.....your furture free of pills. Know that you inspire me, and yes you do!
Love Yah,
Tina
Good morning Kerry I belive you feel guilty about slipping up.Remember Our greatest achivement is not ever fallin but our ability to pick ourselves up and try again.You have been a great inspiration for me and I will probaly always look up to you....mj
Kerry,
I just want to say, I know how that feels. A while back, some things happened in my life, and I lost control of myself, and my actions. While suffering hurt feelings, I decided to drink three beers, and those who know me know that I never drink, so I did it to numb some pain. However, while I was three sheets to the wind, and feeling sorry for myself, I thought that it was everyone else's fault. I blamed all the wrong people, instead of blaming myself. It was a terrible shock to my self-esteem.
I learned that I gave my power away too easily, and this is one of my major faults in recovery. It is the biggest thing I am working on. I am learning that they only way I can be hurt, is if I let it hurt.
Life isn't fair, and it always seems just a bit harder while dealing with addiction as well. God throws us curve balls all the time, and we have to make the best of those situations. You are one hell of a lady, and I have seen you help so many here. Maybe you just forgot to take care of you first. I did that all the time too.
You be kind to YOU for a while. Pamper yourself, and be praising of the things you do. You deserve peace, and a sense of well being, just like everyone else does here. The holidays are hard, and trust me, this is my first Christmas in recovery, and it is hard, I have a ton of triggers, as do many of us. My Christmas present to myself is that I am here to share it with my family, and friends. What is yours to yourself? Make it a good one!
May God Bless and shine down his love to you and your family this holiday, and everyday, and remember, you are special. Hold your head high, and be proud that you have such a wonderful ability to spread happiness around!
Lady M
I just want to say, I know how that feels. A while back, some things happened in my life, and I lost control of myself, and my actions. While suffering hurt feelings, I decided to drink three beers, and those who know me know that I never drink, so I did it to numb some pain. However, while I was three sheets to the wind, and feeling sorry for myself, I thought that it was everyone else's fault. I blamed all the wrong people, instead of blaming myself. It was a terrible shock to my self-esteem.
I learned that I gave my power away too easily, and this is one of my major faults in recovery. It is the biggest thing I am working on. I am learning that they only way I can be hurt, is if I let it hurt.
Life isn't fair, and it always seems just a bit harder while dealing with addiction as well. God throws us curve balls all the time, and we have to make the best of those situations. You are one hell of a lady, and I have seen you help so many here. Maybe you just forgot to take care of you first. I did that all the time too.
You be kind to YOU for a while. Pamper yourself, and be praising of the things you do. You deserve peace, and a sense of well being, just like everyone else does here. The holidays are hard, and trust me, this is my first Christmas in recovery, and it is hard, I have a ton of triggers, as do many of us. My Christmas present to myself is that I am here to share it with my family, and friends. What is yours to yourself? Make it a good one!
May God Bless and shine down his love to you and your family this holiday, and everyday, and remember, you are special. Hold your head high, and be proud that you have such a wonderful ability to spread happiness around!
Lady M
Kerry, I constantly draw strength from you, so I do not think you are weak or have no self esteem. Guilt is a powerful thing and I have let it control my life now for two years - I told my husband last night, "I'm sorry I'm such a screwup".... Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move forward.... I know you can do it!
Kerry,
The words of "M" were very wise as seems to be the norm. That followed by all the love and encouragement from the others leaves little unsaid. I do have this to share with you however. In my life , I have been thru a lot. I have had to overcome many many things and failed many times. However , each time you fail .........and bounce back to try again you are STRONGER........and when the time is right , you will prevail. This has always been true to the word for me in my lifes many experiences, and I believe it to be the same for everyone else as well. Stay the path you are on and believe in yourself........I do.
The words of "M" were very wise as seems to be the norm. That followed by all the love and encouragement from the others leaves little unsaid. I do have this to share with you however. In my life , I have been thru a lot. I have had to overcome many many things and failed many times. However , each time you fail .........and bounce back to try again you are STRONGER........and when the time is right , you will prevail. This has always been true to the word for me in my lifes many experiences, and I believe it to be the same for everyone else as well. Stay the path you are on and believe in yourself........I do.
Thanks everyone..
if this taught me anything, it taught me that I have to be very diligent..this can sneak up out of nowhere...I told that dr not to prescribe, but it isn't up to him, it is up to me to keep pills out of my mouth...
I know that it is possible..
Thank you all for the support..it is very much appriecitated..
And I am VERY happy to see you back, Lady M..you were missed..
Kerry
if this taught me anything, it taught me that I have to be very diligent..this can sneak up out of nowhere...I told that dr not to prescribe, but it isn't up to him, it is up to me to keep pills out of my mouth...
I know that it is possible..
Thank you all for the support..it is very much appriecitated..
And I am VERY happy to see you back, Lady M..you were missed..
Kerry
Kerry:
You are doing so great! Remember, coming to this board and sharing your experience is a 12th step call on yourself as well as others. Keep trudging that road to happy destiny, I am with you on your journey, every step of the way. You know it gets better, you know it works. Put down the hammer and start patting yourself on the back instead. I love ya' and am so proud of you.
Love,
Rachel
You are doing so great! Remember, coming to this board and sharing your experience is a 12th step call on yourself as well as others. Keep trudging that road to happy destiny, I am with you on your journey, every step of the way. You know it gets better, you know it works. Put down the hammer and start patting yourself on the back instead. I love ya' and am so proud of you.
Love,
Rachel
Littlebeach please know you are in my thoughts and I am here anytime you need to talk.Take Care....mj
