This Is Hard

Hi, this is manmarie. I was addicted to painpills for about three years. I was also a nurse. I was arrested nov 2007. It was the best thing that happened to me. Saved my life. I wanted to go to treatment before i was arrested but i only had a medical card and was on aa waiting list. Now i am court ordered to go and then i got in right away. i have always been veery shy and its hard for me to talk in thesee meetings. i am more shy than the average shy person. Things didnt get to a good start. But i am in an all womens group now and it seems better. I would like to go to celebrate recovvery meetings but i am to shy and i dont know of anyone who would go with me. i spent 77 days in jail and got ovver the horrible withdraw but i didnt realize thaat the recovery would have to go beyond that. There is so much more to it. The things ive done and i have lost everything my house, my job, alot of peoples respect, my dignity. At least i still have my mom my daughter my life and god. But it is so hard to get throough this and i feel like i cant do it but i know i have to go on. I am just so scared I dont know what is going to happen.
Welcome to the Board!

You have a lot to offer and I think you will really get some great advice and comfort here. You've been through a lot. We all have.

I was an addict of everything my whole life and fell in love with pain pills after an accident left me with a serious back injury. I've been free of pills for 2 years now. My husband is also an addict.
I thankfully didn't go to jail, by the grace of God, but was helped by using suboxone. I have an almost 4 year old daughter and have been a member of this board since she was 13 months old.

Thank you for sharing. I hope to hear more about you!

Stacey
my daughter is 14 i feel like i have hurt her and my mom more than anyone they are the 2 people i love the most in this world. i know they forgive me but icant seem to forgive myself. I hope it comes with time.
It always seems we hurt the ones we love the most... doesn't seem possible, cause you care about them so much... but all you can do is go from the here and now and go forward.
You have to be #1. You have to be there for your daughter.

It's time to accept the past, learn from it, and forgive yourself. If they say they have, consider yourself lucky and SHOW them you are serioius.

I was "GONE" the first 2 years of my daughter's life... I thank God I woke up and got help when I did.

Time does amazing things. Don't dwell on what you can't change. You've already made huge steps... but this is (hopefully) a long ride. One day at a time.

Stacey
Manmarie,

I'm fairly new to this board as well. I'm not going to post my story at this point because it is the same as everyone else's. The story may be a little different, but I was addicted and we all feel the same when that happens to us. I would like to reply to your comment about forgiving yourself. This is what I've had the most trouble with. I'm also a shy person and very hard on myself. I know I will never forget all I have done, but I'm learning to forgive myself. I've turned seriously to my faith and I can't emphasize enough what that has done for me. I came to the realization that God forgives me. And if He can forgive me, who I am to not forgive myself because I'm trying to follow his lead. I don't mean to get real religious here and don't know what your faith is but, if your a Christian, I hope this may help you. One of the things that has helped with my faith is Joyce Meyer. I'm not sure if you know who she is but she is a pastor and evangelist. I've started reading a lot of her publications, and it seems like she is writing just for me. It's been a tremendous help with my recovery. She has a web site if you would like to check her out. It's www.joycemeyer.org. Good luck and God bless.

Michelle
I would not have gotten this far if it werent for God. I forget that sometimes. I recently got saved and I have been having a hard time but my aunt told me I would be put through alot of tests. I know i dont always do as I should and I know I just got to keep trying. I believe everything that has happened to me is a plan God has made to draw me closer to him. I didnt realize getting over the withdrawls was just the beginning . Recovery is an ongoing thing. Ive got to learn how to deal with all the other things in my life. At least its not as bad as living being dependent on pills to live. I can deal with everything and be happy without having pills.