This Is So Hard To Write

Pain Pills
1
I think the game is up for me now. I can see myself sliding deeper and deeper,
I am 32 now and this started 10 years ago. I got myself in a little trouble and had to have an operation, they told me to take 222's for pain after. The first time I took them I was over the moon.........
And it hasn't stopped, I have dome things anyone would be ashamed of. I don't think I have had a sober day in over 10 years. I don't drink I just take drugs. If my husband finds out (I am sure he knows) then he will leave me. For sure. he has no patience for things like this. I am so scared................
2
I was on them (hydro's) for 2 1/2 years and quit c/t. No one knew about me either except for my supplier. I was just sick and tired of letting something control me. There was no happy ending, either quit or keep getting deeper and deeper.
I think your there. You know what to do?

Good luck to you!
3
Hi im tracey I am also from canada what kind of pills are you doing and how much Its to bad that you cant get any support from your husband but you will get plenty of support here how can we help you?
4
Do you feel like you're ready to get clean and live a life free from the nightmare of drugs? If so it's time to make a plan. I can tell you one thing. It's so much easier to be clean than to be actively using. You hear alot about what a struggle it is to stay clean, well that is true, but nothing near the struggle of keeping your secret, obtaining your drug of choice, constantly fearing w/d or getting caught, waking up to your first thought being of what you have, how many, or what you're going to do to get them. In comparison to all that, being clean is easy. Living drug free is freedom. Your mind is at peace. It's not always easy, but it sure beats the hell you are in now. (the place we have all been). Do you need help making a plan? Love, Kat
5
Well admitting you have a problem is half the battle, so you are 1/2 way there!! You can either go cold turkey, or taper off of them, it depends on you, how many you normally do, and stuff. Tapering makes the withdrawals more bearable, anyway, keep posting you will get so much support and information here it is unbelievable. Good luck to you and god bless, Kim
6
YOU SOUND ALOT LIKE ME! MY HUSBAND IS CLUELESS. I HAVE 24 HRS BEHIND ME AND FEEL LIKE CRAP. I AM 31 HAVE 4 BABIES BEAUTIFUL HOUSE AND PERECT HUSBAND. I DONT WANT TO LOOSE IT ALL. I JUST KEEP THINKING MY FAMILY IS WORTH SUFFERING FOR. AFTER ALL I DID IT TO MYSELF. NOONE POURED THEM DOWN MY THROAT.ONE DAY AT A TIME. 24HRS BEHIND ME AND IM ONE DAY CLOSER TO THE REAL ME.GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS
7
Hello ScaredinCanada!
Kat256 is so right! The worst feeling is wondering how many do you have, what if you run out, how much money do I have to spend and where will I get them this time. You are on the right track, just make your mind up and stick to it! I quit cold turkey and I'm 11 days clean, I feel good and I know I can do it, especially for my family! Stay Strong!
Struggler
8

I can speak from the husbands side. I did not know my wife was addicted to Loritab and Morphine for 3 years. She too, thought when she told me that I would leave. I have stayed by her throught rehab, huge credit card debt that I didn't know about, and an affair that she revealed during rehab that happened over 2 years ago. It has been hard and we are still trying to get through this. I have been disappointe, hurt and angry but my commitment to her has not waivered. I times I thought about cashing it all in and just leave. But I am still here trying to support her recovery and help my self throught AL-ANON. Many of you may not be reading your husbands correctly.

When someone is in the addicted stage there rational thinking is gone. It will stay gone for a long time after you quit using. The chemistry of the brain takes a long time to equalize again. This is the hardest thing I have been through and I often said I would never tolerate such behavior in a spouse. When you are faced with the reality of it, you have to get real with yourself. I love my wife and I am committed to the realtionship.
Your husbands deserve the truth and complete honesty is the only way you will beat this disease. If you can't get honest the addiction will keep it hold over you. Trust in your Higher Power and step out in a leap of fatih and trust that he will take care of you and your husbands proably love you more than you ever imagined. Take care and get in a program. Help yourself and your family and get into recovery.