Well, I havent posted on here for a long time. That's because I haven't figured out a way to get sober yet. I have figured out how to do it for periods of time, like a week at most. So now I'm giving into what everyone has told me. Meetings, meetings, meetings. I still havent gone to enough though. Three weeks ago, I went to a meeting because I had had enough. It was pretty good. But a few days after the meeting, I decided it was ok to drink again. So I had my usual mid-week drunk, then my weekend one. The following weekend (two weeks after the one I'd gone to when I'd had enough) I went again...hungover as hell, I really needed some help. I went in and the most amazing thing happened. I got hope. I felt like I'd been given a gift, a new opprotunity. I came home and cried for joy, there was hope. I really could do this. That was last weekend. I got through the week with no mid week drunk! I went to a couple online meetings throughout the week, but no face to face ones. I got through the week though, and it wasnt easy. But now, it's Saturday. This is my prime time for drinking. Saturday night. I'm going to a BBQ tonight. One where I'd normally get pretty drunk. I went to a meeting today, for strength for tonight. But I'm still having all these horrible thoughts. If I make it throught this weekend, it'll be my first weekend sober in a LONG time. I'm having bad thoughts tho, like "maybe i can just have one drink." or "well, tonight could be my last night of drinking" I dont want these thoughts, because that will mean the hope that I had last weekend was false. I really need to be strong tonight, so that I can realize that I can do this.
Hey Mupmup, my first thought is why put yourself in harms way?
Find something else to do that does not involve drinking.
You are doing fantastically well, good luck if you do decide to go to the barbeque.
Take care.
Karen
Find something else to do that does not involve drinking.
You are doing fantastically well, good luck if you do decide to go to the barbeque.
Take care.
Karen
Mupmup, Just checkin' in to see how you are doing thru this long weekend. I'm proud of you, that you are going to meetings, etc. I've seen your posts for almost a year now and I know you've struggled so much. Sometimes, it's just so much easier to surrender. If I can not pick up drink, I guarantee you can too! Just take it easy.
Thanks for checking up on me. I'm doing pretty good. I went to the bbq last night and didnt drink. It wasnt fun though. I was really bored and feeling sorry for myself that everyone else could drink and not me. Urgh.
Hello again Mupmup, Wow, that's great that you didn't pick up a drink during the BBQ...however, it's not great that you are not feeling good...for myself, I didn't get sober to feel miserable. Although it is not always easy at times it sure is the better way. Out of curiousity, do you live where there are a diverse group of meetings? Here in SoCal, we have Young Peoples, Stags, Meditation, you name it we have it....we are very fortunate. We also have a a lot of sober things to do: dances, fundraisers, birthday parties (for sober time) and today we are having a big time BBQ with bands, children's area, chili cookoff, etc...all without any alcohol being served. It's really fun. Remember, nothing changes if nothing changes. Sounds like you might be "dry" ~ perhaps try to find someone you connect with at a meeting and see if they will be your "temporary" Sponsor, you might find some relief if you start into the Steps ~ I know I did. Let me ask you this, is it not better to wake up without a hangover: without a headache, without cotton mouth, without fuzziness, without all of that...you can exchange a bottle and a hangover for happiness if you choose to...
I remember a time not too long ago (like 4 years ago) where I could have a lot of fun without drinking. I think i could get there again. I just have to be less shy and more outgoing and not feeling sorry for myself cause I cant drink and everyone else can. I mean, I use to go to parties all the time and not drink before i was of age to buy alcohol. I still loved it when I could get my hands on it but it wasnt a big deal if I couldnt. How can I get back to that place???
hello mup
i must say my father was a very bad alcoholic, there were times when my brothers and i didn't eat at night because his beer was #1. so we'd eat breakfast and lunch in school, and did not have at night,, there were many times that we would go w/out christmas, birthdays, ect. i would watch him sit all drunk and argue w/my mother. he would be violent, and it was very sad, he could not handle life in general so he'd drink. he tried to sell me to his male friends. he would sell our belongings. threaten to kill us, and our mother. kill our pets to be spiteful. to say the least it was pretty bad, until one day we were put in foster homes. I am in fear that i too could do the drinking, but i know when to quit, and i think its because i have children. they keep me straight, but that fear is always there. i really hate it. and when i drink i feel like i could do other things. drugs ect.. i have in the past. but then i think of what i could lose, and i fight it, and my point is.. although i knew and recalled all the pain it caused me. it is a temptation that is hard to shake, only pure will power and want for a better thing, can make you quit. I wish you all the luck, and all the strength that god can put in your heart.. godspeed..
i must say my father was a very bad alcoholic, there were times when my brothers and i didn't eat at night because his beer was #1. so we'd eat breakfast and lunch in school, and did not have at night,, there were many times that we would go w/out christmas, birthdays, ect. i would watch him sit all drunk and argue w/my mother. he would be violent, and it was very sad, he could not handle life in general so he'd drink. he tried to sell me to his male friends. he would sell our belongings. threaten to kill us, and our mother. kill our pets to be spiteful. to say the least it was pretty bad, until one day we were put in foster homes. I am in fear that i too could do the drinking, but i know when to quit, and i think its because i have children. they keep me straight, but that fear is always there. i really hate it. and when i drink i feel like i could do other things. drugs ect.. i have in the past. but then i think of what i could lose, and i fight it, and my point is.. although i knew and recalled all the pain it caused me. it is a temptation that is hard to shake, only pure will power and want for a better thing, can make you quit. I wish you all the luck, and all the strength that god can put in your heart.. godspeed..
Mupmup, how ya doing? Just checkin' in on you. Perhaps, like me, you have crossed the line where alcohol no longer works for you and you need to find a replacement to fill that void. I know you are not very interested in the Program, but like I've said time and time that is the only thing that worked for me. Not will power, not situations, not hobbies; but finally just surrendering and being willing to go to any length for sobriety. I hope you've had enough...
hey mup, how are ya doing, hope better than before we are here for you, take careand keep in touch..xo
Hello, thanks for checking on me! I'm doing pretty good. I think I'm starting to loose the desire to drink a little. I am trying to realize that I CAN have fun without the booze. I know I can because I did on Friday night. I didnt drink and it was still fun. I can concentrate more on what people are talking about when I'm not drinking, so that's good. I think I'm making progress, I went to an AA meeting this morning, and the people there are great. I'm really getting to know some of them better.
Wow Mupmup, that's awesome! It was really uplifting for me to read your latest post. I'm so happy to hear that you are connecting at meetings. Remember you never have to do this thing alone, it's a "we" program.
