Welcome to Hell
By: Rose Barbour
Please take a moment to think about your children no matter what their ages and how much you love them. Feel that intense love inside your heart.
Consider how many times you thought about the dangers lurking in the outside world, and how you would do absolutely anything to protect them from all of it.
Remember the precious times when your childs biggest problems could be fixed with a hug, kiss, band-aid, soothing words, or some combination thereof.
Recall the look of love and gratitude in your childs eyes as your loving care took away the pain and replaced it with a smile.
Think back to when your children shared their hopes and dreams with you. How they wanted to be famous singers, firefighters, doctors, and everything else under the sun. Oh, how you loved to hear about their dreams.
With the warm memories in your heart, please take a moment to imagine....
That your precious child has been diagnosed with a devastating disease.
A disease that kills more people each year than car accidents.
People (young and old) in your area have already died from the disease so you know it is serious.
Can you feel the fear?
Can you feel your heart breaking?
Now, imagine that the world does not understand this disease. In fact, many will look down on your child for having it.
You feel so alone and scared to death, but you cant reach out to anyone for support.
You fear that if you do tell someone, your good, loving child will be judged as a bad person.
To protect your sick child from any type of stigma, you remain quiet and suffer in silence. You suffer for a very long time.
There will be no benefit held, and no family or community support shown, even though you and your child will experience more pain than youve ever experienced in your life.
You are forced to fight the biggest battle of your lives all on your own.
You immediately take your child to get treatment.
You trust that your child is getting the best care.
You eventually figure out that what is being offered is inadequate.
Your child will not have access to the best treatment available.
You feel betrayed by the very system that was supposed to help him to get well.
You are forced to watch helplessly as the under-treated disease escalates, causing the child that you love so much to become a shell of his former self.
Your child is sick and getting worse. The disease is winning.
If you dont figure out how to save your child, he will surely die like so many before him.
You are heartbroken and scared to death. You begin to lose hope as all of your efforts fail.
In frustration you cry out for help, but your cries are met with silence and indifference.
Your health begins to suffer as you carry the weight of the world on your shoulders.
There seems to be no escape from this nightmare.
After years of fighting for help for your child, but never getting enough, you watch him die a little more each day.
You begin to plan his funeral in your head.
Your precious child. So sick. So desperate. Telling you that he cant take it anymore. He will be dead by the end of the day.
Your child so desperately needing a life line, but it never comes.
You wait for the call or knock on the door that will forever change who you are.
You are scared, sad, lonely, tired, and heartbroken.
You are powerless.
No hug, kiss, band-aid, soothing words, or some combination thereof will save your child this time.
Your love is no longer enough to protect him. You cry a million tears.
Welcome to the reality of life with an addicted child.
So there's no hope...
OMG - This is what we have gone thru for years and years. No one can understand the depth of our sorrow. I am brought to tears.
Dianne
Dianne
beautifully written, so sad when reading this but I agree with all of this 100%. Thanks for putting my thoughts into words.
Stewart, there is hope but this is exactly how it feels when a parent is in the middle of the downward spiral.
Stewart, there is hope but this is exactly how it feels when a parent is in the middle of the downward spiral.
There is hope and direction for family and friends of addicts/alcoholics in the Al-Anon & Nar-Anon programs.
All the best.
Bob
All the best.
Bob
Stewart,
It's not meant to imply there is no hope. I shared it because it describes what all of us go through as the loved ones of someone caught in the throws of addiction. We all TRY to fix them and fix the problem, but we can't. We feel so alone (until we find sites like this one). And there is such a stigma attached to sharing with your "normal" friends that your loved one is an addict. Unless your family has been touched by addiction you don't and can't possibly understand. But as long as their is life, there is hope for your addict! Never stop hoping and praying! My son tried SEVERAL times and had SEVERAL relapses...never as bad as the first time but still bad....and I am thankful to be able to say that he now has 3 years clean of heroin. THANK GOD!!!
I remember way back in 2004 when I was so emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausted and truly heartbroken over my son's addiction, one of the people on here told me that it wasn't MY problem to fix. And doing what I was doing to myself was like me standing in front of a run away train and trying to stop it to keep it from hurting my son....IMPOSSIBLE and DEADLY for me (because truly I felt dead inside). The vision of that opened my eyes. I realized that the only thing I could do to help was pray for God to send his angels to surround and protect my son until he was ready for recovery, and I still to this day pray for him to be safe and have the strength he needs for his recovery.
Sending prayers!
Susan
It's not meant to imply there is no hope. I shared it because it describes what all of us go through as the loved ones of someone caught in the throws of addiction. We all TRY to fix them and fix the problem, but we can't. We feel so alone (until we find sites like this one). And there is such a stigma attached to sharing with your "normal" friends that your loved one is an addict. Unless your family has been touched by addiction you don't and can't possibly understand. But as long as their is life, there is hope for your addict! Never stop hoping and praying! My son tried SEVERAL times and had SEVERAL relapses...never as bad as the first time but still bad....and I am thankful to be able to say that he now has 3 years clean of heroin. THANK GOD!!!
I remember way back in 2004 when I was so emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausted and truly heartbroken over my son's addiction, one of the people on here told me that it wasn't MY problem to fix. And doing what I was doing to myself was like me standing in front of a run away train and trying to stop it to keep it from hurting my son....IMPOSSIBLE and DEADLY for me (because truly I felt dead inside). The vision of that opened my eyes. I realized that the only thing I could do to help was pray for God to send his angels to surround and protect my son until he was ready for recovery, and I still to this day pray for him to be safe and have the strength he needs for his recovery.
Sending prayers!
Susan
Sadly, I lost my son who was 29 yrs. Old in April 2014...
7 yrs earlier I walked away, because his sister was into the snorting pills.... She was and still has issues, really more than issues....
I want to say, while your children are going through this , you ache, beyond belief.. I learned some of the ways pat and his wife got the money for the drugs.... they held "need help signs"
she would hurt herself to get to the E.R for pain meds... and on and on and on...
Since Pats death, my heart has ached so bad, and it has refocused my daughter somewhat... she has laid the pill snorting down and goes to a clinic where she drinks the liquid stuff... I know she lies, I can tell when I talk to her how she speeds... our agreement was she was to start decreasing her dose.... did she? I don't know. I do know I never , ever, ever give up hope!
I place my 3 children in Gods hands .... he is the only one who can send the people into their lives to change it....
I am currently going through the process of moving back to the area I ran away from... I can't sit by and wait for another phone call...I can hold her hand.... I can go to meetings with her... I can, because she is my child, one I am not willing to loose...
U know, its all her choice, she will be the one to decide. She says she is tired of the life she is living, she left her hubsand who don't want to be clean, she is holding a job and has gotten an apt. not a goverment HUD apt. but one she pays 100%.... the sun may shine one day, but a storm the next...
so Never, Ever give up hope!
7 yrs earlier I walked away, because his sister was into the snorting pills.... She was and still has issues, really more than issues....
I want to say, while your children are going through this , you ache, beyond belief.. I learned some of the ways pat and his wife got the money for the drugs.... they held "need help signs"
she would hurt herself to get to the E.R for pain meds... and on and on and on...
Since Pats death, my heart has ached so bad, and it has refocused my daughter somewhat... she has laid the pill snorting down and goes to a clinic where she drinks the liquid stuff... I know she lies, I can tell when I talk to her how she speeds... our agreement was she was to start decreasing her dose.... did she? I don't know. I do know I never , ever, ever give up hope!
I place my 3 children in Gods hands .... he is the only one who can send the people into their lives to change it....
I am currently going through the process of moving back to the area I ran away from... I can't sit by and wait for another phone call...I can hold her hand.... I can go to meetings with her... I can, because she is my child, one I am not willing to loose...
U know, its all her choice, she will be the one to decide. She says she is tired of the life she is living, she left her hubsand who don't want to be clean, she is holding a job and has gotten an apt. not a goverment HUD apt. but one she pays 100%.... the sun may shine one day, but a storm the next...
so Never, Ever give up hope!
Griefstricken, I am SO SORRY for your loss. I cannot begin to imagine the heartache of losing a child. There were so many days when I lived in fear of that being my son's fate as well. His girlfriend told me that he overdosed several times before he moved back home, and I found him one night...unresponsive in his bedroom here. Scared me to death!!!! Thank God after shaking him and yelling, he responded!!!
I'm with you....we can't give up hope! And we must keep reaffirming our love for them. I remember the first time my son had to spend time in jail (and believe me it wasn't a good one to be in!). He had been trying unsuccessfully to stop using. The Judge told us that if it was his son, he would not post bail and leave him have some time in jail to detox, clear his head, and maybe decide to go to rehab. I think my son was shocked that me didn't bail him out. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do!!! I literally collapsed in sobs when they took him away. The next week was horrific because my son was detoxing and hadn't signed any papers for me to be able to check on his status. I feared he would commit suicide because of feeling abandoned by us and because of his depression (and no medication in there). I kept calling in trying to find someone who would tell me how he was!!! Finally I resorted to begging one of the nurses there to tell my son that I love him. She told me she couldn't do that, but I later found out from my son that she did. Thank God he got that message. One of the first things he said to me when I finally got to see him was, "I can't believe you left me in here." I was trying to do what everyone else was telling me I should do, but it was so unlike me....so VERY, VERY HARD to do!!!!
I know I've made LOTS of mistakes in dealing with my son's addiction, but I can honestly say that I did my BEST! Dealing with addiction is unlike any other problem we have with our children! I'm definitely not good with the "tough love" stuff!
I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers!
God bless!
Susan
I'm with you....we can't give up hope! And we must keep reaffirming our love for them. I remember the first time my son had to spend time in jail (and believe me it wasn't a good one to be in!). He had been trying unsuccessfully to stop using. The Judge told us that if it was his son, he would not post bail and leave him have some time in jail to detox, clear his head, and maybe decide to go to rehab. I think my son was shocked that me didn't bail him out. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do!!! I literally collapsed in sobs when they took him away. The next week was horrific because my son was detoxing and hadn't signed any papers for me to be able to check on his status. I feared he would commit suicide because of feeling abandoned by us and because of his depression (and no medication in there). I kept calling in trying to find someone who would tell me how he was!!! Finally I resorted to begging one of the nurses there to tell my son that I love him. She told me she couldn't do that, but I later found out from my son that she did. Thank God he got that message. One of the first things he said to me when I finally got to see him was, "I can't believe you left me in here." I was trying to do what everyone else was telling me I should do, but it was so unlike me....so VERY, VERY HARD to do!!!!
I know I've made LOTS of mistakes in dealing with my son's addiction, but I can honestly say that I did my BEST! Dealing with addiction is unlike any other problem we have with our children! I'm definitely not good with the "tough love" stuff!
I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers!
God bless!
Susan
