Thought This Formun Was On My Side......

Heroin
1
I posted here being totally honest about what I'd done.. What is it with this forum do you have to be tally clean for anyone to take any interest in you?.. I'm trying, I've tried before, before that , before that and before that over and over again, and I'm going to keep on trying. Don't care what anyone else says, you all didn't kick it after the frist go..

Active Addiction: if you all added up your years in it, how far back in history would it take us, and what would have been the good parts of then???

So maybe ignore my posts, they're probably the ramblings of a Valium'd, Dalmane'd, Zimmofane'd mind, but we all have our way throuh things.. I will get through the other side though, that much I do know. It's the amount that I will have to leave behind that's slowing up the process.

Davey - so envious of you!! Wish I was at your stage in thinking.. The stinkin doesn't seem to come into it..
2
Lou........I have complete faith in ya cos ya want it...i just dont reply much cos i honestly dont know what to tell people to help them, if i did i would tell my 22 yr old son..........What i do know is that if ya want it, REALLY want it, its attainable.......I was also , like i have said b4 blessed with 60 days away to detox completely.........something i have never taken for granted and have never wanted to go through that hell again........I had tried many many times to detox myself cold turkey to no avail....tried to detox with methadone myself and also failed What i do do daily is pray and pray......not the answer for everyone i know, but it has kept me clean more than anything else for over 2 1/2 yrs ...........prayer and loads of gratitude for a second chance........
just dont give up...........
3
Bella, you are not alone. You are not going through this alone. There is a prayer that my boyf shares with me... Desire to be Live again. Take heed that you are alive and that you will Live again too.
4
I know how you feel. I, too, have been judged by some. My addiction is different, but what we all need to hear is encouragement, not critisism. I mean, everyone was here at some point, right? Just needing that extra nudge to get the ball rolling. Don't give up on yourself. I won't.
5
Speaking just for myself, I think I responded to 1 of your posts- - but that doesnt seem to be what you said here-
This forum , I would like to believe doesnt choose sides. I feel that the people on here treat each other pretty much all the same when another comes on in need- or is hurting.
We all need attention and feel like we,ve been "put off "when we dont hear something right away. Hang on , were here & we are ALL on the side of trying to change of lives- somehow.

much respect
jack
6
Hey Lou, sorry you feel like your not getting support and being heard here. I tend to only reply if i feel i have something useful to add a lot of times i don't know what to say but, I READ EVERY POST. We do all go thru the same stuff to get clean your totally right I don't know one person who got clean the 1st time they tried. I hope you decide to stick around.
7
Hi Lou,
When I first starting posting here, you made me feel welcome. I will not forget that. I never feel as if I fit in. I don't answer alot of posts because I'm so messed up that I'm afraid I'll make matters worse for that person. LOL. Besides, I relapse 3 or 4 times a year myself. I'm trying to do things different this time around and break the cycle. All we can do is try and try again!
8
I just feel so isolated at the moment. My BF is not giving me much support, I know in my heart that if I said let's go and score he'd be straight out the door. I've ended up paying for everything for the last seven years and I'm getting so sick of it. If I leave I leave so much behind - but then if I stay there'll be nothing left.

Maybe I was wrong in my first post - I suppose these first couple of days are the worst and it's all those emotions coming out of me.

Sorry if I upset anyone - that's not what my intention was.

Peach and goodwill to you all!
9
After I had been off Heroin for a year, my old man got out of prison. I couldn't wait to start our new life together. Well, he starting selling coke. Then we both started doing coke. Before you know it, we were both back on smack again too. I finally realized that we could not stay clean together. We've been split up for a year now, and everyday I have to make myself NOT run back to him. I don't think I'll live through another binge!!! Sometimes you have to lose what you love in order to love yourself again. Does that make sense. Sometimes I don't. LOL. Anyway, I'm glad you're not mad. I sometimes feel that no-one is listening and no-one cares but it helps me to just type my frustrations out of my head.LOL.
10
Thanks for that Shirley,

I've never been on my own since I was 13 years old I'm 37 now I think. I wouldn't know how to cope. I've isolated myself because of my addiction-all my non using friends have given up on me.

Also what about my BF if I did leave him. I dn't want to hurt him.

My head is melting here, I've so many thoughts going through it at the moment. Suppose the lack of sleep doesn't help. It's 3.30am here and there is nothing but s***e on the tv..

Help.
11
Lou,

You're looking too far ahead right now. Take it easy.

Don't get fooled into that trip. You know the other person says "let's score". That'll put ya back where ya were.

Hope you're better today, Lou. I echo no way could I judge anyone. Was in your place probably 50 times or more. If I could do it than you surely can. We're all here for ya. As Shirley said we never foregt a kindness. You know that. Hang on there, Lou.
12
Shirley
Come on - How can a DeadHead make matters worse
Iko Iko all day!!!
jack
13
Hi JackOfStreetSmartz:-),
I think the dead song that best sums me up is..."Women are Smarter" Ha!Ha!Ha! I'm going to be singing iko,iko all night now. LOL.
14
Hey!!,
I thought of another song that sums me up....."I Need A Miracle" EVERY DAY!!!