hello ladies,
you know what? its been awhile since i have said hello you to guys, how are things going for you?
how is winnie the pooh and is it teddy? and atlas i forgot your doggies name. cant forget to say (((((((((((((((HUGS AND SMOOCHES)))))) to you and all the animals in our lives who are so important.
God is soo good! i was in a funk a few weeks ago, satan trying to attack me as usual and then i reflect back and realize the works of the Lord in my life.
self esteem as always been a factor in my life that has stopped me from being the person i want to be,especially in this one salon where i work, this particular salon seems to focus on areas that i still am weak at as far a hair styling goes, it seems like i have ten thumbs when it comes to braids, updo's and foils, i just cant get it down because i need to practice it more, i excell in perms, styles and barbering, salons like great clips, bo-rics, hair cuttery and such were salons where i got to really focus on those strengths .
so this one salon that i am at when i walk in immediately i feel inferior to the girls that are there 40 hrs a week and their clientele are so much more than mine. i allowed myself to feel so inferior to these girls and i should have not done that to myself.
so that was bothering me as well as my lack of love that i crave from my parents.
so where does God put me? i close a door and he opens a window, (i have that saying hanging in my bathroom)
all of a sudden there were 3 opportunities for 3 nursing homes to be in need of a hair stylist, the first job i accepted didnt work out as they refused to pay me in an timely fashion.
i LOVE roller setting as well as funeral cosmetology too. both areas that i keep applying for, the funeral homes ask me on a emergency basis or as family requests but they do not offer any permanent positions yet.
so presently i started a third job all part time where i go in once or twice a week and style, perm and cut the residents hair.
i cannot even begin to tell you how this job brought me out of this funk i was in and has lifted my self esteem to the sky!
number one my nurturing needs are well met as i am one to want to "mother" alot of things whether it be animals, babies and in this case senior citizens, the seniors there love and appreciate that i am there, there are a few alzheimer patients who dont speak and i have been able to get a few mumbles and attempted tries to talk from them! i find that seniors are so adorable, they are like babies who are so totally dependant on us, some are spoon fed, diapers changed are put down for naps after lunch and bibs the whole nine yards!
i am bonding and i need to be aware that i cant get too close emmotionally.
when i finish a style the entire nursing home claps and praises me, i am telling you these ladies look like they are ready for a night out on the town as i take great effort into using quality products on them, i will tease their hair and style it, put some shine wax on their beautiful silver hair, and then the looks of love that come from their faces and the touch that they give me, omg! i feel so gratified and loved! now is that not the work of the Lord or what?? i 'm telling you everyone you have got to believe! its true! there is a loving Father looking over us every day, i see it in my life all the time!
one of the cna's there says girl.. you do such good work, you need to come to the other nursing home i work at cuz they need a hair stylist too! that girl they have now, she doesnt put out styles like you do, and what really saddens me is is i have gone to nursing homes in the past as family has requested and i have seen the nasty cheap products and the inferior work done on seniors like they dont matter in life. fried perms, bad cuts etc. theses ladies and men are getting paul mitchell, redken and rusk!
i am growing in my therapy and it feels good, i have learned how to not fuel the fire as far as my marital fights were before, to try and bite my tongue when my husband comes home drunk and tries to get my dander up. i no longer give it back to him and have learned to let it go. doesnt mean that i havent given up my quest for a better life though, i am under sooooo much stress with all the family problems that i have learned to calm down give it the the Lord and ask for His guidancel sometimes i wonder if God has put these job opportunities in my path, because the day i get my financial independnace back, i will DEFINATELY will leave this abusive marriage that i once wanted so bad.
i gave it all i could give and then some, i have been faithful to my husband for 26 years and tried to give him the white picket fence but today i am looking at it differently, its not that i wasn't a good wife because i was, and i am a wonderful mother, and its not that i am heavier than he would like me to be and its not that i didnt clean or cook or ignore him in the bedroom because i did all that, i did it too much because my co-dependancy deficiency caused me to people please, today i can say that its sad that my husband suffers from 2 diseases one the alcoholism and 2 the porn addiction that destroyed our marriage, i was willing to make it better, i went to counseling, i put myself in rehab twice, i stopped doing drugs with him so our marriage could be strengthened but like the prayer says i have to accept the things i cant change and my husband in his disease sees it as all my fault and he does not have a problem so therefore he doesnt need to get help. he believes that i am the sick one and that is why she goes to all those meetings and psychiatrists, and that used to bug the s*it out of me that he believes that, but not anymore, i have learned to let it go, to keep things simple to try and live one day at a time and i do say TRY because next week things may look differently to me but as for TODAY things dont look so bad. and i need to focus on today, JUST FOR TODAY! I am beginning to see where all those slogans in NA make sense,
as far as my future is concerned ,i always thought that i had to have a man in my life to make me happy, so not true! i have not been able to overcome my intimacy fears which stem from the molestation so i have given up on ever having a lover again, but could it ever be possible that i could have a relationship or friendship with the opposite sex with the understanding that i do not want this to lead to sex at all? who knows maybe after i am comfortable andf i ever learn how to trust that option could change, but no more jumping into the sack on the first, second or third date like i used to so that i could feel loved and wanted and of course that never happened either because i was a target that said USE ME! i have to learn how to not be used and dissrespected ever again, i made myself too available and bent over backwards to please, you think one would get good results from that but i didnt. so that is a behavior that definately has to change on my part and the part about making myself too available is gonna need ALOT of work, i may never achieve that in this lifetime, but oh well if i dont count your blessings julie, gratitude, gratitude. and the most important of all is that if i find the need to let a man into my life again because granted men have treated me father included like a door mat, i am definately going to seek a man who is spiritual, what it would be like to have a partner to pray and read scripture with, to both be involved in the church together, to love animals together. what a dream, what a dream.......i think i am gonna take a nap now, i have typed so much and have pounded the pavement so much lately,this old hen needs her beauty rest.
so anyway, i just wanted to let you guys know that i value your friendship and to say hello sorry it has been so long since we have posted to one another. jewels
Jewels...
Thank you for sharing...You are absolutely glowing in your recovery...your story of working with the elderly brought back some very fond memories for me as I was blessed to work in a skilled nursing home for over 6 years and I too enjoyed every moment with the residents...I still to this day miss that job but I am grateful that I had the opportunity to meet some really special people while I was there...
It's okay to get emotionally attached, just understand that sometimes they have less time than some of us do here and for me, I had to remember to stay in today and enjoy what they had to offer to the fullest...I lost quite a few residents in the 6 years but there were 3 of them that even though they are no longer here physically, they are with me spiritually and I am the blessed one by having them in my life...and it's been over 12 years since I left that job but I can remember it like yesterday....Love them like there is no tomorrow...One of my closest friends still works there and she's the beautician and always does the best she can to make each one feel special and beautiful....
Have a blessed day and a great weekend!!
xoxo
Stacey
Thank you for sharing...You are absolutely glowing in your recovery...your story of working with the elderly brought back some very fond memories for me as I was blessed to work in a skilled nursing home for over 6 years and I too enjoyed every moment with the residents...I still to this day miss that job but I am grateful that I had the opportunity to meet some really special people while I was there...
It's okay to get emotionally attached, just understand that sometimes they have less time than some of us do here and for me, I had to remember to stay in today and enjoy what they had to offer to the fullest...I lost quite a few residents in the 6 years but there were 3 of them that even though they are no longer here physically, they are with me spiritually and I am the blessed one by having them in my life...and it's been over 12 years since I left that job but I can remember it like yesterday....Love them like there is no tomorrow...One of my closest friends still works there and she's the beautician and always does the best she can to make each one feel special and beautiful....
Have a blessed day and a great weekend!!
xoxo
Stacey
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((((((((((((((((jewels)))))))))))))))))))))
thank you.
so so much for thinking of me.......
love you.
thumper
thank you.
so so much for thinking of me.......
love you.
thumper
Hey julie,
Thanks for thinking of me. I haven't really been posting lately, but I have been reading. I have been really busy and so tired lately. I haven't been getting enough good sleep. I think it is my bed. My husband and I are thinking of getting a new one because he hasn't been sleeping well either.
Well I hope things are good with you.
Thanks for thinking of me. I haven't really been posting lately, but I have been reading. I have been really busy and so tired lately. I haven't been getting enough good sleep. I think it is my bed. My husband and I are thinking of getting a new one because he hasn't been sleeping well either.
Well I hope things are good with you.
