Tilex Changed My Life (repost For Blondie)



Tilex Changed My Life
By: Vicki M., Daphne, AL
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When I walked through the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous, I had no idea my life was about to change. I knew that I felt unhappy and that I drank too much and too often and for the wrong reasons. But, "An alcoholic? Not me! no way!"

I heard something that first day, though. Those people -- those members of AA -- made me a promise.

They said, "If you come to meetings and just not drink, your life will get better." Even though I didn't grasp the significance of that simple suggestion, I did hear it, and it didn't scare me away. Despite myself, I decided to give it a whirl. I stopped drinking and started going to meetings.

Days without a drink turned into weeks without a drink. Weeks turned into months. And in what felt like the blink of an eye, I had a full year of continuous sobriety. Not only that, but also the promise had come true.

My life was better. I even saw a glimpse of internal peace.

It wasn't all fun and games, though. Throughout that year I had plenty of living problems. Whenever I felt desperate to solve those problems, I asked my sponsor and/or my AA friends for help. Invariably, they would say, "Work your steps." I would answer back, "What do the steps have to do with the things in my life that are making me feel crazy? I know now that I'm powerless over alcohol, but what does that have to do with my living problems??"

Then one day when I was nine months sober, I was cleaning my bathtub with Tilex, the bathroom mildew cleaner. It was the same product that I had used to clean my bathtub for eight years without ever having a problem. This time, though, it turned the whole tub orange, about the color of rust. I tried repeatedly to remove the stain, but it wouldn't budge. I scrubbed; I used Clorox; I did everything I could think of. Nothing helped. I had an orange bathtub.

Finally, out of desperation, I called the 1-800 number on the back of the Tilex bottle. The lady who answered told me that the tub must be old and porous. She said not to use Tilex on that tub again and that if I did, the same thing would happen. She suggested that I buy Clorox 2, pour it on, wait 15 minutes, and then wipe it off. I followed her instructions, and voila! the stain disappeared.

When it came time to clean my bathroom again, I picked up my Tilex, told myself that it wouldn't happen again, and went about cleaning my tub just as I had before. Well, as you might expect, the results were the same! an orange bathtub! I used the Clorox 2 remedy again, and it worked again.

The third time around, I decided to change my approach. This time, instead of saturating the entire tub with Tilex, I lightly sprayed it on a few selected spots. What do you think happened? Yes, you're right; those spots turned the same color orange as I had seen on the previous two occasions. Nothing had changed.

At this point, it sank in, and I got it. I really couldn't use Tilex on that bathtub. If I did, it would turn orange! Then I recalled the definition of insanity that I had heard many times in AA: "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and each time expecting different results."

Then another realization hit me, and it hit me pretty hard. I had been doing the same thing with my oldest son that I was doing with the Tilex. I had been protecting and rescuing him by paying his bills, covering for him, bailing him out of trouble, etc., over and over and over again, each time expecting different results, expecting him to change his behavior.

My newly discovered insights, though certainly not earth-shattering to a normal person, made a huge impact on me. Tilex will not work on my tub just because I keep trying to make it so. My son will not change his behavior just because I keep trying the same methods to make him see the light. I left the orange in my tub for two full weeks to remind me of my insanity. Then I cleaned it with Clorox 2 and never used Tilex again.

Now, please bear with me while I digress for a moment. During this same period of my life, I was dating a man who did not love me the way I wanted him to. To punish him for that, I ended the relationship. Then to see if he had learned his lesson, I took him back. When I saw that he still didn't love me the way I wanted him to, I ended the relationship. Then to see if he had changed, I took him back. When I saw that he still didn't love me the way I wanted. Well, you get the picture.

Then Man #2 came into my life, and as soon as he did, Man #1 (who had cycled back into my life for the umpteenth time) suddenly loved me to death. And even though a part of me relished the tussle between Man #1 and Man #2 to win my heart, another part of me felt bewildered. I liked #2 a lot, but I felt tremendously bound to #1 through the history of our struggle to create and maintain a relationship.

I let the confusion build and build until one night it came crashing down on me. I didn't know what to do. I felt desperate and feared for my sobriety and my sanity. I called everyone that I knew in AA, but I didn't find anyone at home. So I started dialing the numbers of AA members whom I didn't even know.

Finally, I found another alcoholic to talk to. After I blurted out my story, she asked me that same question that AA's always seem to ask at just the right moment: "Have you worked this through your steps?"

Now completely at my wit's end, I yelled into the phone, "What in the world do these men have to do with alcohol? These men are my problem -- not alcohol!" Very calmly, she replied, "Dear, you are powerless over these men, and your life is unmanageable. That is Step 1. Now go work Steps 2 and 3, and then take the action in 4 through 9. Then you will have your solution."

I was not convinced, but because I felt desperate, I was willing. I walked into my quiet bedroom, sat on my bed, looked out my bedroom window, and said to myself, "Okay? Step 2 promised me a return to sanity, and Step 3 encouraged me to turn my will and life over to God." Once I got that far, I decided that what I needed to do was ask God to give me the answer to the question that was making me feel insane. So I prayed, "God, what do you want me to do? Which man do I choose?"

I waited, and I waited. And I waited some more. And then I heard it, loud and clear: "TILEX."

Feeling confused and impatient, I sprang to the window and yelled at God, "What does Tilex have to do with these men?" And then suddenly it hit me, and I knew. Just as I had with the Tilex on my bathtub and my rescuing behavior with my son, I had been doing the same thing over and over again, each time expecting different results, with Man #1. I realized that my pattern of starting and stopping and starting and stopping the relationship with Man #1 represented my insanity. And I had to let him go.

Months later, as my new relationship with Man #2 began to bloom, I felt that God had, indeed, restored me to sanity, at least in this small aspect of my life. And I felt tremendously grateful. I finally understood what it meant to work the Steps in all my affairs. More importantly, I learned to listen to God, whom I have come to believe is "deep within."

Well, I kept practicing what I had learned, and my life kept getting better. Then one day the thought popped into my head that I wanted an official Tilex bottle label to remind me of how God had worked in my life. I picked up the phone and called the company's 1-800 number. I asked the woman who answered the phone if they would please mail me a new Tilex label. The woman, who identified herself as Maryanne, asked me if it was for a school project. I told her "No" and explained that it was a long story. She asked me to tell her about it, so I did. I told her the whole story.

She listened patiently while I told her about the orange tub, the Clorox 2, my son, my relationships with the two men, and my insight into my insanity. I shared with her about my recovery and how I had learned to work through this particular problem, as well as subsequent ones, with the Steps.

When I finally finished my story, she said something that brought chill bumps to my skin and tears to my eyes. She said, "Vicki, my name is Maryanne, and I'm an alcoholic. I have been asking God for help all morning, and I'll be darned if he didn't bring me another alcoholic." It was at that moment that I knew there were no mistakes in God's world.

As she promised she would, Maryanne sent me several different labels. I immediately framed my favorite one and hung it in a special place in my home. Today, whenever the framed label catches my eye, I recall what I learned through my Tilex experience, and I think of God, and Maryanne, and I smile.

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personal note -- Blondie, I'm glad you are doing well. Thanks for your very kind words on the other post. I am humbled. And for you, I am grateful and thankful.

Bob B.


Bob,
Thanks for this post. It was truly interesting as well as inspiring. I copied it to send to several of my friends that are dealing with difficult situations in their lives because of alcholism. You continue to lift me up and be a blessing in my live.
God Bless you,
Judy
Bob B.,
Thank you so much for reposting that. I am sure some of the people that just joined will think it is as inspiring as I did. May God continue to bless you.

Zelina