Most of you will have no idea what I'm talking about but for the ones that do, I would like to apologize for my part in what was said tonight.
I got caught up and really do know better. I'm not feeling really good about myself right now and am not sure why I felt it necessary to defend myself to those that don't know me or even care. I'm secure in my recovery program and will limit my posts to those looking for information about recovery that I think I can help. It's not helpful to react to someone who is baiting me.
The board is toxic enough without me adding my two cents.
I'm really sorry about this.
Respectfully
Cowgirl
Cowgirl:
I know I have had the same feelings before. It is a very stand up thing to do to admit when you have done something that doesn't feel good. We do better when we know better and that truly shows in your post.
Rachel
Thanks for talking me through this tonight Rachel. I really wish you would consider sponsoring someone. You have that unique insight and passion that would help someone with recovery in a very special way. When I was so upset earlier, you talked me down and made me understand what was important and what wasn't. What is toxic and what is worth it.
And you're right. It wasn't worth it.
xxx
And you're right. It wasn't worth it.
xxx
Cowgirl,
Nicely said. I too come here to read and if my helping myself by posting in some way helps someone else then thats great. I never think I'm that good to beable to say I think I can help someone..That would be a "God Complex".
Remember we're here for ourselves, giving back what we've been given helps us,
IF it helps someone else thats a bonus. Nothing I say or in this case post is original, it's all been said to me first, thats how it works. Give yourself a pat on the back Lisa, if you go to bed tonight clean/sober then today your a winner.
Take care.........Bob
Nicely said. I too come here to read and if my helping myself by posting in some way helps someone else then thats great. I never think I'm that good to beable to say I think I can help someone..That would be a "God Complex".
Remember we're here for ourselves, giving back what we've been given helps us,
IF it helps someone else thats a bonus. Nothing I say or in this case post is original, it's all been said to me first, thats how it works. Give yourself a pat on the back Lisa, if you go to bed tonight clean/sober then today your a winner.
Take care.........Bob
And you're right Bob, everything I post here has been said to me by someone else in the program. I do have some original thoughts though...
None of us are perfect. Me especially. If I was, I wouldn't be an addict, now would I?
None of us are perfect. Me especially. If I was, I wouldn't be an addict, now would I?
Sugar Britches
Just like you,,,,its all good. I said this in the thread that went poof,,,,but I think you're one of the most caring, compassionate people here. You post to so many new people with that same caring, loving attitude. I also love your honesty, In fact I wish there was more of that here. You were there for me that night in February and if it wasn't for you, I'd probably be in a bad way right now.
Take care and have a great weekend.
Love ya
Frank
Thanks Frank...but just know that I let it get out of hand this time and it wasn't fair to the board as a whole.
I made a huge mistake by turning on my computer tonight.
Love you too
I made a huge mistake by turning on my computer tonight.
Love you too
Lisa,
Although I no longer post on the Friends/Partners board, I popped on tonight to see how everyone was doing. I guess, as usual, my timing was bad. I read the threads that were removed off this board, and just wanted you to know that from the other side of addiction, all I can say is thank you. Its because of you, that I have come to have so much compassion for the struggle addicts go thru. I have been working the Al-Anon program for over 6 years now. And, I can honestly say that the program saved my life. When I landed on the doorstep of Al-Anon, I was a defeated woman, on the verge of suicide, and much sicker than my addict. But, even after doing 90 in 90, I still thought I could do things my way, and once again got sucked right back into the chaos of addiction. My big stumbling block, was the higher power part of the program. I couldnt bring myself to believe that there was a higher power that would ever hear me, with all my faults and character defects.
After getting sucked back in, those stupid slogans kept popping back in my head, and I ceased to continue the dance of dysfunction with my addict. It ended badly, and I held onto a lot of hurt, anger, and resentment for years. So, I returned to the program, embraced it, and I can honestly say it changed my life. And you know what, my higher power, whom I choose to call God, does hear me. I hardly ever get what I want, but I always get exactly what I need.
I came to this board almost a year ago, lurked for a long time, to be honest, I was scared to join a board that had both addicts and codependents posting together. I was still holding resentments. And than I started posting, finally registered, and would lurk over here, because it was such an active board. I knew nothing about addiction when I fell in love with a crack addict, which was an absolutely horrible experience. But, along the way, I started to let go of the resentments, because of the people on this board, you in particular.
We have similar ways of posting, wanting to talk recovery, wanting to help, to reach out, and to share a program that has saved our lives. Sometimes others dont want to hear our messages, or dont agree with our direct approaches. I too was told that I was offending people and scaring the newcomers away. But, tonight I see that they have started a thread to me, some wanting me to return. As much as I appreciate the sentiments, I really feel I have nothing to add and that the time has come to move on to another board, which I have.
Sorry for rambling, but I wanted you to know- that I get you. I understand the message you are trying to get across. I will always be thankful for what you have brought to this board and especially for what you have personally taught me. I also wanted to publicly support you and whatever you choose to do.
Love,
cynical one
Although I no longer post on the Friends/Partners board, I popped on tonight to see how everyone was doing. I guess, as usual, my timing was bad. I read the threads that were removed off this board, and just wanted you to know that from the other side of addiction, all I can say is thank you. Its because of you, that I have come to have so much compassion for the struggle addicts go thru. I have been working the Al-Anon program for over 6 years now. And, I can honestly say that the program saved my life. When I landed on the doorstep of Al-Anon, I was a defeated woman, on the verge of suicide, and much sicker than my addict. But, even after doing 90 in 90, I still thought I could do things my way, and once again got sucked right back into the chaos of addiction. My big stumbling block, was the higher power part of the program. I couldnt bring myself to believe that there was a higher power that would ever hear me, with all my faults and character defects.
After getting sucked back in, those stupid slogans kept popping back in my head, and I ceased to continue the dance of dysfunction with my addict. It ended badly, and I held onto a lot of hurt, anger, and resentment for years. So, I returned to the program, embraced it, and I can honestly say it changed my life. And you know what, my higher power, whom I choose to call God, does hear me. I hardly ever get what I want, but I always get exactly what I need.
I came to this board almost a year ago, lurked for a long time, to be honest, I was scared to join a board that had both addicts and codependents posting together. I was still holding resentments. And than I started posting, finally registered, and would lurk over here, because it was such an active board. I knew nothing about addiction when I fell in love with a crack addict, which was an absolutely horrible experience. But, along the way, I started to let go of the resentments, because of the people on this board, you in particular.
We have similar ways of posting, wanting to talk recovery, wanting to help, to reach out, and to share a program that has saved our lives. Sometimes others dont want to hear our messages, or dont agree with our direct approaches. I too was told that I was offending people and scaring the newcomers away. But, tonight I see that they have started a thread to me, some wanting me to return. As much as I appreciate the sentiments, I really feel I have nothing to add and that the time has come to move on to another board, which I have.
Sorry for rambling, but I wanted you to know- that I get you. I understand the message you are trying to get across. I will always be thankful for what you have brought to this board and especially for what you have personally taught me. I also wanted to publicly support you and whatever you choose to do.
Love,
cynical one
I consider myself lucky not to have viewed the origin of all of tonights disharmony. I would like to say that unless I am mistaken we are taught to "promptly admit when we were wrong" seems to me that is exactly what Cowgirl has done and for that she should be commended.
I thinks it shows courage and a desire for recovery to step up and admit when your wrong.
Congratulations Cowgirl on this step in your growth.
God bless.
I thinks it shows courage and a desire for recovery to step up and admit when your wrong.
Congratulations Cowgirl on this step in your growth.
God bless.
in the spirit of the thanksgiving holiday there is something about the mental act of thanksgiving that seems to carry the human mind far beyond the region of doubt into the clear atmosphere of faith and trust, where all things are possible. even if at first you are not conscious of having received anything from God, do not worry or cease from your thanksgiving.
i give thanks to God for His blessings that He has sent through your heart, lisa, to mine.
namaste'
sammy
i give thanks to God for His blessings that He has sent through your heart, lisa, to mine.
namaste'
sammy
Lisa,
I agree with the things you said in your post. Things got way out of hand tonight and I am as responsible as anyone else for my part in it.
This is the 2nd apology that I owe you and the rest of the board this week. So I had to ask myself why.
I know for me its time to re-evaluate the reasons why I come to this board. If I am not helping anyone but adding to the problem, then its time for me to take a step back and that is what I plan on doing.
I went to bed and was so troubled by what occurred on this board tonight between me and another poster, that I could not sleep. My words and actions were simply wrong and so deplorable. No matter what this person said to me or the names he called me, nothing should have made me react like that. All I had to do was turn the computer off. And yet I went into a defensive mode and he ended up in bringing me down to his level. That is not the person I am now, nor do I want to ever to be again.
The biggest problem going on with me right now is grieving. Until I go through this grieving process and heal myself then I am no good to anyone else. How can I help someone when I can't even help myself. One thing that this man did get right tonight was that I'm angry. Darn right I'm angry, but its not at anyone on this board. I'm angry that cancer took another one of my family members. I know that this is a normal part of the grieving process but nothing feels normal to me right now. And I need to quit making excuses for my actions this evening. Bottom line is: I reacted in the wrong manner......that's as simple as it gets.
So like you, taking a step back from this forum is in order. I apologize to anyone that I may have hurt or affected with my words. Words are dangerous when used as weapons. That's something everyone should consider before they post, not just me.
Love,
Sharon
I agree with the things you said in your post. Things got way out of hand tonight and I am as responsible as anyone else for my part in it.
This is the 2nd apology that I owe you and the rest of the board this week. So I had to ask myself why.
I know for me its time to re-evaluate the reasons why I come to this board. If I am not helping anyone but adding to the problem, then its time for me to take a step back and that is what I plan on doing.
I went to bed and was so troubled by what occurred on this board tonight between me and another poster, that I could not sleep. My words and actions were simply wrong and so deplorable. No matter what this person said to me or the names he called me, nothing should have made me react like that. All I had to do was turn the computer off. And yet I went into a defensive mode and he ended up in bringing me down to his level. That is not the person I am now, nor do I want to ever to be again.
The biggest problem going on with me right now is grieving. Until I go through this grieving process and heal myself then I am no good to anyone else. How can I help someone when I can't even help myself. One thing that this man did get right tonight was that I'm angry. Darn right I'm angry, but its not at anyone on this board. I'm angry that cancer took another one of my family members. I know that this is a normal part of the grieving process but nothing feels normal to me right now. And I need to quit making excuses for my actions this evening. Bottom line is: I reacted in the wrong manner......that's as simple as it gets.
So like you, taking a step back from this forum is in order. I apologize to anyone that I may have hurt or affected with my words. Words are dangerous when used as weapons. That's something everyone should consider before they post, not just me.
Love,
Sharon
Sharon (((((((hugs))))))))) jaxxxxxxxx
Thanks Jackie.
I really needed one of those right now. You always have faith in me, even when I don't deserve it.
Love you,
Sharon
I really needed one of those right now. You always have faith in me, even when I don't deserve it.
Love you,
Sharon
Sharon,
You said:
". No matter what this person said to me or the names he called me, nothing should have made me react like that. All I had to do was turn the computer off. And yet I went into a defensive mode and he ended up in bringing me down to his level. That is not the person I am now, nor do I want to ever to be again."
I feel that way also, although, for me it emcompassed a couple of more people.
Being an addict, whether you have 30 days or 30 years, those behaviors are right at the surface. Our emotional maturity has really been stunted so it's like growing up all over again. If you're still using, you stopped growing. I'm still growing up. I have a lot to learn about feelings and emotions. I don't always do it the right way.
Cowgirl
You said:
". No matter what this person said to me or the names he called me, nothing should have made me react like that. All I had to do was turn the computer off. And yet I went into a defensive mode and he ended up in bringing me down to his level. That is not the person I am now, nor do I want to ever to be again."
I feel that way also, although, for me it emcompassed a couple of more people.
Being an addict, whether you have 30 days or 30 years, those behaviors are right at the surface. Our emotional maturity has really been stunted so it's like growing up all over again. If you're still using, you stopped growing. I'm still growing up. I have a lot to learn about feelings and emotions. I don't always do it the right way.
Cowgirl
Lisa no matter if we are an addict or not we all do and say things we regret, ive had my share of regretfull stuff but i learnt from it and what i learnt was this that no matter how angry i feel, inflicting it on others is not my way forward all it did was eat me away inside untill i felt sick to the stomach and then when i tried to apoligise it was way too late. Sometimes we cant help our personalitys but we can adapt them, although ive said it enough times on here i am not a true believer but i do turn the other cheek it sure helps me through and i sleep at night too safe in the knowledge that i have done my very best to be the best person i can. We cannot be responisble for the actions of others but we can be responsible for ourselves. Im not saying hey just suck it up hun lol but dont bite its not worth catching rabbies lol take care and know i care about you jaxxxxxxxxxx
No sucking it up here. I admitted I was wrong and hit it head on.
Sometimes apologies do come too late. They also aren't always accepted. But it they are given with sincerity, it's the best you can do. And then try to always be better the next time around.
Like I said, I don't feel too good about myself over what was said last night. All I can do is make sure that I don't make the same mistake and try to remember those lessons taught to me about growth and strength. I'm human. I make mistakes. Simple.
Thanks Jackie.
Sometimes apologies do come too late. They also aren't always accepted. But it they are given with sincerity, it's the best you can do. And then try to always be better the next time around.
Like I said, I don't feel too good about myself over what was said last night. All I can do is make sure that I don't make the same mistake and try to remember those lessons taught to me about growth and strength. I'm human. I make mistakes. Simple.
Thanks Jackie.
Dont be so hard on yourself lisa ((hugs)) jaxxxxx
Why not Jackie? What if it helps keep me in check and make sure that I don't keep repeating the same mistakes? I need to be hard on myself, I can beat myself up better than any of you ever thought of doing. I'm a pro at that.
I see now where someone is wanting to email copies of the two horrible threads to all that didn't see it and what amazes me are the ones that want to see them. You all talk about letting go and moving on....and I'm the hypocrite?
geesh.
I see now where someone is wanting to email copies of the two horrible threads to all that didn't see it and what amazes me are the ones that want to see them. You all talk about letting go and moving on....and I'm the hypocrite?
geesh.
Im sure nobody would be that interested (myself included) in knowing what was said if it hadnt made such a big production. Little bits and pieces are thrown out and the attention and chaos it has created is unbelievable. addicts do love excitement and drama no matter how sick it may be. Im sorry i said, read, wrote, or put any part into it. I hope whoever is involved will get past it and love, learn and live. what else is there
(((Hello Cowgirl))),
I just wanted to say "hello". You have been very supportive to many people. We all make mistakes or say things we regret. I am not here to judge anyone or anything. I always stay away from controversy, that's why my counselor has asked me to go to Alanon lololol. I just wanted to say "Hello", and I hope you have a GREAT DAY!!!! Take care, Best Wishes
I just wanted to say "hello". You have been very supportive to many people. We all make mistakes or say things we regret. I am not here to judge anyone or anything. I always stay away from controversy, that's why my counselor has asked me to go to Alanon lololol. I just wanted to say "Hello", and I hope you have a GREAT DAY!!!! Take care, Best Wishes
