Hi all,
for those of you who havent read any of my post's yet, i am 196 days clean from meth and 1 monthe clean from weed. I still dont know how i made it through the holidays without using but somehow i managed not to, so i was excited about that, WOO GO ME!! LOL. But today i was woken by my boyfriend telling me that there was a police car and a coroners car outside my apt in the street ( i live in a small neighborhood where everyone knows everyone and we all concider eachother family) so i came into the living room and looked out the window with my boyfriend to see what had happened and what was going on and i looked out just as they braught a body accross my lawn and then the phone rang, it was a neighbor calling to tell me that it was one of our closest friends.he had been found dead in his bed this morning and it has affected me so dearly. in fact i think i am still in shock, i have been thinking about him all day and remembering all the good times we all had. He was also a neighborhood friend as well and loved to bbq so we all had a huge bbq tonight for him and just remembered him. It was hard on me when they bnraught his body out of the apt he was in cuz it reminded me of when my dad passed away at home and seeing them take him away like that and it made it harder on me. He has two great daughters that were his whole life and he did anything for, one graduates this year from high school and the other is a few years younger, i feel so bad for these 2 girls i just want to hug them and tell them that i understand what they are going threw cuz i lost my dad too, but they barely know me so it would probly be kinda occward for them.
anyways ill stop rambling now, just wanted to share my story because today was a hard day not to use or get stoned as i so badly wanted to smoke a fatty for him today and i didnt so i think i have a good start on not smokin any more. here is my email for anyone who would like to hit me up there i check it more frequently than the board:jahnmber@comcast.net
thanks for listening ( or reading rather) my story.
STAY STRONG AND BELIEVE IN URSELF, YOU CAN DO IT!!!!
Friends may be gone but are NEVER forgotten, memories last a lifetime
I am so sorry for this tragic loss in your life. I hope you can find a way to honor your friends memory. Lighting a candle can be very soothing. Light one for your friend, light one for yourself.
Of course being in shock is normal just as crying and anger is also normal in these circumstances.
When you are able, make a list of things that make you smile. Know that the person who passed would want you to be happy. Understand that grief is awesome and a bigger power than you. You will cry and be depressed when you least expect it. It is okay.
Remember that everyone grieves differently, and some not at all. Each of us is unique. Forgive yourself for being upset or angry. The most important thing is to feel. It is okay if someone else doesn't understand your hurt. You are not alone. Surround yourself with others who have gone through the process of grief.
Don't go numb with dope. Hold on. Hang on. Then onward with your journey
You're not alone. And you've come so far with sobriety, be proud.
Of course being in shock is normal just as crying and anger is also normal in these circumstances.
When you are able, make a list of things that make you smile. Know that the person who passed would want you to be happy. Understand that grief is awesome and a bigger power than you. You will cry and be depressed when you least expect it. It is okay.
Remember that everyone grieves differently, and some not at all. Each of us is unique. Forgive yourself for being upset or angry. The most important thing is to feel. It is okay if someone else doesn't understand your hurt. You are not alone. Surround yourself with others who have gone through the process of grief.
Don't go numb with dope. Hold on. Hang on. Then onward with your journey
You're not alone. And you've come so far with sobriety, be proud.
WW,
Thanks for the reply and the information. I am still hanging in there and NOT using. I am still in shock and keep thinking " i just saw him yesterday and we talked for a few mins" and "how can he be gone? he cant be, this cant be real".I dont even know what to think alls i keep thinking about are things about him and when i close my eyes i keep seeing them wheel him accross my lawn. I dunno what to do about that. Last night me and my boyfriend were talking about him and even took a walk in the rain and that seemed to help us both. This is taking more of a tole on my boyfriend than it is me because they knew eachother longer. So while i am greeving i am also helping my boyfriend and our friends daughter's threw thier grief. anyways i will stop rambling now.thanks for your reply.
thanx for listening to me(reading me) once again,
Thanks for the reply and the information. I am still hanging in there and NOT using. I am still in shock and keep thinking " i just saw him yesterday and we talked for a few mins" and "how can he be gone? he cant be, this cant be real".I dont even know what to think alls i keep thinking about are things about him and when i close my eyes i keep seeing them wheel him accross my lawn. I dunno what to do about that. Last night me and my boyfriend were talking about him and even took a walk in the rain and that seemed to help us both. This is taking more of a tole on my boyfriend than it is me because they knew eachother longer. So while i am greeving i am also helping my boyfriend and our friends daughter's threw thier grief. anyways i will stop rambling now.thanks for your reply.
thanx for listening to me(reading me) once again,
That's life. Its hard stuff.
You do everything you can to get your own head straight and the the gods throw a curve ball like that at you. Well its obvious your a very strong person so I am sure this will have minimal effect on your own personal recovery from substance abuse. Its just another reminder that life is hard. The death of a close friend or family member is a hardship I can thank god I have yet to truely experience. When it does happen though I will try to remind myself that death is just part of life. There is no escaping it, we've all been or will be there.
Remember though, this man cared about you. He would NOT want you to "smoke a fatty" in his memory, as long as you are trying to clean yourself up. Light a candle for him and do everything you can to go another 196 straight days, for yourself, and for him.
You and your departed friend and family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Good luck and god bless
Mr.B
You do everything you can to get your own head straight and the the gods throw a curve ball like that at you. Well its obvious your a very strong person so I am sure this will have minimal effect on your own personal recovery from substance abuse. Its just another reminder that life is hard. The death of a close friend or family member is a hardship I can thank god I have yet to truely experience. When it does happen though I will try to remind myself that death is just part of life. There is no escaping it, we've all been or will be there.
Remember though, this man cared about you. He would NOT want you to "smoke a fatty" in his memory, as long as you are trying to clean yourself up. Light a candle for him and do everything you can to go another 196 straight days, for yourself, and for him.
You and your departed friend and family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Good luck and god bless
Mr.B
Amber,
This post affects in a huge way. I lost a dear friend too & though it was over 10 yrs ago the pain is still as fresh as the day after it happened. I can't really write much through my tears but I do want you to know we are thinking of you all & keeping you in my prayers. I would like to know what his name was so I can focus better & maybe light a candle for him. I am going to bump up my thread for my own dearly departed friend. Wishing you some peace in this situation!
aea
This post affects in a huge way. I lost a dear friend too & though it was over 10 yrs ago the pain is still as fresh as the day after it happened. I can't really write much through my tears but I do want you to know we are thinking of you all & keeping you in my prayers. I would like to know what his name was so I can focus better & maybe light a candle for him. I am going to bump up my thread for my own dearly departed friend. Wishing you some peace in this situation!
aea
Amber,
You might want to go here & light a candle for your friend. I know it helps me to feel better so I thought I would share.
http://designerlady.com/LiteaCandle/Page05.html
Love,
aea
You might want to go here & light a candle for your friend. I know it helps me to feel better so I thought I would share.
http://designerlady.com/LiteaCandle/Page05.html
Love,
aea
The gods are always throwing curve balls at us, it's just that when we were stoned we didn't notice/care as much.
HEY ALL,
SORRY I HAVENT HAD MUCH TIME TO CHECK THE BOARDS IN A LONG WHILE. I JUST NOW SEEN YOUR MESSAGES FROM JAN 8 WHEN I WROTE ABOUT MY FRIEND. THANK YOU ALL FOR CARING SO MUCH AND FOR REPSONDING TO MY POST. I DIDNT USE AND AM STILL CLEAN ON BOTH OF MY DRUGS (WOO HOO GO ME!!! LOL). NOW I AM STRESSING CUZ I HAVE TO FIND A PLACE AND MOVE ASAP AND WITH VERY MINIMAL MONEY, BUT HEY I CAN DO IT (PRAYING). ALTHOUGH THE LOSE OF MY FRIEND HIT ME HARD I KNOW HE IS STILL WITH US ALL IN A SMALL WAY AND ALWAYS WILL BE. HIS DAUGHTERS PLANNED HIS FUNERAL AND IT WAS PRETTY AWESOME FOR A FUNERAL, I AM SURE HE WOULD HAVE BEEN PROUD. HE WAS CREMATED AND THEY SPEAD HIM OVER THE OCEAN WHERE HE LOVED TO FISH AND ALSO HIS 2 DAUGHTERS GOT A SMALL VIAL OF HIM ON NECLACES. SO HE IS VERY REMEMBERED BY EVERYONE AND STILL LOVED.WE ALL HAVE HAD SOME BBQ'S AND STUFF AND HAVE TALKED ABOUT HIM ALOT. HELPS TO KEEP HIS SPIRIT ALIVE AND HIM WITH US.ANYHOW JUST WANTED TO THANK YOU ALL FOR CARING SO MUCH AND FOR SENDING ME UR LOVE....
STAY STRONG U CAN DO IT....
SORRY I HAVENT HAD MUCH TIME TO CHECK THE BOARDS IN A LONG WHILE. I JUST NOW SEEN YOUR MESSAGES FROM JAN 8 WHEN I WROTE ABOUT MY FRIEND. THANK YOU ALL FOR CARING SO MUCH AND FOR REPSONDING TO MY POST. I DIDNT USE AND AM STILL CLEAN ON BOTH OF MY DRUGS (WOO HOO GO ME!!! LOL). NOW I AM STRESSING CUZ I HAVE TO FIND A PLACE AND MOVE ASAP AND WITH VERY MINIMAL MONEY, BUT HEY I CAN DO IT (PRAYING). ALTHOUGH THE LOSE OF MY FRIEND HIT ME HARD I KNOW HE IS STILL WITH US ALL IN A SMALL WAY AND ALWAYS WILL BE. HIS DAUGHTERS PLANNED HIS FUNERAL AND IT WAS PRETTY AWESOME FOR A FUNERAL, I AM SURE HE WOULD HAVE BEEN PROUD. HE WAS CREMATED AND THEY SPEAD HIM OVER THE OCEAN WHERE HE LOVED TO FISH AND ALSO HIS 2 DAUGHTERS GOT A SMALL VIAL OF HIM ON NECLACES. SO HE IS VERY REMEMBERED BY EVERYONE AND STILL LOVED.WE ALL HAVE HAD SOME BBQ'S AND STUFF AND HAVE TALKED ABOUT HIM ALOT. HELPS TO KEEP HIS SPIRIT ALIVE AND HIM WITH US.ANYHOW JUST WANTED TO THANK YOU ALL FOR CARING SO MUCH AND FOR SENDING ME UR LOVE....
STAY STRONG U CAN DO IT....
Good to hear from you!
Congratulations on the clean time!
Congratulations on the clean time!
thanks hun
