Excuse me, I dont mean to make this seem like I come here for love advice, but Im here hoping to hear something positive. I recently started seeing someone who is now about 7 months into recovery. This is his first time in recovery. He opted to make a change in his life because he did not like the path that he was on of partying way too hard, heavy drinking and narcotic use.
He moved 60 miles away to get away from toxic friends and temptation of the party life. He moved into a sober home, attends meetings 3 times a week and is trying to live a healthy life.
When we met, he was 4 months into recovery and his sponsor recommended him to not start dating until one year sober. It was hard to stop seeing each other so we continued dating, but are taking things slow. Its been a wonderful three months together. We see each other about once or twice a week. He has taken me out on a couple of romantic getaways already and planning on another one. He looks as if he is handling this all well and looks strong.
My friends and family are concerned of my involvement with him, but I see he is a wonderful, thoughtful man. Is it possible that this may be too good to be true scenario or is it possible there is nothing here to worry about? Thoughts and advice, please.
People do change. I think you can guard yourself a little until you really know what's going on. Being the sister of an active addict I see what it does to people and I wouldn't associate with addicts - I really don't even associate with my brother because to me its too much of a liability at this point. With that said if he was clean and trying I would do my best to try too.
I think you can educate yourself on things to watch for. Making sure that if anything starts going in the direction of using that you detach and fast. You don't want to be a part of that lifestyle and start going down that road b/c it can be a long one.
I remember reading something about Dax Shepard (Kristen Bell's husband) And how he was an addict before they married. She talked about how she knows it could change in an instant if he were to use again, but she loves him and he is serious about staying clean. She chose to love him despite his past.
So if you want to build this relationship I say you can/should, but you should be cautious.
Good luck and I hope everything works out!
I think you can educate yourself on things to watch for. Making sure that if anything starts going in the direction of using that you detach and fast. You don't want to be a part of that lifestyle and start going down that road b/c it can be a long one.
I remember reading something about Dax Shepard (Kristen Bell's husband) And how he was an addict before they married. She talked about how she knows it could change in an instant if he were to use again, but she loves him and he is serious about staying clean. She chose to love him despite his past.
So if you want to build this relationship I say you can/should, but you should be cautious.
Good luck and I hope everything works out!
Hi Irmlou, I would tread carefully here. The message board on here is full of woman writing about their partners going back to drugs after years of living with them. Its very sad and you should read some of their posts as it will help you see what your up against. I wouldnt get seriously involved with him if it was me. But in the end its your choice. Good luck. Mary.
Hi,
Everything you mention points to him seriously want to recover. That is a great sign.
The only issue I see indicating you should be careful is the time he has sober. Ideally, I would say be friends, get to know each other and take it slow while he in this first year. For him, as well as you. However, I know how the heart is!
Still, I guess my advice would still be to go slow and really get to know each other as friends while he works through this first year or two.
Everything you mention points to him seriously want to recover. That is a great sign.
The only issue I see indicating you should be careful is the time he has sober. Ideally, I would say be friends, get to know each other and take it slow while he in this first year. For him, as well as you. However, I know how the heart is!
Still, I guess my advice would still be to go slow and really get to know each other as friends while he works through this first year or two.
Read the post on this board, "Our Cocaine Use has Come to a Head" by Shelovesyayeahyeahyeah
I would say the first red flag is No Money. If he has no money and nothing to show for it, it is going to the streets.
my son uses an assortment of pills from dr's and the street. he works full time, never has money for bills, or regular things a person should buy.
On the other hand, there are some who can be in the drug life for a short time and get out of it. A relative of mine is an example. the difference is that my cousin's life never fell apart. she did cocaine with friends for a year or two. when she knew she could not continue and keep up her job etc, she quit the cocaine. and has never gone back. that was 15 years ago.
take a look at his background.
I would say the first red flag is No Money. If he has no money and nothing to show for it, it is going to the streets.
my son uses an assortment of pills from dr's and the street. he works full time, never has money for bills, or regular things a person should buy.
On the other hand, there are some who can be in the drug life for a short time and get out of it. A relative of mine is an example. the difference is that my cousin's life never fell apart. she did cocaine with friends for a year or two. when she knew she could not continue and keep up her job etc, she quit the cocaine. and has never gone back. that was 15 years ago.
take a look at his background.
