I think it was Cowgirl who mentioned triggers and it got me to thinking about my very own triggers. A good day. A bad day. A dentist appointment. Time of the month. A dr.'s appointment. A cough (the good cough syrup). Syringes in Dr.'s offices. Pharmacies. Going downtown. Watching a drug movie. A rainy Saturday. A hospital. A friend or family member who has a surgery. A surgery I may very well need one day. Just a few of my triggers.
Peace,
Rachel
Life, work, messy surroundings (that is a huge one), pharmacies, tantrums, not feeling good enough, drs offices, my old car, are a few.
Messy surrondings I must say are the hardest. And since I live with 2 little gremlins, I get triggered alot.
I am learning how to deal, but somedays it is so hard.
kerry
Messy surrondings I must say are the hardest. And since I live with 2 little gremlins, I get triggered alot.
I am learning how to deal, but somedays it is so hard.
kerry
Any doctor or hospital visit......other people's medicine cabinets......when something good happens that rewards my ego (work success, etc.), or, as a friend of mine likes to say, when I get to feeling too "fabulous."
this is a good topic..
I was just thinking... I must offer a ray of hope... It does get better... I promise... Not all your triggers will go away but.... if you continue to work a PROGRAM you will soon not be so obsessed about drugs...
let me explain what I mean.... many might have heard the term 'dry drunk' ... that is when an alcoholic just doesnt drink but they dont change any behaviors of thinking.. they still think about drinking all the time.. and they are miserable... they just dont drink... they just stay out of bars... or slipery places.. they dont work a program... they are only breathing some might say they are not really living.. there disease still has them... well the same applies to drug addicts... In my case I could have just give up nursing and not called in any more scripts and just not took drugs anymore... ok.... well then without a program I would still to this day be obsessed with drugs.. everytime something happen I wiould think... 'i wish i could get high or...' I think I can talk that doc into it' ... there would be a constant thought .. a battle in my head... and yes a neighbors medicine cabnet ... (I did that too..I am ashamed to say)... but in the progam I learned how to change thinking patterns how to not obsess about things.... and alot of other things...
I dont mean to be preaching... please dont miss understand me... but there is hope.... I can go to the doc today and not think twice about answering that question on the form 'have you ever beeen addicted...' or not even think about being triggered... I can go to a friends bathroom and most of the time not get triggered.... (stress sometimes makes this less possible but I have tools to cope) ... those thoughts have slowly went away...
When I was in treatment I remember thinking I couldnt go two hours without thinking about using ... then I found myself going two days then ... after a while two weeks then as time goes on ... longer and longer....
but you have to do the work...
I guess long story short... (little late now..lol. ) It does get better... and those triggers get less intense and some even go away... with time and a program...
just my two cents....
There is hope...
God Bless
Teresa
I was just thinking... I must offer a ray of hope... It does get better... I promise... Not all your triggers will go away but.... if you continue to work a PROGRAM you will soon not be so obsessed about drugs...
let me explain what I mean.... many might have heard the term 'dry drunk' ... that is when an alcoholic just doesnt drink but they dont change any behaviors of thinking.. they still think about drinking all the time.. and they are miserable... they just dont drink... they just stay out of bars... or slipery places.. they dont work a program... they are only breathing some might say they are not really living.. there disease still has them... well the same applies to drug addicts... In my case I could have just give up nursing and not called in any more scripts and just not took drugs anymore... ok.... well then without a program I would still to this day be obsessed with drugs.. everytime something happen I wiould think... 'i wish i could get high or...' I think I can talk that doc into it' ... there would be a constant thought .. a battle in my head... and yes a neighbors medicine cabnet ... (I did that too..I am ashamed to say)... but in the progam I learned how to change thinking patterns how to not obsess about things.... and alot of other things...
I dont mean to be preaching... please dont miss understand me... but there is hope.... I can go to the doc today and not think twice about answering that question on the form 'have you ever beeen addicted...' or not even think about being triggered... I can go to a friends bathroom and most of the time not get triggered.... (stress sometimes makes this less possible but I have tools to cope) ... those thoughts have slowly went away...
When I was in treatment I remember thinking I couldnt go two hours without thinking about using ... then I found myself going two days then ... after a while two weeks then as time goes on ... longer and longer....
but you have to do the work...
I guess long story short... (little late now..lol. ) It does get better... and those triggers get less intense and some even go away... with time and a program...
just my two cents....
There is hope...
God Bless
Teresa
Triggers huh, good one,
Waking up was a trigger for me. I used when I felt good, bad, to celebrate, to pick myself up when I was down, you name it I used it for an excuse to use and drink. If I was conscience I was using or drinking. Using was a full time job in itself for me. 24-7 that was all that was on my mind 100%. If I had it, I was thinking about my next buy, planing my next con, my next script, my next lie.
It was more tiring than my real job. When I got clean and sober I didn't know what the hell to do with all of the sudden having all this free time on my hands.
I couldn't believe how much time was consumed by this disease. It's not about only not using, it's about changing everything about my thinking, behaviors, etc..
It took a long time to find that balance, at first I went to meetings like I used. Just to keep my mind busy. When I fist got clean, it was a while before my kids, ( for example ) saw a change. I was clean but still not around for them.
But thats what we have to do, get better, then find a balance where, for me, A.A.
helps me live a "Normal" life, I don't live for A.A. now, A.A. allows me to live,
"Life On Life Terms".
Take care......................................God bless......................................Bob
Waking up was a trigger for me. I used when I felt good, bad, to celebrate, to pick myself up when I was down, you name it I used it for an excuse to use and drink. If I was conscience I was using or drinking. Using was a full time job in itself for me. 24-7 that was all that was on my mind 100%. If I had it, I was thinking about my next buy, planing my next con, my next script, my next lie.
It was more tiring than my real job. When I got clean and sober I didn't know what the hell to do with all of the sudden having all this free time on my hands.
I couldn't believe how much time was consumed by this disease. It's not about only not using, it's about changing everything about my thinking, behaviors, etc..
It took a long time to find that balance, at first I went to meetings like I used. Just to keep my mind busy. When I fist got clean, it was a while before my kids, ( for example ) saw a change. I was clean but still not around for them.
But thats what we have to do, get better, then find a balance where, for me, A.A.
helps me live a "Normal" life, I don't live for A.A. now, A.A. allows me to live,
"Life On Life Terms".
Take care......................................God bless......................................Bob
I like what Theresa had to say about triggers. It does get better if you work the steps.
I used when I felt good and wanted to feel better: a movie, a rock concert, listening to music, watching TV, going on a hike in the woods, going on a date, etc.
I used when I felt bad and wanted to escape that feeling. Having to go to work, to dress up in a Brooks Brothers suit and slave away on someone else's terms, having to look at the financial mess I was in, having to put on airs at professional association meetings, going on a date, etc.
It really didn't matter, my instinct was to run away from who I was in either instance. It was not until I was forced to sit still (i.e., go to a meeting ) and try to still the racing thoughts in my head, when I had to confront the sheer awkwardness of every single emotion that scurried across my consciousness like a wayward cockroach, that I realized that I was constantly searching for excuses to use. Anything excuse would do.
Think about triggers in the context of someone with an eating disorder. Three times a day, they have to sit down at a table and look into the eyes of the beast.
Triggers are an inevitable part of life. The longer we stay away from drugs but live with the obsession, the more triggers there will be to pop up and tempt us. In the beginning, it is important to avoid triggers, granted. But in the long run, the smart money is on being relieved of the obsession to use. Take away the obsession to use and the trigger becomes meaningless
When I got sober, first, I learned to have a good time without drugs. That was the easy part. After all there was something pleasant, no matter how inadequate, to replace the drugs.
The harder part was when something would occur to remind me that I felt "less than" others, For me, this was the backdrop against which my life transpired. Having said that, I began to categorize the patterns: work life, social life, and sex and relationships. Again, the challenge for me was not to avoid these situations (I tried, but the more I ran, the more they chased me) but rather to walk through them sober.
It is only when we bring these issues out into the harsh light of day and face them down for what they truly are that we can be free of them. How do we do that? Well, that is what the 4th Step is all about.
Next time you are confronted with a trigger, ask youself what it is about this that is creating the desire to use? Perhaps it is being reminded of the sheer possibility of using. However, there may be other more subtle issues at work. Try to peel away the layers to get at the real truth. Learn to listen for the quiet whisper that offers insight as to why that impulse is jumping up in your face. Then, write it down and share it with a sponsor.
August
I used when I felt good and wanted to feel better: a movie, a rock concert, listening to music, watching TV, going on a hike in the woods, going on a date, etc.
I used when I felt bad and wanted to escape that feeling. Having to go to work, to dress up in a Brooks Brothers suit and slave away on someone else's terms, having to look at the financial mess I was in, having to put on airs at professional association meetings, going on a date, etc.
It really didn't matter, my instinct was to run away from who I was in either instance. It was not until I was forced to sit still (i.e., go to a meeting ) and try to still the racing thoughts in my head, when I had to confront the sheer awkwardness of every single emotion that scurried across my consciousness like a wayward cockroach, that I realized that I was constantly searching for excuses to use. Anything excuse would do.
Think about triggers in the context of someone with an eating disorder. Three times a day, they have to sit down at a table and look into the eyes of the beast.
Triggers are an inevitable part of life. The longer we stay away from drugs but live with the obsession, the more triggers there will be to pop up and tempt us. In the beginning, it is important to avoid triggers, granted. But in the long run, the smart money is on being relieved of the obsession to use. Take away the obsession to use and the trigger becomes meaningless
When I got sober, first, I learned to have a good time without drugs. That was the easy part. After all there was something pleasant, no matter how inadequate, to replace the drugs.
The harder part was when something would occur to remind me that I felt "less than" others, For me, this was the backdrop against which my life transpired. Having said that, I began to categorize the patterns: work life, social life, and sex and relationships. Again, the challenge for me was not to avoid these situations (I tried, but the more I ran, the more they chased me) but rather to walk through them sober.
It is only when we bring these issues out into the harsh light of day and face them down for what they truly are that we can be free of them. How do we do that? Well, that is what the 4th Step is all about.
Next time you are confronted with a trigger, ask youself what it is about this that is creating the desire to use? Perhaps it is being reminded of the sheer possibility of using. However, there may be other more subtle issues at work. Try to peel away the layers to get at the real truth. Learn to listen for the quiet whisper that offers insight as to why that impulse is jumping up in your face. Then, write it down and share it with a sponsor.
August
Almost everything is still a trigger for me. And by the by August, you'd look really good in a Brooks Brothers suit!
Briar
Briar
I loved your posts....August, your posts are always such a pleasure to read..
One of the tools that helped me also was remembering that it is just an impulse....that I don't have to act on it...just "play the tape all the way through."
That means not just romanticising the thoughts, but mentally viewing all of the consequences.
Also, I heard it here, "telling on your disease" helps, tell someone about the using thoughts. The first time, I thought that I had to act like I had it all together, so I wouldn't tell anyone of the compulsions. Now, I share it, and "poof" it goes away, for the most part.
I am holding off from my fourth step, too busy, not ready to go through the past again, can't concentrate, but I know that is the one that people usually have to do in order to stay sober.
One of the tools that helped me also was remembering that it is just an impulse....that I don't have to act on it...just "play the tape all the way through."
That means not just romanticising the thoughts, but mentally viewing all of the consequences.
Also, I heard it here, "telling on your disease" helps, tell someone about the using thoughts. The first time, I thought that I had to act like I had it all together, so I wouldn't tell anyone of the compulsions. Now, I share it, and "poof" it goes away, for the most part.
I am holding off from my fourth step, too busy, not ready to go through the past again, can't concentrate, but I know that is the one that people usually have to do in order to stay sober.
Briar, you are a sweetheart! I prefer jeans and flannel shirts.
Little Beach, I enjoy your posts too, and I agree, we are only as sick as our secrets. One way to know it is time to work as step is when you once again become restless, irritable and discontent. When you get antsy, it is time to take some additional action in your program. I wish I could say that I was a 90 day wonder when it came to the steps but I was not. Rather, I was a hard case, and getting going on the 4th step was tough. Finally one friday night I sat down and started writing. By the end of the weekend, I was finished.
I worked my first 4th step at 14 months and only at the insistence of my sponsor. I worked a second one 6 months after that with another sponsor, and yet another a year later in connection with a big book study group. I finally began to get the hang of it after that, which is good. In the 10th step, inventorying is practically a daily occurence, at least in my case.
August
Little Beach, I enjoy your posts too, and I agree, we are only as sick as our secrets. One way to know it is time to work as step is when you once again become restless, irritable and discontent. When you get antsy, it is time to take some additional action in your program. I wish I could say that I was a 90 day wonder when it came to the steps but I was not. Rather, I was a hard case, and getting going on the 4th step was tough. Finally one friday night I sat down and started writing. By the end of the weekend, I was finished.
I worked my first 4th step at 14 months and only at the insistence of my sponsor. I worked a second one 6 months after that with another sponsor, and yet another a year later in connection with a big book study group. I finally began to get the hang of it after that, which is good. In the 10th step, inventorying is practically a daily occurence, at least in my case.
August
August, when does the scream in your gut go away? I know that is your secondary brain..and Iisten to it very well now, lest I get myself into serious trouble.
But somedays it hurts, and I just can't point it out...I guess the fourth step will reaveal that..but I am scared to dredge up the past at this point. I know I have to, but I am scared to rehash it all again....
Fear is another reoccuring pain in the a**....but I am learning, slowly, to turn around and look it in the face...your post helps. I still have it on my fridge...
Peace to you...
kerry
But somedays it hurts, and I just can't point it out...I guess the fourth step will reaveal that..but I am scared to dredge up the past at this point. I know I have to, but I am scared to rehash it all again....
Fear is another reoccuring pain in the a**....but I am learning, slowly, to turn around and look it in the face...your post helps. I still have it on my fridge...
Peace to you...
kerry
Life is my trigger. My program is my serenity.
It does get better but it is hard work and never let your guard down. It'll bite you in the butt when you least expect it.
Cowgirl
It does get better but it is hard work and never let your guard down. It'll bite you in the butt when you least expect it.
Cowgirl
Cowgirl,
Perfect! Summed my post up in 4 words! lol "Life Is My Trigger" I love that.
Off topic a little but, Trigger was also the name of a beautiful horse! lol *wink*
Take care..................................God bless.........................................Bob
Perfect! Summed my post up in 4 words! lol "Life Is My Trigger" I love that.
Off topic a little but, Trigger was also the name of a beautiful horse! lol *wink*
Take care..................................God bless.........................................Bob
Kerry, I think in the beginning we cannot think our way to sober living. Instead, we have to live our way into sober thinking. If we engage in sober action, i.e., not using, going to meetings, checking in with sponsors, engaging in service work, and yes, working the steps, eventually our mind and our gut will follow. It certainly is not easy work.
There are differing opinions on the steps. In the old days, an oldtimer would take you through them in the course of a few days. When I got sober, like you, there were some things that I just did not want to confront, and for a while I was able to stay sober without doing so. Eventually, I got so antsy that I had to do something, and rather than engage in the AA 3 step (1,2,3 1,2,3) I decided to jump into the 4th. In a sense I had to be dragged kicking and screaming into it and as I said, I had over a year when I started it, against the protests of my sponsor.
I do not know if any of this helps, but know that we are all rooting for you.
August
There are differing opinions on the steps. In the old days, an oldtimer would take you through them in the course of a few days. When I got sober, like you, there were some things that I just did not want to confront, and for a while I was able to stay sober without doing so. Eventually, I got so antsy that I had to do something, and rather than engage in the AA 3 step (1,2,3 1,2,3) I decided to jump into the 4th. In a sense I had to be dragged kicking and screaming into it and as I said, I had over a year when I started it, against the protests of my sponsor.
I do not know if any of this helps, but know that we are all rooting for you.
August
Lol. My life is a trigger as well. Well put. Especially work!
Some of my triggers -
* waking up in the morning, because I always took them first thing, even before I had my coffee
* going to the doctor's office
* going to work (I always took them at work to make the day go by faster)
* depression
* school - I also liked to take them in class because they make the lecture go by so much quicker
* studying - that's a big one because pain pills worked like Ritalin for me...they helped me concentrate, helped me study
* waking up in the morning, because I always took them first thing, even before I had my coffee
* going to the doctor's office
* going to work (I always took them at work to make the day go by faster)
* depression
* school - I also liked to take them in class because they make the lecture go by so much quicker
* studying - that's a big one because pain pills worked like Ritalin for me...they helped me concentrate, helped me study
* Mornings, I went to the cabinet after I woke up each morning to get my pills
* Before dinner with friends
*Vacations
*with morning coffee, letting them disolve in my mouth
*Poker Games
Off all these mornings are by far the hardest, Lortabs were my wake up call. I looked forward to taking them every morning. Once a week on Friday nights I might take a few extra or on vacations I would take as many as I could get.
* Before dinner with friends
*Vacations
*with morning coffee, letting them disolve in my mouth
*Poker Games
Off all these mornings are by far the hardest, Lortabs were my wake up call. I looked forward to taking them every morning. Once a week on Friday nights I might take a few extra or on vacations I would take as many as I could get.
These are my triggers.....late at night on cough syrup....weekends.....the movies.....having to do something totally boring.....after work.....during work.....
ahhhhhhhhh..the morning. It became 24/7 for me. My life was a trigger. The Holidays are going to be really hard. Stay strong.
ahhhhhhhhh..the morning. It became 24/7 for me. My life was a trigger. The Holidays are going to be really hard. Stay strong.
