i have a question about trust, for addicts. after years of trying to support one physically, mentally, financly, emotionaly i gave up because of the total lack of trust between us. for 5 years every single word out of his mouth was a lie. he lied about the little things, he lied about the big things. once i caught on, i became the enemy. he knew i would never believe him even if the truth ever were to pass through his lips. why do addicts have to lie about everything, i still stood by him even after his lies would blow up in his face. why not just tell the truth, i could handle the horrible truth more than the horrible lies. and when i would no longer believe his stories, he would get SO mad, blame everything on me, all my fault. why should i ever trust someone who did nothing but lie. ok the question for the addicts is does it hurt bad, when someone u love can't or won't believe you? and do u understand why we can't or won't? In no way do I want to hurt or offend anyone, I hope u know this. I have such compassion for all still suffering, and so much hop for all that have beat this. again, i hope nobody gets hurt by these questions.
Addicts who are actively using lie because they don't know how to tell the truth. That is the sad fact of the matter. Also your friend is in an ongoing state of denial himself so he lies to himself while lying to you. It's nothing you've said or done and nothing you say will make him come clean to you or be straight-up with you. It's the nature of the addiction. If and until he's ready to face-up to his problem and seek help, he will continue to lie because it's easier than telling you he just spent $300 on coke. Sounds like you've been through the ringer with this dude. You can only give so much of yourself to helping him and "standing by him". He's got to want help and until then you should just stand in the sidelines so you don't get hurt more than you already are.
I have a boyfried of 1 year and 4 months. The first night he was at my house, he stole a bracelet and denied it. Just this month he stole another bracelet. I don't know what cocaine even looks like on a person. He's trying to persuade me to come back to him, but I don't want anything else stolen out of my house. He is just so sweet to me, and we get along wonderfully...he's my hon, but I noticed that the last two weekends we were together, he just could not get it together on the Saturday's. He was sleeping almost all day. Does that mean he just uses occasionally? Sometimes he can't "perform" and then he says he just doesn't know what's was wrong with him. I'm very confused. Anyone, please give me some advice.
hi, Well i kinda have the same problem. I had a boyfriend who is biopolar and has manic episodes. Which he doesnt beleive he has. from those epoisodes he goes into binges of coc. How the eposiodes start is he just doesnt trust me. AT ALL he think all these crazy things that im cheating. over n over. he leaves me for 3-8 days n then comes right back at the end. those days i go nuts. WE get into verbal n abusive fights. I BEAT HIMUP cause he doesnt listen and makes me go nuts he doesnt listen to me. I have nothing to hide. I love him to death. then we ususally get back n were soooooooo happy n in love. THEN ALL THE SUDDEN HE STARTS with the not trusting. well it finally ended friday he left me 45 mins before we were suposed ot go on a cruise.. I JUST WANNA DIE TODAY>.......... last night i just cant sleep........ everything reminda me of him..... i kinda understand what your wrote........... i really cant give any advise cause im in bad shape........ but if u wanan talk im hear to talk...
A, I just got this. I understand your grief. You're grieving because a relationship is over, not a good one, but a relationship none the less. I, too, lost my real relationship that I had for 29 years, he was my husband and my very best friend. We had a wonderful marriage and I truly can say that the loss of him is absolutely immeasureable. That was a little over 3 years ago.
If you want to continue in type of relationship, if he returns, that's your decision. The drug counselors I spoken with recently said that you can love the addict and hate the disease and it will be an extraordinarily hard existence for YOU. The addict only wants what his body demands or think it demands. I hope you will consider what you want to do with YOU. YOU are what counts now. Yeah, my little "problem" was so very attentive and sweet to me and then WHAM! I don't want to hear or see him ever again. These guys will manipulate you and others just to get what they want. Please, please, please. You need to take care of you.
If you want to continue in type of relationship, if he returns, that's your decision. The drug counselors I spoken with recently said that you can love the addict and hate the disease and it will be an extraordinarily hard existence for YOU. The addict only wants what his body demands or think it demands. I hope you will consider what you want to do with YOU. YOU are what counts now. Yeah, my little "problem" was so very attentive and sweet to me and then WHAM! I don't want to hear or see him ever again. These guys will manipulate you and others just to get what they want. Please, please, please. You need to take care of you.
Thank you Hardhead......................... i dunno where to go. i talk to so many people today im still down. I miss him so much. THe thought of not knowing what he is doing kills me.
xoxo
thank you for responding...
A
xoxo
thank you for responding...
A
A, I understand. When my husband died, I kept searching for him. I know he was here. I know that my "problem" is in SC with his mom. She's pissed with me because I accused her one and only son that he stole from me again. Go figure. She doesn't have a clue. She even had to write out checks for him to get his cat bailed out of the Pet Hotel where she was staying. I thought to myself, "you are a salaried employee, why can't you do this yourself?" Anyway, I'm glad YOU are safe and I know that you wonder about him. This is hard, I know. I've been there. But, you need to take care of yourself. At first, you want to know if he's OK, and want to hear from him. I understand that. I know that little "Freddie" is OK around his mom. He won't drink too much or do stuff around her. But when he's not, brother bar the door. I feel for you, A, and I know that your days will be better. There are better days ahead for you, sweetie. Plus, I know there are better days for me. The burgler alarm system is up and running, and his complaint was " you got it installed because of me."
How pathetic. Please, A, take care of you right now. It's not fun losing a companion, or a love. I'm grieving over this one right now, too. My hair is falling out and I really can't sleep or eat. Same as when my husband died. A week after my father. You will get through this, but you have to take some time out for yourself, heal, and you will triumph, believe me.
How pathetic. Please, A, take care of you right now. It's not fun losing a companion, or a love. I'm grieving over this one right now, too. My hair is falling out and I really can't sleep or eat. Same as when my husband died. A week after my father. You will get through this, but you have to take some time out for yourself, heal, and you will triumph, believe me.
Hi, A. I believe it is Nar-Anon or Narc-Anon. I have so many email address on my notepad. I just sent you one on "Trust." Hope you have a better night. Yes, appetite and sleep go out of the window for me, plus the hair loss. Please give me a shout if you want to. Getting ready to get dinner on. Plan on a routine whether it's to get you out of the house to get to the store, window shop, go to work, but just get out. A breath of fresh air will do you good. Blessings be with you. I'm not a real religous person, but I know you will be OK. Hopefully he will be OK, too. I'm sure you will hear from him......eventually.
A,? Are you there? Please reply. I'm worried about you.
Hey
IM here...... sorry i only write when im at work. Yea i guess im fine.. i went to see my spirtiual person yesterday. Who tells me hes gone..... and to move on... BUT I DONT HAVE THE STRENGTH TO MOVE ON!! im waiting for him. i look around. I hate it. I cried last night........... i did sleep well. was supposed to come in to work 2 hrs ago but i was sleeping... Guess im depressed. Tonight i will go out. But drinking just makes it worse. cause tomm ill be more depressed. THanks for talking though. I need someone to talk too. NO one around here understands there just like yea leave that piece of Sh t!!! I dont see. i see that he sick. and has probelms and i feel i can help :(
but im here...... i just feel he will be back.............. whyyyyyyy
A
IM here...... sorry i only write when im at work. Yea i guess im fine.. i went to see my spirtiual person yesterday. Who tells me hes gone..... and to move on... BUT I DONT HAVE THE STRENGTH TO MOVE ON!! im waiting for him. i look around. I hate it. I cried last night........... i did sleep well. was supposed to come in to work 2 hrs ago but i was sleeping... Guess im depressed. Tonight i will go out. But drinking just makes it worse. cause tomm ill be more depressed. THanks for talking though. I need someone to talk too. NO one around here understands there just like yea leave that piece of Sh t!!! I dont see. i see that he sick. and has probelms and i feel i can help :(
but im here...... i just feel he will be back.............. whyyyyyyy
A
Good morning, A!
I do know how you feel. I'd love to have my "friend" call me and yack a bit, but it's no good. I don't want the pointless arguments, stealing and such. He's a real sweetie to me, but he has a problem. My friends including my mom caught on to him right away. I just didn't want to see it, AGAIN. He did cocaine more than once in my house, I just know it, and the stealing of my stuff, and BLAMING IT ALL ON ME for "misplacing it." Sure. You know what you have and where you keep it. He told me to get a safe put in the house, but there's other stuff he can take and fence it. I just miss having him around and a guy back in my life to do things with. NO MORE! I thought I would die when my husband died a little over three years ago. I really wanted to die, and I prayed for him to come and get me. Well, that didn't happen. I know you are really hurting and you want to know that he's OK. If he comes back, do you want to go through all of that turmoil again? Hon, you'll be OK. Please stay strong for YOU!!
I do know how you feel. I'd love to have my "friend" call me and yack a bit, but it's no good. I don't want the pointless arguments, stealing and such. He's a real sweetie to me, but he has a problem. My friends including my mom caught on to him right away. I just didn't want to see it, AGAIN. He did cocaine more than once in my house, I just know it, and the stealing of my stuff, and BLAMING IT ALL ON ME for "misplacing it." Sure. You know what you have and where you keep it. He told me to get a safe put in the house, but there's other stuff he can take and fence it. I just miss having him around and a guy back in my life to do things with. NO MORE! I thought I would die when my husband died a little over three years ago. I really wanted to die, and I prayed for him to come and get me. Well, that didn't happen. I know you are really hurting and you want to know that he's OK. If he comes back, do you want to go through all of that turmoil again? Hon, you'll be OK. Please stay strong for YOU!!
Hey,
thank you so much for your support. I just went to talk to my spirtual reader person. Im trying to stay strong. Everything that you wrote is true and i understand you sooo well. It sucks that people like us have to go thru this. I know i dont deserve this. But I Love him. wish i could help. I feel i can. I guess im in denial. Tonight i have a dr appt at 5pm. Its actually his dr. that we went 2 together and then i started going alone. THe dr. has been clean i think for 11 yrs. He just basicly tell me to move on. SO well see what he has to say tonight. Maybe i should find a dr on my own. Cause at the end i guess im stilll wondering if the dr gonna tell me if he came to him at all. I feel like im going crazy cause of his problems. My spritual person explained to me over n over he will never change. he is too stuck into his drugs. Drugs are controling his life. He only comes back to you when he High *a mess* i just wanna cry. knowing that i dunno what he doing and his family doesnt help. Maybe ill try going to church. Thanks for listening to me. i like talking. I hope you meet someone who will give you the world. :) You kinda sound like me.
Have a great thanksgiving....
xoxo
A :(
thank you so much for your support. I just went to talk to my spirtual reader person. Im trying to stay strong. Everything that you wrote is true and i understand you sooo well. It sucks that people like us have to go thru this. I know i dont deserve this. But I Love him. wish i could help. I feel i can. I guess im in denial. Tonight i have a dr appt at 5pm. Its actually his dr. that we went 2 together and then i started going alone. THe dr. has been clean i think for 11 yrs. He just basicly tell me to move on. SO well see what he has to say tonight. Maybe i should find a dr on my own. Cause at the end i guess im stilll wondering if the dr gonna tell me if he came to him at all. I feel like im going crazy cause of his problems. My spritual person explained to me over n over he will never change. he is too stuck into his drugs. Drugs are controling his life. He only comes back to you when he High *a mess* i just wanna cry. knowing that i dunno what he doing and his family doesnt help. Maybe ill try going to church. Thanks for listening to me. i like talking. I hope you meet someone who will give you the world. :) You kinda sound like me.
Have a great thanksgiving....
xoxo
A :(
HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL..............
keep your head up...... and i will try the same.........
xoxo
A
keep your head up...... and i will try the same.........
xoxo
A
Hi A! I hope you can get some good advice from the doctor this evening. Your boyfriend must WANT to change, and it's not you causing anything that he's doing. He's doing it because he can't help it. Thank you for your Thanksgiving wish. I hope you will be doing something on Thursday that will take your mind off of this for a little while. Some distraction can be good. Hope to hear from you on Friday. Be good to yourself.
Hardhead and A,
Just know there are others out there like you! I am in the same boat...sort of. Nothing's been stolen but I feel like such an A-- for believing him and being there for him when his whole life and everything is only about HIM. It sucks...but it seems like you guys are dealing with it somewhat well. Tonight I made a resolution, New Years is coming early for me this year...and I am closing this book. A new chapter is going to begin and it's going to be clean of all this mess he's caused in my life. I wish you guys and everyone else out there the best! Have a great Thanksgiving...because someone should be thankful for you!!!!!!!!!
Just know there are others out there like you! I am in the same boat...sort of. Nothing's been stolen but I feel like such an A-- for believing him and being there for him when his whole life and everything is only about HIM. It sucks...but it seems like you guys are dealing with it somewhat well. Tonight I made a resolution, New Years is coming early for me this year...and I am closing this book. A new chapter is going to begin and it's going to be clean of all this mess he's caused in my life. I wish you guys and everyone else out there the best! Have a great Thanksgiving...because someone should be thankful for you!!!!!!!!!
Good morning, Sunshine! Happy Thanksgiving! Yeah, my little "problem" is down in SC with his mom until Saturday then he drives back to MD. He sent me a card to "brighten" my unhappiness since I threw him out of my life. I do miss having a guy in my life again since my husband died, but not his kind. I've never known what an addict could do to my life. Stealing, lying, blaming me for his actions. I'm sure he'll call me some time this weekend or next week. Just to take a reading to see if I'm willing to see him again. God, what a mess he has caused in my life. Hope you have a great day today. I'm having lunch with family today. Thanks for your message, and STAY STRONG. You must for YOU!
hey guys,
how was everyones turkey day?? Mine was ok........... Well he called me wed night and then he text me at like 230am but i was out n i just laughed and closed my cellphone.. When he called i picked up cuase the number was blocked... yea of course it was him being nasty....... "yea yea YOu know who this is" LIke i did something wrong!! Screw this feeling. I Just replied pretend i died.... n hung up. THe feeling of spending thanksgiving alone felt like such s***. but like i read before a new chapter must begin. It cant be that GOD wants me to be this miserable with someone who can stay clean for more then 2 or 3 weeks.......ITs just out of my hands slowly i will realize i cant help him. He has to help himself. Im am in denial. I waiting for him to come to my door. He logged on to IM with his cell phone. Prob to see if i came to work. Besides that this jerk has issues when he leaves me and he goes on binges he goes paranoid with me. and if he cant find me he goes nuts...... BUt i have to stay strong n not look back and move on..
. HOPE ALL HAD A GREAT THANKSGIVING!!!
how was everyones turkey day?? Mine was ok........... Well he called me wed night and then he text me at like 230am but i was out n i just laughed and closed my cellphone.. When he called i picked up cuase the number was blocked... yea of course it was him being nasty....... "yea yea YOu know who this is" LIke i did something wrong!! Screw this feeling. I Just replied pretend i died.... n hung up. THe feeling of spending thanksgiving alone felt like such s***. but like i read before a new chapter must begin. It cant be that GOD wants me to be this miserable with someone who can stay clean for more then 2 or 3 weeks.......ITs just out of my hands slowly i will realize i cant help him. He has to help himself. Im am in denial. I waiting for him to come to my door. He logged on to IM with his cell phone. Prob to see if i came to work. Besides that this jerk has issues when he leaves me and he goes on binges he goes paranoid with me. and if he cant find me he goes nuts...... BUt i have to stay strong n not look back and move on..
. HOPE ALL HAD A GREAT THANKSGIVING!!!
Good morning, A! Glad to hear that your "turkey day" was OK. Mine was also, I had lunch with family. Well, my "problem" has called me every day since he left MD to go see his mom in SC. He called me just a few minutes ago, and told me he would probably be home between 3 and 5 pm, and wants me to come over for dinner. He told me he did not take my bracelets, that he would get a drug test if I wanted him to (isn't wash out of snorted cocaine only a few hours after ingestion?). He said he misses me and wants me back in his life. I don't want anymore property stolen. OH I HATE THIS!!! I'm trying to stay strong, and keep him away from me. I'm feeling a little weak right now. I did not say I'd be there for dinner.
H, i know what your feeling...... its like a relief that he calling.... This like happiness feeling cause u miss him and he giving you attentoin sorta. but you have to think of the bad i guess. I know exactely the way you feel. When my "issue" called me on wed night at 9pm i was the happiest person. It put the biggest smile on my face. But you have to say to yourself is this what u want for the rest of your life? feeling u cant trust him n etc. Yea know what sooo funny i hear you saying about your Problem saying oh ill take a drug test. My Issue says the same s***!! oh ill take it A, lick my nose, look smell.. and its like you love that person that you believe them. I know what your feeling. Cuase im waiting for my issue to walk thru that door with flowers and prob start crying n i would forgive him in a second. and try to talk to him to go for help. n everything would be good for about a week or 2 n then BOOOMMMMMMMM... he goes down hill again n leaves........... it sucks. I dont know what it feels like to be missing bracelet and stuff. But i do know is drugs are expenseive exsp coc. Its so bad!! but my issue did blame his brother for stealing his rolex to use to buy drugs. WHO KNOWS i still think when my issue uses COC he goes paranoid and goes into a cleaning war in his house n he must of put his watch somewhere he has no idea. What a family nightmare n i got dragged into it. Thinking i can help him. The jerk i feel in love with. But most of all he always thinks im cheating. the coc makes him insane..... ANyhow im talking to much now.........
Just stay strong........ youll prob go there later on ...... cause its hard not to go. You want him. i dunno i guess im giving you info and i cant even helpmyself......... like people say to me......... THINK OF THE BAD!
A
HOw long have you been with him?
Just stay strong........ youll prob go there later on ...... cause its hard not to go. You want him. i dunno i guess im giving you info and i cant even helpmyself......... like people say to me......... THINK OF THE BAD!
A
HOw long have you been with him?
Hi A! I hoped I would hear from you!. He's been in my life for 1 year and 4 months. He has stolen twice. He told me without trust, there is no relationship, plus he denies that he has a drug habit. Then why the stealing? I've been in my house for nearly 29 years, and the entire time I was married, there wasn't anything ever missing. My husband wouldn't steal from me. This was our home, for heavens sake. Nothing was missing here until this "thing" happened to come over at my invitation. He's the nephew of a very, very well respected man. Maybe his uncle doesn't see it, maybe family covers for family. His mom is unaware of what he does, I'm sure, unless he wouldn't take things from his mom. Loyalty? I'm just so confused. I've never dealt with this stuff, and I don't know what to do. Yes, I do care about him, and it's nice to have someone in my life again. I don't know how to deal with all of this. He has a good job, but I guess his "expenses" get out of hand at some point. He really has nothing to speak of, a cell phone, truck, and his uncle is renting a small apartment to him in his home. He told me this morning that he may move back to SC since there is "nothing keeping me here." He doesn't like the MD area since it's very, very congested with traffic, and people here, he says, are mean. That sounds ridiculous to me, but it's his call. If he moves back to SC, maybe that will be the finality of our relationship, and it will be easier for me to move on. I know I'm a little long winded here, but I'm just venting. My family suggested a restraining order. He even knows the make of my burgler alarm, Simon, and he was amazed how fast I had it repaired. He said, "you did that because of me." True.