Hi I am a mom of a 25 year old addict he just did 9 months in jail and it's in recovery but I wonder if he will stay that way know that his in population.i really don't know what's the right thing to say to him how can I help him if I keep thinking that's he relapsed I guess there's no trust
Hey Shann,
U are very, very right in that there is no trust. This is very common and in all honesty, you really shouldn't beat yourself up over it. That is truly just how it goes with addicts. They lie, they cheat, they do every thing possible to get their DOC (drug of choice), and I do mean EVERY thing. I'm sure he's likely lied, cheated and stolen from you and everyone in his life. Hence there being NO trust. That will come back Shann but only if he works at it -and works at it diligently and often. The trust will come back hon, it will be slow-going to get there, but if he really, really wants it and is honest with you over time, it will happen. I know that it hurts and it feels like forever- and it kinda IS -but it is also worth it. [I wish that one could see the email / post, that one is actually replying to, kno what I mean?]
Keep on keeping on, k?
OL
U are very, very right in that there is no trust. This is very common and in all honesty, you really shouldn't beat yourself up over it. That is truly just how it goes with addicts. They lie, they cheat, they do every thing possible to get their DOC (drug of choice), and I do mean EVERY thing. I'm sure he's likely lied, cheated and stolen from you and everyone in his life. Hence there being NO trust. That will come back Shann but only if he works at it -and works at it diligently and often. The trust will come back hon, it will be slow-going to get there, but if he really, really wants it and is honest with you over time, it will happen. I know that it hurts and it feels like forever- and it kinda IS -but it is also worth it. [I wish that one could see the email / post, that one is actually replying to, kno what I mean?]
Keep on keeping on, k?
OL
Trust is the first thing to go and the last to come back (although never the same). While it is not o.k. to tell him what to do, it is o.k. to let him know what you need (with no anger, just fact) You can talk about what you need to build trust with him (that still is his choice)--as in 'if I hear about your going to meetings..., if you talk to me about your struggles with recovery and what you are doing to handle them..., If I hear that you have been talking with your sponsor, etc. that will help me feel more able to trust. It is your life and you need to make the decisions about recovering. Just letting you know what will help me recover from what I have gone through." This is how relationships happen--it won't help to helicopter and demand each detail--but general talking is what people do to form trust.
