This has to be one of the toughest times my husband and I have gone through. We have 2 daughters, ages 1 and 2. My husband was in rehab for 2 years for opiate abuse before we met. Got together, had two beautiful girls and found out he relapsed. I moved forward, forgiving him. Telling myself it happens to the best of people going through life changes. He did great for 7 months, bringing me pay stubs, going back to church, I thought everything was the way it should be. My mother called me up one day, asking if I knew he had borrowed $200 from her boyfriend. I was embarrassed, playing it off like yeah I know. Then our car got repoed due to non payment. Then we supposedly didn't receive our state tax refund. I knew something was going on, but every time I would ask, he would get angry and tell me all my nagging was gonna make him relapse so I felt like crap. I finally had enough when my grandma called me and said he borrowed $1200 from her and my grandfather a month before. That is where I knew I needed to draw the line. I asked him about it, he confessed that he hadn't been clean at all since his last relapse, and on top of the money borrowed from my family he had taken out loans all over town, plus blew our tax money and lied about, so I was living ignorant bliss for 7 months. We were behind on rent, had no car, our kids needed diapers, our fridhe was empty. I felt so hurt....my family stopped talking to me when I chose to see if he could make a change. That is where I am at now. Trying to trust him. Trying to pay off debt. Working on not resenting him for the position I am in with my family and financially. I am struggling with this just as he struggles every day with his addiction.
I feel for you. But where is he now? And where do you two stand right now? Instead of thinking and putting him first. How about putting your kids and you first and do what's best for the three of you . You aren't a addict. You can do this.
Hi I am have been dating my fianc for two years and he has been using for the past year... I don't really have any advice as I'm in the same predicament... I don't have children with with so I can't even imagine the hurt you are going through. It's very hard for other people on the outside to realize what we are going through. They just see it as us being dumb for staying with an addict. They don't understand the hurt and pain that we go through every day. Or the fact that we miss the person we fell in love with so much. I have been cheated on in the past by my last fianc... He left me for another woman and they had a baby... I never thought anything could hurt that badly, but this is actually worse. Seeing the person you fell in love with but not actually seeing them is so hard. U loose trust and since they are there in body it's so hard to just leave and do what's best for you. Again I don't have the best advice, but from reading your situation you should do what is best for you and your children. Remember you only live your life once and you and your children are healthy and should lead happy lives. I know how hard it is, and I know I should take my own advice. But just do what you feel deep down is right. You are such a strong person and can do anything. Good luck and God Bless.
We are still attempting to take things day by day. I dont kmow how else to do it! We attend church every Sunday, payday is always a huge wave of suspicion. I am hoping and praying he is on the right track, it is hard to not thonk 'maybe he has just gotten better at hiding it'. Its very hard to see someone you love basically set everything aside for an addiction. I know the man I married and his potential, i think this is what helps me to move forward, knowing what he is capable of. In all of this, I have learned to give 100 pepe talks a day and try to do what it takes to show him I believe in him even if nobody else does. I want this more than life itself, I just hope I am no longer being duped.
I need to point out that it's not your job to give him pep talks every day to keep him clean. You cannot cure him. He needs to be working a program. I don't pretend to know what it's like to have children with an addict but for me that would be my motivating factor in decision making. Think of the welfare of you and your children first and foremost. You don't trust him or you wouldn't have to hope you aren't being duped again. We've all been there and alot of us are still there. God bless you.
Is your husband actively getting help for his addiction? Is he going to meetings or talking with a counselor or considering rehab? Taking it day by day is the only thing anyone can ever do but if that means doing the same things as always but hoping for a different outcome then day by day, you'll waste your life away over an addiction that is not yours. I'm sorry if I come across harsh but that is the bare bones truth. I speak to you as someone who has done the day by day, clinging to the increasingly feeble hope that the man I fell in love with would magically come back and everything would be better. No matter how hard we wish for that to happen with all our hearts and souls, recovering from addiction is a difficult, painful uphill battle that the addict him or herself has to want to fight. We can't do it for them, much as we may want to. I just bumped up MomNMore's post called "Things That Don't Help"...I would encourage you to read it to remind yourself of what not to do in order to stop enabling your addict if you choose to stick it out. I wish I had read it long before I did because I think I did every single thing on that list, to only my own frustration and detriment.
Good luck to you, be strong first and foremost for yourself and your children - you have a choice in what to do, their lives depend on that choice.
Good luck to you, be strong first and foremost for yourself and your children - you have a choice in what to do, their lives depend on that choice.
