As many of you know, my daughter OD'd back in October while my husband and I were away for the weekend. She had been clean for a stretch and had shot too much despite her friend's warnings about how she would not need as much as when she was using heavily. The young man she was shooting with gave her CPR, called 911, and waited until she was safely in the ambulance. My neighbor spoke with him while they tended to my daughter and when he called us to tell us what had happened said he was amazed this kid was still standing as he was extremely high himself and barely able to talk coherently.
She had known this young man since grammar school. He subsequently died of an overdose in January.
Since then, I have debated writing a brief letter to his parents to tell them how grateful I am for what their son did. He ran the risk of arrest and could have just left her there to die, we wouldn't have known for two days as she was alone here. I don't want to stir up any more pain than they already have, but I thought it might give them some comfort to know that someone else still sees the good that was there in their precious son, and that even in active addiction he was able to do the right thing despite the possible consequences to himself.
What do you all think? Should I let sleeping dogs lie? Or would it perhaps comfort them in some way and maybe let them know that when I think of their son I see the good instead of the terrible way he died?
Thank you for all your honest answers...this has been on my mind for a while now.
Peace~MomNMore
Hi Mom
Personally I cant see what harm it would do to write a letter to his parents. As u said urself it could bring them some comfort to know that their son wasnt a bad person.
Like you I would imagine they are still grieving & maybe that would help them
I would say - U do what you feel is right. I know we can all suggest/advise you what to do but you will know in your heart.
Luv n Hugs
Personally I cant see what harm it would do to write a letter to his parents. As u said urself it could bring them some comfort to know that their son wasnt a bad person.
Like you I would imagine they are still grieving & maybe that would help them
I would say - U do what you feel is right. I know we can all suggest/advise you what to do but you will know in your heart.
Luv n Hugs
That's a hard one for sure. People react so different to things especially where drugs are concerned. I don't know the parents so I can't predict the reaction they might have. I had two cousions "they were brothers" die from a h overdoses it was only a few months apart from eachother. My aunt and uncle still say they had a heart attack "both under age 40". It is well known they od'ed. The parents are very close minded to the fact their children were junkies. I know if they got a letter that had anything to do with the drug use of their boys they would not react well to it. They would not want any connection to their kids and drugs. Without knowing someones personality it's very hard to know how they will take things.
I also totally agree with your logic of wanting to give them a little something to let them know the son was not a bad person he acually SAVED your daughters life. As a parent that would help me to know my child did what was right even when it ment he put himself in harms way. I would find it a small honor to have that knowledge that even in addiction he was a loyal friend.
So that's my two sides of it. If you know the parents yes i would send them a note. If you don't know them i would be scared of causing them harm by bringing up something they might not have come to terms with yet.
I also totally agree with your logic of wanting to give them a little something to let them know the son was not a bad person he acually SAVED your daughters life. As a parent that would help me to know my child did what was right even when it ment he put himself in harms way. I would find it a small honor to have that knowledge that even in addiction he was a loyal friend.
So that's my two sides of it. If you know the parents yes i would send them a note. If you don't know them i would be scared of causing them harm by bringing up something they might not have come to terms with yet.
Thank you both...especially for that second perspective, ZG. I don't know them as well as in years past when the kids were little...it's been a long time.
I'll let you know what I decide...good food for thought.
I'll let you know what I decide...good food for thought.
It seems a good i dea to write the letter, but it might have the opposite effect, and blow up in your face.
People when dealing with grief ect like someone to blamer to make themselves feel better.....
how do you think they would react M&M?
Me personally, i would appreciate the letter, but that's me.
People when dealing with grief ect like someone to blamer to make themselves feel better.....
how do you think they would react M&M?
Me personally, i would appreciate the letter, but that's me.
Hi mnm before i start let me just say your one of the best , and i think you should send that letter , you don't have to directly link thier son and drugs but you could let them know that he ended up in a situation alot of people would have ran away from but had the guts and compasion to do the right thing and in doing so saved a life , after reading alot of your threads over the last 2 months i think your letter would be astute and compasoinate enough to only be construde in the right way , wow i must have swallowed a dislexik dictionary last night i dont think i spelled or understand several of them words lmhro anyway hope all goes well and life is sweet in your world always...PEACE OUT!!!paul
Paul, that's great advice...not specific...just let them know he helped...thank you so much.
Peace~M&M
Peace~M&M
Hi i'm Merca,
you are one in a million, my mother and father know i am a user and have been for near on 15 years now i have came close to death more than once. I wish they understood more about my addiction well tc and carry on keep on keeping on Mer
you are one in a million, my mother and father know i am a user and have been for near on 15 years now i have came close to death more than once. I wish they understood more about my addiction well tc and carry on keep on keeping on Mer
You should write the letter. It will be wonderful for the parents to be reminded that there son was not "only" and addict. When we are in the grip of addiction it must be really hard for our loved ones to see the little of what is good in us. Because we become really "bad". When we recover, our concience often re appears. These poor parents will never have that chance to see the good again. So you have the chance to remind them of what was good in there son. Thats a gift worth giving.
M&M
You probably should write a short , carefully worded note on what you are going thru - and mention how grateful you are for what their son did. It would probably help them in their grief to know that even in the darkness of addiction ,their son had the presence of mind to get help -regardless of any consequences that might be in store for himself.
Sometimes addicts don't get any credit for the simplest of human acts- your note might make the parents feel just a little better knowing thier son had feelings and wasn't the selfish , rotten person , society likes to burden us with .
Muchpeace***
jack
You probably should write a short , carefully worded note on what you are going thru - and mention how grateful you are for what their son did. It would probably help them in their grief to know that even in the darkness of addiction ,their son had the presence of mind to get help -regardless of any consequences that might be in store for himself.
Sometimes addicts don't get any credit for the simplest of human acts- your note might make the parents feel just a little better knowing thier son had feelings and wasn't the selfish , rotten person , society likes to burden us with .
Muchpeace***
jack
If it were my child I would appreciate any kind words about my loved one. I know that you are articulate and kind. I am confident that the right words will come.
Also Mom would you drop me an email at abcpoli@comcast.net. I don't want to go searching for your addy. I have a question for you. Thanks. Alice
Also Mom would you drop me an email at abcpoli@comcast.net. I don't want to go searching for your addy. I have a question for you. Thanks. Alice
MNM,
That small note will serve as a sign that a life was not lived in vein. ATB to you always!
That small note will serve as a sign that a life was not lived in vein. ATB to you always!
What a beautiful thing to do...yes for sure M&M...I think it would be a wonderful idea...telling them how brave and how good he was...he did the right thing regardless of what the situation was...
Con
Con
