After 10 years of addiction my fianc took the biggest step of his life and went to rehab. He had spent the previous 5 months on a binge, I was moving on, and honestly he was dying. I cannot begin to express the pride and hope I had in him. I don't believe I've ever felt that happy in my adult life. I admit that I am the worst enable on the world so for him to be clean and me to be able to focus on something other than his disease was freeing to say the very least. Those first 70 days were magical, I had the man that I had always known he could be. He was going to meetings 5-6 times a week, coming to church with me, working, taking care of the bills, bringing me flowers for no reason. All the paranoid thoughts were gone, he didn't think everyone around him was being sneaky. God it was great. Then I started to see a change in his attitude, the littlest things would piss him off, he got lazy, I started finding random woman's numbers in his phone, all the things I felt with in his addiction. I tried to talk to him about it but he said that he was just overwhelmed. The morning of the relapse was normal enough, his temporary job had ended and he was looking for a new one so he dropped me off at work and took my truck to an interview. He was so excited, he would be getting his 90 day key tag that night. When he picked me up that afternoon I seen it as soon as I got in the car, he was high. My whole world collapsed, back to this again. I didn't snap out, it's okay, back to meetings, back on track, or so I thought. He laid around for a few days, not motivated to attend meetings, then he took a 10pm to 6am job. No meetings. He is now back in full addiction, a 5 day binge last week, 1 night home and back out there. I moved his clothes to his parents house, told him he can't come home, but I'm still out looking for him, still texting him, I still want to help him. I know that I enable his behavior but I don't know how to stop. I feel like if I can't save him who can. I feel like if I'm not here for him or I don't let him come home he'll die, but the truth is it's actually killing me. He's numbing hid pain but I'm feeling it all, all the hurt,, ask the anger and I don't know how to just let him go. I KNOW that I'm not helping the situation but I just don't know what to do. Please someone help me.
hi
you say you dont know what to to ..but deep inside i think you do ..you just dont want to do it because its hard .. shutting the door in sombodys face that you love is the hardest thing in the world to do ..drawing a line and saying no more ...you will never save him by enabling him to continue using .you might on the other hand cause him to hit his rock bottom by walking away .you must ask him not to contact you again untill he has sorted himself out and be prepaired to mean it ..
you say you dont know what to to ..but deep inside i think you do ..you just dont want to do it because its hard .. shutting the door in sombodys face that you love is the hardest thing in the world to do ..drawing a line and saying no more ...you will never save him by enabling him to continue using .you might on the other hand cause him to hit his rock bottom by walking away .you must ask him not to contact you again untill he has sorted himself out and be prepaired to mean it ..
You are correct, I do know what I have to do but I don't know if I'm strong enough. I'm afraid to withhold love from him. What if he never comes back? He texted me last night and asked if we're could talk, I asked him what we could possible have to talk about at this point. I haven't heard from him since. I am making a therapy appointment today. Does he feel any pain or hurt while he's out there getting high? Why can't he fight to get back? I just don't understand.
