I'm unsure if this is the proper message board for me to post on, but at this time I am lost and saddened and unsure of where to turn. I have an older brother who has had alcoholism since he was a child. He is now 38. I have tried many times now to help him get sober and one time even had to cut him out of my life for many years. I'm a mother and a wife and would not expose my children to what we where, when we where children.
A few weeks ago my brother came to me and asked me to help him get clean. My husband and I brought him to our home and helped him through what must have been complete hell. He was very sick and shook something awfully. He made it through and started working. I was notified this week that my brother had warrants out for his arrest and that I was putting my family in danger by having him in my home, the police said they could charge me. I came home yesterday to talk to my brother about turning himself in only to find him so drunk he couldn't talk. I was devastated.
Today I had to make the hardest choice of my life and turn my brother in. I also found out he has been doing drugs in my home where my children live. I'm confused, I' m sad and don't know where to turn. I'm worried about him being in jail, but I'm also angry that he did this again. I don't understand the addiction, and I don't want to see my brother hurt himself any longer. I feel guilt ridden over speaking to the police but know that I had to do what was right. Just a few days ago I was praying that God would lay his hands on my brother and heal him, and now tonight I have to pray that God keeps him safe.
I apologize if this is not the right board, but I was hoping to find some encouraging words from people who maybe understood what it is my family is going through.
God Bless
Hi Just Wanting..
It sounds to me like you've already "got it". You have refused to accept unacceptable behaviour in your home and have not comprised yourself in your brother's problems.
Do not feel guilty about turning your brother in. You didn't put him in jail - he put himself there That is the consequences of his previous actions.
At this point only your brother can help himself. Prayer is a good positive thing you can do. It is understandable that you are concerned for him being in jail but do not let your life become all about your brother's problems either.
I am an alcoholic and I don't know that its possible for a non-addict/alcoholic to ever truly understand. Just remember it is a disease, there is no cure there is only recovery - a daily reprieve.
Your brother has got to want recovery and go to any lengths to get it - until that happens he will continue to drink.
You might want to try posting on the family board there you will find lots of family members of addicts/alcoholics who will more relate to what you are going through - they are a supportive group.
good luck to you
Idgie
It sounds to me like you've already "got it". You have refused to accept unacceptable behaviour in your home and have not comprised yourself in your brother's problems.
Do not feel guilty about turning your brother in. You didn't put him in jail - he put himself there That is the consequences of his previous actions.
At this point only your brother can help himself. Prayer is a good positive thing you can do. It is understandable that you are concerned for him being in jail but do not let your life become all about your brother's problems either.
I am an alcoholic and I don't know that its possible for a non-addict/alcoholic to ever truly understand. Just remember it is a disease, there is no cure there is only recovery - a daily reprieve.
Your brother has got to want recovery and go to any lengths to get it - until that happens he will continue to drink.
You might want to try posting on the family board there you will find lots of family members of addicts/alcoholics who will more relate to what you are going through - they are a supportive group.
good luck to you
Idgie
Justwanting,
As a recovering alcoholic who wouldn't hesitate lying, cheating, or stealing in order to satisfy whatever my disease required of me I would be very very upset that you would dare to turn the tables on me. You see I was so self-centered and self-possessed that my family and friends were only pawns in my idiotic game of life. Maybe if someone would have called me on my bull hockey my relentless slide towards jails, institutions, and death may have been curtailed decades before! This however is unrealistic as recovery comes to those who really have finished and are truly done with drinking and drugging.
Finally you must not beat yourself up one minute longer for you have done what was and is necessary if not for your brother then certainly for you and your family.
God bless you,
Bob
As a recovering alcoholic who wouldn't hesitate lying, cheating, or stealing in order to satisfy whatever my disease required of me I would be very very upset that you would dare to turn the tables on me. You see I was so self-centered and self-possessed that my family and friends were only pawns in my idiotic game of life. Maybe if someone would have called me on my bull hockey my relentless slide towards jails, institutions, and death may have been curtailed decades before! This however is unrealistic as recovery comes to those who really have finished and are truly done with drinking and drugging.
Finally you must not beat yourself up one minute longer for you have done what was and is necessary if not for your brother then certainly for you and your family.
God bless you,
Bob
Just Wanting first of all hold your head high and pat yourself on the shoulder for being an awesome parent and caring.
Your brother will hit his rock bottom and god is now doing for him what he cannot and you prayed for hopefully the seed of recovery will be planted soon and he will begin his journey.
I riped my family and friends off many times by stealing there time, energy, love hate, money and forgiveness and spending it all on my addiction as it needed all to function insanely in my head. Any attention be it good or bad was all good for me in addiction and jail is no different for your bro, hopefully he will realise the best attention he can get is his own.
Buy a alcoholics anonymous big book for him and send it to him.
And for yourself head to a Alanon meeting or adult children of alcoholics meeting whatever you can find and good on you for being you
Light and love Zac
Your brother will hit his rock bottom and god is now doing for him what he cannot and you prayed for hopefully the seed of recovery will be planted soon and he will begin his journey.
I riped my family and friends off many times by stealing there time, energy, love hate, money and forgiveness and spending it all on my addiction as it needed all to function insanely in my head. Any attention be it good or bad was all good for me in addiction and jail is no different for your bro, hopefully he will realise the best attention he can get is his own.
Buy a alcoholics anonymous big book for him and send it to him.
And for yourself head to a Alanon meeting or adult children of alcoholics meeting whatever you can find and good on you for being you
Light and love Zac
Thank you all for you kind and encouraging words. It's nice to hear not only from people who are where I am, but those who where where my brother is right now. I'm going to a meeting tonight and pray so hard it starts to help. He has been calling from jail all day, at one point telling me if I don't bail him out, he was going to hang himself. The call was disconnected and I was told it was reported, they must monitor those calls.
My husband wants me to stop taking his calls for a while. (I think he may be right) He can see how hard this time has hit me. I wanted to believe so hard, with ever fiber of my being, that this time would be different. That he really wanted to get clean. I have heard many times he has to hit rock bottom, I think he has created a new rock bottom. He has hit bottom so many times, that I really thought this time he was really getting clean. I don't know who I am more angry with, him or myself for being so gullable to believe he really was going to do it. So many years, so many lies, why did I put my heart out there again only to be crushed and stamped on. Can you tell I'm still so angry. I'm sorry I don't mean to. I'm just having a real hard time with all these emotions.
Thanks again
God Bless
My husband wants me to stop taking his calls for a while. (I think he may be right) He can see how hard this time has hit me. I wanted to believe so hard, with ever fiber of my being, that this time would be different. That he really wanted to get clean. I have heard many times he has to hit rock bottom, I think he has created a new rock bottom. He has hit bottom so many times, that I really thought this time he was really getting clean. I don't know who I am more angry with, him or myself for being so gullable to believe he really was going to do it. So many years, so many lies, why did I put my heart out there again only to be crushed and stamped on. Can you tell I'm still so angry. I'm sorry I don't mean to. I'm just having a real hard time with all these emotions.
Thanks again
God Bless
Hi there, we are liars, cheats and thieves, us alcoholics and addicts, ....as you already know he's gotta want, no matter how much you want for him, he's gotta want it.
Hey justwanting slow down your thinking and the what ifs about your brother and concentrate on yourself go to as many meetings as possible till they start working and share as honestly as you feel comfortable with, as this will help clear the grieving you are doing for the loss of trust you have suffered. Your brother will try and put the guilts on you, tell him to come back when he is two years sober or not at all, it took my wife two years of me being sober till she trusted me if i arrived home late after being out somewhere as she was so used to the broken promises and hearts.
If you have to get a police order banning your brother from your house.
Take care and build yor strength for the times to come
Light and love Zac
If you have to get a police order banning your brother from your house.
Take care and build yor strength for the times to come
Light and love Zac
