OK-I haven't talked about this in awhile but now I feel I need to. As some of you know, Sandy & I havent been getting along to good the last month or so. Some of the problem is her reluctance to see a doctor about her medical issues ,which I think are getting worse. Some of the problem is her unhappiness about being here - she will be 50 next week , and she says she only has her sister left (in HER family) and she feels like she wants to move back to Albany,NY to be near her. Some of the more recent problems have come from her quiting her job & being unemployed.- - Idle hands...etc..
Ive mentioned she is drinking a bit more- & that makes me crazy. I was married to an alcoholic,and although she is far from that - some of the memories come back when I see her drinking.
At the end of this month, she said she,ll make a decision on what to do, I believe she is going to pack up and leave. My son ,who is 21. and lives with us, is starting to think its his fault. That is crazy & I tell him that he has nothing to do with it - she just wants a change or something in life that I cant help her with.
Anyway- I had to talk about it- thanks
Its 4 am- Now Ill go back on the couch(whole other issue) & try to fall asleep
Hi Jack,
I saw that time you posted and although I know you rise early I figured you were unable to sleep.
Jack, I don't even know what to say......there's so many issues......and different relationships, and then everyone's individual stuff.
This is just me, but I kind of see as most important.....right now anyway......is your sons's feelings......he's taking it all on him.......he wants you to be happy and Sandy to be happy........he can't fix it all........so he's going to take the blame..........all the "what if's".
Then again what I'm learning in therapy.......all you can do is let him know it's in no way his fault..........you can't stop Sandy from doing what she's doing or not doing.........you can't stop your son from thinking what he's thinking.......basically all you can do is not react or react or well just work on Jack........fix Jack.........move Jack in an always positive direction.
Jack, that all sounds well and good, and we love you for who you are already......and we care about Sandy..........and you son..........they are part of who Jack is..........I'm on this big negative thing right now so let me say IT ALL SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Maybe Sandy feels like "IS THIS IT? IS THIS ALL? HOW'D WE WIND UP HERE?".............and you too probably feel like that..........basically right now alot of people in our age bracket...........who are NOT SELF-ACTUALIZED are feeling like this.........got somebody saying it to me everyday......how the heck did we get here..........and NOW WHAT?
I'm sorry Jack........I know somebody will come and post more positive, but ultimately it all got to do with fear on my part.........maybe that's some of it with Sandy????????????? I'm not sure..........all I know is it SUCKS! I'm sorry Jack.
It's excellent that you're talking about it though..........very good.
I saw that time you posted and although I know you rise early I figured you were unable to sleep.
Jack, I don't even know what to say......there's so many issues......and different relationships, and then everyone's individual stuff.
This is just me, but I kind of see as most important.....right now anyway......is your sons's feelings......he's taking it all on him.......he wants you to be happy and Sandy to be happy........he can't fix it all........so he's going to take the blame..........all the "what if's".
Then again what I'm learning in therapy.......all you can do is let him know it's in no way his fault..........you can't stop Sandy from doing what she's doing or not doing.........you can't stop your son from thinking what he's thinking.......basically all you can do is not react or react or well just work on Jack........fix Jack.........move Jack in an always positive direction.
Jack, that all sounds well and good, and we love you for who you are already......and we care about Sandy..........and you son..........they are part of who Jack is..........I'm on this big negative thing right now so let me say IT ALL SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Maybe Sandy feels like "IS THIS IT? IS THIS ALL? HOW'D WE WIND UP HERE?".............and you too probably feel like that..........basically right now alot of people in our age bracket...........who are NOT SELF-ACTUALIZED are feeling like this.........got somebody saying it to me everyday......how the heck did we get here..........and NOW WHAT?
I'm sorry Jack........I know somebody will come and post more positive, but ultimately it all got to do with fear on my part.........maybe that's some of it with Sandy????????????? I'm not sure..........all I know is it SUCKS! I'm sorry Jack.
It's excellent that you're talking about it though..........very good.
Jacky boy, so it's coming down to the crunch time now. I can see you are preparing yourself for any blows that may be about to fall. Sounds like Sandy is re-evaluating things in her life, and making new priorities. Maybe you should take a leaf out of her book my friend. Make a little "in an ideal world" wish list, and see which ones look feasible. Remember Jack, if you've got money left in your bank on the day you die, then you spent too long working and not enough time playing. If someone asks me if I got a spare cig, I give them a confused look and say "how do I know? I'm not dead yet!" (I ain't really that tight!)
"Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
You fritter and waste the hours in an off hand way
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way
Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you
No-one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun..."
Jack, don't regret what you didn't do. You won't regret what you have done, only the missed opportunites.
much love, as always
diff xxxx
"Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
You fritter and waste the hours in an off hand way
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way
Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you
No-one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun..."
Jack, don't regret what you didn't do. You won't regret what you have done, only the missed opportunites.
much love, as always
diff xxxx
Jack when i read posts like that i wish i was more like diff or bryn and give you sound advice n pearls of wisdom....
Take care of yourself over there, sending some much needed P vibes across the atlantic, Kev
Take care of yourself over there, sending some much needed P vibes across the atlantic, Kev
Kev, I'm Jacks' therapist, it's a well known message board fact! I wonder if I should start sending ludicrously large bills to his medical insurance. Honestly though, most people on this board give out better advise that that bunch of charlatans. It makes me mad, they just spent years with their noses in books whilst the rest of us went out and had a life, and they think that makes there advise worth paying for. My shrink, he went off sick for about 6 months, with DEPRESSION!!! Obviously couldn't practise what he preached. Unfair comment. He is a decent man, and took his work very seriously, and he was nhs, so fair play to the guy. Now the ones at The Priory, taxed my medical insurance 1000 per consultation! One thousand smackers for an hour of their time! And nearly 20k for a months stay in their hotel of phuck ups. Can you believe it... And they sure as hell didn't cure me!
Sorry for hijacking your post, jackofhartz, my good friend...
love
Diff xxx
Sorry for hijacking your post, jackofhartz, my good friend...
love
Diff xxx
Diff,
You would make an excellent therapist, psychiatrist, psycholgist.
Kev, you don't do too bad yourself.
Hope you are alright, Jack.
You would make an excellent therapist, psychiatrist, psycholgist.
Kev, you don't do too bad yourself.
Hope you are alright, Jack.
Nah, I would be terrible - people don't like it if ya tell 'em straight. You're supposed to give like little clues, and let them think all the good ideas were theirs! I was always 10 steps ahead of my shrink, and I'd be thinking "for god's sake get to the point will you man!" I felt like road runner leaning against a rock waiting for wily coyote to catch up with him! I already knew what I was supposed to do, but I liked the whole thing of going to see somebody, knowing I could just moan relentlessly about all the s*** in my life, and he was paid to sit and listen to me. And with my counsellors, the same thing always happened, after about 20 sessions, they'd tell me that they'd have to pass me on to someone else, coz we were becoming more like mates than counsellor/clients, coz somehow I'd get them moaning about their boyfriends/families etc along with me! I gotta say, it was a hoot though!
love
Diff x
love
Diff x
Hi Jack -
So sorry that things aren't the way you'd like, and the waiting is the hardest part as they say in the song. I feel for your boy - don't they always take it on themselves, all the blame and the responsibility that can't possibly belong to them. I believe there's something to the self-actualization thing - five-oh is a big one for women (and men, too, I suppose) and all my gal pals have already been there or are just getting to it, like me. Those who are happy, making positive changes, and are unafraid to take on new things and ideas - they're doing just fine. The ones who are discontent with their lots are running in all sorts of directions without finding what they seek. I hope that you, Jack, will find something that will fill your days and bring you the contentment you deserve.
Peace~MomNMore
So sorry that things aren't the way you'd like, and the waiting is the hardest part as they say in the song. I feel for your boy - don't they always take it on themselves, all the blame and the responsibility that can't possibly belong to them. I believe there's something to the self-actualization thing - five-oh is a big one for women (and men, too, I suppose) and all my gal pals have already been there or are just getting to it, like me. Those who are happy, making positive changes, and are unafraid to take on new things and ideas - they're doing just fine. The ones who are discontent with their lots are running in all sorts of directions without finding what they seek. I hope that you, Jack, will find something that will fill your days and bring you the contentment you deserve.
Peace~MomNMore
I thank all of you guys for your compassion, sincerity, and encouragement. I did & said what I could- now to let it play out,
with respect,
jack
Diff- - just mail the bill, Ill put it with the growing stack in my mail rack
with respect,
jack
Diff- - just mail the bill, Ill put it with the growing stack in my mail rack
I too wish I had some sound Buddah advice for you,, but it seems sometimes life just is difficult and all you can do is just ride the wave and keep your head above water--I try to make gratitude lists or write about how im feeling even if its just a string of turret syndrome like cussing--itll put alot into persepective--believe it or not it helps--I dont have alot of experience with relationships--especially ones where people respect each other like you two seem to do--just keep reaching out and venting--you are an awesome guy--I hope to have someone love me the way you seem to love her
