I just found out that my brother-in-law (41yrs old) is being released from detox after just 4 days. He has had an opiate addiction for 20+ years. My in-laws are going to go and pick him up. Can anyone give a few pointers on how to communicate w/him and not to him. I posted earlier that my mother-in-law makes sure there is enough beer in the fridge so that he may opt for that instead of heroin. I don't believe that's a good idea. My in-laws are divided on what to do when he gets back home. One wants to help, while the other says "last chance". My brother-in-law says that I am the only one that understands the demons that he faces, yet I'm not sure how to be there, but not be a co-dependent. Any suggestions?!?
Hi
I posted a reply to you in another post - did you get it?
Keeping a supply of beer for him to opt for is a big mistake I believe. That's just substituting one drug for another. Also, drinking the beer is just going to cloud his judgment and make it easier for himself to talk himself into scoring his heroin.
It sounds like they are doing everything to make it "easier" for him. But truth be told, it is not easy and nothing makes it so. He will have to face his demons and withdrawal if he really wants to stop (which from your posts doesn't sound like he does). They are only making it easier for him to use instead which is obviously their opposite intention.
Maybe you should go to Alanon/Naranon meetings and take his parents with you. It will help them in knowing better how to deal with their son's addiction and help themselves as well as any other family members.
Has he expressed any real desire to quit? Has he done anything to help himself in this regard?
Take care,
Mickey
I posted a reply to you in another post - did you get it?
Keeping a supply of beer for him to opt for is a big mistake I believe. That's just substituting one drug for another. Also, drinking the beer is just going to cloud his judgment and make it easier for himself to talk himself into scoring his heroin.
It sounds like they are doing everything to make it "easier" for him. But truth be told, it is not easy and nothing makes it so. He will have to face his demons and withdrawal if he really wants to stop (which from your posts doesn't sound like he does). They are only making it easier for him to use instead which is obviously their opposite intention.
Maybe you should go to Alanon/Naranon meetings and take his parents with you. It will help them in knowing better how to deal with their son's addiction and help themselves as well as any other family members.
Has he expressed any real desire to quit? Has he done anything to help himself in this regard?
Take care,
Mickey
Thanks Mickey!
Yes, I posted a reply from my original. Hope you get this one. I'm just afraid for all of us. The drugs really create a domino destruction. One of which we're not used to. I tried to find a Nar-Anon meeting in our area but could not locate one. I was highly disappointed. My mom-in-law and I are probably the only ones that would attend. My father-in-law and husband believe that he should be smarter than the drugs. My brother-in-law is highly intelligent so thusly they believe he can just say "no". I tried to explain that it's not about him, it's about the drug. I would rather educate myself than ignore the disease. Is Al-Anon the same basis as Nar-Anon? If so I can try that avenue...once again thanks for your replies!
Yes, I posted a reply from my original. Hope you get this one. I'm just afraid for all of us. The drugs really create a domino destruction. One of which we're not used to. I tried to find a Nar-Anon meeting in our area but could not locate one. I was highly disappointed. My mom-in-law and I are probably the only ones that would attend. My father-in-law and husband believe that he should be smarter than the drugs. My brother-in-law is highly intelligent so thusly they believe he can just say "no". I tried to explain that it's not about him, it's about the drug. I would rather educate myself than ignore the disease. Is Al-Anon the same basis as Nar-Anon? If so I can try that avenue...once again thanks for your replies!
Oh and to answer your question. I'm not really sure if he really wants to quit. I haven't asked him. My mother-in-law believes that he does because he hates prison. I personally believe that he doesn't want to go back and that is the reason he is willing to try. Is that enough for him, or is it just another excuse? I don't really know because of all of the lies.
It's hard to say. Everyone's reasons for finally wanting to quit are personal to them; however, from what I've gathered and seen, they have to really want to quit and be fully committed to it. Other than the physical withdrawals, the mental crap they go through is way harder and lasts a really long time. He should be attending meetings or seeking some counselling to help him as well. He will not be able to do this alone and I don't mean his parents. He will need people who are experts in this field and that won't enable him.
Alanon is the same concept and I think most people go there even if the addict is a drug addict instead of an alcoholic. There are more meetings available and I think a lot more people go to them. It all started with them so everything else is based on them anyway.
If you two went and were able to help yourselves and impart some knowledge to the rest, they may just follow.
Take care,
Mickey
Alanon is the same concept and I think most people go there even if the addict is a drug addict instead of an alcoholic. There are more meetings available and I think a lot more people go to them. It all started with them so everything else is based on them anyway.
If you two went and were able to help yourselves and impart some knowledge to the rest, they may just follow.
Take care,
Mickey