Hi all,
Just venting...
Things got really bad this week. My son is out of control chaos. I think he could end up dead.
One thing that eats at me is: how bad are these people he is running with? I am afraid for myself and the rest of the family.
Sigh...Tonight, I left the house and just kept driving. I have never been so overwhelmed in my life. I drove straight out of the city for about 50 miles. I kind of scared myself. I just could do nothing else but drive away. I finally got a grip and turned around. I felt like going to an emergency room and saying, just check me in!
So crazy...and no one can help...no answers...
It always helps so much to come here and read the posts. Remind myself that I have to keep living my life and my family's life.
My son has gone to a very dark place. He is not really my son any more. He has said the most horrific things to me today....Honestly, I am stunned. I need to find a way to move on from this day.
Hi Parenting, I'm sorry your going through this. It's awful and I understand. My friend went to the hospital once and told them she was suicidal and they kept her in. She told me the peace she got there was great that she didn't want to leave. But besides that...I wrote to you under Paula's post because I saw what you had wrote and how upset you were. Do you have someone you can go to just to get away overnight. Maybe to a friends house? Staying away from your house might do you good just for a day or so. I remember when my daughter was in rehab after visiting her I never wanted to go home to the house. We would drive to the cabin we had on a lake and just stay there until late then go home. It did help me. It's all the feelings of worry, panic,fear,desperation all rolled into one that made you take off driving and me not want to go home. You need to see the doctor too P. and tell her/ him about that as that's not good for you either. Can you pack up and go away for a few days to a nice hotel? It might do you good! I can't remember who it was your son was hanging with or how old he is. I hope your feeling a little better now though as it's horrible to feel that way. You know your going to be alright P and get through this because your stronger than you think. We're all here for you Take care, ((Hugs)) Mary
Awww thank you Mary. I really needed to hear that. I am going to take some time off tomorrow and get away. Really, your post helped so much. Thank you. <3
Im glad! It's a hellava worry us mothers have. But seriously P I think it would help you. I wish I could have been there for you when you took off like that. The rotten thing about that 50 mile drive was having to drive it back again to come home. I've so been there. Take care. Mary
Parenting,
I know exactly how you feel and honestly there are really no easy answers. My son is back in jail, and saying that I am finally at peace. I just found out he started using meth. I thought heroin was bad but this is worse.
I take stock of my life, look what I have accomplished. I look at my other children and my grandchildren and think, hey I wasn't that bad. I see some of the things I taught my boys and they are using the same thinking as I did. So I guess it was ok. I was not a perfect parent. Geez they didn't come with a manual. I often thought it was me, I didn't catch, was I tougher on him then the others. My answer was no! He choose to use and unfortunately became an addict. This has been going on 22 years.
Anything that comes out of their mouths is a manipulation thing because you didn't give in. My son wrote terrible things about me. He often would make up stories to make me the bad guy so his family would feel sorry for him. Guess what they all have learned.
Come here and vent I often do. Even though my son is locked up and probably for a long time. I wish I could lock him up in a mental hospital.
Take care, take a mini vacation. and DO NOT FEEL GUILTY.. xxx
I know exactly how you feel and honestly there are really no easy answers. My son is back in jail, and saying that I am finally at peace. I just found out he started using meth. I thought heroin was bad but this is worse.
I take stock of my life, look what I have accomplished. I look at my other children and my grandchildren and think, hey I wasn't that bad. I see some of the things I taught my boys and they are using the same thinking as I did. So I guess it was ok. I was not a perfect parent. Geez they didn't come with a manual. I often thought it was me, I didn't catch, was I tougher on him then the others. My answer was no! He choose to use and unfortunately became an addict. This has been going on 22 years.
Anything that comes out of their mouths is a manipulation thing because you didn't give in. My son wrote terrible things about me. He often would make up stories to make me the bad guy so his family would feel sorry for him. Guess what they all have learned.
Come here and vent I often do. Even though my son is locked up and probably for a long time. I wish I could lock him up in a mental hospital.
Take care, take a mini vacation. and DO NOT FEEL GUILTY.. xxx
I know exactly how you feel! I have packed a bag and driven awayjust needing to be somewhere else. Then the reality sets in and you remember that there are other people that need you and that you have obligations such as work and other children or husband so you cant just walk away. I finally asked my doctor to prescribe a mild antidepressant and it helped me to see things clearer and detach. Unfortunately, we cant run away from our lives but we can make some changes that protect us and help to keep us sane. What gets me is that things will be pretty good for a little while (at least not really bad) and you start feeling hopeful that our lives might become somewhat normal but then all of a sudden the whole world seems to cave in around you. Our addicted children cant keep their problems away from uswith all the hurt and pain those problems bring.
I am sorry you are going through this and I wish there was a good solution. Remember you alone cant save him and I dont think there are any easy answers. It can be so heartbreakingespecially when they are cussing us or being especially mean. They want help (money etc.) but do not want the kind of help they really need. They are so lost and their minds are so scrambled. I think they actually care about us but arent able to show it in any significant way. If I had known it was so hard being a parent, I am not sure I would have become one.
Take a break from things in any way you can. Do what you have to do to protect your heart and sanity. Tomorrow may be a better day. I dont think checking yourself into a hospital is such a terrible idea if you feel you need it and cant cope alone. Heaven knows I have thought about it myself, but I am cheap and didnt want to spend the money. lol
I am sorry you are going through this and I wish there was a good solution. Remember you alone cant save him and I dont think there are any easy answers. It can be so heartbreakingespecially when they are cussing us or being especially mean. They want help (money etc.) but do not want the kind of help they really need. They are so lost and their minds are so scrambled. I think they actually care about us but arent able to show it in any significant way. If I had known it was so hard being a parent, I am not sure I would have become one.
Take a break from things in any way you can. Do what you have to do to protect your heart and sanity. Tomorrow may be a better day. I dont think checking yourself into a hospital is such a terrible idea if you feel you need it and cant cope alone. Heaven knows I have thought about it myself, but I am cheap and didnt want to spend the money. lol
P,
Just hearing you describe your feelings and how you wanted to just drive away made me think of all the times my husband and I have thought that. When our son was still living with us, there would be times that we would both say that and it was almost comical because it was our house and we were being made to feel like we needed to leave. It became much better after we made him leave but I sometimes have those moments. The more peace and clarity I get, the more I cannot stand or tolerate him being vile and disrespectful. I hung up on him yesterday. I don't even give him a warning anymore. He knows that if he starts cursing at me or yelling, I'm just going to hang up. If he can talk like a normal human being, then I'll talk to him.
I agree with Bugs. If you feel like you need a couple nights of mental health care, go check yourself in to the hospital or maybe a night or two at a hotel.
We're all here for you. Vent whenever you need to!
Hugs!
Michelle
Just hearing you describe your feelings and how you wanted to just drive away made me think of all the times my husband and I have thought that. When our son was still living with us, there would be times that we would both say that and it was almost comical because it was our house and we were being made to feel like we needed to leave. It became much better after we made him leave but I sometimes have those moments. The more peace and clarity I get, the more I cannot stand or tolerate him being vile and disrespectful. I hung up on him yesterday. I don't even give him a warning anymore. He knows that if he starts cursing at me or yelling, I'm just going to hang up. If he can talk like a normal human being, then I'll talk to him.
I agree with Bugs. If you feel like you need a couple nights of mental health care, go check yourself in to the hospital or maybe a night or two at a hotel.
We're all here for you. Vent whenever you need to!
Hugs!
Michelle
Thank you, everyone. It helps more than you know (or, maybe you do!).
He is just 17 and something must have happened with his band of losers (sorry, I am bitter). He has been in a whirlwind and pacing and asking legal questions. Rushing around and SO agitated. Of course, we are just in his way as he freaks out about his life. The things he said-oh.my.god.
I am not sure if he is going to get in trouble for something, but I HOPE SO. I know you understand this statement but we WANT him arrested. He is obnoxious and cocky and mean. These people he hanging around are abusive and aggressive.
Sigh...Okay, so today I am taking a break! I am going to a spot I love for the morning with no phone, no nothing! No thoughts about this!! I am parking it in the parking lots. :)
He is just 17 and something must have happened with his band of losers (sorry, I am bitter). He has been in a whirlwind and pacing and asking legal questions. Rushing around and SO agitated. Of course, we are just in his way as he freaks out about his life. The things he said-oh.my.god.
I am not sure if he is going to get in trouble for something, but I HOPE SO. I know you understand this statement but we WANT him arrested. He is obnoxious and cocky and mean. These people he hanging around are abusive and aggressive.
Sigh...Okay, so today I am taking a break! I am going to a spot I love for the morning with no phone, no nothing! No thoughts about this!! I am parking it in the parking lots. :)
Hi P. I understand wanting him out of your way with the mouth you say he has. Dont let any of his friends in your house because chances are they'll steal. I'd also take the keys to your house off your son too. I wouldn't trust him home alone. I would give him the ultimatum. Shape up or ship out!! Be him seventeen or not. If he's able to bite the hand that feeds him then he needs to find a new owner. But maybe if you say it like that he will realize you mean business! I know you said before you thought it was Marijuana he was taking, has he progressed from that onto something else? At 17 I pulled my daughter out of high school and made her study for a ged. Having a ged didn't hold her back at all. She was in one of the best colleges in the state. But I just had enough of the drugs/ heroin being delivered to the school and her taking off from the school or missing days that I pulled the plug on it all. But looking back it doesn't matter what I did, nothing worked! I should maybe have thrown her to the wolves at 17 to see how she liked living rough. But I didn't. Good luck P, I hope things get better for you. But by no means allow him to talk the way he is to you. I think that's when I would throw him out. Enough is enough! Enjoy your little day of peace and quiet. Mary.
Thank you! We can't kick him out until 18, so we have to wait a few more months.
He actually rarely speaks to me anymore because I am the bad guy, the horrible person in his life. He just was home more lately due to this mysterious emerging crises.
We have no idea what is really going on-his stories change dramatically from moment to moment.
I feel better! I did a ton of yardwork and then went on a loooong hike to my favorite spot.
Cleared my head and heart a little.
He actually rarely speaks to me anymore because I am the bad guy, the horrible person in his life. He just was home more lately due to this mysterious emerging crises.
We have no idea what is really going on-his stories change dramatically from moment to moment.
I feel better! I did a ton of yardwork and then went on a loooong hike to my favorite spot.
Cleared my head and heart a little.
Hi Parenting,
Your son is only 17. Maybe you should get a PINS, person in need of supervision on him. Call your local police or sheriff, ask them how you can do it. They would force him into rehab, outpatient.
They will drug test him and lay down the law. If he's physically addicted they will put him in rehab. He's 17. You should try to force him to get help. He's still young. I know he hurt your feelings, he's an ungrateful disrespectful son, mine is too.
He's 17 though. This is still your responsibility to get him help whether he wants it or not.
Maybe look into it. Good luck.
Your son is only 17. Maybe you should get a PINS, person in need of supervision on him. Call your local police or sheriff, ask them how you can do it. They would force him into rehab, outpatient.
They will drug test him and lay down the law. If he's physically addicted they will put him in rehab. He's 17. You should try to force him to get help. He's still young. I know he hurt your feelings, he's an ungrateful disrespectful son, mine is too.
He's 17 though. This is still your responsibility to get him help whether he wants it or not.
Maybe look into it. Good luck.
I put mine out at 17. They find out fast what side their bread is buttered on too. But then again mine was home one day gone the next to start with. My husband and I tried to get my daughter put in rehab without her consent. We were told you had to take them to the emergency room first and that's what we did. They believed every lying word that came out her mouth and let her go. No rehab no nothing! They wouldn't even drug test her without her consent. We told her we would pick her up whenever she wanted and could come home but it was via detox and rehab. That's what happened a week or so later. Glad you got some peaceful time to yourself P. Try to do that every so often just to unwind. Good luck with your son. I hope he turns himself around and whatever's going on with him just now frightens him enough to straighten up. Take care! Mary.
I have never heard of PINS. What state are you in?
We have thought of mental health ward and treatment and have been advised that would happen. Even the police said they would not forcibly take him, because he probably would be turned away at the ED.
We have thought of mental health ward and treatment and have been advised that would happen. Even the police said they would not forcibly take him, because he probably would be turned away at the ED.
all who posted - I can relate to all of those feelings on the rollar coaster of addiction.
Wanting to run away. my Husb and I often say if this does not get better we will retire asap, take all our stuff and move away!
crossed my mind -> shouldnt have had kids!
start to feel like things are better, then something doesnt sit right and panic sets in!
We just want to be out of the LOOP! Wish we could move to an island - some people do - someday maybe I will be able to take that leap!
Breathe.... Breathe....
try to have a good day everyone!
Wanting to run away. my Husb and I often say if this does not get better we will retire asap, take all our stuff and move away!
crossed my mind -> shouldnt have had kids!
start to feel like things are better, then something doesnt sit right and panic sets in!
We just want to be out of the LOOP! Wish we could move to an island - some people do - someday maybe I will be able to take that leap!
Breathe.... Breathe....
try to have a good day everyone!
NY..... I couldn't agree with you more. Just the idea of moving away and leaving all this behind gives me a sense of calm. What a wonderful thought! Every wonder what we'd be doing in life right now if we had a normal life? Mary.
LOL, Mary, who on this board Hasent had that thought!!! I see some's pictures of family on their desk at work and think.... they have no idea...... of how horrible life can be.
on another note: I have been hearing more about herion addiction and government funding on the radio and tv commercials. so maybe something will get better for us and them.. also, the awareness may keep some away from it. not wanting the stigma...
PS - I would have finished my master degree... and indulged in a few hobbies..... and could have bought a brand new car for the price of rehab!! lol, whatever... its in the past
have a good weekend!
on another note: I have been hearing more about herion addiction and government funding on the radio and tv commercials. so maybe something will get better for us and them.. also, the awareness may keep some away from it. not wanting the stigma...
PS - I would have finished my master degree... and indulged in a few hobbies..... and could have bought a brand new car for the price of rehab!! lol, whatever... its in the past
have a good weekend!
I do know of a family who had 4 children in their 20's - 2 had addiction problems, 2 did not have an addiction problem. the mom and dad - were probably retirement age - sold a business and two homes - relocated to Florida - rented or bought an RV and took off. Unfortunately, it was at the florida home that their son OD'd on Mother's Day.... he was found when his sister tried to wake him up in the morning.
P and everyone
I relate to it all.
P, my son started at 13 and currently 21.
Your son is not an adult yet. I would do everything you can
To get him into a long term treatment. No guarantee but
You still have a chance. My son has been to over 13 rehabs.
He is currently in a very bad state and was in PCP.
Everyone...please try to take care of you!
I've been in the hospital 3 days this week with chest pains
Running all kinds of test. It's stress and anxiety. We somehow
Have got to take care of ourselves because we do have more
Family members to think of.
P. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I've been going through
It 9 yrs. Alanon really helps and everyone on this board.
Take care
Praying for everyone
Paula
I relate to it all.
P, my son started at 13 and currently 21.
Your son is not an adult yet. I would do everything you can
To get him into a long term treatment. No guarantee but
You still have a chance. My son has been to over 13 rehabs.
He is currently in a very bad state and was in PCP.
Everyone...please try to take care of you!
I've been in the hospital 3 days this week with chest pains
Running all kinds of test. It's stress and anxiety. We somehow
Have got to take care of ourselves because we do have more
Family members to think of.
P. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I've been going through
It 9 yrs. Alanon really helps and everyone on this board.
Take care
Praying for everyone
Paula
I was just thinking about the home security cameras they have now. One of the brands is called Canary: Canary - Official Site It can be used as a motion detector - outside or inside. alerts to your phone if there is movement. can also have a loud siren to alert movement. NO monthly fee - unless you want it to record. It will record short snip its.
Thanks all. It is so funny. I have had all these thoughts you have shared since I last posted!! We really go through such similar ideas. I was just thinking today about what if I never had my son. A horrible thought, but it is hard to understand the purpose of his struggle. He is miserable and angry. I see no hope, but know there must be some.
I was also just thinking about a security camera. I had to put my foot down and then was worried about his violence. I was standing in my living room today and thinking about when I had him as a baby. If anyone told me that I would sleep with mace and be standing in my living room wondering if he was plotting to kill me.......The whole situation is over the top. He sent me no less than 40 texts in 2 days------calling me every name in the book, telling me I am crazy, threatening me, etc. Also, mixed in asking for money for potato chips, asking if I can bring him some food. UNREAL.
It is truly insanity. I DO plan on moving away as soon as possible. I readily admit I cannot deal with this nor do i want to.
Overall, I am doing a little better. The true insanity of dealing with him really hit me today. Thanks for being here.
I have tried everything. He either refuses or they refuse him. There is nothing else I can do. I believe him and his friends are in trouble and may be charged....just from snippets I have heard on the phone. Not sure if it is their paranoia or reality. I am hoping because it may save his life.
I was also just thinking about a security camera. I had to put my foot down and then was worried about his violence. I was standing in my living room today and thinking about when I had him as a baby. If anyone told me that I would sleep with mace and be standing in my living room wondering if he was plotting to kill me.......The whole situation is over the top. He sent me no less than 40 texts in 2 days------calling me every name in the book, telling me I am crazy, threatening me, etc. Also, mixed in asking for money for potato chips, asking if I can bring him some food. UNREAL.
It is truly insanity. I DO plan on moving away as soon as possible. I readily admit I cannot deal with this nor do i want to.
Overall, I am doing a little better. The true insanity of dealing with him really hit me today. Thanks for being here.
I have tried everything. He either refuses or they refuse him. There is nothing else I can do. I believe him and his friends are in trouble and may be charged....just from snippets I have heard on the phone. Not sure if it is their paranoia or reality. I am hoping because it may save his life.
