Very Difficult Weekend

I had a difficult weekend. I was in a state of depression and it seemed like the whole world was against me. I know that is not reality, but it felt that way.
I was espically annoyed at my grown children. I felt a lot of resentment because of the situations they have put themselves in over which I have no control.
I am feeling out of control of my life and I am having a problem letting go of the need to worry and obsess about my children. I became angry at one of my daughters last night treated her terrible. I shunned my son this weekend because of some things he did last week that I have not let go of. And.. then I ignored and treated my fiance' like a stranger all weekend.
I posted yesterday that I was having a hard time and needed support and I didn't hear from anyone on here.. and that hurt a bit. I don't often ask for support and when I did, no one responded. I also posted a reading on acceptance that I was reading and trying to digest, but I was not accepting a darn thing.. I was in a state of anger and having a pity party. I know every day can't be a good one, but I hate to get like this.. I just want to figure out what is eating me and get over it and move on. I have to do some damage control with my daughter this morning on the phone and talk to my fiance'.. I feel defeated and detached from any kind of hope, strengh and peace at this moment.
Thanks for listening.
Judy
Judy I'm sorry you had a horrible weekend..I did too, I feel exactly as you do, and I feel like I will never feel happy or peaceful again..my bf put me through the ringer this weekend then blamed it all on me. I'm taking a day off work because I just can't function at all..I hope your day goes better...
Judy,i'm sorry also.I wasn't on at all this weehend.I think we all had a crappy weekend.My son decided to put me on a pity/guilt trip.I wrote him a letter titled"who was there".All his life i was the one he depended on,but i think since he went into rehab he thinks that i'm this mean monster,well i'm not and he can't hurt me like that nomore.everything he has ever done in life,all he has accomplished it was me who paid and that suppoted him.No one else.I don't mean to vent but once i wrote the letter i realized how much he has done in life.I hope he wakes up before it is to late for us to work on his issues.The real problem, not me the bad guy.Again i'm sorry i wasn't hear to listenDo you feel you need to apoligize to anyone?
Dear Judy
Just to let you know i'm thinking about you, try not to be too hard on yourself, we can't always get things right, hey we're only human too, i hope you are feeling a bit better...it is hard when we are struggling and when others we care about are too, we can only do so much, when we suffer mentally we can't always see things clearly and we will react wrong please don't feel too bad about that, and please don't be too down on yourself, all any of us can do is try and from what i know you do your fair share, it's not easy coping with bipolar nevermind all the other things we have to deal with, you're one special lady so take care of yourself love Mollyxx
Thanks for the responses. Our computer has been down until now and I could not respond to your posts.
I am doing better, and your words of encouragement have helped me.
I read some12 step literature, talked to two close friends on the phone, and opened up about how I was feeling. It was helpful. I found that I was worrying a lot obsessing about some things, becoming fearful and.. it just snowballs if I don't stay on top of the negative thinking.
Also, I contacted a therapist today because I need to get back into therapy. It seems like a lot of stressful things have come up lately, and I need someone objective to help me sort through them. I need to be patient with myself when I'm having a hard time, just as I would to someone else.
. I'm sorry for you kittycat, and wantingtohelp mom,that you all had a difficult weekend too. Molly, I appreciate your insight, thanks again you all for the support.

Judy
Judy,
I just read your post and feel so bad that I was not able to get on to talk to you. I thank you for the email so I could find this site again. I can't believe it is Wednesday already and I was not there for you. I know firsthand how it feels to be alone and lonely. I had one of those weekends myself recently. It helps to know that someone is just there to listen even if they don't know the words to say. I hope to keep in touch more.
i am struggling with the decision about whether to continuw on HRT for my depression myself. Found out my levels are fine and I don't really need them, but I felt like they really helped. I am a little confused. I don't want to think that I am going crazy for no reason. all this time, I thought it was my levels. I don't know what to think now. It must be the dreaded "s" word....."Stress". Ouch,,,that hurts!!!!!
seriously though...i am here if you need to talk anytime. Take care. I am praying for you and your family.
Jacki,
I'm doing fine. Thank you for your concern. I knew you were having computer problems. I worked through things in a few days, apologized to the people I had hurt with my words and actions, and I felt much better.
We make mistakes because we're human, as Molly pointed out. I had support from other people on here, and I had several realzations as a result of posting the negative things that were going on and asking for help.

When I go through a crisis time like that, I always think that it is so negative, but I come out of it with insight about things I need to change. So, it wasn't so bad after all. :-) It just feels that way when we are going through it.
I started back into therapy. I had my first session last night. I would like to email you about it because I think some of the things she pointed out might be helpful in your situalion too. Let me know if that is ok.

About the HRT, you said your tests came back showing that your levels are ok. So, you may be right about it being stress related. I know you didn't want to hear that.. I'm glad you're back on posting again, I missed you.
Love,
Judy
Judy
I hope things went well with your therapy. I started to see someone, but back out because of bad past experiences. So I turned to the lord and he led me to this site one day. It really has been a Godsend. I have learned alot. I don't like to go to therapy because they see me as a book, not someone who the Lord has led through trials. i hope that makes sense. Thanks for your email. My son is still working. We got the counter tops put in yesterday. they look great. I am going to put the plumbling back together today.
i was dissappointed somewhat with the results. I have stopped the HRT. The Lupus test was negative as well. I guess now i have no excuses but to get my act together, quit smoking, and get in shape. the rest will come with time. Hope to hear from you soon. Take care.
Dear Judy,

I'm so sorry you had a bad weekend and you didn't get any response from this board to help you. I think part of the problem is that the title of the post didn't reflect the urgency like "Very Difficult Weekend" did or "Help!" would. I wasn't on much this weekend myself, but if I had known of your problem when I did get on, please know that I most certainly would have responded. There are a LOT of people on here who care about you, Judy, please KNOW this!

I'm glad things are looking better for you. I felt that old depression creeping back on me because I know my son will be out soon and I am so scared that he may have to do some jail time in the horrible county prison where he did one of his offenses. I KNOW I can't control or change this and that I didn't cause it, BUT I fear it! Please pray that his judge realizes that he wasn't a criminal before the heroin affected his life choices. Thanks!

Love,
Susan
Jacki and Susan,
Thanks for you replies and support. It means a lot to me. You are right,Susan, I didn't put the urgency in the post when I asked for help. I guess I was not in enough pain. We are supposed to reach out, cry out, when we are in pain. I will remember that.
Jacki,
My therapy went well. She is a Christian and understands my concept of trials and also my tendencies twoard codependency and my addictive, controlling nature. It was very helpful and practical.
I'm glad the house is coming along.. my car is on the outs with me and may be quite expensive to fix, it's a honda.. So, I may be putting the remodeling on hold and concentrate on getting the car fixed or looking for another one. It's got a lot of miles on it too.
As for my son, he came over on his day off yesterday with his fiance' and they helped me with some things around the house that needed to be done. It was a very pleasant surprise. I wondered what he wanted, but he didn't want anything, except asked me if I wanted to keep Jessica, my six month old granddaughter. Of course I jumped at that and had that little doll here until this afternoon.
She is so cute and just about to crawl, she is scooting with her upper body and toes..lol. Gee, it's nice for things not to be in turmoil, except in my mind when I allow it.
Susan, about the depression.. I do understand, all too well. Take one day at a time, as you well know and depend on God.. I know your faith and it is strong.

God Bless you all,
Love,
judy