Very Upset, Don't Know What To Do

Pain Pills
1
Well I was looking on my email and I noticed that my husband downloaded IMVU, I guess it is this chat thing. I don't know much about it, but I went to his page and I saw that this girl had written him. I looked through my computer and found a chat discussion that he had with this girl, it was practically cyber sex, I mean disgusting hard core cyber sex.

I seriously feel like he cheated on me and now I am so depressed. How could he do this to me? How could he say he loves me and then go and write all that stuff.

He tried to say he was playing around and it wasn't serious, but after reading all 8 pages of it, it became clear to me how serious this was. It wasn't just playing around. It was very graphic detail and just gross.

I am at a loss right now and I don't know what to do. I feel so sad inside. My heart hurts, yet I feel empty inside. I feel SO DEPRESSED. I feel like I am just existing here. I feel no joy, just pure sadness.

I printed out the whole thing and told him to read it, I said "How would you feel if this was me writing all this stuff?" I don't think I can get over this. I just don't know anything anymore.
2
stephanie
i am so sorry
i know exactly how you are feeling...
my husband has cheated and abused me for 25 yrs.
now that i am clean i am finally getting courage to change things in my life.
what is wrong with him?
you are a beautiful lady who gave him 3 beautiful children'
i just said a prayer for you.
thumper will read this and offer advice. k-9
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I don't know what is wrong with him. He cheated on me when we were dating, but not since we got married, well atleast not that I know. Then he wonders why I don't trust him? This is one reason I don't want him to get on the computer. I never do stuff like that, it is just disgusting, and not right.

I logged on as him and that girl he was talking to was on. I wrote her this mean message, then I started talking to her and she told me she was only 15 and that her friends told her to do it, rather that actually have sex herself. I told her how destructive this stuff is to marriages and how she felt knowing that God was watching her as she did this. She sorta freaked out and apologized and then asked me to forgive her. Then she said that she was on her mothers profile doing this, and her mom doesn't even know.

I am just so sad, I can't even remember the last time I felt this type of sadness. I am just gonna sleep on the couch, I can't even look at him.
4
Steph,

So sorry this happened to you.

Hang in there........

Big Hugs.
5
Steph........

Just read your second post............

Did your husband know she was only 15?
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No He thought she was 34.

I swear just when I think my life is going in the right direction this bull s*** happens.
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Tell your husband the girl was fifteen and what they do when they catch men who have cyber sex with minors online. You might want to mention it's on your hard drive and the girl's too. A little fear does wonders.
Sorry you're hurting.
xxxxooooo
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Steph,

Dont let this control you right now. I know that is a hard thing, but right now so new to recovery you must worry about yourself.

Marriage Counseling? Is this something he would entertain?

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Could be though that she really is 34.............and is just trying to get herself out of hot water by saying that she is only 15 and using her mom's computer???

Just a thought.

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stephy............

my goodness.............iam so sorry................

dont even waste you time trying to talk to those girls..........
although i am glad you did

this is your husbands fault.

i am sure he is very ashamed.......especially since you printed it out and handed it to him....................OUCH

i take things like that very serously............i hate that kind of foolishness.

if my husbans did this to me , i am not sure what i would do.

to see the words he typed to another woman...........
and took the time to actually do that........

some women are more forging than others.

i am not.

not sure what to tell you except ................i am gonna call you.

i love you

thumper
11
Should the girl's mother find out and reports this, well....you may want to make sure you have legal assistance on hand...this is a huge issue going on all over the world....I've blown some stuff wide open that happened to my daughter on the internet and falsifying yourself on the internet can get the girl into trouble as well....but your husband....hmmm, he just may have made a very horrible mistake with serious consequences...I've been like a private investigator myself and it is so easy to find out who people really are, what they are doing on the internet in cyberspace communities ~ you cannot believe it...it's so amazing to me that people think they just won't get caught. Protect yourself and your children....this is very sad and disheartening news, your husband was deceived however, he threw out the bait and she bit the hook ~ however there is zero tolerance for this type of situation and the repercussions will fall on the adult involved.
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Hey Geri, could Steph be in trouble too for having knowledge of the offense and not reporting it?
It's surprising how some laws work in cases like that.
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I thought it was the woman herself trying to get out of it. I don't know though. She didn't spell very good, but she was very graphic about everything, I don't know if a 15 year old could talk like that.
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You know, I really have to wonder if it was really the lady on the internet. She gave me her email address and it was the same name as her IMVU account, and she asked my husband if he had a webcam. I would think that if this woman was really 15 I think my husband could tell the difference.
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Let me re-emphasize that this is not okay, whether she be 15 or 34....but, especially if she is 15 years old it is a crime punishable by law, and in my state a felony.....I am becoming highly involved in an organization that I met at the California Govenor's Women's conference who are taking a stance on bringing justice to the children all over the world who are victims of predators on the internet. Let me remind all of you who post, that falsifying your identity can also bring repercussions. When an adult has sexual cyber conversations with a child, that person is committing to the deliquency of a minor, whether the minor be deceptive or not (at least here in Cali)...if the mother finds out and gets involved n this matter Child Protective Services will be called and will be knocking on your door along with the Police. I don't mean to frighten you but it is better to make you aware of how very serious this situation is and how fast it can escalate should the mother or anyone for that matter find out...honestly, and I don't mean to sound harsh, but your husband needs help.
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Makes me wonder to Steph.............Either way this is bad, but it really could be that she is 34, just trying to protect herself and say she was that young.

But who knows..........If she is 15 makes it even worse.

I feel so bad your dealing with this now. Try to relax sweetie.
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really who cares..............

i would really think about how your gonna handle this as far as your husband is concerned..........

kat is right.................i would scare him.............

if i found something like this on my husband, i bet he would say sorry and put his head down and start packing.........

because that would never leave my mind.......and he knows it..........
that would mess me all the way up
that would hurt me very deeply...........

on the other hand i have a best freind that has a husband that looks at porn and we know he chats with these girls and she just laughs about it.......

for me not a joking matter.............
very disrespectful gesture to do to your wife..........

boy oh boy..................your really gonna have to get on your knees for this one.
and i will to............

i am right here if you need me........stephy.

i love you and your not alone

big hug to you
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Yeah he does need help, but he has never really done this before.

When I was younger, I got into this big mess where this mad was calling my house and wouldn't leave me alone. My mother had to call the phone company to find out where this man was calling from and she was going to report him. She told him she was calling the cops and he never called again. Also one time when he called my mom thought it was one of my friends and she gave him my grandmas number because I was there. The man called my grandma and said "Stephanie told me if I called you, you would talk dirty to me" My grandma responded with a "I most certainly will not". I know its not funny, but I kinda laugh when I imagine my grandmas reaction.

Edit: Thank you Java and Thumper. Thumper, you are so great. You really remind me of myself. We think the same when it comes to these types of things. I am really glad you called me, it made me feel better. I am trying not to think of it because when I do, it just hurts so bad.
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java is right stephy..................just relax and give this to the Lord.......
this is to big right now and i know that you heart hurts because of this.

ia m so sorry

you did nothing wrong so you feel good and keep your head up and
try not to kill him....lol

let him dwell in this hole that he dug for himself for awhile

remember what we sing when we feel lost inside...........

and remember that Jesus sees it all and he will never leave you or forsake you like man does........
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As far as I am concerned, one time is too many times, in my book