vivid dreams.... that's all i can say.... still speecheless from the cast of characters that parade thru them. old friends.... late friends and family.
for the first time my late father who i started to yell at of all things, %gee i wonder where that came from% was sitting in my parents backyard trying to work on a big project, i was really organzied and .... all these people i knew from all areas of my life talking to me, keeping me from my work and distracting me and causing my order to become disorganized. then it started to rain but not on me. interesting.....
then my late father sat down next to me..... not the fragile sad regretful man i last saw, but a younger robust dark haired daddy..... he sat down and got all my materials wet and i yelled at him.
saw lots of friends from high school and i was polite to all but annoyed they messed up my work. wow saw people i hadnt' seen in years.......
must shake this and get on with my day here.... i keep slipping back to it the clarity of it and what it is telling/teaching me...........
for clarity like that i wouldn't pick up some weed for nothin'!
i remember when my dreams were sad and scary.... i still go to sleep each night making a statement for clarity and good dreams..... even the sad ones are somehow something to learn from. though maybe i'm stronger now....
dunno.
i am wazzed by last nights visits....
hope you all are having a good day.
-jojo
Isnt it weird to see the pretty colors? we used to take acid for that! Now we can just go to sleep for free. Those will eventually fade. Funny about the content, after our emails and you were yelling at DAD, the protector. Hummmmm, What do you think?
jamv- daddy was so NOT the protector.... he was the abuser.... momma ignored it.... no one protected us......no one watched our backs. that's one of the reasons why i'm so f-ed up :)!
Exactly my point.
You were yelling in anger at him; hum... getting that anger out in dreams maybe? Not letting it fester. Mom in the dream anywhere?
You were yelling in anger at him; hum... getting that anger out in dreams maybe? Not letting it fester. Mom in the dream anywhere?
I can relate to not being protected by Mom. Admitting my anger and disgust was hard. I am still so hurt and angry with her. I have never told her because that would hurt her! (interesting...)
anyway, those dreams sound scary to me, I don't want to revisit anytime before 1982, nor do I want to see those people! LOL
Right now I don't dream at all, I guess that is pot induced. About 7 years ago, I was clean for a few years and i did dream a bit.
I just finished heating up leftover Christmas dinner. I wanted to sit down for a few minutes so I came here instead of playing sherlock on the pc. I smoked cigarettes until 2 years ago,When I kick this it will be the first time since I was 13 that I didn't smoke something. My poor lungs.
So, like Jam said, was your Mom in the dream?
anyway, those dreams sound scary to me, I don't want to revisit anytime before 1982, nor do I want to see those people! LOL
Right now I don't dream at all, I guess that is pot induced. About 7 years ago, I was clean for a few years and i did dream a bit.
I just finished heating up leftover Christmas dinner. I wanted to sit down for a few minutes so I came here instead of playing sherlock on the pc. I smoked cigarettes until 2 years ago,When I kick this it will be the first time since I was 13 that I didn't smoke something. My poor lungs.
So, like Jam said, was your Mom in the dream?
hi- no mom was not in the dream.... dramamama to catch you up, i am as overwhelmed by my feeble elderly mother who i inherited when my father died last november. she is difficult and alone. she just sold her house and it's up to 'me' to find her an 'assisted living' place to closer to me and mine.....i love her but can not stand her.
i'm kinda rushed to write right now but we will get to know each other.... i look forward to getting to know you. we will help each other. and we ALL will be here for your kick off too. this friday it's 2 months for me..... which is the most amazing thing to me. glad you are here.
jamv- the resentment festers.... but i'm trying to be a nicer daughter. trying to see it from her point of view or as we say in film-land POV. i said today that me and the little one will come out this week to visit as little one is home from school. she says oh no come on saturday. i say saturday is new years eve and she claims "well you never do anything anyway....
%" oh yeah momma that's what i want to ring in the new year with friggin' you"!% so ungrateful so i said then we won't come out at all. done.
really throw this momma from the train........ i AM owen.
oh dramamama anything in % ....% is sarcastic. though maybe you know that.... i don't know if it's cyber talk or something from here.
gottta run.... little one is getting out of bath....then storytime then.... peace of mind.....quiet.
-jojo
i'm kinda rushed to write right now but we will get to know each other.... i look forward to getting to know you. we will help each other. and we ALL will be here for your kick off too. this friday it's 2 months for me..... which is the most amazing thing to me. glad you are here.
jamv- the resentment festers.... but i'm trying to be a nicer daughter. trying to see it from her point of view or as we say in film-land POV. i said today that me and the little one will come out this week to visit as little one is home from school. she says oh no come on saturday. i say saturday is new years eve and she claims "well you never do anything anyway....
%" oh yeah momma that's what i want to ring in the new year with friggin' you"!% so ungrateful so i said then we won't come out at all. done.
really throw this momma from the train........ i AM owen.
oh dramamama anything in % ....% is sarcastic. though maybe you know that.... i don't know if it's cyber talk or something from here.
gottta run.... little one is getting out of bath....then storytime then.... peace of mind.....quiet.
-jojo
jojo-
the % is my invention!
friggin disiples, cheesh! :P
the % is my invention!
friggin disiples, cheesh! :P
Family can be the worst. My father is a dream, was good to me all his life and did his best to raise me right, that is all he cared about. Thanks Dad! My Mother did okay too, but i had to move 80 miles and start from scratch to be my own person. I'm glad I had the courage to do so and it worked out quite all right. I can't ever see taking care of my mom because she is so demanding and needs to be 100% in control on every issue in every moment.
My wife - troubles. Terrible problem with anger that goes into rage, against me for the most insignificant things. Real crazy in that in spring to summer of 04 I had one year of straight in and she was going bonkers, I started a diary in fact to console myself and record it. I picked up in late August 04 and almost like magic it stopped. I think there is actually something in her ~subconscious that likes me high. I quit again in mid-November and again I am making these notations of the mad, terrible rages. Just had another today. It has been terrible, with her, since I have been straight. And I just don't see how I am the cause of it. There is something about me being straight, that she resents. I have had to put up with this for 19 yrs now, I wonder if i can when the kids are gone in a few yrs and I told her so today.
Yes, I have a problem, have had it for 30 yrs, but I have been fighting it and i recognize it. I'm fighting hard now.
My wife - troubles. Terrible problem with anger that goes into rage, against me for the most insignificant things. Real crazy in that in spring to summer of 04 I had one year of straight in and she was going bonkers, I started a diary in fact to console myself and record it. I picked up in late August 04 and almost like magic it stopped. I think there is actually something in her ~subconscious that likes me high. I quit again in mid-November and again I am making these notations of the mad, terrible rages. Just had another today. It has been terrible, with her, since I have been straight. And I just don't see how I am the cause of it. There is something about me being straight, that she resents. I have had to put up with this for 19 yrs now, I wonder if i can when the kids are gone in a few yrs and I told her so today.
Yes, I have a problem, have had it for 30 yrs, but I have been fighting it and i recognize it. I'm fighting hard now.
hippi, make sure you get your credit....
Once upon a time I subscribed to the philosopy that much could be accomplished as long as no one cared who got the credit, then I got tired of never getting any credit.
%-enclosed posts (or parts thereof %therefore, and hereinafter%) are sarcastic remarks.
Copyright, 2005 by hippienerd in cyberspace
Released for public use without fee or acknowlegement, Dec. 2005
-However I do take tips,-lol
Where in the world is aea? Mom is begining to worry.
%-enclosed posts (or parts thereof %therefore, and hereinafter%) are sarcastic remarks.
Copyright, 2005 by hippienerd in cyberspace
Released for public use without fee or acknowlegement, Dec. 2005
-However I do take tips,-lol
Where in the world is aea? Mom is begining to worry.
take a bow hippie... i have spread %...% this along with your other brilliant concepts to my personal and saracstic e-amils:)
jo
jo
poor little hippi never gets credit, never gets pats on the back unless he does it for himself.
'cept when my girl jojo does it!
:) jo
