I know i don't even deserve to be on this earth today, i am so sorry for what i;ve done. It was me, i took something out of context, and yes, i was drinking, this morning i don't even know why i got upset. You have been the biggest inspiration to me, and i just wanted you to know that. I guess i'm just upset because maybe i'll never be where you are. Again, i am so sorry and it is through tears and sobs that i'm writting this to you, you have every right to never talk to me again, but i really think you are a great person and i sooo wish i could take back everything;( I'm NOT drinking now. I'm starting again all alone at the very bottom, and i deserve it for pushing everyone away that tried to help me. I am so selfish. If i make it through this day without having a nervous breakdown, i will be amazed. Thanks for everything you've done for me.
dont be sad we have all been there. take care debbie xx
That's a real apology written in true humility - the real and loving Jayde shining through.
I'm glad you posted that Jayde - I feel better for reading it :)
Idgie
PS YGM
I'm glad you posted that Jayde - I feel better for reading it :)
Idgie
PS YGM
Hi Jayde, Thank you for the apology that means alot to me and your kind words. When I was drinking I was'nt my authentic self...I was just this very unhappy individual and I didn't like to hear about sobriety too much, but that was me and everyone is different. I'm glad that you decided to put the drink down today...I know you can do it, there is a solution and there is way out. I was so hopeless at the end of my drinking, even when my daughters walked out on me and my oldest fell to her knees and said: "Do you not know the stress you put me under everyday"...did that stop me that morning, sorry to say no, I drank until I had had enough which was a few hours later and finally surrendered. Don't be too hard on yourself, if you're an alcoholic like me you did what we do, we drink! The only way I could stop the insanity was to surrender and try to do things differently and for me that was to get active and take action in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. I wish nothing but the best for you my cyber-friend, nothing but the best for you and that little boy of yours. You can do this I know you got it in you!
PS-Hi Idgie and Hi Deborah!
PS-Hi Idgie and Hi Deborah!
In a way I'm glad this little bit of "drama" happened.
Its useful to be reminded that often the things that others say that we take exception to are the things that we truly need to hear.
The truth hurts and particularly when we are drinking we SO don't want to face that truth that we lash out at whoever is speaking it.
I've done it so many times I can't even count.
It takes a lot to admit when you are wrong and admit it to others. Another good lesson.
so for both those lessons/reminders thank you.
Idgie
PS - good to see you here VWGirl.
Its useful to be reminded that often the things that others say that we take exception to are the things that we truly need to hear.
The truth hurts and particularly when we are drinking we SO don't want to face that truth that we lash out at whoever is speaking it.
I've done it so many times I can't even count.
It takes a lot to admit when you are wrong and admit it to others. Another good lesson.
so for both those lessons/reminders thank you.
Idgie
PS - good to see you here VWGirl.
Hi Idgie, It's 10:00 pm here and I'm off to sleep ~ gotta get to work by 7:00 am tomorrow morning. Postings can be taken the wrong way, but I feel grateful too, and I meant to post this in my post to Jayde (Hi Jayde) ~ after I read the post last night it made be do a spot check inventory and made me rethink my own humility...and my Recovery reading for today that came across my PC at work was about humility...which I personally can't get enough of....it's progress not perfection ~ thank goodness.
Hi guys, thank you so much for responding. VWGirl, you are something else! ;) and YES i mean that in a good way;) I still feel like i need to make it up to you, it was NOT you...so you shouldn't be double checking yourself.
I was thinking all day yesterday....and i just can't believe that i can turn into something that is that miserable and mean. I mean, it's gotten pretty bad when you even try to cause problems on a computer with people who really care what happens to you. I am soooo sorry.
For anyone else that is struggling with the thought of trying a drink....DON'T do it! I am a perfect example of how fast you are right back to where you left off. It doesn't go away...it's always there, for me anyways, because i am a true alcoholic and that is something that i can NEVER forget.
There is so much more that i want to say, but my mind is really fuzzy right now, and i can't find the right words. But please everyone, just know I am so grateful for each and every one of you!
Have a nice SOBER day;)
I was thinking all day yesterday....and i just can't believe that i can turn into something that is that miserable and mean. I mean, it's gotten pretty bad when you even try to cause problems on a computer with people who really care what happens to you. I am soooo sorry.
For anyone else that is struggling with the thought of trying a drink....DON'T do it! I am a perfect example of how fast you are right back to where you left off. It doesn't go away...it's always there, for me anyways, because i am a true alcoholic and that is something that i can NEVER forget.
There is so much more that i want to say, but my mind is really fuzzy right now, and i can't find the right words. But please everyone, just know I am so grateful for each and every one of you!
Have a nice SOBER day;)
Good Morning Jayde, hope things are going better, I'm sure all of us can relate to being mean and nasty when we are drunk, I turned into Dr.Jekyll and Mrs.Hyde, and it was horrible, I'd spew my venom on anyone that happened to be around me, not always but more often near the end, I was turning into this person who I didn't even know anymore, and it really scared me. I found this to be true especially if I was going threw a really stressful time, I would drink, and then think nobody cared or didn't understand, or just didn't want to help me. Well now I know that nobody could help me, but me and I had to surrender it all over. This is a tough battle hun, but you recognize your weakness and that's the first step, you have to fall in order to know where you need to land.
Lots of Love
lovedove
Lots of Love
lovedove
posted by jayde
If you think you can't, you won't. Now if you think you can..you just might! And hey, maybe I am speaking for VW Girl, but I am sure she has some "VW Girl's Finest Moments" which were anything but. I am pretty confidently say that virtually all of us have been there, done that, and bought those T-shirts. But the really great thing is that you don't have to buy anymore of those T-shirts.
Yup, even this pillhead had my moments. And you know the scariest thing about them? I was actually sober when I did them. Oh God....
Oh VW Girl, if you are reading this, and if you would..uh...be willing.. I would love to e-mail you if you do such. I have respect for you and your sister Rachel too. I scour for your guys posts...
| QUOTE |
I guess i'm just upset because maybe i'll never be where you are. |
If you think you can't, you won't. Now if you think you can..you just might! And hey, maybe I am speaking for VW Girl, but I am sure she has some "VW Girl's Finest Moments" which were anything but. I am pretty confidently say that virtually all of us have been there, done that, and bought those T-shirts. But the really great thing is that you don't have to buy anymore of those T-shirts.
Yup, even this pillhead had my moments. And you know the scariest thing about them? I was actually sober when I did them. Oh God....
Oh VW Girl, if you are reading this, and if you would..uh...be willing.. I would love to e-mail you if you do such. I have respect for you and your sister Rachel too. I scour for your guys posts...
Hi Lovedove! Thanks, you always have a way of making me smile;)
You sound like you have been doing great! I'm so proud of you. I'm getting back on track now...the first day is always a bi%$#! But i made it through and i'm on my way. How is your Dad? Hope everything is alright! Talk to you soon;)
Elim...thanks for replying. You are absolutely right, if i think negatively, i will never be there. i know i can do it though;) I always love to read your posts! Oh, and i already have way too many of those T-shirts, thinking of having a garage sale! lol..........
You sound like you have been doing great! I'm so proud of you. I'm getting back on track now...the first day is always a bi%$#! But i made it through and i'm on my way. How is your Dad? Hope everything is alright! Talk to you soon;)
Elim...thanks for replying. You are absolutely right, if i think negatively, i will never be there. i know i can do it though;) I always love to read your posts! Oh, and i already have way too many of those T-shirts, thinking of having a garage sale! lol..........
Jayde - yup!! Hey maybe a bonfire would be better than a garage sale for the T-shirts.
Elim Garak - you don't post often but when you do you always cut right to the heart of the matter.
Live long and prosper EG
Elim Garak - you don't post often but when you do you always cut right to the heart of the matter.
Live long and prosper EG
Hey there Jayde, I am so glad that I make ya smile! :) everyone needs that pick me up every now and then! and I'm sending you lots and lots of love and positive energy! Thank-you for asking about my Dad, he's doing good, he hasn't started treatment yet, so that is another battle - peaks and valleys- isn't that always the way!! I'm hanging in there though, glad to see your avatar is back and your dancin' again! I get such a kick out of it!!
Lots of love to ya hun
lovedove
Lots of love to ya hun
lovedove
Good Evening everyone ~ boy the war stories I could tell ~ the drunk-a-logs that I could share...Elim was right I had a lot of "moments"...which I am still in the process of making my amends for...28 years of drinking and drugging, well you guys can only imagine and probably could relate to some of experiences I had while I was active in my alcoholism and addiction. I hope all of you have a wonderful and sober day!
PS-My sister saw me action...I know she nevers wants to see me pick up a drink again...not only for my sake but the sake of our family.
PS-My sister saw me action...I know she nevers wants to see me pick up a drink again...not only for my sake but the sake of our family.
