Know the weekends can get kkind of tough for Rachael and Ruby and WW as well. Also, anyone new here please join in. I'm just a pushy, newsy barker recovering heroin addict. But, I enjoy my chica's over here.
It's just two days. I like to think of it like that. Sure, it's a time where everyone ELSE goes and has a drink and smokes up and stuff. It's also two days where they beat eachother senseless, and fight in the supermarket cause they're in a rush to tailgate and they drive like maniacs.
So, there.
BTW, just wanted to ask if Rachael thinks it's alright for me to address her as "Rach"? I do that cause I love that movie "Trouble With Angels" and I always wanted to be "Rach". O.K. that's it. LOL Stay chill y'all. Thinking of ya.
Started my Friday hungover, the big ones are getting furhter distance between each other, went a week and a half without a bender. I didn't say without a drink, was a nightly drunk this summer. I am trying to stay positive and man do i want a beer.
Good luck to everyone this weekend, including me.
Good luck to everyone this weekend, including me.
I'm squeaky clean....except the argument with my daughter earlier depressed me. I tell myself she's 16 it'll pass. Her dad standing there watching us....he's all glassy eyed and looking retarded.....really annoyed me. Jealous ? Going to go recycle some cardboard...whoo hoo big friday night fun.
Thanks for your words of support Bryn, very much appreciated.
This addiction business sucks.
I have had a really bad weekend, probably the worst cravings since giving up some 16 weeks ago now. I have cried buckets this weekend. I am likening it to a sort of grief process. For the first few months I was kind of numb and now it has hit me that my 'friend' is not coming back. I am mourning the good times and contemplating life without 'him'.
I don't have much else to say today because I feel terrible. ;-( It will pass I know.
Hi to Rachael, WW and all.
Ruby x
This addiction business sucks.
I have had a really bad weekend, probably the worst cravings since giving up some 16 weeks ago now. I have cried buckets this weekend. I am likening it to a sort of grief process. For the first few months I was kind of numb and now it has hit me that my 'friend' is not coming back. I am mourning the good times and contemplating life without 'him'.
I don't have much else to say today because I feel terrible. ;-( It will pass I know.
Hi to Rachael, WW and all.
Ruby x
Hi Ruby, I'm so sorry to hear that your cravings were worse this past weekend. It's good to get those tears out and do your grieving. I guess we both have to keep taking it a day at a time and not think about never being able to smoke a joint again. I know exactly what you mean about mourning over a lost friend. I have paired up with some serious alcoholics in my past and no matter what they did, my dear friend pot was there to get me through. But he was also there numbing me out, taking my money, messing up my memory and worst of all making me feel bad about myself because I was an "addict." Hang in there, this too shall pass.........I was surprised that I had no cravings last night until I was watching TV and there was an ad for some kind of tea. They showed it in a pile and it looked like weed ;-) The tricks the mind will play. I do think the hypnotherapy tape is helping alot. I quite often fall asleep listening to it. I am a night owl because that is when my head feels the best, so it helps me relax and get to sleep. I'm still adjusting to the new migraine med. I feel pretty shaky for about 2-3 hours in the afternoon. The good news, it is subsidized and won't cost me the $200 per month that my doctor quoted me. Whew, that's a relief. Money is a touchy subject around here due to the lack of it. So D and I were both happy to hear that news. My cat, Zoe, is very attuned to my emotions. She sits with me in the evenings and is such a comfort to me. When I'm upset she rubs against my legs and meows to get up and give me some cuddles. Do you have any pets? I hope things get easier as the week progresses. You are doing great! Keep up the good work. Thinking of you.
Hi Bryn, Rach here. How was your weekend? You are such a great support. Were you a cheerleader in high school? LOL I really appreciate your encouragement and humour. Thanks and best wishes.
Hi Rachael,
Thanks for your message, I really appreciate it. I don't have any other support apart from this board, perhaps I should get myself along to NA. Think I have mentioned before that my partner although fantastic in every other way has simply no idea about addiction. He thinks that because it is now out of my system that I should have forgotten about it.
Great news that you got your meds subsidised. I laughed about what you said about the tea advert! I am exactly the same, I can be doing fine and then stupid things set me off. I know one of the triggers to really upset me at the weekend was walking through the park and seeing some teenagers obviously smoking some joints. I was sooooooo jealous of them and sorry for myself!!!
No I don't have any pets at the moment. I had a couple of old cats whom I adored who died a few years ago and right now I am pet free. I do miss having cats but at present am glad to have the freedom of not worrying about them when we go away. Also, because we are not 100% sure that we are staying in England (we may go to NZ where my partner is from) I do not want to commit to a pet at this stage. It would break my heart to have to leave one behind.
Anyway, today has been slighly better than the weekend and yesterday. Hopefully I have passed through my recent bad patch. I still can't stop thinking that Christmas won't be the same without pot but I need to get over it!! This coming weekend will be a challenge as well - our pot smoking friends are coming to stay for a couple of days and temptation will be in my path once again!
Thanks again for your support, thinking of you too and keep up the good work.
Ruby
Thanks for your message, I really appreciate it. I don't have any other support apart from this board, perhaps I should get myself along to NA. Think I have mentioned before that my partner although fantastic in every other way has simply no idea about addiction. He thinks that because it is now out of my system that I should have forgotten about it.
Great news that you got your meds subsidised. I laughed about what you said about the tea advert! I am exactly the same, I can be doing fine and then stupid things set me off. I know one of the triggers to really upset me at the weekend was walking through the park and seeing some teenagers obviously smoking some joints. I was sooooooo jealous of them and sorry for myself!!!
No I don't have any pets at the moment. I had a couple of old cats whom I adored who died a few years ago and right now I am pet free. I do miss having cats but at present am glad to have the freedom of not worrying about them when we go away. Also, because we are not 100% sure that we are staying in England (we may go to NZ where my partner is from) I do not want to commit to a pet at this stage. It would break my heart to have to leave one behind.
Anyway, today has been slighly better than the weekend and yesterday. Hopefully I have passed through my recent bad patch. I still can't stop thinking that Christmas won't be the same without pot but I need to get over it!! This coming weekend will be a challenge as well - our pot smoking friends are coming to stay for a couple of days and temptation will be in my path once again!
Thanks again for your support, thinking of you too and keep up the good work.
Ruby
Hi Ruby, Thanks for your post. I know what you mean about triggers, they can really set things off. You are doing great to get through those tough days without giving in. I am so impressed that you were able to go without smoking the last time you were around others who were indulging. I hope you can find that same strength this weekend when your friends come visiting..... I would encourage you to find a MA meeting rather than NA. My experience with NA was not that good, although it was many years ago. Hardly anyone was there for "just marijuana" and I wasn't taken very seriously. I have thought about trying MA on line. Are you familiar with the 12 step philosophy? First step is to admit you're powerless over your addiction to pot and your life has become unmanageable. Second step involves turning yourself over to a higher power. I'm afraid there is no slapping yourself about the face in that program ;-) I had trouble just getting through those first two steps so needless to say I never made it through all 12. It works for a lot of people, so I don't mean to put it down. With my strict religious upbringing, I am pretty messed up in "the higher power" department. I think it would do me a lot of good to embrace some kind of spiritual philosophy. I know my life is lacking in that area.....Christmas is looming as a time to celebrate and have some pot for D too. If I make it past early Dec. when my friend from the States is visiting, I think I can make it past Christmas. I'll take one hurdle at a time. I talked about it with her and she said it would not be a hardship to go without while she's here, so that is a relief to me..... I had one craving last night. I went walking after work and was tired when I got home. I thought about sweeping the front porch and doing some weeding. Then I went in to have a glass of water and rest a minute. "If I could only smoke a joint right now, I could go out and do those things," went through my mind. But I did the "Just Forget It" routine and it worked. I didn't get the porch swept but it's still there waiting for me. The rest of the evening I didn't think about it. This is remarkable to me. I am crediting the hypnotherapy. I have only been 3 times, would you consider something like that? It helped me when I quit smoking cigarettes back in '84.......Yes, cats can tie you down. I had a 19 year old cat, Rudy, who I had been treating for renal failure, in the States. When I left for NZ I left him with my boyfriend at the time, along with my other cat, Rosie. I was going to have him put down. My boyfriend talked me out of it. We had an agreement that he would do it when necessary. Well he wouldn't do it even when Rudy was wasted away to nothing and hardly able to move. I flew back to the States only 3 months after I left, just to do the deed. It was so hard to say goodbye to my buddy of all those years. He was with me when I went through Uni and all my moves in the San Francisco area when I was first getting started as an accountant. Anyway, I would never be able to leave a pet again. So I understand your situation. Have you been to NZ? It's a beautiful country but it's got a high cost of living and very low wages. If my sis wasn't here I would be tempted to move. Things are so awful in the States, I would not want to move back there, so I'm trying to think of NZ as my home. I haven't made any friends here due to the pain situation, so that makes it a bit tough. I correspond with friends back in the States. The board here is definitely my best support for the pot situation. I hope your week goes well. Good luck this weekend. "You'll be right" as the Kiwis say. All the best.
Hi Rachael.
Thanks for your last post. Yes I have been to NZ, I lived there for a while but missed the misery of London! It is a beautiful country and I hope to go back one day. We were based in Christchurch but I also did lots of travelling around both the South and North Islands. My favourite place is the Malborough Sounds, seeing the dolphins was breathtaking.
Yes I have been thinking about the 12 step programme. This 'higher power' thing bugs me. Me and relegion don't go together though so I am not sure how I would take it all!!! I have had a really good few days and barely thought about pot yesterday what with pumpkin carving and all the hoards of trick or treaters who knocked. I love Halloween!!
Just a quick post today, I have heaps to do. Hope your weekend goes well, stay strong. As I mentioned before we have our pot smoking friends coming to stay so I face another big challenge!
Best wishes
Ruby
Thanks for your last post. Yes I have been to NZ, I lived there for a while but missed the misery of London! It is a beautiful country and I hope to go back one day. We were based in Christchurch but I also did lots of travelling around both the South and North Islands. My favourite place is the Malborough Sounds, seeing the dolphins was breathtaking.
Yes I have been thinking about the 12 step programme. This 'higher power' thing bugs me. Me and relegion don't go together though so I am not sure how I would take it all!!! I have had a really good few days and barely thought about pot yesterday what with pumpkin carving and all the hoards of trick or treaters who knocked. I love Halloween!!
Just a quick post today, I have heaps to do. Hope your weekend goes well, stay strong. As I mentioned before we have our pot smoking friends coming to stay so I face another big challenge!
Best wishes
Ruby
I have tried to understand the 12 steps and feel maybe I am defected in some way, just can't get it.
Right now I am reading a lot about rational recovery and smart recovery, helps without the higer power and waiting on a miracle.
Not that I am getting far either way, but I am at least researching.
Right now I am reading a lot about rational recovery and smart recovery, helps without the higer power and waiting on a miracle.
Not that I am getting far either way, but I am at least researching.
Thanks jamv, Rational recovery sounds like it might fit better for me. Can you recommend a book? Ruby, glad to hear you've had some good days where the cravings were less. I'll be thinking of you this weekend.......We only had one group of trict or treaters and that was my nephew and his mates. They don't seem to celebrate Halloween here that much. I had to take the leftover chocolates to my sister's place. I seem to have no will power with smoking or sweets when it's actually in the house. Oh well, I did what I had to do...... Hope it goes well for everyone today.
There is the Rational Recover book by Jack Trimpey and it has a side kick called "The Small Book" same author has a few more tools and easier to read. I so get the concept and much easier to grasp than 12 steps, just haven't let me self completely make a plan to never drink/drug again.
As you will learn in the book we should give ourselves unconditional positive regard, so with that being said
AT LEAST I AM READING
As you will learn in the book we should give ourselves unconditional positive regard, so with that being said
AT LEAST I AM READING
You're hardly defected jamv.....it's just not for EVERYONE and so what.....I hardly think 12 steppers have perfect lives....we're all human.....I'm reading the rational recovery book too and I like it !
i read it:)
even when to a group meeting once long ago....
xo jojo
even when to a group meeting once long ago....
xo jojo
It really helps in most areas of life even if you dont stop using. it has help me realize i am reducing my intake instead of beating myself up for using at all. i read back through and no hangover this friday, in fact none this whole week, which means i didnt over do, but am not abstinent yet....
Thanks for the book referral, I will check into that. Jamv, please be good to yourself, that uncondition regard/love is so important. It sounds like you're making progress and that's great. Keep it up. Hope everyone has a good weekend, hellos to WW, Ruby and Jo Jo.
Yo Kids,
See ya all are discussing defects........LOL........I have mad respect for the 12 Steps, but am not an NA girl myself..........however I did see it save my friends life, Tres..........she posts on here as well.........it honestly helped her and she gained some great relationships through NA........she's a giver back kinda girl anyway so she's always giving back to others that need help.
Most interesting is how Rach was saying the tea commercial was a trigger......I never imagined..........but there ya go.
It's so cool to read here.......you all have such interesting lives...........have education and all............and pets...........and most important ya all are working your tails off to beat something you don't want in your life anymore.
Spouses that don't understand addiction are nothing rare.........not at all and it does make it frustrating as heck............especially if they are just tough guys......that never complain and are strong willed.
As a kid my mom took prescribed benzos............ya know way back in the days of "Mothers Little Helper"........valium and such..........well WE were the KIDS when she took them not her........and my dad he didn't take an asprin in his life..........and I recall my mom either running out of them or not able to find them..........SILLY ALWAYS KEEP YOUR DRUGS ON YOUR PERSON....I jest but it's true.
So, she wakes us up and is telling us to look fro these libriums..........she's emptying pocket books and going through pockets and we're combing through bureaus and stuff...........my dad was a cop so he was shift work.........he comes in after his 12:00AM shift was up and sees this.
I can kind of recall him knowing where the bottle was........thinking back maybe he took them with him???????????????????? Obviously he saw my mom was depending on them...........and he's like "Here they are"..........and right into the bathroom he goes.............my mom hanging on his foot begging.
FLUSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is that crazy? Back then I guess they didn't know how dangerous benzo withdrawl was and I remember her being on the couch alot for awhile after that.....and never took them again...............up until maybe a year ago.
Weird part..........she has them and is not taking too many..........complete control with this bottle she got..............so addiction is a tricky thing and unless ya been in it ya don't get it............and having your partner just want to say POOF...........you're done............it's frustrating...........not to mention extremely, extremely making ya feel like a dang weakling.
None of you all are weak here.........that's why it's called the WEE-KEND WARRIORS...........right..........and as long as Wonder Woman roams this planet all is well with the world.........right?
BOOKS: "THE ROAD LESS TRAVELLED"
Not about addiction, but it is..........helped me..........by SCOTT PECK!
I always recommend "AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF A YOGI" cause I liked it and I hardly read so I try to impress people.
One out there called "HELLO MR. GOD THIS IS ANNA"????????? Supposed to be life altering..........I have to get that..........I heard it's intense and immensely life changing.
K, my M Board, luvs..........stay strong............and I saw Jo Jo hopped on....what up, NY????????????????? LOL Respect to you all.
Oh yeah Rach, yeah I was a cheerleader.........from like age seven all the way through high school............how'd ya know? LOL Ain't they annoying cheerleaders..............one dude at a rehab told me I was too cheery......going through heroin withdrawl.........too cheery..........I was like "Dude, you should have seen me before I did drugs, I'da made ya puke"..........only anymore if I ain't in a good mood or sad or whatever.........I don't put on the MASK.
The mask of pretend..........smile..............keep your head up.........never let them see ya cry...............I've learned that means: "DON'T BE YOURSELF".
It has it place sometimes, but naw, if I got something really going on and say a neighbor comes over I'm like "Uhhhhh, I'm really PO'd at something so you ain't coming in"............LOL............I was raised to pretend........answer that door with a smile no matter.........heck no now I yell at little kids.
Peace and love dear ones............RAH-RAH-RAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rach, hope the migraine meds are helping.........glad at least you ain't out that loot........feel well!!!!!!!!!!!!
See ya all are discussing defects........LOL........I have mad respect for the 12 Steps, but am not an NA girl myself..........however I did see it save my friends life, Tres..........she posts on here as well.........it honestly helped her and she gained some great relationships through NA........she's a giver back kinda girl anyway so she's always giving back to others that need help.
Most interesting is how Rach was saying the tea commercial was a trigger......I never imagined..........but there ya go.
It's so cool to read here.......you all have such interesting lives...........have education and all............and pets...........and most important ya all are working your tails off to beat something you don't want in your life anymore.
Spouses that don't understand addiction are nothing rare.........not at all and it does make it frustrating as heck............especially if they are just tough guys......that never complain and are strong willed.
As a kid my mom took prescribed benzos............ya know way back in the days of "Mothers Little Helper"........valium and such..........well WE were the KIDS when she took them not her........and my dad he didn't take an asprin in his life..........and I recall my mom either running out of them or not able to find them..........SILLY ALWAYS KEEP YOUR DRUGS ON YOUR PERSON....I jest but it's true.
So, she wakes us up and is telling us to look fro these libriums..........she's emptying pocket books and going through pockets and we're combing through bureaus and stuff...........my dad was a cop so he was shift work.........he comes in after his 12:00AM shift was up and sees this.
I can kind of recall him knowing where the bottle was........thinking back maybe he took them with him???????????????????? Obviously he saw my mom was depending on them...........and he's like "Here they are"..........and right into the bathroom he goes.............my mom hanging on his foot begging.
FLUSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is that crazy? Back then I guess they didn't know how dangerous benzo withdrawl was and I remember her being on the couch alot for awhile after that.....and never took them again...............up until maybe a year ago.
Weird part..........she has them and is not taking too many..........complete control with this bottle she got..............so addiction is a tricky thing and unless ya been in it ya don't get it............and having your partner just want to say POOF...........you're done............it's frustrating...........not to mention extremely, extremely making ya feel like a dang weakling.
None of you all are weak here.........that's why it's called the WEE-KEND WARRIORS...........right..........and as long as Wonder Woman roams this planet all is well with the world.........right?
BOOKS: "THE ROAD LESS TRAVELLED"
Not about addiction, but it is..........helped me..........by SCOTT PECK!
I always recommend "AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF A YOGI" cause I liked it and I hardly read so I try to impress people.
One out there called "HELLO MR. GOD THIS IS ANNA"????????? Supposed to be life altering..........I have to get that..........I heard it's intense and immensely life changing.
K, my M Board, luvs..........stay strong............and I saw Jo Jo hopped on....what up, NY????????????????? LOL Respect to you all.
Oh yeah Rach, yeah I was a cheerleader.........from like age seven all the way through high school............how'd ya know? LOL Ain't they annoying cheerleaders..............one dude at a rehab told me I was too cheery......going through heroin withdrawl.........too cheery..........I was like "Dude, you should have seen me before I did drugs, I'da made ya puke"..........only anymore if I ain't in a good mood or sad or whatever.........I don't put on the MASK.
The mask of pretend..........smile..............keep your head up.........never let them see ya cry...............I've learned that means: "DON'T BE YOURSELF".
It has it place sometimes, but naw, if I got something really going on and say a neighbor comes over I'm like "Uhhhhh, I'm really PO'd at something so you ain't coming in"............LOL............I was raised to pretend........answer that door with a smile no matter.........heck no now I yell at little kids.
Peace and love dear ones............RAH-RAH-RAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rach, hope the migraine meds are helping.........glad at least you ain't out that loot........feel well!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hi Bryn, It's good to see your post and hear from you. Thanks for the book referrals. I had a rough day yesterday with headache. I had a little cry in the evening and then tried to stop feeling sorry for myself. I tell myself there are lots of people out there suffering with various conditions. I just need to keep coping and not start thinking about escape (suicide). I would not want to leave my husband and sister with that to deal with but if I'm honest, when I have a migraine, I just don't want to live like this anymore. Four years of chronic migraine has worn me down. I'm glad I'm seeing the new therapist, I can talk with her about these things. The new med is less sedating but so far I'm still having a lot of break through headaches. Will just keep hoping that I'll stabilize once I've been on it for awhile. My brother, M, has Parkinson's. We are not close. He's a Mormon and has distanced himself from the rest of the family because we are not Mormon. I've been corresponding with him lately. Asking him to give me pointers on how to deal with this tremor?? One of his eyes is bleeding from the retina and he may lose sight in that one. He tends to be more stoic than I am and doesn't talk about it much..........Thanks Bryn, for sharing about your childhood. It helps to hear about others less than perfect parenting. Our upbringing was difficult. Mom went from alcohol to prescription meds. My parents divorced when I was about 4. One of my first memories is standing at their bedroom door, hearing my dad hitting my mom, and begging him to stop. He was a well respected doctor in the community but a total jerk at home. We couldn't breathe without some sort of criticism. He never wailed on us but there was plenty of verbal abuse. He continued to prescribe my mom meds for years after their divorce, Melaril and Doridan. They put me on Melaril when I first started having h/a's. All I did was watch TV and zone out. I certainly couldn't work when I was taking them. Mom gave me a half of a Doridan once and I slept for 18 hours. She used to take at least 2 per day. I remember coming home from school and taking her pulse. That was part of my job. Only on a couple of occasions did I have to call the ambulance and have her hospitalized. If she was still breathing, then I was pretty much free to do what I wanted. Thank goodness for my sister or I don't think I would have made it. I don't know why I took it on myself to clean, cook and look after my nephews when mom wasn't able. But I did. My sister was cool but she chose to go off and read a book most of the time. My other brother P, was off in his own world of acting out and later taking drugs. So that was our happy little family;-)........D and I went to the movies yesterday and did some shopping. That was fun until the h/a came on. D's a nurse and he's very supportive and patient with me regarding the pain. I did book work on Sat. I'm trying to get it finished before my girlfriend arrives in 3 weeks. I should make it. Back to my day job at my sister's today. Hope you are all doing well. Wishing you all the best.
Hi everyone! Im so glad Ive found this site, I am an alcoholic and smoke weed, I went to rehab this time in 2005! I relapsed after 60 days!! (no excuse but my dad died while i was in rehab so left early) with the drinking and stopped smoking weed for 13 months. Well im terrified of the withdrawal sysmptoms if i get sober by myself, is there medication that can help out patient basis? Help
Hi Goldie, I'm glad you found this website. There is lots of good support here. I am not aware of any medication that helps with pot withdrawal symptoms. You might want to post on the "alcohol" board and ask about meds for alcohol w/d. It's great that you are thinking about quitting again. Wishing you all the best.
