Well Ive Decided...

no more sub for me(day#1)

I wasonly taking a very small amount so im praying the WD wont be bad.I have my appointment with my Dr tomorrow,but im going to tell him im done,im just going to have to suck it up until i get feeling better.

I never wanted to take the sub in the first place,then i decided i would just take it for a few months,here i am,a year and a half later.Im through,im done,im sick of pills,and im just quitting,no going backward!

I know my dr will try and get me to go one more month,and do it very slowly,but ive made up my mind.I want to be pill free.Wish me luck~KIM
Hey Kim, I get it, I do,,, the need to be totally pill free.

BUT, with your recent near-relapse, do you truly think now is the right time to remove the safety net?
Do you think that maybe your addiction is beig sneaky and talking you into being free to use your DOC with no impediments to intefer?

Just wanted you to think about this a little before taking the jump.

Either way, you know you have our support and love!
Kim, it's a wonderful thing to not have to take pills to keep withdrawals away. Whatever you have to go thru will be worth it. Stay focused on the other side. Good luck to you. Come back here and vent if you have to. We'll be watching for you.
Good luck to you Kim.
Kim, I don't know you very well, I did see your recent post about taking pills to get over the sub w/d....I did exactly that, and I sounded just like you do now about wanting off the sub soooo bad, sick of it, wasn't going to stay on it long, had enough,etc.... Well if it can in any way help another person I will share my story. I took pills to get over the sub wd. In the first few days I thought I was in control, then like the blink of an eye....back to you know what. I woln't go into a big song and dance, but same old same old. Counting pills, obsessing over them, constantly saying 1 more day. Kim, I REALLY thought I was ready. Now I am entertaining the idea of going back to my sub. dr. The best of luck to you. Please be careful. Sub. helps so much with the craving, you don't know what ya got till it's gone. I was only taking 2mg's a day. I wish so bad that I didn't play dr..
I'll post the other side....

ditch the sub. f*** that stuff, you don't need it, at this point it's probably keeping you sick.

read the thread titled "newbie" beginning to end 10 times and just BE PREPARED. it will not kill you to cold turkey this crap. make up your mind for good and do it. you are NOT weak because of a recent 'so called' slip....... did you take that norco? NO. then you are more than strong enough to do this. I'm a 20+ year junkie/drunk and I did it.

you can too.


and you'll NEVER regretit.


it IS that easy when you make up your mind.

rustbelt
rustbelt, with all due respect, it isn't that easy (for lack of better word) for everyone. You kicked but, and I wish I was as successful as you with quitting sub. No it woln't kill you...but in your opinion what is the difference between sub w/d and pill w/d? I really thought the sub w/d was soooo long, I truely couldn't believe it? If I had to do it all over again, I would do a 7-10 day sub treatment program. I am in NO WAY trying to discourage anyone in their efforts to get off sub. just saying be really carefull, have support in place, and absoultely every single saftey net you can think of set up. I had no support, my family lives in another state etc. I would have went to stay with my parents for a good 10 days to get over the "hump" but I didn't and I messed up.
I agree with Rustbelt.........Go for it!

They are already finding out that all this substitution therapy is having some bad results........like getting off.

Buprenorphine is 20x stronger than morphine.The reason is one may not feel that way is because it's a partial agonist and at high doses cancels itself out.
It's only been approved for treatment in the US since 02 so they don't know what the long term results of using it will be.

The shorter time period,the easier it is to get off it.

Good Luck
Good Luck Kim!!

I am fairly new to this forum and have not posted a lot but I have read a lot of posts. I know how hard it is to quit and everyone deals with it differently. Some can go cold turkey, others need a little help. It doesn't matter how you do it as long as you know your own strengths and weaknesses and have a good support system in place.

I probably shouldn't be one to be offering any sort of advice or feedback since I am still taking pills and drinking. I do know what I need to do, it's a matter of doing it and finding a constructive way of dealing with all things going on in my life instead of just trying to numb it all. I am working on it and I did break down and tell my counselor about my drinking and amount of vicodin I have been taking, just didn't tell her about the adderal usage. It may be just a small step but it was a small step in the right direction for me.

If you feel you are strong enough to handle this, then I say go for it! Just don't get down on yourself if you start to feel weak. I tell my kids all the time when they are scared to try something new because of the fear of failure..... "The only true time you fail is when you don't try."

Good luck Kim!!

Beth
angela, I think you misunderstood what Iwas referring to as easy... kicking bupe is by NO means easy. it was a f***ing b****.

what I am referring to as 'easy' is the decision. the CHOICE. forget all the bs about support, safety nets, blah blah blah. that stuff is important, a given, a MUST. but it's NOT the be all end all, it's not what it all boils down to...... it ALL comes down to the concious, active, HONEST choice to quit. without that decision, without that CHOICE combined with the commitment to follow through, the rest of it won't make it happen, won't make a difference.

Bupe withdrawls f***ing SUCK. they might, might..... be less intense, but they last longer than just about anything with the possible exception of methadone.

kim, you CAN do this. you are taking a small amount and you should see something much more similar to what lance went through than what I did. I was taking HUGE amounts of bupe the last couple of months.

my offer stands, if you want to quit and need support on here I will post every day 10 times a day if it will help you get through.

rustbelt
Good Luck!!!!!

I started at 16 mg and now I take 2mg. I plan to be done with it by September. IMHO.......sub is a great tool to have in your recovery toolbox. The job requires all of your tools, though.

I'll send some positive energy your way!
Jer
Stay focused Kim..I think what you're doing is great but I too worry about safety nets so soon after almost relapsing. Did you get those pills out of the house? The ones you were buying? I've got my fingers crossed for you!
If I remember right and I don't do that often, didn't she get the pills because she was afraid of detoxing from sub? I mean, it wasn't a plan to relapse, it was a safety net in case w/d's got too bad. Not a good idea, of course, but not a "I'm going to get pills to get high" type of thing.
Hey Kimber....though I have a LONG road to walk before I get to where you are.(I just decreased to 18mgs & doing fine)I just wanted to wish you the best of luck.

Kim Ive always seen you as a very strong lady & you have come far since when you first joined here.I know in my heart of hearts youll do this & help others see it can be done

Love Sabrina


Yes, Kim did say she was getting the pills to use during Sub. detox.
But, using is using, and she did say she was "excited" at the thought of using the pain pills.
Regardless of WHY she would have been taking the pain pills, it would have been a relapse. As we all know, once you take that first pill, it's over. Even if you tell your brain it's getting it to make you feel better due to detox, the beast would have still been awakened.
kim,

how are you?


rustbelt
Hi guys,so sorry its taken me this long to get back.Thanks to all of you for your advice and support,it means so much to me.

Im stull off the sub,day #3,and even though i was taking very small amounts of the sub,im having WD's.I saw my Dr yesterday,i told him no more refills,im doen.So that is that.

the pain pills i had gotten,i gave away the day after,i realized,due to most of your thoughts,and alot of thinking,playing it all the wau through,that it wasnt a good idea to back up the wd's with pills,i mean,it will be 2 years in August,i dont want to lose that more than anything.(though Carol,i must disagree,i dont EVER recall being excited about getting back on the pp only getting off the sub)

The Wd's arent too bad right now,my legs do ache terrible and i have a constant head ache,(i took midol head and body ache which is working a little)and this is coming off a very small does,but,ive been taking the sub for well, 2 years in august,figure that out,i cant think straight.

Again,thanks you guys,im going to make it 2 days totally pill free,i feel so good about it,things will probably get harder before easier but ive got myself prepared for it and my husbands support.so.....(GO ME!!!!)I pray its not too long and i can handle it with out going nuts.My husband does have requip and i have used some of that and that has helped unbelievably!!!!!!!! Even though i got the leg aches during the day,at night,those rls where you think youre going to lose your mind,the requip takes it right away(so far) thank you all ,i truly love you and will never forget all the help ive recieved here.~KIM(not that im going anywhere,i intend to be around more than ever to try and give back as best i can)~love you all KIm


Carol,i owe you an apology.I went back and read my original post and there,sure enough,in black and white...

QUOTE
Im so confused scared and to be absolutely truthful...a little excited


Im very sorry,i honestly dont remeber writing that,but i apologize sincerely.,your friend~KIM



LOL Kim, no problem. I have CRS, too. I just got a thank-you note for a gift and it floored me, because I had no memory of sending the gift, and didn't even know what I had sent. This getting old s*** sucks.
Hang in there, you will make it!
Kim..I"m really glad you went back and read your original post..I remember you writing that you were excited as well and thought maybe I was losing my mind, well, I am but that's besides the point. You can do this girl, you get through, one day at a time. Don't worry about tomorrow and yesterday is history. Just focus on today. Maybe going back to your women's meeting would be a good idea? Hang in there...it gets better.
kim?

how you doing?


rustbelt