JoJo,
I am so sleepy today !!! I was up at 6:30 to say goodbye to hubby as he leaves for his 10 day work sprint. I drove my daughter to school at 7:30. She wanted to get there early so she can get help with her biology (I can't believe this is my daughter). I would have slept until noon at that age.(usually because I was out getting wasted the night before). She amazes me, and i tell her that every day. First day of school yesterday and she was already offered mushrooms ! &*%$# I just keep telling her how proud i am than she deals with that pressure daily in high school and refuses to get lured into it. Unfortunately she has lost childhood friends to drugs and alcohol.....they dumped her recently because she doesn't partake. Lots of tears, and I'm "present" when she shares her pain. I feel proud of that. Even though I'm still having a few puffs around 10 pm these last few nights, I know that I have been there for my kids, when it matters.
Then I drove my son to his school for the 8:30 bell. How do I do it?? 20 YEARS of practice :-) Have you considered inviting a non-stoner mom for a coffee/latte/capp whatever, or even a walk ?after dropping your daughter off ? I don't know your work schedule, but it's just a thought.
For the most part, I'm feeling really great during the day, energy, productive, happier ! As tired as I am today, my girlfriend is calling me when she gets home after work and we're going for a walk. But i must get to bed earlier. :-)
You're doing really well, JJ, keep going !!!!! Keep "stretching", trying new behaviours...I know it can be hard....you can do it.
Love,
Diana
hi ww- thanks for your words. yes 'stretching' is exactly what i am doing. today was hard. tonight i am so tired, so much to do, i was overwhelmed.... found myself starting to rationalize...... ie if i don't get this place in order by such a date i'll smoke and organize this mess once and for all and then stop smoking. %yea, rite% you and i well know that is irrational thinking. is disorder in the house so important to fix that i will surrendor my clean time? reminds me of some of the greek mythology i read to my daughter ....as if i am trading in part of my soul for some 'greek-god-like' behavior or favor; to find what i feel is impossible order in my home. there must be another way. and i must say i am stupidly tired. so with that i'm taking my own advice and getting some much needed sleep. i don't know if this even makes sense. man, i hope it does!
but first....
ohhh the world trade center memorial lights. oh they are beautiful, i think they turned them on last night, tonight or so. my husband called from band practice and told us to go to the roof to look at the harvest moon. unfortunately the moon was covered by clouds but the lights from the memorial were reaching up to the sky, up, up ... till it's a cluster of light and you can see no more.
you know i'm not a spritual person and some guy on my roof said he thought the memorial really wasteful or something to that degree. i spoke otherwise, told him i am an athiest and this is about as spiritual as i get, but how at that spot where so much energy and spirit and love... and LIFE was swept away in a flash is now memorialized by a light reaching into the sky, into the heavens and beyond.... i told him to follow the light, that energy... and that in my opinion was infinity. he was speechless. so was i actually:)
please google the image .... the world trade center lights memorial or something like it, i'm not sure how long it will be lit.... this week and hopefully longer. i hope it's for the month of sept. i wish you had seen it when you were here. personally i'd love it all year long. anyway that's my little bit about the lights of 3000 and more souls. one of the rabbi's who spoke in the days or maybe months following said "3000 people did not die, one person died 3000 times". i'll never forget that and that's what i think when i see the light going up into the sky and beyond.
okay. my big speech for tonight. i get very weepy this time of year. it's uncontrollable but i am not alone i see it in the streets on the faces of the passers by.
oh and yes the moms..... actually i don't have any stoner mom friends. i have very few stoner friends as i smoke(d) alone. i just know who they are, like to know one cause i was/am/was one. most of my 'mom' friends are for the most part very 'straight' as we would say.... one friend never tried the stuff. and the other's only discuss it only as something they did crazy in college. they know i have a history but not the bottom line. they are all my age or near-about. my thing is i need to make better friends of these mom's as you suggested would be great. so your suggestion is a good one.
tomorrow night the PTA is hosting a bbq for the new students. again... egadds against my character we are going. i will mix and mingle and be as friendly as possible. and yes though most of us have morning places to rush off too, morning coffee is difficult, but some of us playground moms have been talking about a movie or a group walking club or maybe a yoga class or as i suggested a cup of tea one evening.... they too need the comradarie and friendship. they all have their stories....they are so unlike the friends i chose long ago. but i've told you about my shi**y friends. maybe i would have been better off in many ways had i chosen others... yet who know's my experiences along with my shi**y friends brought me to this place. i'm letting go of so much regret this week. saturday will be a month. maybe i'll go to the roof and stare at the lights in the sky.
i'm glad you are having better days and nights too. i'm glad you see how wonderful this 'sacred time' is. i hope the going keeps going well. hippie would love to hear from you if ever you need the 'real' thing. he is my guru afterall:)
okay enough jojo theory. i must go to bed so i can mix and mingle at breakfast with the kids and their moms and dads too! and somehow click into this new routine.... and tomorrow also drag myself to work. first time time in a week .... oh no!
thinking of you all.... excuse my rambling. i'm tired and ..... feeling quite humble.
love to you and to all.....
try to stay off the grass!
:) jojo
but first....
ohhh the world trade center memorial lights. oh they are beautiful, i think they turned them on last night, tonight or so. my husband called from band practice and told us to go to the roof to look at the harvest moon. unfortunately the moon was covered by clouds but the lights from the memorial were reaching up to the sky, up, up ... till it's a cluster of light and you can see no more.
you know i'm not a spritual person and some guy on my roof said he thought the memorial really wasteful or something to that degree. i spoke otherwise, told him i am an athiest and this is about as spiritual as i get, but how at that spot where so much energy and spirit and love... and LIFE was swept away in a flash is now memorialized by a light reaching into the sky, into the heavens and beyond.... i told him to follow the light, that energy... and that in my opinion was infinity. he was speechless. so was i actually:)
please google the image .... the world trade center lights memorial or something like it, i'm not sure how long it will be lit.... this week and hopefully longer. i hope it's for the month of sept. i wish you had seen it when you were here. personally i'd love it all year long. anyway that's my little bit about the lights of 3000 and more souls. one of the rabbi's who spoke in the days or maybe months following said "3000 people did not die, one person died 3000 times". i'll never forget that and that's what i think when i see the light going up into the sky and beyond.
okay. my big speech for tonight. i get very weepy this time of year. it's uncontrollable but i am not alone i see it in the streets on the faces of the passers by.
oh and yes the moms..... actually i don't have any stoner mom friends. i have very few stoner friends as i smoke(d) alone. i just know who they are, like to know one cause i was/am/was one. most of my 'mom' friends are for the most part very 'straight' as we would say.... one friend never tried the stuff. and the other's only discuss it only as something they did crazy in college. they know i have a history but not the bottom line. they are all my age or near-about. my thing is i need to make better friends of these mom's as you suggested would be great. so your suggestion is a good one.
tomorrow night the PTA is hosting a bbq for the new students. again... egadds against my character we are going. i will mix and mingle and be as friendly as possible. and yes though most of us have morning places to rush off too, morning coffee is difficult, but some of us playground moms have been talking about a movie or a group walking club or maybe a yoga class or as i suggested a cup of tea one evening.... they too need the comradarie and friendship. they all have their stories....they are so unlike the friends i chose long ago. but i've told you about my shi**y friends. maybe i would have been better off in many ways had i chosen others... yet who know's my experiences along with my shi**y friends brought me to this place. i'm letting go of so much regret this week. saturday will be a month. maybe i'll go to the roof and stare at the lights in the sky.
i'm glad you are having better days and nights too. i'm glad you see how wonderful this 'sacred time' is. i hope the going keeps going well. hippie would love to hear from you if ever you need the 'real' thing. he is my guru afterall:)
okay enough jojo theory. i must go to bed so i can mix and mingle at breakfast with the kids and their moms and dads too! and somehow click into this new routine.... and tomorrow also drag myself to work. first time time in a week .... oh no!
thinking of you all.... excuse my rambling. i'm tired and ..... feeling quite humble.
love to you and to all.....
try to stay off the grass!
:) jojo
jojo
googled the memorial. what a beautiful and sad site. some day hope to see it in person. have been to the oklahoma bombing site and it was breath taking. have a good day.
googled the memorial. what a beautiful and sad site. some day hope to see it in person. have been to the oklahoma bombing site and it was breath taking. have a good day.
hi all- jeez my post last night was loooong. i guess i'm a-rambling once i get going i go! i'll try to keep em shorter, sorry to 'bogart' the space:) jojo
Stay strong wonderful ladies.
A womans works never done. Triggers everywhere.
We need to do whats right for us in the long run. Being straight and alert is better than the cloud. Even if it is hard and really sucks sometimes.
A womans works never done. Triggers everywhere.
We need to do whats right for us in the long run. Being straight and alert is better than the cloud. Even if it is hard and really sucks sometimes.
