I got this from another website and I thought it was great so I thought I would post it here. It was written by someone named Jon..
What Addicts Do
My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fufilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decison to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decsion, I will hurt you again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.
Very good Liz.
It's very true.Have you noticed when people active in their addiction start the same litany about how they cannot let their spouse find out,or their job,or their friends,family,doctors etc.
It usually has nothing to do with hurting them like they say or even think.
It just means that someone will start holding them accountable/or cut them off.
I remember when I was drafting the letters to send to the two doctors I had been conning for years.I would tell my sponsor,"I can't do this.It's so humiliating.What will they think of me?"
My sponsor just looked at me and said"Tim,cut the bullsh*t.You could care less what they think of you.You just know you're getting ready to cut your supply off."........I didn't talk to him for a week.LOL
It's very true.Have you noticed when people active in their addiction start the same litany about how they cannot let their spouse find out,or their job,or their friends,family,doctors etc.
It usually has nothing to do with hurting them like they say or even think.
It just means that someone will start holding them accountable/or cut them off.
I remember when I was drafting the letters to send to the two doctors I had been conning for years.I would tell my sponsor,"I can't do this.It's so humiliating.What will they think of me?"
My sponsor just looked at me and said"Tim,cut the bullsh*t.You could care less what they think of you.You just know you're getting ready to cut your supply off."........I didn't talk to him for a week.LOL
Liz and Tim:
I loved reading this...so true, so true.
When I admitted my addiction to my family, friends and physicians...guess what??? No one was surprised.
I thought I was being so clever...hence, the not feeling clever.
S.
I loved reading this...so true, so true.
When I admitted my addiction to my family, friends and physicians...guess what??? No one was surprised.
I thought I was being so clever...hence, the not feeling clever.
S.
Doesn't any of this letter irk you Guys?
I don't think you can stereotype addicts this way. Yes, maybe if we don't seek recovery, at some point we will become this way. I can relate to some of this letter but certainly not all of it. No empathy for anyone? Not true. Cannot love anyone? Also not true. If I had cheated, lied, hurt, stole or left my family hungry, I most certainly would have been fazed by it.
I get the not yets concept, but I honestly think after almost nine years if every single aspect of my personality were going to change, it would have.
I'm thankful I got off the ride before I became like that, if that were to actually happen. I've met countless people who've made it to the depths of hell with their addiction, but I've never seen one of them without a flicker of heart inside them.
You can speak of their children or grandchildren and see their eyes warm with affection.
I truly realize the full extent of the selfishness of my disease, but I never ceased loving my children and putting their needs over my own. This makes me grateful for recovery today.
xxxxxoooooo
I don't think you can stereotype addicts this way. Yes, maybe if we don't seek recovery, at some point we will become this way. I can relate to some of this letter but certainly not all of it. No empathy for anyone? Not true. Cannot love anyone? Also not true. If I had cheated, lied, hurt, stole or left my family hungry, I most certainly would have been fazed by it.
I get the not yets concept, but I honestly think after almost nine years if every single aspect of my personality were going to change, it would have.
I'm thankful I got off the ride before I became like that, if that were to actually happen. I've met countless people who've made it to the depths of hell with their addiction, but I've never seen one of them without a flicker of heart inside them.
You can speak of their children or grandchildren and see their eyes warm with affection.
I truly realize the full extent of the selfishness of my disease, but I never ceased loving my children and putting their needs over my own. This makes me grateful for recovery today.
xxxxxoooooo
Kat,
I didn't really agree with it, or even like what it said. NO offense to Lizrox at all.
I didn't really agree with it, or even like what it said. NO offense to Lizrox at all.
Let me ditto that, Atlas. No offense to Lizrox at all
xxxooooo
xxxooooo
I didn't like what it said but it sure was true of me. I worried about where my drugs were coming from. That was my main concern every day. But my using didn't get to the point of addiction until after my kids were grown and gone (meaning my daily use and obsession). IF I had been using to the extent that it had gotten to when they were little, yeah, I'm pretty sure the drugs would have come first because that is the bottom I reached. Not everyone gets that low, thank God. But for some of us, that post is very true.
Ditto on that one........
Lizrox of course no offense to your post, there is always differing opinions on these kinds of things here.
I dont agree with it..............I loved people, and felt bad when I hurt them..........Just didnt know how to stop doing it.
Thanks for your post though Liz.
Hugs.
Lizrox of course no offense to your post, there is always differing opinions on these kinds of things here.
I dont agree with it..............I loved people, and felt bad when I hurt them..........Just didnt know how to stop doing it.
Thanks for your post though Liz.
Hugs.
Amen, kind of sickening. But so true. I did see that low Kat. It keeps me constantly humble knowing that one drug and my kids become second. So sad I love them more than anything in the world but in active addiction I was not a mother I was a complete and total addict. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. That struck home. YUCK!
Love,
Jane
Love,
Jane
I also believe it wasn't to be taken literally.It was more of a rhetorical statement on the self centeredness of the disease.I certainly have heard addicts abandoning their loved ones and commiting some pretty heinous actions but overall we still loved,cared for children,held down jobs etc.
I looked at the letter as not a personal history but more of how this disease can rob your soul.
I can verify that from my own experience.
I looked at the letter as not a personal history but more of how this disease can rob your soul.
I can verify that from my own experience.
What Codependents Do
My name's Jane. I'm a codependent. And this is what codependents do.
You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat myself better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is everyone elses needs and how to go about fulfilling them. Within five minutes of meeting you, I will be offering you help.
My own feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my enabling that I have no empathy for myself.
My behavior cannot and will not change until I make a decision to stop enabling and then follow it up with a plan of action to practice acceptance, self-compassion and self-care.
And until I make that decision, I will help again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am a codependent. And that's what codependents do.
My name's Jane. I'm a codependent. And this is what codependents do.
You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat myself better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is everyone elses needs and how to go about fulfilling them. Within five minutes of meeting you, I will be offering you help.
My own feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my enabling that I have no empathy for myself.
My behavior cannot and will not change until I make a decision to stop enabling and then follow it up with a plan of action to practice acceptance, self-compassion and self-care.
And until I make that decision, I will help again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am a codependent. And that's what codependents do.
Lizrox I wanted to put some thought into this & sadly I must agree I dont think it was a very good saying Or positive thing.It makes us addicts seem as if we are some unfeeling,uncaru=ing animals even when we used & I know for myself,that was so far from the truth.
empathy,caring,tenderness,love its all there & I dont feel the drugs can take whats already there.
Please forgive me as some may not agree & thats ok thats what this board is about.
Also Im sorry Im going to bring up something from my life & I hope it makes sense.
As some of you know I am NOW dealing with the death of my dad who passed 4 years ago.At that time,I emotionally but myself on hold & gave every part of my compassion,empathy,love,tenderness to my sister who was so close to our dad I thought she'd never get over it.I did this all while I was abusing massivly.
So I dont believe being an addict whetrher still usen or in recovery can take from you what you already hold inside
Lizrox please know I say this with total respect & kindness for you.
molly
empathy,caring,tenderness,love its all there & I dont feel the drugs can take whats already there.
Please forgive me as some may not agree & thats ok thats what this board is about.
Also Im sorry Im going to bring up something from my life & I hope it makes sense.
As some of you know I am NOW dealing with the death of my dad who passed 4 years ago.At that time,I emotionally but myself on hold & gave every part of my compassion,empathy,love,tenderness to my sister who was so close to our dad I thought she'd never get over it.I did this all while I was abusing massivly.
So I dont believe being an addict whetrher still usen or in recovery can take from you what you already hold inside
Lizrox please know I say this with total respect & kindness for you.
molly
CynicalOne-LOL.........that is the bomb .Thank You
Here's one="Gee,I hate to leave the house right now and make some money because my dog looks so sad when I get ready to leave.F*ck,it.I'll just stay here in case he needs me.I know he's feeling abandonded"
Here's one="Gee,I hate to leave the house right now and make some money because my dog looks so sad when I get ready to leave.F*ck,it.I'll just stay here in case he needs me.I know he's feeling abandonded"
LOL...Cynical one...yep, needed to read that one too....
And sorting through the addiction meshed with co-dependency is such a treat sometimes.....
While in active addiction, I am the most self-centered, selfish creature on this planet...and I do love my children, for a long time, I thought more than I loved myself but until I ventured into this thing called recovery, I didn't see how much I hurt and damaged them so today, for me, as long as I love myself first, everything else will work out for the best.....
I looked for the similarities in the above posts and could relate to both...
Take care,
Stacey
And sorting through the addiction meshed with co-dependency is such a treat sometimes.....
While in active addiction, I am the most self-centered, selfish creature on this planet...and I do love my children, for a long time, I thought more than I loved myself but until I ventured into this thing called recovery, I didn't see how much I hurt and damaged them so today, for me, as long as I love myself first, everything else will work out for the best.....
I looked for the similarities in the above posts and could relate to both...
Take care,
Stacey
Stacey see thats whats odd to me.Im sure I was selfish as far as the drugs thremselves but when I was abusing it was easier for me to open up & let my compassion & all that mentioned out.Thats why its been a struggle for me,but Im learning ya know.Ive realized I didnt need the pills to bring out what I already have.
Does that make any sense???
Does that make any sense???
This is a great thread really, I love all the opinions on this........
I have much of the same feeling as MJ..............While using I COULD express feelings. I felt like I was able to express everything more.
That was my biggest reason I think for using is that I seemed to come "out of a shell" of sorts...........and loved being involved with things.
Now I am struggling with that a bit. I just dont understand it.
I have much of the same feeling as MJ..............While using I COULD express feelings. I felt like I was able to express everything more.
That was my biggest reason I think for using is that I seemed to come "out of a shell" of sorts...........and loved being involved with things.
Now I am struggling with that a bit. I just dont understand it.
Forgive me if this comes out wrong....
I could express feelings too but I couldn't feel the feelings, thus the selfishness and I would do for others but not let them do for me because if I was caring for everyone else and solving everybody else's problems, I didn't have to look at me and this too is selfish as I wasn't allowing them their own experiences or allowing them to learn and grow.......
Now that I am clean and sober, I can feel feelings like never before and these feelings are true......
I could express feelings too but I couldn't feel the feelings, thus the selfishness and I would do for others but not let them do for me because if I was caring for everyone else and solving everybody else's problems, I didn't have to look at me and this too is selfish as I wasn't allowing them their own experiences or allowing them to learn and grow.......
Now that I am clean and sober, I can feel feelings like never before and these feelings are true......
While using I thought I could express feelings too.But were they my true feelings or some drug altered emotions?
I would sit and bawl at Unicef commercials on TV or the WHO talk about starving children in Biafra.I would be sipping on a beer,popping oxy's and looking for my checkbook.
I thought "Man,you are such a sensitive guy"...."You have found just the right chemicals to make you a total Rennaisance man."
What bullsh*t.LOL
If I ran out drugs you can bet some emotions would come out and they were far from loving.I could care less about starving children.
It takes time and a lot of work to start getting in touch with some of this stuff.I have a long journey in front of me.
I guess the difference is today I just let them come out and hope for the best.
It has gotten better.
I would sit and bawl at Unicef commercials on TV or the WHO talk about starving children in Biafra.I would be sipping on a beer,popping oxy's and looking for my checkbook.
I thought "Man,you are such a sensitive guy"...."You have found just the right chemicals to make you a total Rennaisance man."
What bullsh*t.LOL
If I ran out drugs you can bet some emotions would come out and they were far from loving.I could care less about starving children.
It takes time and a lot of work to start getting in touch with some of this stuff.I have a long journey in front of me.
I guess the difference is today I just let them come out and hope for the best.
It has gotten better.
Thank you Tim.......I needed that post and I related completely with everything you just said.....
xoxo
xoxo
My perceptions were off when I was using, I know that. I was manipulating and self centered with my family and friends. I didn't know it at the time of course. I didn't realize that I even WAS that way until I got clean and my perceptions changed. I loved them the best I could. So what if people hid their medication when I came over? They shouldn't leave them in the medicine cabinet anyway. So what if they turned off the electric or the phone. They should have waited another week. I HAD to get my medication. Or I would LOVE to cook dinner for you but I'm a little buzzed and I'll get to it right after this 10 hour nap. That was how I thought. I didn't realize I was hurting others. I thought what I wanted was owed to me and others had to understand just how important my wants were. I didn't know any better. I learned about self centerness in recovery. We all know not everyone hits the same bottom. I don't think of myself as a low bottom addict. I see people that have gone a lot lower but as far as character defects go? Oh yeah, I was right there with them. I selfishly never saw how selfish I really was. I never heard of looking at myself. There was nothing wrong with me, I thought. And this is not to say the rest of you were like that. This is to say how I was.
