Hey:
Lately, I've been having a really hard time trying to muster up any feelings about anything. I've been feeling so detached. Nothing fazes me one way or the other , it's like I've become a robot. Seriously. I used to laugh really hard at things, I mean I would crack-up. Lately, not so much. I don't know when the last time I cried about anything. Once in a while I get reallyt pissed off, but it doesn't last. I'm so numb, where have I gone? I used to have panic attacks but not in a long while (which is good) but I don't feel much anxietyabout anything. I try to tell myself I need to pull myself totgether, but I have no interest. I've never felt like this before for any length of time. I'm on paxil - is that it? But I've been on paxil for years. I'ave been taking the lortab consistantly since the accident (little over 2 years) is it that? I want to care, but I just don't really care about anything. I think I've totally given up on myself. I'm shoplifting like crazy for no good reason. It makes me feel a little something until I leave the store, then nothing. I weigh more than I ever have, and I'm like whatever. My hair stays in a ponytail. I was a voracious reader my whole life. I mean 2, 3, 4, books a week - every week. Now I can't finish a book. I can't concentrate, I just lose interest.a For about the past year All I've been able to read are magazines, which I usually steal. Can anyone else relate to this? Does this resonate with anyone at all? Any advice? Any response will be so appreciated.
Lola,the same happened to me,im just know coming out of it ,after 7 months with out the norcos.
Thats what the pain meds do,they numb you.They numb everything.All those things you mentioned,plus sex drvie,and any type of happiness were totally missing from my life near the end.Thats when i knew i wanted my life back.
The only answer ive found,is getting clean and working hard to stay that way.I think i read you have pain issues right?That always makes things harder.Personally i dont know if i ever could be on pain meds and use them as prescribed again ever in my life.In fact,i know i couldnt.
What type of pain issues are you dealing with.Do you think you can survive without the pain meds? I truly believe those are whats robbing you of life.Maybe you can start looking into alternatives for your pain issues.Not easy,i know,but getting those feelings back(the bad along with the good,lol)is more than worth it.~KIM
Lola,i just read your other post.You sure have been through alot.Getting off pain meds with all the problems you have seems almost impossible.Are you trying to taper at all? I didnt read how much you take,how often etc...?
Thats what the pain meds do,they numb you.They numb everything.All those things you mentioned,plus sex drvie,and any type of happiness were totally missing from my life near the end.Thats when i knew i wanted my life back.
The only answer ive found,is getting clean and working hard to stay that way.I think i read you have pain issues right?That always makes things harder.Personally i dont know if i ever could be on pain meds and use them as prescribed again ever in my life.In fact,i know i couldnt.
What type of pain issues are you dealing with.Do you think you can survive without the pain meds? I truly believe those are whats robbing you of life.Maybe you can start looking into alternatives for your pain issues.Not easy,i know,but getting those feelings back(the bad along with the good,lol)is more than worth it.~KIM
Lola,i just read your other post.You sure have been through alot.Getting off pain meds with all the problems you have seems almost impossible.Are you trying to taper at all? I didnt read how much you take,how often etc...?
Hey JJ:
Thank you so much for responding. I felt like Nobody else knew where I was coming from. Yeah, pain meds do numb you and thats why I've turned to them so much in the past. But back then I mainly went on little binges a few times each month and in-between felt relatively normal. My pain issue (readers digest version) Jan 19, 2005 broke my leg - I'm 12 operations later. Despite bone grafts, bone still broken, that super-staph infection? Got it in the bone. Last x-ray? 2 screws (that were holding broken bone together) broken. And you are so right, my doc is what their giving me for the pain. This is a scenario I would have thought I'd love. But you're right, its impossible. I'[m still afraid I'll lose my leg. Maybe I could get darvocet for the pain and I'd be less likely to abuse them. My tolerence level is so high though that I'm actually prescribed 20 mgs of Hydrocodeone every 4 hours. Another idea the doctor had was to put me on methadone. I'm afraid of methadone, I've heard its harder to get off of than Herion. nNot only that, but my tolerence being so I I can totally imagine me taking a handeful and then ODing. I have a health respect for it. It's like with herion, I've always felt if I ever tried that once, i'D be lost forever. But back to the point, when you got off the opiates, your emotions came back? How long did it take? What were you on and how did you get off? Sorry to fire so many questions at you but I'm just so relieved someone cared enough to reply
Thank you so much for responding. I felt like Nobody else knew where I was coming from. Yeah, pain meds do numb you and thats why I've turned to them so much in the past. But back then I mainly went on little binges a few times each month and in-between felt relatively normal. My pain issue (readers digest version) Jan 19, 2005 broke my leg - I'm 12 operations later. Despite bone grafts, bone still broken, that super-staph infection? Got it in the bone. Last x-ray? 2 screws (that were holding broken bone together) broken. And you are so right, my doc is what their giving me for the pain. This is a scenario I would have thought I'd love. But you're right, its impossible. I'[m still afraid I'll lose my leg. Maybe I could get darvocet for the pain and I'd be less likely to abuse them. My tolerence level is so high though that I'm actually prescribed 20 mgs of Hydrocodeone every 4 hours. Another idea the doctor had was to put me on methadone. I'm afraid of methadone, I've heard its harder to get off of than Herion. nNot only that, but my tolerence being so I I can totally imagine me taking a handeful and then ODing. I have a health respect for it. It's like with herion, I've always felt if I ever tried that once, i'D be lost forever. But back to the point, when you got off the opiates, your emotions came back? How long did it take? What were you on and how did you get off? Sorry to fire so many questions at you but I'm just so relieved someone cared enough to reply
Hey Lola,i was reading more of your posts,you know what,you sound like a really strong woman.From all that youve had to endure,youre still looking for a way out of this addiction thing,i just cant tell you enough how proud i am that you want to get your life back together again .
I was using norcos(10.325;s)and was taking alot of them(20-30) for over 2 years,closer to 3 it think. I started this crap at the age of 42.Never used anything before this,just the teeange recreational use when i was younger,but life started getting tough,my two older boys were having problems,i was stressed beyon belief,then i found this little yellow pill that made everything seem so calm.I didnt have a care in the world.NUMB NUMB NUMB,exactly!
When i had my fiorst meeting with my counselor,i told her the things that had been happening in my life at the time of my usage(when i started)and she said"thats the thing about the pain pills,the work,they work for blocking out all the stuff you cant deal with...at least for awhile" and boy,nothing could be further from the truth.
Im on suboxone right now,have been for 7 months. Its helped me to get my life back.Im ready to get off the sub now too,so im a little bit frightened of whats to come(always afraid of the unknown)maybe sub could work for you.
I agree with Keekee(i think it was her that said)stay away from the methadone.Sub is a better choice,at least i think so.I've yet to find out how easy it is to get off from,but i will do it.no matter what.I feel strong and i feel ready.Maybe you could talk to your Docotr(s) about finding someone to prescribe sub for you? It works immediately,no withdrawls and it makes you feel normal.Im feeling much better theses days so much so,im ready to quit the sub too!
I wish you the best of luck Lola,youve been through alot,i know you'll get through this too.Stay around here.Plenty of people will help,support and encourage.And theres always someone here to listen.Welcome~KIM
I was using norcos(10.325;s)and was taking alot of them(20-30) for over 2 years,closer to 3 it think. I started this crap at the age of 42.Never used anything before this,just the teeange recreational use when i was younger,but life started getting tough,my two older boys were having problems,i was stressed beyon belief,then i found this little yellow pill that made everything seem so calm.I didnt have a care in the world.NUMB NUMB NUMB,exactly!
When i had my fiorst meeting with my counselor,i told her the things that had been happening in my life at the time of my usage(when i started)and she said"thats the thing about the pain pills,the work,they work for blocking out all the stuff you cant deal with...at least for awhile" and boy,nothing could be further from the truth.
Im on suboxone right now,have been for 7 months. Its helped me to get my life back.Im ready to get off the sub now too,so im a little bit frightened of whats to come(always afraid of the unknown)maybe sub could work for you.
I agree with Keekee(i think it was her that said)stay away from the methadone.Sub is a better choice,at least i think so.I've yet to find out how easy it is to get off from,but i will do it.no matter what.I feel strong and i feel ready.Maybe you could talk to your Docotr(s) about finding someone to prescribe sub for you? It works immediately,no withdrawls and it makes you feel normal.Im feeling much better theses days so much so,im ready to quit the sub too!
I wish you the best of luck Lola,youve been through alot,i know you'll get through this too.Stay around here.Plenty of people will help,support and encourage.And theres always someone here to listen.Welcome~KIM
Lola,
I posted to you on your other thread but will reiterated it here. You are addicted to the meds that were to help you. Opiates are poison to your body and your brain. They rob you and leave you morally bankrupt.....hence the shoplifting!
What you need to do is stop! You need to get some Tylenol or Advil for your pain. I bet it will work just fine. Often times addicts "manufacture" pain to justify eating copious amounts of narcotics. Could this be what you are in fact doing? Its a proven fact that opiates actually make your pain worse over time and you build a tolerance.
You have a couple of choices if you are ready to take back your life.
1.) Quit cold turkey...flush all your supply down the toilet and hunker down with some otc meds to help ease the pain of w/d. There is a good list here on this forum. You will be sick for a week or so..but then your done....detoxing. Then you get down to business working on the real issues....you will need the help of professionals. Therapy and/or counseling. I would recommend AA/NA...free and very helpfull. This would be the best option. In my opinion.
2.) Taper gradually...this to me is ineffective..you will drag out w/d and will feel continually sick on the edge of w/d. Some do this successfully...not me.
3.) Detox...how about medically supervised detox. Sometimes this helps so your not alone while detoxing and you will get the necessary help to keep you comfortable.
Listen the gift of sobriety is the best thing you will ever do for yourself. But nothing changes until something changes. Its up to you...do you enjoy life a zombie? I doubt it.
What ever you decide, you need to change the way you live, cut off all your sources to pain meds...tell your doctors your an addict. Ask for help and you will get it.
You have to do it sooner or later...why wait until your arrested and detoxing in jail...won't that be fun! Its all down hill from where you are trust me on this one, unless of course you decide to do things differently. It makes me sick to my stomach literally the thought of what you are doing to yourself...I so empathize with you. I would rather die than be where you are at right now. If you haven't had enough yet its my bet you soon will.
Wish you the best...now go do the right thing!
I posted to you on your other thread but will reiterated it here. You are addicted to the meds that were to help you. Opiates are poison to your body and your brain. They rob you and leave you morally bankrupt.....hence the shoplifting!
What you need to do is stop! You need to get some Tylenol or Advil for your pain. I bet it will work just fine. Often times addicts "manufacture" pain to justify eating copious amounts of narcotics. Could this be what you are in fact doing? Its a proven fact that opiates actually make your pain worse over time and you build a tolerance.
You have a couple of choices if you are ready to take back your life.
1.) Quit cold turkey...flush all your supply down the toilet and hunker down with some otc meds to help ease the pain of w/d. There is a good list here on this forum. You will be sick for a week or so..but then your done....detoxing. Then you get down to business working on the real issues....you will need the help of professionals. Therapy and/or counseling. I would recommend AA/NA...free and very helpfull. This would be the best option. In my opinion.
2.) Taper gradually...this to me is ineffective..you will drag out w/d and will feel continually sick on the edge of w/d. Some do this successfully...not me.
3.) Detox...how about medically supervised detox. Sometimes this helps so your not alone while detoxing and you will get the necessary help to keep you comfortable.
Listen the gift of sobriety is the best thing you will ever do for yourself. But nothing changes until something changes. Its up to you...do you enjoy life a zombie? I doubt it.
What ever you decide, you need to change the way you live, cut off all your sources to pain meds...tell your doctors your an addict. Ask for help and you will get it.
You have to do it sooner or later...why wait until your arrested and detoxing in jail...won't that be fun! Its all down hill from where you are trust me on this one, unless of course you decide to do things differently. It makes me sick to my stomach literally the thought of what you are doing to yourself...I so empathize with you. I would rather die than be where you are at right now. If you haven't had enough yet its my bet you soon will.
Wish you the best...now go do the right thing!
I am not one to give advice yet, but I feel really strongly about this. I have known 2 different people who have been on paxil and described the exact same thing. Antidepressents are amazing when they work right but the side effects from the wrong one can be horrible. Have you heard of lexapro? Both friends that were on paxil tried many different ones and loved lexapro. I think it is usually perscribed for woman. Ask your doctor....many people don't realize the side effects of anitdepressents. If you are on the right one you will feel so much better, but you have to keep trying until you find one that works. L
L,you may be right about the Paxil,Lola,you should definitley speak to your dr about that.
But the pain meds are a huge culprit too,no doubt about it.They are making everything worse.Magnifying them even.Dont give up hope,you will work things out if you want it bad enough.You sound like youre getting there!~KIM
But the pain meds are a huge culprit too,no doubt about it.They are making everything worse.Magnifying them even.Dont give up hope,you will work things out if you want it bad enough.You sound like youre getting there!~KIM
Thank you so much everyone for responding. I care so little about myself right now that I'm amazed at your compassion and concern. Keekee, am I manufacturing the pain - is it something over the counter would help? Sometimes yes. But somtimes sincerely no. I've gone 3 days several times without taking the lortab but taking naproxin or ultram. I actually went 8 days just recently without taking the lortab, and I did surprisingly well. I was sleeping, I wasn't freaking out jonsing, I wasn't obsessing constantly. Now, don't get it twisted, I was obsessidng a little, just not all the time, I was jonesing mildly. I was very enco
aged by this. Usually it was on my mind 24-7 and even in my dreams at night. I've asked the pain management doc about trying something different. Methadone was his thought. Methadone has made a come-bacik lately, but it's not for me. Maybe i could switch to darvocet, I'm not as inclined to abuse those, but then again they don't really help if I'm in real pain. As for doing something to stop the pain - amputation. It would be vey painful for a while but not forever. I so don't want to lose my leg. At thiis time I'm uninsured and how would I get a $10,000 - 15,000 prosthetic leg. Without which I would be completely unable to get around. Not to mention everything I've gone thru to save the leg, 12 oporations etc. It sounds like I'm making excuses and I guess I am but these are also the facts. Again, thank you so much for your concern. JJ hang in there, I can totally relate to what you say. Keekee, yours was the first posting i read after being gone for 2 weeks and it made a ver positive impact and made me feel more optimistic
aged by this. Usually it was on my mind 24-7 and even in my dreams at night. I've asked the pain management doc about trying something different. Methadone was his thought. Methadone has made a come-bacik lately, but it's not for me. Maybe i could switch to darvocet, I'm not as inclined to abuse those, but then again they don't really help if I'm in real pain. As for doing something to stop the pain - amputation. It would be vey painful for a while but not forever. I so don't want to lose my leg. At thiis time I'm uninsured and how would I get a $10,000 - 15,000 prosthetic leg. Without which I would be completely unable to get around. Not to mention everything I've gone thru to save the leg, 12 oporations etc. It sounds like I'm making excuses and I guess I am but these are also the facts. Again, thank you so much for your concern. JJ hang in there, I can totally relate to what you say. Keekee, yours was the first posting i read after being gone for 2 weeks and it made a ver positive impact and made me feel more optimistic
LOLA
i must of missed or overlooked your post where you talk about an accident you had??
i am so sorry i didnt post back when you were asking for help, like i said i missed reading your post and i care! i think you and i have alot in common as i suffer from panic attacks too!
i will be back later tonight, i have a doctors appt soon.
please DONT EVER CONSIDER METHADONE!
I read so many others posts on how awful this drug was for them and how HARD it was to get off , type in jw49 at the bottom of this page and read his posts, you will never try it after reading what h*ll he endured. talk to ya LATER JEWELS
i must of missed or overlooked your post where you talk about an accident you had??
i am so sorry i didnt post back when you were asking for help, like i said i missed reading your post and i care! i think you and i have alot in common as i suffer from panic attacks too!
i will be back later tonight, i have a doctors appt soon.
please DONT EVER CONSIDER METHADONE!
I read so many others posts on how awful this drug was for them and how HARD it was to get off , type in jw49 at the bottom of this page and read his posts, you will never try it after reading what h*ll he endured. talk to ya LATER JEWELS
