The only thing that goes through my mind is what did i do wrong. Our family was so happy until this. I just found out that my husband was doing drugs and that like to have killed me. IHe said he doesnt have a problem but i know he does and i dont know what to do. I could leave him but what if it gets worse then i will blame myself . He told me that he quit but i dont believe him. I think if he would have come to me and told me about this and told me he needed help the maybe i could trust him but he denied it for a long time. I see no remorse just mad that someone ratted him out. I dont want this to destroy our family but its out of my hands. Is there anyone that could help me . My kids are more important to me than life itself why cant he see what he has in his family . What scared me more that anything is when i ask him if he wasnt addicted why did he do it and he said he liked it that showed me that he isnt gonna quit. I cant trust him anymore so why should i try to stay with him. He has lied to me so much and i think i deserve more that that. Am i wrong what should i do.
annabell, your responsibility is to you and your childrem. His responsibility is to get clean and work a recovery program.
Nothing you do to care for yourself and your kids will make it worse for him. Accepting his behaviour out of fear will just enable him to not face his responsibility.
Maybe you should send him packing if he isnt prepared to get serious. Use a group like Al Anon for yourself, they are a great organisation. If he gets serious and has substantial clean time down the track, you can always think about having him back. Your children need a positive role model, good luck.
Nothing you do to care for yourself and your kids will make it worse for him. Accepting his behaviour out of fear will just enable him to not face his responsibility.
Maybe you should send him packing if he isnt prepared to get serious. Use a group like Al Anon for yourself, they are a great organisation. If he gets serious and has substantial clean time down the track, you can always think about having him back. Your children need a positive role model, good luck.
annabell
If your husband won't admit that he has a problem then there is nothing you can do to help him. I can tell you that if he is on meth and you stay with him things will only get WORSE. If he wanted help for his problem I would say hang in there but since he doesn't I would say get out while you still can. Don't make yourself feel guility if you do decide to get out you have kids and you have to think about yourself and them FIRST.
Maybe if you leave or make your husband leave he will see he has a problem and get help for it.
There is no easy answer and whatever you decide it won't be easy but be strong and do whats best for you.
Good luck,
Wolfdog
If your husband won't admit that he has a problem then there is nothing you can do to help him. I can tell you that if he is on meth and you stay with him things will only get WORSE. If he wanted help for his problem I would say hang in there but since he doesn't I would say get out while you still can. Don't make yourself feel guility if you do decide to get out you have kids and you have to think about yourself and them FIRST.
Maybe if you leave or make your husband leave he will see he has a problem and get help for it.
There is no easy answer and whatever you decide it won't be easy but be strong and do whats best for you.
Good luck,
Wolfdog
A few thoughts in dealing with friends and family who are addicts..
You can't control their addiction or behaviour. They can't control their addiction but are responsible for their recovery.
Everyone needs to decide where to draw the line in deciding whether to stay or go, but if you are staying because you "afraid what they will do if you leave" then you are letting their addiction control you. If they refuse to get help their addiction will only get worse and your fears of death or serious illness will become reality in any case. Draw a line in the sand and stand firm if they cross that line.
Take the onus for recovery and place it firmly on the addicts shoulders. If they "say they can beat this" then hold them accountable and cut them loose until they have 6 months clean time up and regularly attend NA meetings.
Just because you leave, doesn't mean you cant return if things improve.. but one NA meeting, rehab, detox or counselling session is not recovery. Make sure they are serious and have clean time behind them before you think about taking them back. As Elizabeth Taylor said in "National Velvet" .."you can never return if you dont leave"
You can still support someone's in recovery if you have ended the relationship. Don't let the addict control you by claiming that they cant cope without you.
If you are scared of being alone, remember that if you stay and enable an addict that you will end up alone anyway. Give yourself and themself an opportunity to have a normal life.
If you are posting here because you think they may be using, then they almost certainly are.
Al Anon and Nar Anon can help you. If you expect an addict to work the steps then lead the way and be a role model by attending meetings yourself. Meetings will help you, they will teach you, they will provide greatly needed support and fellowship, and the addict knows that they can't keep "bulls***ting" you once you attend Al Anon and Nar Anon. Many addicts will actively try to discourage you from attending these meetings. This is a sure sign they are working :)
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meet...gs/meeting.html
http://home.iprimus.com.au/naranon/...-anon_works.htm
If you are having trouble finding a meeting in your area, email me at rightontrackinoz@hotmail and I will see if I can find one in your area.
You can't control their addiction or behaviour. They can't control their addiction but are responsible for their recovery.
Everyone needs to decide where to draw the line in deciding whether to stay or go, but if you are staying because you "afraid what they will do if you leave" then you are letting their addiction control you. If they refuse to get help their addiction will only get worse and your fears of death or serious illness will become reality in any case. Draw a line in the sand and stand firm if they cross that line.
Take the onus for recovery and place it firmly on the addicts shoulders. If they "say they can beat this" then hold them accountable and cut them loose until they have 6 months clean time up and regularly attend NA meetings.
Just because you leave, doesn't mean you cant return if things improve.. but one NA meeting, rehab, detox or counselling session is not recovery. Make sure they are serious and have clean time behind them before you think about taking them back. As Elizabeth Taylor said in "National Velvet" .."you can never return if you dont leave"
You can still support someone's in recovery if you have ended the relationship. Don't let the addict control you by claiming that they cant cope without you.
If you are scared of being alone, remember that if you stay and enable an addict that you will end up alone anyway. Give yourself and themself an opportunity to have a normal life.
If you are posting here because you think they may be using, then they almost certainly are.
Al Anon and Nar Anon can help you. If you expect an addict to work the steps then lead the way and be a role model by attending meetings yourself. Meetings will help you, they will teach you, they will provide greatly needed support and fellowship, and the addict knows that they can't keep "bulls***ting" you once you attend Al Anon and Nar Anon. Many addicts will actively try to discourage you from attending these meetings. This is a sure sign they are working :)
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meet...gs/meeting.html
http://home.iprimus.com.au/naranon/...-anon_works.htm
If you are having trouble finding a meeting in your area, email me at rightontrackinoz@hotmail and I will see if I can find one in your area.