A long while ago I read the following on this board, which really brought home to me the horrors of heroin dependency and gave me an insight into my son's addiction. I thought it might help someone else to understand if I reproduced it, with apologies to the author - regular readers will recognise the style.
The first time I did smack I felt like I'd touched the very soul of God. It wraps you up in a blanket of bliss, you feel warm, you feel comforted. When life is hard and cold and painful, it is soft and loving. If you are in prison, it brings down the walls. It makes everything beautiful, everything you touch, everything you hear and when you close your eyes you see, well I can't explain what you see, but it's exquisit, it's a little glimpse of heaven.
When you are withdrawing, it's the complete opposite. I've always thought of it as the "payback" for all that bliss. You have to experience the opposite effect in equal measure. W/d's are really impossible to give credit to. Nobody who hasn't experienced them could ever understand how bad they are. No physical illness is similar. Yes I can explain the yawns and the never ending stretching, even the chills and the restless legs and the sweats, and the vomiting and the s***s, but there's the other thing that we addicts know and fear, the thing that makes you want to rip your skin off, the thing that makes you want to crawl away from your own body if you could. Spiders in the blood I call it. It feels as disgusting as it sounds. I guess that's one word that you could call w/ds. Disgusting through and through. And the thing that makes it so hard is that when you are in the middle of all this, it's been going on for days and you know that it's gonna last a few days more, is that all it takes is one phone call and it's over, and your back in with the bliss again.
you are preaching to the converted
What's that mean preaching to the converted?
I'll read anything, and learn anything, and reply to anything....if it helps Mum.
Thanks Mum....addict here....my own mom used to ask me that....what's so GOOD about it when I'd be in withdrawl number 5,003.....back then I'd think not a damn thing good about it, and in ten days I'd be stealing, and looking for it.
My first dope was not like that at all....I didn't get sick, but it helped my headaches....absolutely...no bliss, and God emracing me...not at all...then once I was three times a week....loved it....got to be habit quick.
Actually having seen movies about heroin....it peeked my interest....like what the heck could be so good ya leave your baby with no food....has to be something really, really good....I don't give it that big a star because it really is nasty.....thanks for sharing that though.
I'll read anything, and learn anything, and reply to anything....if it helps Mum.
Thanks Mum....addict here....my own mom used to ask me that....what's so GOOD about it when I'd be in withdrawl number 5,003.....back then I'd think not a damn thing good about it, and in ten days I'd be stealing, and looking for it.
My first dope was not like that at all....I didn't get sick, but it helped my headaches....absolutely...no bliss, and God emracing me...not at all...then once I was three times a week....loved it....got to be habit quick.
Actually having seen movies about heroin....it peeked my interest....like what the heck could be so good ya leave your baby with no food....has to be something really, really good....I don't give it that big a star because it really is nasty.....thanks for sharing that though.
Bryn, YOU are a star! Thanks for the kind words.
Awww....I'm no star, Mum....no way.....I'm like Darin in that we appreciate mom's, and can't imagine your pain.....I did it to mine as an adult...if we don't have our mom's in our corner we're nowhere.....it just has to be finally they let us do this ourselves....I know it's heart wrenching....we have our guilt.
Thanks Mum.....thanks so much.
Thanks Mum.....thanks so much.
Hi Mum
Just wanted to say that I found your description of active Heroin use and its
withdrawals to be as accurate as anyone is likely to hear. I have been off Heroin
for over three years now, and one of the many things that my addiction and
recovery has taught me is to listen to the advice of people who have been there!
I don't think words can describe how hideous the withdrawal are. There is one
symptom I would like to add though: Insomnia. I didn't sleep for seventeen
days. The whole time this hell on earth is going on my brains going " just one
fix and your all right". The solution to it all lies with the one thing you can't
have. Thanks again Mum for the post!
God bless
Just wanted to say that I found your description of active Heroin use and its
withdrawals to be as accurate as anyone is likely to hear. I have been off Heroin
for over three years now, and one of the many things that my addiction and
recovery has taught me is to listen to the advice of people who have been there!
I don't think words can describe how hideous the withdrawal are. There is one
symptom I would like to add though: Insomnia. I didn't sleep for seventeen
days. The whole time this hell on earth is going on my brains going " just one
fix and your all right". The solution to it all lies with the one thing you can't
have. Thanks again Mum for the post!
God bless
Hey Mum! My own Mom is 7000 miles away so I'll talk w/ you, ok? Mum, I've been on this Carousel of the Damned for 20+yrs & have finally started to understand the mechanics of what I've done to myself. How this particular drug affects certain neurotransmitters in yr. head & that withdrawl & its inherent horrors is actually the result of an overload of Adrenaline surging thru yr dope-panicked body. I fully belive this, as I am my own best guinea pig.(Can't afford rehab so have to do it to myself) If treatments/recovery could help control that adrenaline surging,help re wire the neurotransmitters it could be a real tool in the arsenal, you know?Opies upset the production of endorphins & other neuro trans. (serotonin, melatonin,dopamine, GABA, etc.)Prevents connections from being made. NOW I have discovered a THING: eating the proper foods to encourage neurotransmitters to crank back up again. I discovered this over last X-Mas when all the dealers round here seem to think they can leave town for a month & its ok.I suffered like one of the Doomed till I started eating right(72hrs.clean) & @ the end of 2 WEEKS was sleeping like a natural child, no more chills,elevated mood & attitude,felt an interest in stuff & not the usual contempt & hateful ennui dope seems to bring out in me. Then everybody came back to town & it's off to the races again, but I am trying,not to, you know,& I am telling everyone I can that there is hope, simple & cheap as proper food & a little exercise.I have also given up sugar,@ the risk of sounding like some Kook- but sugar is an Adrenaline-kicker, right? And we wanna tamp down the adrenaline-Ive read in my research that a lot of addicts are Hypoglycemic, or nearly so ( too many bag a dope, can a Coke, Snickers bar dinners, what?) & when they cant score, crave sugar like mad.(I am full blown 5x5 hypoglycemic.)But the sugar actually extends the symptoms of withdrawl!! In all this research/experimentation I ve done I can sense some deep interconnectedness w/ Food, Mood, etc. I just know in my heart Im onto something.Concider this: people eat a lotta junk/processed foood now, right? Alot of folk are "depressed"Therefore they are prescribed antidepressants.I really think its the bad food, I really think there are undercurrents here to be explored.After all if we can relive/correct the physical, it's easier to be strong mentally, yeah?Thanx for bearing w/ me on this-Bless all Mums, everywhere
..Another mum..
..I sent ya an email this morning..let me know if ya got it..and we can talk about the work yur offering me..Robbie..
..I sent ya an email this morning..let me know if ya got it..and we can talk about the work yur offering me..Robbie..
Best wishes, Robbie.....love me my Mum.
Alaska,
Just wanted to thank you for that info about the sugar intake. When I was withdrawing from oxycontin, percs, (basically, any opiate), it seemed that I totally craved sugar like I never have. I guess now I know why. Even my kids noticed. I'd be asking them every night if they wanted to go to Dairy Queen and I'd order the Triple Chocalate Eutopia - they wondered what was wrong with me cuz b4 that, I NEVER (well, hardly) ate icecream or too many sweets. And plain ol hershey bars and Coke. I was breaking out (at 44 yrs old) like a teenager from eating so damn much sugar lol.
To the other "Mom" - I loved your story and think that anyone can learn something from someone elses experiences - believe me, I had thought that I knew it all and done it all, but was I wrong. I sincerely enjoy and appreciate reading others stories and truly feel compassion and it also helps me to go one more day without using (or abusing, should I say). Unfortunately, due to severe back problems and pain, I have to take percocet daily or would not even be able to get out of bed. However, I know better than to keep them in my house. My oldest daughter holds them for me (my children know everything, as I am very open with them). She gives me my daily dose and "keeps me in line". I'm so lucky to have such wonderful children.My oldest is Trish (21) then Amanda (15) then my little boy, Tony (10). Their father just passed away about 1 1/2 years ago (although we werent together) it was a very sad situation. He had Hep C and Cirrohsis (sp) of the liver, but, thinking he was unbeatable, he continiued to party, drink, etc. When he started getting really sick, it was a little to late. Kinda makes you sit back and think about your priorities in life. Whats more important, another pill? Another line? Another injection? Is it worth it? Especially when you have innocent children that didnt ask to be brought into this world.
My children ARE my life. if it werent for them, I cant truthfully say where I'd be right now. I thank God for them every day.
I pray for all of you guys. You are good people. You know, some people, when they hear the word "addict", they automatically sterotype you like some junkie, low life on the street corner begging for money. Well, I got news for them. Most of the "addicts" that I have associated with are (some) people in high places. Most would NEVER believe that they were addicts - hell, they definately would have NeVER thought that I was one.
I just watched this old movie I found in my box of videos today called "Basketball Diaries" with Leonardo DiCaprio and a few other good stars. Its based on a true story. I thought it was a great flick. Anyone ever see it?
Anyway, sorry to babble on again. Seems when I get on here, I'm like the energizer bunny..............keeps going and going and going.......LOL
Hope you all have a great night and wonderful weekend. My thoughts and prayers go out to all of you. Take care.
Love,
Marie
Just wanted to thank you for that info about the sugar intake. When I was withdrawing from oxycontin, percs, (basically, any opiate), it seemed that I totally craved sugar like I never have. I guess now I know why. Even my kids noticed. I'd be asking them every night if they wanted to go to Dairy Queen and I'd order the Triple Chocalate Eutopia - they wondered what was wrong with me cuz b4 that, I NEVER (well, hardly) ate icecream or too many sweets. And plain ol hershey bars and Coke. I was breaking out (at 44 yrs old) like a teenager from eating so damn much sugar lol.
To the other "Mom" - I loved your story and think that anyone can learn something from someone elses experiences - believe me, I had thought that I knew it all and done it all, but was I wrong. I sincerely enjoy and appreciate reading others stories and truly feel compassion and it also helps me to go one more day without using (or abusing, should I say). Unfortunately, due to severe back problems and pain, I have to take percocet daily or would not even be able to get out of bed. However, I know better than to keep them in my house. My oldest daughter holds them for me (my children know everything, as I am very open with them). She gives me my daily dose and "keeps me in line". I'm so lucky to have such wonderful children.My oldest is Trish (21) then Amanda (15) then my little boy, Tony (10). Their father just passed away about 1 1/2 years ago (although we werent together) it was a very sad situation. He had Hep C and Cirrohsis (sp) of the liver, but, thinking he was unbeatable, he continiued to party, drink, etc. When he started getting really sick, it was a little to late. Kinda makes you sit back and think about your priorities in life. Whats more important, another pill? Another line? Another injection? Is it worth it? Especially when you have innocent children that didnt ask to be brought into this world.
My children ARE my life. if it werent for them, I cant truthfully say where I'd be right now. I thank God for them every day.
I pray for all of you guys. You are good people. You know, some people, when they hear the word "addict", they automatically sterotype you like some junkie, low life on the street corner begging for money. Well, I got news for them. Most of the "addicts" that I have associated with are (some) people in high places. Most would NEVER believe that they were addicts - hell, they definately would have NeVER thought that I was one.
I just watched this old movie I found in my box of videos today called "Basketball Diaries" with Leonardo DiCaprio and a few other good stars. Its based on a true story. I thought it was a great flick. Anyone ever see it?
Anyway, sorry to babble on again. Seems when I get on here, I'm like the energizer bunny..............keeps going and going and going.......LOL
Hope you all have a great night and wonderful weekend. My thoughts and prayers go out to all of you. Take care.
Love,
Marie
mum-
Heaven & Hell
sadly, accurate.
peace,
jack
.
Heaven & Hell
sadly, accurate.
peace,
jack
.
Hey Mum,
This is a very accurate description but it also destroys your seratonin leavels in your body.Seratonin tells your body to release its own natural pain killers.So when you come down it takes you a month or two to start producing saratonin again.
During this time your body not only feels the pain of withdraw, but once withdraw is gone you feel the pain of every little senses such as cold,hot,minor pain times ten.
This is why so many junkies relapse.That is why rehab is so important.it helps
to get you through the weakest times and gives you the tools to recover.I know this because i am a recovering addict.I had 13 years clean and relapsed for 6 and now im starting all over again with about 1.5 months.My legs still bother me a little but it gets better every day,and i thank GOD every day for my sobrity.
sincerly,
Bruce B.recovering addict.
ps.any addicts reading this.
Don't forget who you are and think you can do drugs socially
you are an addict for the rest of your life.
This is a very accurate description but it also destroys your seratonin leavels in your body.Seratonin tells your body to release its own natural pain killers.So when you come down it takes you a month or two to start producing saratonin again.
During this time your body not only feels the pain of withdraw, but once withdraw is gone you feel the pain of every little senses such as cold,hot,minor pain times ten.
This is why so many junkies relapse.That is why rehab is so important.it helps
to get you through the weakest times and gives you the tools to recover.I know this because i am a recovering addict.I had 13 years clean and relapsed for 6 and now im starting all over again with about 1.5 months.My legs still bother me a little but it gets better every day,and i thank GOD every day for my sobrity.
sincerly,
Bruce B.recovering addict.
ps.any addicts reading this.
Don't forget who you are and think you can do drugs socially
you are an addict for the rest of your life.
