I don't know what I do what I do. Let's see the second week in September I went to Detox for four days, got out and used. Used for a week, husband found out so I detoxed in my house cold turkey. I was sick for 7 days and went through complete hell. I have never been so sick in my life that you would think I would learn from this. But no, I ended up on my 7th day of detoxing, I was so very very weak, and spoke to my neighbor and bam, he gave me an Oxy that I sniffed. Then I used for the week. Husband found out, and I said this will be it. I detoxed AGAIN in my house. This time it wasn't as bad as the last time. Not sure why, but I was mostly weak, tired, chills, yawning, sneezing, couldn't eat. So this went on for another week. By Thursday I found all my old cottons, in my sick brain, I gathered them all and got my needle and had some dope. I was 100% better, I even ate pizza that night. I told my husband I was all better. Then Friday came, used, Saturday, used, Sunday used, Monday used, Tuesday same thing. I thought I was slick, I left this morning to get my dope when I got back, husband was waiting in the driveway. Thank God I did 5 bags and hid the other, but didn't have time to hide my needle, which is broke. So I don't know what is wrong with me. I detox for 6 days and then go use for a week, get caught, go back to detoxing, and get a little better and have him trust me and go use. This has happened all this month on and off. I really don't want to use. I want to be successful in life. I want to work, I want to attend church, really be there for my kids. I feel bad for my husband because he actually gave me 200 on Saturday and said for me to go shopping. I was with my 11 year old, and I bought clothes that now actually fit me. I lost so much weight that none of my jeans fit. So I bought jeans and shirts and two jackets. It was so much fun, and I thought wow all that money that I spent I could of had a new wardrobe by now. It was so fun to just shop and not buy drugs. But I let him down again. Even myself. I only spent 40 but it's the whole point. I don't know why I do what I do, and I really do want to stop. I need help.
So you've been to detox, ever been to rehab? How about NA meetings? You don't have to do this alone and it's actually best not to try. You've been driving the bus long enough, time to step down and let someone else show you the way. Get yourself a sponsor, work the steps, get a therapist, do something different. Keep doing what you've always done, keep getting what you've always gotten. You've gotten yourself into a negative groove and you're like a broken record...walk into an NA meeting and ask for help and you'll get it.
Keep coming back!
Peace ~ MomNMore
Keep coming back!
Peace ~ MomNMore
Hello everyone I'm brand new to this site been on for about 1 minute and so I begin to type. I need help with a loved one and I don't know how to handle her. She had used dope before I met her and we have been dating for almost a year now. I thought she was the one, I hope still that she is. I've noticed since I've known her and I cannot totally trust her, never really sure why it's always white lies about some small thing or another. We eventually moved in together and have been livign with each other pretty much since march. I have noticed what I had been calling "drug behaviour" in her for a while. What I mean by this is that she has drug habits even when she is not doing drugs. She even told me that she never got to go ro rehab and detoxed herself in the past, that's probably why the behaviour is there. I'm not familiar at all with drug use or symptoms or culture or anything just what I pick up on from her. She has a bad habit of lying and now I discovered that she relapsed. She seems depressed and doesn't know why. I told her over and over again that I am a safe person to go to and she can talk to me about things. I try hard to bereassuring , but I find out that she is still lying and now this week have used. I need help as to where to go to get help. Trust is severaly damaged. We live together. She needs freedom - I need trust. I would like to have a third party help us, but I do'nt kno whwere to start. Actuall rehab will financially destroy us and she will not go to friends and family. I don't know what to do. I need help. Can anyone out there help?
Over the past week she has been lifeless, easily frusterated, complete lack of intimacy, never knows what to say or how to respond to anything. It's like her soul just whisped away and I'm here alone. This is killing me. Does anyone know where we can get help?
Over the past week she has been lifeless, easily frusterated, complete lack of intimacy, never knows what to say or how to respond to anything. It's like her soul just whisped away and I'm here alone. This is killing me. Does anyone know where we can get help?
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| I need help as to where to go to get help. |
For you there is help here on the Family forum and at AlAnon meetings, for her there is help at NA and/or in therapy with an addictions specialist. Addicts relapse, it happens. Only you can decide what you can or cannot live with.
Come read a bit on the Family forum, it's quite an education...lots to learn about living with addiction and about ourselves and why we are where we are.
Peace ~ MomNMore
i have never been on 1 of these b4 and yours was the first message i saw when i got on here. reading your post, i got sick to my stomach because this sounds just like me in every way! i want more than anything to be "normal " as i like to refer to it. i hate hurting those around me especially my children. it breaks my heart when my daughter says "mommys sick again" anyways, id like to believe that if our hearts are in the rite place then eventually we will figure this all out. good luck to you.
The definition of insanity: Doing the same thing, over and over, expecting different results.
Addiction is insane.
There is help..it doesn't have to finanically break you, you don't have to do it alone and there is recovery if you are willing to do whatever it takes to get well. The addict has to want it. No one person can make you get clean. You have to want it, truly, want it.
NA is a good place to start. You don't have to be clean to walk into a meeting. You don't have to talk. All you have to do is put your butt in a chair and listen. Try to be somewhat coherent when you go in so that you can really hear what's being said. Listen to the stories, you will find yourself in so many of them. You aren't alone in this. And you are worth a better life. A clean life. Your children, your family, they all deserve this as well.
Posting on this board helps as well. Here, you can practice how to get honest. No one knows you, you don't have to impress anyone. We don't care if you can't even spell. But write. Write about your life, your fear, your shame. We'll help you find some answers. Everytime a new addict or family member shows up, you help me, stay clean one more day.
Give it a shot, what have you got to lose?
Addiction is insane.
There is help..it doesn't have to finanically break you, you don't have to do it alone and there is recovery if you are willing to do whatever it takes to get well. The addict has to want it. No one person can make you get clean. You have to want it, truly, want it.
NA is a good place to start. You don't have to be clean to walk into a meeting. You don't have to talk. All you have to do is put your butt in a chair and listen. Try to be somewhat coherent when you go in so that you can really hear what's being said. Listen to the stories, you will find yourself in so many of them. You aren't alone in this. And you are worth a better life. A clean life. Your children, your family, they all deserve this as well.
Posting on this board helps as well. Here, you can practice how to get honest. No one knows you, you don't have to impress anyone. We don't care if you can't even spell. But write. Write about your life, your fear, your shame. We'll help you find some answers. Everytime a new addict or family member shows up, you help me, stay clean one more day.
Give it a shot, what have you got to lose?
Hi. My word it is like reading about myself. I do well then relapse over and over again. The guilt that I feel makes me feel physically sick so to numb that away I go off and use. I have gone from the needle to smoking but the cravings are just as bad. I do hope you find someway to eventually find the strength to eventually say no. My thoughts are with you and I hope we both can both beat this life of hell. Take care xx
