What Is Your Recovery Program?

Pain Pills
1
Hi All;

The holiday's can be a wonderful time of year, and at the same time it can be a very fragile time for addicts. (Duh, right?) This is the 1st holiday season in several years that I'll be clean.

I'm curious what you're doing in terms of working a recovery program? Are you doing anything different as opposed to previous go-arounds? Or is this your 1st time? There are no right or wrong answers obviously, I'm just interested in picking up new tidbits to build my upon my own program of recovery.

Briefly, here's my story. I've been sober 13+ years, and clean from pills for almost 3 months. It wasn't easy getting off the booze, but it's been brutal getting and staying clean from these pills. This is such a disease of the mind! This is my 3rd dance with recovery from narcotics in 4 years, and it's truly amazing when I think of where I was in September and where I am now. Talk about being emotionally, spirtiually and physically bankrupt! But now I feel pretty good and have genuine hope and gratitiude in my life. Sometimes it's two steps forward and one step back, but miracles do happen, one day at a time.

I'm not sure if this matters but I'm a very young 50, married with 3 kids. Don't smoke. I have a decent, white collar job. We live in the exciting state of CT., and we manage to get by okay. Oh, and my lying, scheming, etc. to support my habit has sunk us about 25K in debt, and nearly cost me my marriage.

I was diagnosed as clinically depressed soon after I quit the booze, and am currently on effexor and doing pretty good mood-wise. I also take naltraxone to help with the cravings. I took the pills because I enjoyed the high. I have no physical issues that require pain meds.

For my recovery from pills this time around, it's been the realization that I can't do this alone that drives me each day. Lord knows I tried on my own to get clean, and I failed miserably! Right now I go to 2-3 NA/AA meetings a week. I have a temporary sponsor at the time, and a well-established network of 12 step friends from my days in AA who I stay connected to. I'm meeting a ton of great folks in NA as well. I also see a substance abuse counselor once a week, and visit this forum on a consistent basis for support and to pitch in where I think I can add value. And I pray every day. I believe that the biggest area of growth for me is in the spiritual realm. I'm not looking for any lightning bolts from heaven, I'm willing to just "let it happen" so to speak. So far so good.

I guess the biggest lesson I've learned from the hellish experiences of the past 3-4 years is nothing changes if nothing changes . Simple but true! I'm an addict, and as long as I accept that fact and stay honest with myself then I know I have a good chance of staying clean. Complacency and anger are my biggest fears, and are the things I have to always be on the lookout for.

How about you? What have you done similar or different from me that helps you stay clean? I'm genuinely interested in anything you'd like to share.

For those with a desire to get clean, or in the early stages, I wish you all the best! It sucks to go thru wd's, but sooner or later we have to make a decision and accept the consequences of our addiction. Believe me it is so worth it.

Thanks,
Jim

PS - One other thing I would add from my experience...don't just make a plan to get clean, make a plan to stay clean.
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JR..........I really enjoyed what you had to say.(Sounds like you're getting it right this time, hope that is so.) I learn so much from posts like yours and they help me to get through my days.

Today is day 30 for me. I was on vicoden for about 4 years, went to detox doctor who had me on methadone for 2 years. On the very last day of methadone, I had an Alzheimer's patient land in my living room, and went right back to the hydros. Not an excuse, just the way it was. I didn't want to have to give my life over to the ALZ patient (my MIL) AND withdraw at the same time, so I didn't. I dove right back in to pills worse than ever and stayed there until 30 days ago (2 1/2 years). That is a total of 8 1/2 years on opiates.

Honestly, I have never really tried to quit before until this time. I thought about it, knew I needed to, etc. etc... I really just didn't want to. But recently I have had a lot on me and God brought me to the realization that, just maybe, it would all be easier to handle clean. I found that He was right. It's all still there, but it is amazing how different it all looks through clear eyes.

In the beginning I said the hardest part was making the decision to quit. I no longer believe that. The hardest part is going to be staying clean.

I have been to a couple of NA meetings in the past, but didn't really find my groove. I know of another place I need to try, and although I have not been to one meeting yet, I do plan on starting. I see a counselor weekly who knows my entire story. That helps so much, having her to talk to. And I come here. My husband is aware of everything and couldn't be anymore supportive, loving and encouraging. So.....that is what I've done so far. After re-reading I know someone is going to tell me to get my butt to a meeting, and they will be right in doing so.

Thanks again for sharing what you did. :o) Keep up the good work!!!! Have a great, CLEAN Christmas!! I am looking for to that myself!

~tdmom
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Jim, I don't need to go into my story because I'm sure you've read it before... LOL... You and I went through withdrawals around the same time in Sept....

The difference is that you stayed clean and I did not.... You are soooo right about making the decision to STAY clean. I thought for sure that I could take the pain pills after dental work and not have any problems with them at all. I thought "After all the hell I went through, I won't EVER put myself through that again." How quickly we forget....

I have been making myself post on here all day and night, I have a counseling session set up for Friday, my husband takes my pills to work with him.... I am trying to find a recovery program that will work this time, and that includes addressing some issues in my life that cause me to run back to the pills every 4 hrs.
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I've also put down the drink for good nearly 14 years ago, but do not have 14 years continuous sobriety because of pain pills. My last relapse probably started when I had elbow surgery -- actually before, when I accepted percs for alleged pain that wasn't really there. A year later, I started ordering off the Internet. By the end of 5-6 months, my tolerance had built up so much that I needed to take 6-8 norco 10s at a time just to get a bit of the feeling that I used to get with 2. So you get an idea of the quantities I was taking, and the kind of secret life I had to lead to mainatin the habit.

I stopped because, well, I think I got really scared of the whole house of cards falling down. Losing my family, personal/professional humiliation and embarassment. It becaise too hard to maintain the double-life anymore. I was ashamed and increasingly depressed, even thiough I thought pills were the only thing that could be depended upon to bring relief for the heaviness I felt. They were creating the problem; i thought they were the solution, short-term at least.

My program today consists of this Board, face-to-face AA meetings, weekly counseling, and a not-so-perfect attempt to apply some CBT tools to my thinking process(es) around pills. I am determined not to repeat the mistakes of the past, and one of those mistakes was thinking that there were certain types of pill use that "didn't count," or could be controlled. Wrong. I have had surgery in the past 6 months and gave the scrip to my wife to dispense AS PRESCRIBED. It worked...because it was based on an admission and acknowedgement that I could not control the use. I have done a lot of mental exercises to try and re-enforce the basic principal that when it comes to pain meds, one pill is never enough, but one pill is also always too much (for me) b/c it always leads to more, eventually. And of course, a thousand is never enough either, since the need is insatiable, never satisfied, always the mental grind for more...how to get them, count them, make them last, get more, on and on.

This was a great topic JR. I've gotten a lot out of everyone's posts. Thanks.

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My recovery program came to a screeching halt last Saturday. With my Dad sick and the holidays just around the corner, I'm in big trouble. My stress level is over the top, I'm feeling very vulnerable and lost. I need to call my sponser and I haven't. I will today. Reading this thread reminded me of just how close to the edge I am.... thanks Jim.

Just let me get through this with my sobriety in tact. Please.

Cowgirl
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Hi JR, Thanks for sharing your story. I won't go into mine. It's so long. I too had a drinking problem before I started with the pain pills. I was an active alcoholic for around 15 years of my life just wasted. Depression was always a trigger for me. Made me want to get high and numb. Well, now I have a month clean. I still don't get to NA/AA meetings like I probably should but I have started seeing a therapist. Seen her for the first time yesterday. Time for me to start dealing with things from my past that may have been causing my depressions and keeping me down.

Cowgirl, I'm praying for you and your dad. I'm so sorry for what you are going through right now and wish there was someway I could help. All I can really do is pray.

Love,
Liz
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i think most of you know what my program consists of... NA meetings... I dont spend much time at home if I can help it.. when I dont have my daughter, I am either at a meeting or looking to get to one... If i spend too much time alone I am in big trouble.. Christmas is the single most dangerous time of the year for me.. not due to triggers but because of depression... the oh just f**k it attitude.. I have always had a problem with the holidays and each years seems to get worse... but meetings help but just saying to myself...
I WILL NOT USE NO MATTER WHAT ,,,IT IS NOT AN OPTION

it helps... silly but it helps...

I journal about feelings and I go to meetings.. I call my sponsor daily...she makes me this time of year (if I dont see her at a meeting) and I read my meditations... that is my program....

thanks jim.. good topic,,
Teresa
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Cowgirl, how are you doing? I'm worried about you....
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My story is just like None for me. In fact we came to the board at the same time. I, too, had years of sobriety in AA which came to a complete and utter halt with the use of pain pills. I too, was a Norco addict plus Soma for that extra hit. I go to meetings, have a sponsor and work the steps. I do a 10th step daily which I highly recommend, it keeps you honest and accountable. I talk to people on the program daily and try to keep my side of the street clean. I try to restrain from pen and tongue, this is a hard one for me but I am realizing so much just isn't any of my damn business.

Rach
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Rach, I start seeing a new psychaitrist tomorrow and would also like to start group therapy... Would you recommend AA or NA ? Drinking has never been a problem with me... it's true, I can drink 15 shots of Patron tequila in one night, but where I used to drink every single night at work, now I might drink like that once or twice a year.... Pills are my only addiction...

But someone told me that AA is better than NA, even if you aren't an alcoholic...

This question is really for anyone that can help.... I was just too lazy to post a new topic... lol
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Danielle:

I haven't drank in years and actually don't think I've been drunk but once in my life. AA is just more convenient for me. There aren't as many readily accessible NA meetings here so I go to AA. I would like to go to more NA or PA meetings I just have to look a little harder. I kind of have my groove now in my regular meetings.

Rach