Hey people,
Im living in Ireland and have been on Herion for ten years and im only 26. i had so many dreams and plans for the future and have lost everything ive ever had for my so called best friend "smack" shes the one who is there when im upset, the one who comforts me when my Baby Died of a hearth problem, when my house was repossesed for not paying the bills and the bailliffs took my new car away. each time I loose another piece of my Dreams to my friend smack but yet I cant say no when she is in my head screaming for me to have another hit. when I was younger I done some modelling and was people always commented on how pretty I was but now when I look in the mirror all i see is an empty shell with scars on my arms and sickly thin body and skin the colour of a dead persons. and still I want more, I dont have a life Im just excisting, living for my next fix. 5years ago today I held my dying baby in my arms until she slipped out of this world to become an angel and promised her I would get my life together but my hearth akes for what I' ve lost and just dont have the strenth to pull myselft out of this nightmare. Ive lost who Iam, I dont have a purpose. its just get up.... get stoned.... get money and get stoned.
I overdosed recently and by the time I got brought to hospital I had stopped breathing and was intubated with a breathing tube and shocked my hearth back to life and when I came around I said thats it never again and just took my methadone for about 4 days until I couldnt fight the cravings and here iam today DREAMING of what could be, A REAL LIFE but I just cant fight the cravings even when I take my Methadone (85mls per day) can anybody help me... Love DREAMER xxx
You won't honor the promise to your baby. Why would anything anyone say here matter?
You made the first step in admitting there is a problem. Now you are looking for the silver bullet. It doesn't exist. You will have to put as much work into staying clean as you are into getting a fix. There are no shortcuts. It is hard work. Are you ready to do it?
You made the first step in admitting there is a problem. Now you are looking for the silver bullet. It doesn't exist. You will have to put as much work into staying clean as you are into getting a fix. There are no shortcuts. It is hard work. Are you ready to do it?
Believe me I have tried and there is nothing more in this world that I want than to honor my promise and make her proud but I go through withdrawals and than all the pain that was pushed to one side when smack was in control of me hits me like a truck and my emotions get unbearable and i end up being weak and giving in to it. i hate myself everytime i have a hit as i feel so guilty and wish i was out of this hell and living a normal life, and i know only i can do it and i have to want to but i just find it hard to deal with the reality of it all when im clean, i just waned to see if anybody has been through a smilar struggle.
thank you for your honest reply xx
thank you for your honest reply xx
no one can give you a ez answer or a quick fix there is none...the only thing we can do if support you maybe a lil advice. I know what you've lost "it sucks" no way around that.I lost a home, i lost a car, I LOST my two children, to my mother I lost a baby in pregnancy the heart just stoped 3 years ago. I came close to losing my arm to a infection spent several days on i.v anti botics in the hospital. Before I quite "this time" I was homeless staying at my grandmothers everything i owned fit in two bags. I'm 15 months clean I STILL crave. In that clean time i've gained a job, a great relationsip, my own place to live, i'm 26 weeks pregnant, I have court in 4 weeks to get my kids back, NONE of that would have happend if I still used I FULLY know things would have only got worse. I ACUALLY own things now digital cams, t.v's, dvd's. jewlery, stuff that heroin would have not allowed me to keep. IT ALL CAME HARD many times it did not seem worth it i wanted that comfort only H can give you "still do" don't think it ever gose totally away. I feel good about me now i never had that before. It is better on this side it takes a lot of real HARD work. You can do it it's not a over night thing. You do have to everyday, every few mins, make that choice not to use. No one can do it 4 you, make you do it, or want enough for you to do it. You will be so PROUD once those days go to weeks weeks to months you start looking and feeling human. It's a WHOLE lot easier to quit then to FIGHT. PROOF it's not ez it's nearly 1am i have work in 7 hours i still sleep CRAZY.
To Guest:
Be just a little bit meaner why don't you!!! If you have ever been realy down on Miss "H" you would know that promises don't mean didilly sqwat,if you can't say something positive to someone who is already down don't say anything at all and squish them to the dirt."Can You do it"you ask her,well if she could she wouldn't be here asking for help!!!!Would she now,dahh????At least she had the balls to come on here and admit she has a problem,that's more than some of us have done!So show some sympathy,don't push people who need help away with your 2 cents!!!!!!Be conciderate of what other's have been through and what their still going through,cause sometimes if the person has a week caracter,that might just push them over the edge and do something stupid like commit suicide,or never ask for help again.
I know sometimes if you have been through the same thing and are clean now,you just feel like taking people that still use and just shake or punch them till they come to their sences,cause you have been there and you know that it will just get worse from here and you don't want them to go through that,you want them to feel good like you are now sober,but we can't,I know I have felt this way a 100x myself.
Sorry I went off at you back there but we have to realize sometimes some people are not as strong as you might be and they might need just that little push in the right direction,all we can do is be there for them when they come asking for help.
Peace over and out,Black widow here.....
Sweetest Zerogirl77:
Very well said back there,keep up the good work sweetheart,your great!!!!!
P.S Is this the same Zerogirl who use to be just Zerogirl before without the 77???
Always a friend for someone in need,Blackwidow(Teena)
Be just a little bit meaner why don't you!!! If you have ever been realy down on Miss "H" you would know that promises don't mean didilly sqwat,if you can't say something positive to someone who is already down don't say anything at all and squish them to the dirt."Can You do it"you ask her,well if she could she wouldn't be here asking for help!!!!Would she now,dahh????At least she had the balls to come on here and admit she has a problem,that's more than some of us have done!So show some sympathy,don't push people who need help away with your 2 cents!!!!!!Be conciderate of what other's have been through and what their still going through,cause sometimes if the person has a week caracter,that might just push them over the edge and do something stupid like commit suicide,or never ask for help again.
I know sometimes if you have been through the same thing and are clean now,you just feel like taking people that still use and just shake or punch them till they come to their sences,cause you have been there and you know that it will just get worse from here and you don't want them to go through that,you want them to feel good like you are now sober,but we can't,I know I have felt this way a 100x myself.
Sorry I went off at you back there but we have to realize sometimes some people are not as strong as you might be and they might need just that little push in the right direction,all we can do is be there for them when they come asking for help.
Peace over and out,Black widow here.....
Sweetest Zerogirl77:
Very well said back there,keep up the good work sweetheart,your great!!!!!
P.S Is this the same Zerogirl who use to be just Zerogirl before without the 77???
Always a friend for someone in need,Blackwidow(Teena)
You say you are on meth do you know it winds me up i have 3 kids a husband a house job and i cant get any help at all and i see all these people getting help but just abusing it use your meth get clean if not give up your script and let someone who wants to get clean have a chance
Dear Guest:
I think you should have a little bit of a word with yourself, why can't you get a script because you have a house and a job and kids, I have all of those things minus the kids and had no problem at all getting a script so why should you. Also I don't know any junkies who when they first went on a script stopped taking Smack straight away, it took me months to stop taking Smack on top of the meth. So don't be such a bitter loony, It's not about other people, you need to sort yourself out, her giving up her script would'nt mean that you would suddenly get one anyway.
I think you should have a little bit of a word with yourself, why can't you get a script because you have a house and a job and kids, I have all of those things minus the kids and had no problem at all getting a script so why should you. Also I don't know any junkies who when they first went on a script stopped taking Smack straight away, it took me months to stop taking Smack on top of the meth. So don't be such a bitter loony, It's not about other people, you need to sort yourself out, her giving up her script would'nt mean that you would suddenly get one anyway.
these guest need to sign in. I got in a methadone program with no problem at 1st i had to drive 1 hour each way to pick up 6 days a week we only got take homes sunday the 1st 30 days we had to get clean pee to get a take home. when i detoxed out i got 4 take homes a week. I had kids a job i still made that effort. YES THIS IS the same old zerogirl i think i log in with the 77 sometimes because i use both names on diffrent web sites the pc saves your log in names sometimes i hit one or the other. AS for people abusing methadone well YEP that happens still dose not mean they don't deserve the help! i WATCHED my lil brother years off and on go back and forth on methadone I have faith one day it will work it would be a HUGE dis services that he not be allowed to try again because he failed b4.
Hi there dreamer, nice ta meetcha! Sorry you're feeling so low. Heroin does that to you... Now I noticed that "guest" whoever they may be has been getting a lot of flack for one thing or another, but what they said in their first post was essentially true. A few people here know me from old, and if you care to read back a year or two on this board (if you have a spare coupla months! I'm a prolific writer I'm afraid...) you'll read me whining like a b**** about how crappy my whole life is (was, rather) and read about how I just couldn't kick it. I'm clean now, clean off my script and clean off heroin, so although I'd never class myself as some kind of guru on the subject, I have been there, done it, read the book, bought the T-shirt etc.
Now the one thing that will empower you, the one thing that will direct you towards the answers, is to stop hoping for a miracle. Stop thinking that one day something wonderful is going to happen that will make it easy for you to stop. Coz it won't, OK. You're not going to win the lottery. You're not going to meet some fantastic man who will make it his business to sort your life out. Dreamer, if you want dreams to come true, you have to stop dreaming about them, and start doing something about them. OK, you've learned like the rest of us junkies that heroin will eventually take everything you were, everything you are and everything that you aspired to and turn it all to s***e. You'll get no arguments there, coz it's the truth.
I guess this all sounds pretty negative, but when I got to that point, when I finally reached the point where I given all my dreams up for dead, it was when I had my Eureka moment. There is someone who can make it all go away. There is someone who can fix my life and breathe life back into my dreams. And that person was ME. It came down to a simple choice. Did I want heroin more than I wanted to live? And girl, after 10 years on the gear, you know all there is to know about heroin. You've done it to death. It can't show you anything more than it already has. Time for the next adventure, methinks...
If you want to make good on your promise, stop talking about it and just get on with it. If you stick a needle in your vein, that's nobody elses fault, and nobody else's choice. It's yours and yours alone. Get it into your head that nobody here can help you. Nobody in the world can help you, if you won't get off your arse and help yourself. And don't expect it to be easy. It's a tough road. I did it by swapping my meth for subutex, staying on the same dose (16mgs) of subs for 9 months then doing a slow 9 month reduction until I was clean of my script. It didn't happen overnight, but its better than going cold turkey, and it gives you time to sort your s*** out, like moving house, ditching all your junkie mates etc (said it wasn't easy!). But, Sweet Jesus, it was worth it. I'll tell you that for nowt my friend. Bin clean off my script since, what, March I reckon now. Don't even dream about smack no more. Got a whole life full of all kinds of shenannigans now. Not all of it good, but a lot of it fantastic. I'm pregnant now, and looking forward to being a mum.
And the funny thing, the moment you make that choice, and decide to make things right, amazing things start happening to you. The universe seems to make a special effort to put back what you took away. Well, perhaps not the moment, but things start snowballing for the better pretty quickly. I got a lot of support here on this board, and I had a good drug worker, which helped. I remember thinking when I was in your shoes that if I gave up smack, I'd crave it like breathing till the day I died and life would never be so sweet as that moment where I slid that honey into my vein and the world just slid out of focus. Girl, I was wrong. After a few months I stopped thinking about it, and soon stopped dreaming about it, and now I don't miss it at all. I know it's there, and I could pick up if I wanted to, but I really don't even want to now.
I'm sorry for being so blunt, but that's just me. I don't soft soap or bulls***e anybody. Straight shooter, me. That's how you know you can trust me.
I post here a lot, and if you're ready to sort your s*** out, then I'll always have time for you kiddo.
love
Diff xxx
Now the one thing that will empower you, the one thing that will direct you towards the answers, is to stop hoping for a miracle. Stop thinking that one day something wonderful is going to happen that will make it easy for you to stop. Coz it won't, OK. You're not going to win the lottery. You're not going to meet some fantastic man who will make it his business to sort your life out. Dreamer, if you want dreams to come true, you have to stop dreaming about them, and start doing something about them. OK, you've learned like the rest of us junkies that heroin will eventually take everything you were, everything you are and everything that you aspired to and turn it all to s***e. You'll get no arguments there, coz it's the truth.
I guess this all sounds pretty negative, but when I got to that point, when I finally reached the point where I given all my dreams up for dead, it was when I had my Eureka moment. There is someone who can make it all go away. There is someone who can fix my life and breathe life back into my dreams. And that person was ME. It came down to a simple choice. Did I want heroin more than I wanted to live? And girl, after 10 years on the gear, you know all there is to know about heroin. You've done it to death. It can't show you anything more than it already has. Time for the next adventure, methinks...
If you want to make good on your promise, stop talking about it and just get on with it. If you stick a needle in your vein, that's nobody elses fault, and nobody else's choice. It's yours and yours alone. Get it into your head that nobody here can help you. Nobody in the world can help you, if you won't get off your arse and help yourself. And don't expect it to be easy. It's a tough road. I did it by swapping my meth for subutex, staying on the same dose (16mgs) of subs for 9 months then doing a slow 9 month reduction until I was clean of my script. It didn't happen overnight, but its better than going cold turkey, and it gives you time to sort your s*** out, like moving house, ditching all your junkie mates etc (said it wasn't easy!). But, Sweet Jesus, it was worth it. I'll tell you that for nowt my friend. Bin clean off my script since, what, March I reckon now. Don't even dream about smack no more. Got a whole life full of all kinds of shenannigans now. Not all of it good, but a lot of it fantastic. I'm pregnant now, and looking forward to being a mum.
And the funny thing, the moment you make that choice, and decide to make things right, amazing things start happening to you. The universe seems to make a special effort to put back what you took away. Well, perhaps not the moment, but things start snowballing for the better pretty quickly. I got a lot of support here on this board, and I had a good drug worker, which helped. I remember thinking when I was in your shoes that if I gave up smack, I'd crave it like breathing till the day I died and life would never be so sweet as that moment where I slid that honey into my vein and the world just slid out of focus. Girl, I was wrong. After a few months I stopped thinking about it, and soon stopped dreaming about it, and now I don't miss it at all. I know it's there, and I could pick up if I wanted to, but I really don't even want to now.
I'm sorry for being so blunt, but that's just me. I don't soft soap or bulls***e anybody. Straight shooter, me. That's how you know you can trust me.
I post here a lot, and if you're ready to sort your s*** out, then I'll always have time for you kiddo.
love
Diff xxx
Great post, Diff!
Love,
Susan
Love,
Susan
He guys,
Thanks for all your support, if i didnt want help and just wanted to abuse my meth, I wouldnt be here asking for peoples advise on how to be stronger and move my life away from all the negitive s*** and make a new start, I would be shooting up as usual. I have cut right down on the H and am trying to struggle on the meth but because I was using on top of meth I know have 2 habits and the meth isnt having the effect if should but I made the mistake and am trying to fix it. And ZEROGIRL thank you as your message showed me that no matter what life takes from you and how hard things were you can restart all over again and make your life fuller than it ever could of been as the things you went through have made you in to a very strong caring person who takes time out to help other people at the start of them gettin clean and evrybody elses comments except "Guest" have made me think of how I want to be that person who is clean and have a real life and appricate everything we have in this world and give my advise to others.
And Good luck girl with the pregnancy you deserve it and I hope after how far you have come that life is good to you.
Out of everything H took from me if didnt take my Dreams and I am going to do it this time and when I am finding the craving hard Ill read all your comments and storeys to give me the strenght as I normally have nobody who trually understands how much of a mental battle getting clean is, the pain and cramps I can just about cope with but the mental s*** you blocked out for years all hit you at once.
Take it easy and really THANK YOU for your help, you dont know how much thoses couple of words has really help me see clearer.
xxxxx Love Dreamer xxxx
Thanks for all your support, if i didnt want help and just wanted to abuse my meth, I wouldnt be here asking for peoples advise on how to be stronger and move my life away from all the negitive s*** and make a new start, I would be shooting up as usual. I have cut right down on the H and am trying to struggle on the meth but because I was using on top of meth I know have 2 habits and the meth isnt having the effect if should but I made the mistake and am trying to fix it. And ZEROGIRL thank you as your message showed me that no matter what life takes from you and how hard things were you can restart all over again and make your life fuller than it ever could of been as the things you went through have made you in to a very strong caring person who takes time out to help other people at the start of them gettin clean and evrybody elses comments except "Guest" have made me think of how I want to be that person who is clean and have a real life and appricate everything we have in this world and give my advise to others.
And Good luck girl with the pregnancy you deserve it and I hope after how far you have come that life is good to you.
Out of everything H took from me if didnt take my Dreams and I am going to do it this time and when I am finding the craving hard Ill read all your comments and storeys to give me the strenght as I normally have nobody who trually understands how much of a mental battle getting clean is, the pain and cramps I can just about cope with but the mental s*** you blocked out for years all hit you at once.
Take it easy and really THANK YOU for your help, you dont know how much thoses couple of words has really help me see clearer.
xxxxx Love Dreamer xxxx
DIFF,
I love your straight approach, your Cool and yes I know your dead right, why would I want somthing in my life who just takes of you and hurts you cause if you had a friend who left you homless stole every penny you had and s*** on you the way H does they would be kicked to the kirb a long time ago. and yes I really am finding the strenght this time to do it, I WAS ON SUCH A LOW WHEN I CAME ACROCC THIS SITE THE OTHER DAY AND WAS REALLY REALLY CRAP AS I WAS TRYING TO GET THROUGH THE DAY ONLY ON MY METH, BUT IN THE LAST 3 DAYS IVE ONLY HAD 1 HIT AND FROM TODAY HOPFULLY NO MORE, SO IF YOU DONT MIND WHEN IM STRUGGLING A LITTLE JUST TO HAVE A CHAT, AS IT REALLY DOES GIVE ME STRENGHT TO SEE OTHERS WHO ARE REGAINING A LIFE BACK.
THANKS BABE
I love your straight approach, your Cool and yes I know your dead right, why would I want somthing in my life who just takes of you and hurts you cause if you had a friend who left you homless stole every penny you had and s*** on you the way H does they would be kicked to the kirb a long time ago. and yes I really am finding the strenght this time to do it, I WAS ON SUCH A LOW WHEN I CAME ACROCC THIS SITE THE OTHER DAY AND WAS REALLY REALLY CRAP AS I WAS TRYING TO GET THROUGH THE DAY ONLY ON MY METH, BUT IN THE LAST 3 DAYS IVE ONLY HAD 1 HIT AND FROM TODAY HOPFULLY NO MORE, SO IF YOU DONT MIND WHEN IM STRUGGLING A LITTLE JUST TO HAVE A CHAT, AS IT REALLY DOES GIVE ME STRENGHT TO SEE OTHERS WHO ARE REGAINING A LIFE BACK.
THANKS BABE
HEY,
i was starting the day off really good and went for a long wakl to clear my mind, and was feeling really positive and just as i was nearly home I Bumped in to a guy who I normally score off and I was trying to walk on and not get his attension but he came over and told me he have lovely new brown and it was lovely and string and for a split second I was going to buy a bag and was asking him what it was like and all the rest and than i thought f*** this and just made an excuse and left. For about an hour afterwards my head was totally wrecked and went to ring him but now feel really good that i wasnt my usual weak self. my moto for today is " TODAY IS THE START OF THE REST OF MY LIFE" and I hope I can be strong the next time Im tempted, whick Im sure wont be the long.
talk soon xx
i was starting the day off really good and went for a long wakl to clear my mind, and was feeling really positive and just as i was nearly home I Bumped in to a guy who I normally score off and I was trying to walk on and not get his attension but he came over and told me he have lovely new brown and it was lovely and string and for a split second I was going to buy a bag and was asking him what it was like and all the rest and than i thought f*** this and just made an excuse and left. For about an hour afterwards my head was totally wrecked and went to ring him but now feel really good that i wasnt my usual weak self. my moto for today is " TODAY IS THE START OF THE REST OF MY LIFE" and I hope I can be strong the next time Im tempted, whick Im sure wont be the long.
talk soon xx
SORRY ABOUT MY SPELLING ABOVE
Dear Dreamer,
Wow! I'm proud of you! That's a step in the right direction. One step at a time, one day at a time...with prayer and persistence you'll get there. You are in my prayers.
Love,
Susan
Wow! I'm proud of you! That's a step in the right direction. One step at a time, one day at a time...with prayer and persistence you'll get there. You are in my prayers.
Love,
Susan
Hey Dreamer, that's great. Just keep that thought in your head. And whether you caved or not (honey, I'm a realist...) don't torture yourself over it. Just finding the strength to walk away in the first place is amazing. I do remember how very hard that was in the beginning. When you've said no to something you (or your inner addiction) wanted like mad, it's sometimes hard to feel truely good about it at first. You feel denied somehow. For a time it is really hard, but that's the time when you need to have faith. You really need to have a s***load of faith. Faith that if you just keep on this path, things will get better, life will be happier. The one thought that kept me going through that time was this: I want to be happy. This life I've been given was a gift. To waste it is to defile myself, the gravest mistake a person could ever make. I owe it to myself to be happy. I deserve to be happy. To be chained to a drug is a waste of a life, and I know, my God I know that all the bad things that have happened to me, all the terrible things that keep me awake at night, the living behind closed curtains, the mortal terror if I heard a knock at the door I didn't recognise, the sick fear and and paranoia (much of it justified) my lifestyle put into me, the constant poverty, the whole dirty mess, all of it was because heroin had become more important to me than anything ever had been ever before. I had become, just a pawn, a cog in heroins giant, sociopathic machine. I had given away my liberty without a backward glance.
And the only way to right the wrongs, the only way to give myself a chance to be a person that one day I might be proud of (and Dreamer, now I am proud. I am not ashamed of myself in any way at all, and I can look anybody in the eye and feel like I am just as good as they are. Better, probably (LOL!)) was to keep on, keep believing in myself, and hanging on to my dreams, keeping my eyes on the prize...
It does get easier, honestly, and when you finally get to conquer your cravings, you feel like king of the world. You'll be like "Heroin? Get the better of me? No, I'm waaaay too good for that, I'm bigger than that, for sure!". Something good is in the pipeline for you. Something really beautiful is searching for you in the dark, and you have to reach out and take it, you have to trust it's coming and walk towards it, so it can find you. I'm not being all weird. I have an amazing sense for these things. I honestly feel karma channelling through me, and I'm very rarely wrong about these things. You will be just fine, all you have to do is keep going in the right direction.
love
Diff xxxx
And the only way to right the wrongs, the only way to give myself a chance to be a person that one day I might be proud of (and Dreamer, now I am proud. I am not ashamed of myself in any way at all, and I can look anybody in the eye and feel like I am just as good as they are. Better, probably (LOL!)) was to keep on, keep believing in myself, and hanging on to my dreams, keeping my eyes on the prize...
It does get easier, honestly, and when you finally get to conquer your cravings, you feel like king of the world. You'll be like "Heroin? Get the better of me? No, I'm waaaay too good for that, I'm bigger than that, for sure!". Something good is in the pipeline for you. Something really beautiful is searching for you in the dark, and you have to reach out and take it, you have to trust it's coming and walk towards it, so it can find you. I'm not being all weird. I have an amazing sense for these things. I honestly feel karma channelling through me, and I'm very rarely wrong about these things. You will be just fine, all you have to do is keep going in the right direction.
love
Diff xxxx
Thanks Diff
I know every word you just said is right, I have so much to give and I dont want my personality masked by herion any more, Life is a precious gift and I have seen that first hand, When I was pregnant I was clean at the time but just took it for granted that every thing would be rosey and I'd have a perfect baby but than when she was born and I was told she would only live for hours, My life was turned up side down, she hung on for 3 weeks and went through major hearth surgery but was unsucesfull and later passed away. than the guilt of me destroying my body with drugs and making that desicion to use and not havinga second thought of how lucky I am to be alive and be in one piece where my precious little angle did nothing wrong but wasnt able to stay in this world. I hid behind my grief for so long but no have realised that the one thing I can do at the very least is make her life worth while and grasp my life with both hands and become the person I should be,
today is my 3rd fully clean day and after a horrible night last night between my legs acking and nightmare's Iam feeling stronger today and am going to keep my mind as far away from H as i possablly can, Ive decided to go get a dog today and put my energy into looking after him.
The last time i got clean I had a dog and he was so loving, between walking him and having a purpose to leave the house to go for a walk, Ill let you know how I get on.
Thanks for all your support, you dont know how much it has helped me put things in to prospective, that there is a real life out there and its up to me to decide how much I want it and to keep it this time and not let it slip through my fingers.
Take Care Dreamer
I know every word you just said is right, I have so much to give and I dont want my personality masked by herion any more, Life is a precious gift and I have seen that first hand, When I was pregnant I was clean at the time but just took it for granted that every thing would be rosey and I'd have a perfect baby but than when she was born and I was told she would only live for hours, My life was turned up side down, she hung on for 3 weeks and went through major hearth surgery but was unsucesfull and later passed away. than the guilt of me destroying my body with drugs and making that desicion to use and not havinga second thought of how lucky I am to be alive and be in one piece where my precious little angle did nothing wrong but wasnt able to stay in this world. I hid behind my grief for so long but no have realised that the one thing I can do at the very least is make her life worth while and grasp my life with both hands and become the person I should be,
today is my 3rd fully clean day and after a horrible night last night between my legs acking and nightmare's Iam feeling stronger today and am going to keep my mind as far away from H as i possablly can, Ive decided to go get a dog today and put my energy into looking after him.
The last time i got clean I had a dog and he was so loving, between walking him and having a purpose to leave the house to go for a walk, Ill let you know how I get on.
Thanks for all your support, you dont know how much it has helped me put things in to prospective, that there is a real life out there and its up to me to decide how much I want it and to keep it this time and not let it slip through my fingers.
Take Care Dreamer
hi dreamer, well done on the last three days you have done really well.
reading about your baby was so sad, such a difficult thing to get over,
now you are making steps in the right direction to a new life....wishing you all the luck in the world
sashab x
p.s. did you get a dog??
reading about your baby was so sad, such a difficult thing to get over,
now you are making steps in the right direction to a new life....wishing you all the luck in the world
sashab x
p.s. did you get a dog??
Hi Dreamer, still doing great! Listen sweetheart, there comes a point where you just have to draw a line under the past. In order to move on it's critical. FORGIVE YOURSELF. There is nothing to be gained and everything to be lost by carrying the past around on your shoulders like a giant millstone. Let it go. The chances are you haven't allowed yourself to fully grieve for your child. Let it happen and don't be afraid of it. It is only through grief that you come to terms with what happened, so welcome it into your life. Supprt networks come in all shapes and forms, so whoever it is you can talk to, talk. Even if its just here on the board, writing things down can take the power and the fear out of your inner demons.
And as for the dog, good idea. Being responsible for another creature will help you keep going. Love is an extraordinary thing, and the great thing about a dog, is they don't care if you're the worst person on earth as long as you're there for them. You could have gone out and murdered someone and they'd still leap up and try to lick your face when you came back home. You get no judgements from a dog! Sometimes I'd be so down, and when I saw my dog, he'd be so delighted to see me it would make me want to cry with gratitude.
And there are times when you lose sight of where you're going, and you need a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Having your dog wanting to go out and get fresh some fresh air and exercise means you have to go with him, and it's such a nice time to think about things, just strolling through the park, or going for a ramble in the woods. It helps you see things more clearly. One thing I'd strongly recommend, for you and the dog, is if you set some rules, that come hell or high water you keep to, like two walks a day (means that at least twice a day you get out of the house) and always ensure that you don't run out of dog food! Means you have to haul your arse down to the shops and you may as well buy food for yourself at the same time. Sometimes it's easy to neglect our own needs, but when you've got those big soulful eyes looking at you, you can't neglect his needs. My dog won't eat baked beans, so it's no good me doing a late night raid on the cupboards to try and find him something to eat!
Dogs are company and just being around him will help relax you. Make a commitment to him, that you will always be there for him, and that is like an insurance policy on your own life. I always thought if I went to prison, or died, what would happen to my dog. Who could ever love him and know him like I do?
I'm so proud of you!
love
Diff xxxx
And as for the dog, good idea. Being responsible for another creature will help you keep going. Love is an extraordinary thing, and the great thing about a dog, is they don't care if you're the worst person on earth as long as you're there for them. You could have gone out and murdered someone and they'd still leap up and try to lick your face when you came back home. You get no judgements from a dog! Sometimes I'd be so down, and when I saw my dog, he'd be so delighted to see me it would make me want to cry with gratitude.
And there are times when you lose sight of where you're going, and you need a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Having your dog wanting to go out and get fresh some fresh air and exercise means you have to go with him, and it's such a nice time to think about things, just strolling through the park, or going for a ramble in the woods. It helps you see things more clearly. One thing I'd strongly recommend, for you and the dog, is if you set some rules, that come hell or high water you keep to, like two walks a day (means that at least twice a day you get out of the house) and always ensure that you don't run out of dog food! Means you have to haul your arse down to the shops and you may as well buy food for yourself at the same time. Sometimes it's easy to neglect our own needs, but when you've got those big soulful eyes looking at you, you can't neglect his needs. My dog won't eat baked beans, so it's no good me doing a late night raid on the cupboards to try and find him something to eat!
Dogs are company and just being around him will help relax you. Make a commitment to him, that you will always be there for him, and that is like an insurance policy on your own life. I always thought if I went to prison, or died, what would happen to my dog. Who could ever love him and know him like I do?
I'm so proud of you!
love
Diff xxxx
my boyfriend used to have a dog that he was potty about, he said the other day that the dog cried when he saw him taking heroin which used to break his heart.
poor thing, then when boyfriend went away to a community for addicts and was gone for a year and half, when he came back home the dog had all but forgotten him and soon became ill and died.
well that was a joyful story wasnt it... sorry
now he is desperate for another dog,
agree with wot diff said...about getting the dog....think do you a load of good and give you something new and beautiful in your life to give you hope, and focus and keep you occupied.
good luck dreamer and thinking of you x
poor thing, then when boyfriend went away to a community for addicts and was gone for a year and half, when he came back home the dog had all but forgotten him and soon became ill and died.
well that was a joyful story wasnt it... sorry
now he is desperate for another dog,
agree with wot diff said...about getting the dog....think do you a load of good and give you something new and beautiful in your life to give you hope, and focus and keep you occupied.
good luck dreamer and thinking of you x
