What Should The Purpose Of This Site Be?

Hey all,

I've been thinking the past few days about this site, and other online support websites as well. When I first came here, I was still using, and desperately wanted to stop. Now, almost a month later, I've got 20 days of clean time because I've entered recovery through Pills Anonymous, AA, and NA. I have to be honest - reading posts from people who are still using is difficult for me, and I'm finding it a trigger, which obviously isn't good. There's a reason why the rule at every AA, NA, and PA meeting is that people who have used in the past 24 hours do not share - to protect those in recovery. However, I recognize that this is different from a face-to-face meeting, and that this board can be a critical resource for the addict who still suffers.

I wonder if anyone would support the moderators creating a "recovery" section of the site for those of us who are not using pills. I'm sure that all of us would remain active in the exising forum, because it's a great example of the 12th step in action, and there's a ton of theraputic value in one addict helping another.

I certainly don't want to start a controversy, nor do I think that I'm better than anyone who's still using. As I said, I credit this board with my willingness to start recovery, and it's essential that newcomers and suffering addicts be able to come here and find the help and support they need. What are other's thoughts about this?
Hey Matt,

Good point. I've often been grateful that I found this site, but found it only after I had been over 2 months clean. It would have been very difficult for me to read many of the threads here if I had been using or in w/d. I don't know how some people take it, because I find the distress so upsetting, even now.

I think the Mods suggested splitting the board, perhaps for this very reason.

Nice piece of writing. As always.

Love,
Gina
matt,,, these very things have been bothering me too,, theres so much talk on here about drinking and other drugs and people still using and people calling others liars that i find it a detriment to myself. i have to be so strong right now because i face obstacles and temptations in my life everyday, theres no way around that, and this is supposed to be about one addict helping another not making excuses or outs for people. i for one cant afford to hear things that will weeken my resolve. i so desparetly am seeking recovery and not just abstinence and dont want to have anything resonate inside my sick mind or be called a liar for discussing temptations that i face in everyday life, i have never been able to make good sound decisions anyway as ive proven. i do like to joke around alot but man im hurting so much inside i want recovery so very very badly, but just avoiding temptations isnt enough it has to be about rebuilding the spirit reaching out to those who truly understand what ive been through throuugh there own experiences... i do love the idea of this place but to hear about xanex or alcohol as part of recovery does nothing more than plant those seeds in the back of my mind. ive been to na before and never got it... ive recently started back and so badly want what they have, im trying to believe and grow and wish no harm to anyone. but sometimes emotions get in the way and i need no room for doubt in my sick head......sorry for rambling but have been thinking about this all day.....with love and respect for all of you
Hey Cadedhed,
I think there are some changes coming to the site soon, this board in particular. I don't really remember all the logistic but it will be split into some kind of sections....I know that we will be able to post are stories, I think linked to our screenname......
The pupose of this site can be interpreted as many things. When I arrived here there was no Family and Friends Board, thats one of the reasons I post more here than there. I came to learn and understand......I got my side of things pretty easy. I needed to understand my husbands....
Many arrive here lost, confused, hurting....broken in mind and spirit......it is the nature of this disease.....They have questions, concerns. I know many who have clean time and see the newcomers as a reminder of what they never wish to live again......I am sure you are not the only one triggered.....I think the worst is the fighting, kinda self defeating....
Actually if the moderators are reading tonight I would love to see a suboxone/subutex forum. That would make my day, even methadone added to.....It would keep all the info in one place and not scattered among all the other posts. Oh and while I am asking how about certain posts that are always on top like Rae's with all the OTC stuff that helps with wd....
You take care.....
Love,
Tina
FYI......I have received two phone calls in 5 minutes about this thread. Although you said you didn't want to offend anyone, you have.

1. People who are still using need the support of those who have gotten clean. Matt, you yourself were still using when you came here,,,,,,,,,,it helped you.


2. There really isn't that much talk about using and/or drinking. I don't know where you are seeing that, most of us aren't. If someone is here and talking about their use, they are seeking help to quit using. That is the purpose of the board. Why would you want to discourage that?

3. To separate the users and the non-users would be counter productive. Those who are clean who move on to a board strictly for non-users, and most likely would not come back over and help the newcomers who are still using. Without the support and advice of non-users, newcoming users would just leave, and continue to use.

The board has worked fine and helped many since it's inception. It still helps many everyday.

Just my opinion.

misty -

I like a lot of your ideas - reminds me of another site I frequent - biggest problem there is that it's not very active with posters but has TONS of valuable info on Sub & M'done!!!
And they have what they call "Stickeys" - the posts that always stay at the top of the list in each section. Other good features include 'Active Topics' with one click and a drop down box where you can see those from the last day, 2 days, week, month, etc and from your last visit
Also has much better Search capabilities, Profile info and a link to e-mail in each person's profile IF they choose yes (It does NOT show their actual e-mail addy but sends email to the person who can then choose to respond to it or not)
Don't like to compare but maybe the moderators here can use some ideas for site improvements here....
I love this board !!!!!!!


Swizzle


PS - How do you know about changes coming here?? Can you share that info??

Great ideas! I bumped the post up from the moderators on site changes. Why not put your ideas there, so they might notice them. Blessings.
Carol,

I lurk a sexual abuse survivors forum and they make a practice of placing a warning in the headline if the post might contain triggering material. As with addiction, there are so many sensitive subjects and so very many fragile people, it's hard to know what will set an individual off. This text only forum business is such a minefield and I personally feel like Helen Keller half the time.

Of course the desired object is the greatest number of posts with the fewest people wounded.

Love,
Gina
There alot of people who still use on here TRI.people who taper are still using and there are alot of people that do talk about it.But I haven't ever felt uncomfortable or triggered.I just felt bad cause I know what is ahead of them what crap there going through or going to go through.If we all think about it were all still addicts using or not using were either addicted to the drug or addicted to getting off the drug and trying to stay clean.Hope I didn't offend anyone but those were my honest thoughts on it............Jessica
Hey Swizzle,
I think that Cynical One beat me to showing you how I know......She bumped up the post the mods put out.....Cynical you are on the ball as usual......
I think I know the site you are talking about in reference to sub......the opiate detox forum. I visit there often.........
Love,
Tina

I had no idea talking about w/ds would trigger anyone. If fact I thought that was what this bord was for . To help people get and stay clean. I came here with only 2 days of clean time so I didnt really have anything but ?s about w/ds and so on. I could see people saying things like " Man I was so high today on pills and it was great " triggering someone. But the post I have seen from people who are still useing read more like " God , someone please help me these pills are f*c*ing my life up " and " I need to stop-help me " . I see no trigger in something like that . I see someone w/no clean time asking people who were in thire shoes for advice . I thank God for this bord and think its too bad you want to split it up . Maybe I am not getting it , you want to make it so only people who are clean can post here right. So in other words the addics still useing can only join a " people who are still using forum " ? I dont think it would help them much to hear , " Uhh well I am still popping pills too so I dont know what to tell ya" . I know what helped me so much was all these great clean people saying hey "I was just in you shoes a month ago ( or whatever) and I have lived to tell my tale ." And things like "I did you can do it". It helped me so much to hear from people who were there where I was and are now living normal lives and doing great. Maybe my husband is right , he says latly I have been over sensitive and if I am being over sinsitive please feel free to tell me. But I have only 10 days of being clean and I am still going though a time of pure evil . lol Anyway I will say I am sorry if any of my post about w/d made someone feel triggered . I myself dont see how " I cant get off the john" and "I feel like I am dieing" would make anyone want to use. Maybe thats just me.
Mandy
I couldn't of said it any better, TrideItmom. This sight is about Recovery! The moment i walk out the door, i am faced with triggers... I had gotten to the point that i could barely leave my house without using. There is no way on earth that it would be possible for me to elminate the triggers i face on a daily basis. And, quite honestly... i wouldn't want to... Learning how to deal with the triggers i face on a daily basis is a part of my recovery... This evening an intervention was performed at one of my meetings... My sponsor and two others helped a woman in the parking lot pour out a bottle of Vodka... And you know... that woman was the most important person at that meeting. Shyt, it didn't make me want to drink... It reminded me of where i have been and where i do not want to be again. I could never look at something like that as being determental to my sobriety.

And, please....I would like to know where there is a rule in AA or NA that a person who has less than 24 hours cannot speak at a meeting....

Lox
This is a tough one, Matt. When I came here I was using and continued to battle it for about 3 months until I finally went c/t and quit. If in that 3 months, someone told me I coudn't post about what was going on in my life (which by the way was so focused on using) I don't know what I would have done. This board was my life line. I don't think I would be alive today without it. With that said...a seprate forum for those who are clean is a good idea but I too fear that alot of people would stop posting here.

And here is where the clean time is needed.

So I don't have an easy answer to that one. I like Gina's idea about attaching a warning label to the head of the post...of course that's like a train wreck, most will read it anyway. But that would be up to the reader...

There is alot of talk about using here. I see it everyday and like you, it sometimes brings back memories that are tough to think about. But look at it this way... it is a reminder for us on how we never want to be again. I embrace that part of my recovery.

When August was going through his cancer treatments, he used to post about what meds he had to take and I used to think, I wish I had cancer... that's how sick I was. It was hard to get past that and hear his message. Thank God I finally did.

I'll be interested to see what the Mods say.

cg
Matt,

I think there's some confusion about which threads in particular you were referring to. I'm sure you couldn't have meant ALL posts by people who desire to quit but are still using, or tapering, though that seems to be an assumption some people are making.

Did you mean posts where people are asking whether it's okay to smoke pot or use xanax to ease w/ds?

I'm asking for clarification, please.

Love,
Gina
In my humble opinion, I do not think it is a good idea to divide the board like this, my point is, is that, everyone needs everyone here.. I came here when I was using I found this board by accident I tapered and then relasped, and am still using.. If I did not have the people on here to talk to that are clean and know what it takes and have to tools to be clean then how am I going to learn?.. I have learned alot from these people.. I learned to shut up and listen, I have learned that you cannot do this alone, that you need others that you need a plan to get clean and stay clean.. I hear people all the time saying how much better thier life is now that they are clean.. When you are using or you are new to recovery you cannot see that at first.. Having heard and read others telling me this and telling others this, I believe it will happen now.. I am now ready to quit it took along time, as at first I could not see that my life would be any better off pills, If I went to a site and the only forum that I could go to was on for people that are still using, then how am I going to learn how it feels and get the tools and education to stop and stay clean.. If they split up the board and have a forum that the only people that can go in there are people that are clean and they have a forum where the only ones that should be in there are people that are using or new to recovery then how are we suppose to learn.. You say that people that are clean will still visit the one that are not clean or new to recovery but they will stop comming eventually, if they come at all.. Having a forum for only clean people and one for the ones that are not clean, makes me feel like I need to be locked in a closet someplace until I decide to get clean then I can come to the other side and be with the others.. I am sorry but the post made me feel like I am not worthy of anyones help.. I am sorry if I am a trigger for some I never want to be that to anyone.. I am not trying to be mean and I am not trying to start a argument but you asked for opionions and this is mine..
Lox, Totally agree. Triggers are around every corner and we face them constantly.

I would think there are other forums out there for ADDICTS IN RECOVERY where the conversation is 100% user-free.

That would be like a punishment to those seeking help. Who would help them? Addicts who are tapering could compare their struggles, but who would they look to for encouragement if all the clean people were on another site?

Like I said above, counter productive.
Trying4me,

Thank you for your opinion and your honesty. The only requirement in AA/NA is a desire to stop using! Not that we have stopped using, but that we have a desire to do so. I agree with you that this forum shouldn't be any different.

Lox
I hope you don't mind an opinion/question from the outside looking in. I see Matt's point, for those EARLY in recovery, I would think that reading about drug use would definitely be a trigger. However, those with substantial clean time have the tools to fight those triggers. So, here's a thought: If the board was split, would those with substantial clean time be willing to come back to this board to mentor those who are still using?
Lox:

In AA and NA they ask that you do not share if you are not 24 hours clean. Always has been that way, at least for the 20 years I have been around.

RAchel
Somehow we are missing the point....
"Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from using as intensive work with other addicts"

The only way i can keep it is to give it away....

So, are we suggesting.... "seperate, but equal"... here?
what is going on?

Lox

If we... in recovery, are concerned about triggers... then we need to step up our program... if i am having difficulty facing a trigger, i need the experience, strength and hope of someone who has worked through a trigger.