What The Hell Happened?

My husband of eight years tried to kick the crap out of me on Friday. He was completely sober, I came home from a company kareokee party that changed venues part way through the night. Because I didnt call him he attacked me when I got home. I have a bruise on the side of my head and hand marks on my neck. I dont know what the hell happened. I dont know what to do. Is this considered abuse when it hasnt happened in eight years? He did this once before about 6 years ago to the same degree, but I was drinking and I thought it was my fault. This time I didnt do anything wrong except I didnt call him. I never go out i dont drink very much and I am always home bfore 12:00, I have gone out 10 times in the last eight years and have never come home drunk. The house was torn apart, furniture over turned broken stuff. Holes in the walls from the doorknob to the bedroom. My children werent home at the time. I am shocked at this, he has always been an a**hole ,drinking, jail, cheating, and has only done this once before. It was so long ago. I dont know what to do. I have an appointment to go see two suites tomarrow. Everytime I try to leave though he takes everything. My vehicle, money. I have a job now so I am not that worried but oh my god I dont know what to do.
Lixie,

Even if you stayed out all night and came home pissing drunk, your husband has no right to put his hands on you. Now certainly this wouldn't be very responsible however NOTHING and I mean NOTHING warrants an @ss kicking.

You have a very serious problem here honey, I am so glad that you do have a job and that is wonderful it give you alot more options. I have a feeling that maybe something has been festering for awhile. Your husband must be very controlling. I am so glad that your kids weren't there.

Please be strong, take back your power go and look at those suites take one. Even if you have to start over, your life and safety is more important. Its better to error on the side of caution. After you and your kids are safe you need to seek legal advice....I would call the cops and have his @ss arrested, what he did is a crime and can and will escalate.

Praying for you lixie...how are you doing otherwise? Are you still clean?

Sending out cyber hugs....move fast ok...you are in a dangerous situation. Seems like as long as you are doing everything the way he wants you to you will avoid a beating...even if it is at 6 year intervals.

Be safe and run fast and hard!

Also please read the thread "How to leave a bad marriage" if you havent already...it relates to your situation.


No man has the right to touch a woman in that way. Period. Doesn't matter if he's only done it once before...it's once too much.

If you think he won't do it again, you're sadly mistaken.

If you can, get out. Take your kids and get out. There are programs for women who need financial support. Start making some phone calls.
Lixie, a simple answer is yes it is.

Your injuries need to be documented. Even if it's just having a friend take pictures. A better action is to get the police involved.
OMGosh

Is it abuse YES.
How you act now is crucial. If you allow him to treat you this way and just pretend it didnt happen or make excuses for him, you will enable him to justify doing it again and again..

Did your children witness this? Again, your reaction is critical. You cant give the children the messadge that this behaviour is okay. it is NEVER oaky.

Just like Lisa said, even if you came home totally liquored up, half dressed with a sailor in tow, he does NOT have the right to put his hands you.

Please file a report with the police. record your condition ( bruises etc ) and charge him with spousal abuse.

You need to set a prescedence here...

Im so sorry this happened to you, your heart must be broken, but please try to be strong and do the right thing.

Hugs

Ali
Lixie,

Hell yes, it's abuse and you don't need to explain where you were or why you didn't call or any of the other circumstances. A man who will raise a hand to you in violence once will do it again, unless he gets serious help. You don't have to stick around to see if he gets that help or not. Your business is keeping yourself safe. Call the cops, go to a hospital and get your injuries on the record.

Please take action now and take yourself out of a dangerous situation. It will only escalate over time.

Love,
Gina
Lixie, get off the board, get in your car and get it documented. Now.
I am shocked at this, he has always been an a**hole ,drinking, jail, cheating, and has only done this once before.

Once is just too much.

Please pack your stuff and go. This will happen again.

Noone deserves this, no matter what you did. And sorry to say, but he probably won't ever change. They just don't.

Take your kids and go. If you want to talk, I can put my email up. I was once in that place, and don't you think for one minute you deserve this. I got out and am thriving with three kids. If I can do it, you can.

They just never change. That is a promise.
Lixie,
One thing I can almost guarantee is that he will be nice as pie the next few days. He will probably cry, ask forgiveness, swear he will never do it again. He loves you so much. He doesnt know what got into him. etcetcetc. And thus begins a way of life. If he could not control himself beating you, what else could he not control himself doing. Please believe everyone here to get away now. Unless he puts actions to his words and you separate while he gets counselling, that would be the only way I could see possibly staying together.
Thanks for all your replys. I have two suites to look at tomarrow, kind of tough now that rents are way up here in the city. A two bedroom is about 1350.00. I dont know how but I am not staying here. I will update you tomarrow. This is so weird I never thought I would be in this position. I am very scared.Not of him just of leaving.
Lixie, You are not scared of him but scared of leaving. It should be the other way around. Shantel
Leaving, living on your own is scary, but as Shantell said, you should be WAY more scared of him.

There are unfortunately, alot more women that we'll ever know that go through this day in and day out...don't be a statistic. You seem like a strong person who knows their mind...you can do this.

I am so grateful for my husband today, after reading all of these abuse posts, it just saddens me to no end.

Good for you honey! You will be fine...its only normal to be scared. You will be just fine! Wish you luck....stay safe!
Good for you!!

Now, please get some documentation, and protect yourself. Is there a Women Helping Women there? They will help you with all of the things you are unsure of.

Please don't listen to the I am sorries, it won't happen again. They get awfully nice when they know you are leaving. If you don't feel safe, please get a restraining order. that can protect you if he harrasses or threatens you.

You will be okay. There are lots of things out there for single moms. Lots. So don't be afraid. You deserve to be respected and treated right. There are men out there that know how to treat a woman. You don't deserve to be lied to, cheated on, and waiting for a man in jail.

i was once in a marige like that, and the best thing i ever did was getOUT, he will not change men that hit women are cowwards, my husben now does not hit me, but there is a lot off control there, you have to take back your, power as a women, and do the writ things for you and your kids trust me on this ive been there, goodluck, karen.
Hi everyone, I am still here in the house for now. I am still looking for a place. He has taken his stuff over to his friends house and says he will stay there. I told him he needs to go to counselling and he fought me at first but then agreed that he did need it. The question is will he go... Who knows but I am so glad he chose to leave, I can still stay here and get me and the kids to and from school. I had my sister take pictures but I will be honest and say that I did not go to the police. He has a really good lawyer that has gotten him off of everything. Even some pretty bad stuff so i dont stand a chance. It doesnt stop here though, I am sort of happy because I have wanted to leave for a long time and now it seems I have a shot at getting out. It is very hard and i know it, I have left several time before but I have always come crawling back. He takes everything from me, The minivan the money, everything. I dont know what will happen but I am out of here. I will try to write again but I may not have a lot of time. So wish me luck....Thanks again to everyone.
Lixie,

I just saw this post, or would of responded way before now on this one. That is just ridiculous what your husband did to you. As you know, no one deserves to be hit, or treated that way.


Do whatever you can to get out of that situation ASAP, He sounds as if he is very very jealous of you, and taking out his insecurities in a very cowardly way. on you. A man that beats up on women is not worth knowing, not in my book.

Good luck to you, and please keep posting and stay safe.

Do you have family or friends you can stay with?

Hugs.
Hello, just wanted to check in. It is now Sunday and he has not found counselling as of yet. I gave him one week or to get it or it would be over for good. He doesnt seem that concerned and frankly I dont care. I went quading today with some friends and they all say the same thing...Get out, hes a loseer. I know it. I cant remember who asked but yes I am still clean,I havent used in months and months. I still have great amounts of pain but tylenol or advil do the trick. Thanks for everyone who responded, I cant tell you hhow much it meant to hear it from people I dont know. See you guys later.
lixie - seldom do i respond to topics such as this. however, i feel a need to reply. my suggestion is to go to the ER and have the wounds and assault documented. the ER personnel will call the police and a battering charge will be placed against him with an arrest warrant filed. then go to the magistrate's or sherriff's office and file a temporary restraining order.

why on earth should you or your children be displaced from your home because of his illegal, unconscionable, and immoral behavior? temporary restraining orders in my neck of the woods are good for 72 hours and then you can go back and petition for another 2 weeks. ask social services tomorrow for an emergency hearing, as it is not only for the protection of yourself but for the protection of your children.

hey sweetie just remember - all the sickies are not locked up.

hugs and much courage and love to you ~

sammy
lawyer, smayer, don't let that deter you! i just finished reading the previous posts in this thread. once they (the DA or CA depending on what state you live in) pull his criminal history file...the jails, past charges of abuse etc. the Courts will know that they are dealing with a sick puppy.

how "noble" for him for moving his things out (tongue in cheek) - now get your sweet buns to lowe's or home depot and change all the locks to your doors! nail your windows shut if you do not have window locks and keep a cell phone by you - especially at night until the police and Courts can handle this spineless wimp's wicked ways. don't you hesitate for one iota to call 911 if you hear anything strange - on second thought, put 911 on speed call.

namaste ~

sammy