i am so torn about this situation, my daughter has a 6 month old baby and I know she is using and is also nursing. I see my grand daughter often and she is a happy healthy little girl and I know my daughter loves her dearly. I just don't know if I should let things go as they are and hope she gets help yet again or if I should get the state involved and try to get some sort of temporary custody of my grand daughter? She has already lost custody of her two boys 4/8 years old to my ex husband and his wife. I know I am still enabling because she knows I am not going to let my grand daughter go without. She is living with her boyfriends parents so I know at least someone is there and her boyfriend started the methadone program but she has not because she is "not using" she says. I wonder if she is not in treatment because she is on probation and that would mean she violated probation and would end up in jail potentially and not be with her daughter.
any insight from others would be greatly appreciated...
Hello to you. I feel for your concern. But let me say, I wouldn't want to get the state involved on my own enemy because that's the hardest thing to deal with. CPS is involved in my life right now and it hurts me so bad. Let me ask, has she ever had a case with her before when CPS was involved ? Cause if she has then she knows how hard it was and I bet if you told her to get her act together before SOMEBODY else calls (don't tell her you cause that might damage your relationship a lil bit) then she might clean up. And.,,,,, have you ever had an open case with CPS before.? . the reason why I ask is because when cps got involved with me , my mother wasn't able to get custody during this process because she had once had a case with her 18 years ago. So because of that she was not eligible. Well, we are in California. Laws every where are different. But if you never had to deal with cps then just to inform you,..... if you need any helpful tips, knowledge or advice please don't hesitate to ask. In April cps got in my picture and I didn't know anything about cps. And they really made sure to keep me like that.. I never got no help what so ever not even a courtesy call. They were truly a****** with me. They told me what I couldn't do and then I got in trouble for not doing it and then was told I was suppose to and then told I could then got in trouble for doing so and was told I wasn't supposed to. Get it ? So if you wouldn't mind my help if they do get involved then I would really love to help you as her mother. I wish someone would of helped me. And I could give u my email address so we could talk more in private. Thanks . I wish u luck especially to your grandbaby because if she is using and breastfeeding then the baby will get addicted. Good luck.
hi
thank you for your input. I haven't had any issues with CPS before however my daughter went thru hell with the guardian ad litem when she lost her two boys. they did not give her a chance and I don't know if that is part of the reason she still uses because I know how much it killed her to lose custody and her dad's wife will not let her even talk to her two boys even though the older one has asked to. the family attachment therapists told the court they did not agree with this but the guardian ad litem had the final say. I just want her to get on track and believe me the things that have happened over the last two years she has "hit bottom" so many times in my eyes that I keep thinking "this is it" but it never is. I have a friend that is a foster parent with the county and she said typically the baby would be with me and the county would make sure it was best for the baby.
she also told me that with all the studies done on breast feeding that even if the mother is using the small amount that the baby would get still is better than formula considering all the other benefits from breast milk. In some bizarre way that is comfort. so i assume from your response that you are/were like my daughter and your mom is very concerned about you and your child. I hope you are on the road to recovery....
thank you for your input. I haven't had any issues with CPS before however my daughter went thru hell with the guardian ad litem when she lost her two boys. they did not give her a chance and I don't know if that is part of the reason she still uses because I know how much it killed her to lose custody and her dad's wife will not let her even talk to her two boys even though the older one has asked to. the family attachment therapists told the court they did not agree with this but the guardian ad litem had the final say. I just want her to get on track and believe me the things that have happened over the last two years she has "hit bottom" so many times in my eyes that I keep thinking "this is it" but it never is. I have a friend that is a foster parent with the county and she said typically the baby would be with me and the county would make sure it was best for the baby.
she also told me that with all the studies done on breast feeding that even if the mother is using the small amount that the baby would get still is better than formula considering all the other benefits from breast milk. In some bizarre way that is comfort. so i assume from your response that you are/were like my daughter and your mom is very concerned about you and your child. I hope you are on the road to recovery....
holly crap balls, so she's had this happen to her. Holy moly, so she knows all too well what the outcome can be. Well over here I know that when majority of siblings are with one family, the other(s) can most possibly stay within the family that has the other siblings instead of breaking them up. Does the step mom know she still uses? Maybe that is why she doesn't let the child see her and if she were well then that could change. Something is off with her not letting the bio mom have conversations with the child. Could it be that there is a possibility that the bio mom could get custody back.? And I can tell u this, I believe the reason for her drug use is like mine. Because the pain. It hurts so bad to interfere with a mother and her child and losing those rights. I admit my selfishness and stupidity to why I lost my daughter, even though I am trying to get her back. 20 days after she was born the father turned on me when he was acting so supportive to my sobriety and her being my motivation to stay clean that the first time he kept her from me broke me down to pieces and caused my relapse. I have never been clean yet. And having to do weekly random drug testing, I cheat and haven't gotten caught yet. Well I believe that the reason why we turned back to drugs during a sensitive time like this is because we don't know how to properly deal with ourselves and don't know how to use our coping skills. When a time comes for us that we are sad, mad or depressed we usually always go to the drug to block those emotional feelings. We don't know how to deal with the emotional trauma that was dealt to us. I believe once I learn how to cope with those emotions then perhaps the outcome may or may not (who knows until I learn) be any different. What about if you got custody right now before a turn for the worse and the step mom brings it to the attention to the courts or whomever. So to prevent her from feeling the pain a third time or being separated , you have the baby so at least she won't be shunned out of this one's life as well.? I don't know what state or laws you have but. On this other website called AVVO is legal advice. You can post a question (or call ) and the attorney and lawyers can answer your question. No fees what so ever. No payment history for doing so. They have all kinds of lawyers as immigration, real estate, custody, divorce, reverse morages, business, employment all sorts I'm telling you. I've posted 3 questions there since learning of them and at least 3 lawyers have answered to each of my questions. Those questions I had at different times in the past four months. This is legal advice. They give advice that you wouldn't even know existed. I like to put my home town and state in my question because I get a better answer from a lawyer who specializes in my state. Please try that, I'm pretty sure you won't be disappointed. I actually posted a question last night and three minutes later I heard my computer telling me I had an email and it was a response back from a lawyer. Please keep.me posted. I'm leaving my email address so we can better communicate. Please, maybe talking to each other can help the three of us. We can be strong for each other. I myself have no one in my life to count on for support. That's why I'm on three support websites. Please let me know what you think. I know how she feels, mother to mother it's the worst pain ever. Good luck.
Also, my mother is not like a mom should be. She's more like a dear friend. She is a 28 year old vet with heroin and as disgusting as this sounds we get high together. When one of us is dope sick we get each other well. We put our money together to buy the dope. So her concerns for me are in the back of her mind because all that is first and most importantly is the heroin. So as of right now we're not talking at all because I stole her dope and she then told my cigarettes. I know, sick huh? So my mom is only supportive if she can get something out of it. Junicorn5150@aol.com. Please don't be shy to email me.
